i met and encountered a wolf last night. i did not know it at the time.
i see but dont know only and until, in reflection...i think that indicates some kind of latent ability delayed, slowed, disengaged...
but only this morning replaying the scene, i realize. that was a wolf
who thought he was coming to pick up prey
unclean, unwashed, days old, dirty clothes
but you coming to pick up somebody to lime - to pan. On a Sunday/
know what saved me?
i think someone else who might be sent to be a guardian guidance of sorts
just showed up. did not expect to see them. to the chagrin of their madam dropping him off, no less...and we sat as always, chilling, drinking, smoking...and then the wolf comes. i tell him as soon as he finishes speaking and i introduce you we can leave. he disappears. i thought he was in the shop behind me. he phones me. i say i am waiting on you. he returns. he meets my guardian from the side, not the front. not face to face, not eye to eye. then he tells me, "we can do this another time, something came up" and i repled, "we dont even need to do it then"
and after some short banter on that point, he left. we were both understated, but i realized a schemer schister, scoundrel just ran away from being marked, ID-ed, and associated.
you have no idea all who are canvassing
and i remember something my mother said years ago: there are plenty beasts posturing as humans. know that when you read about the next child bludgeoned, assaulted and used to death; the next woman burned, chopped, pelted over a precipice to her end.
it reads extreme eh?
but it is real
and incidents happen because no one saw, took the time to read
look even for me, it comes slowly
little things about people tell you a lot
-----------------------
and i have so much brewing on one small point that is huge for me, but so incidental and inconsequential for the masses of trinidad and tobago
cleanliness and hygiene
home, hearth, office, kitchen, bathroom, yard, building,
body, hands, feet and self
deep sigh
lets bow our heads and pray
do you wash your hands regularly?
do you wash your hands first thing from coming from outside?
do you shower once you retreat into your home from work, office, trek, hot sun? errand? i guess some might say, who have time for that? and where the compulsive might take 5 showers a day during dry season..
when you are out in traffic in the road, imbibing all that soot, smoke, dust and sand, do you find the shower pronto, for a warm bath/shower?
when you shower do you scrub your skin? face to toes?
when you bathe, do you wash and scrub your back?
how often do you change your sheets?
weekly, every few days if you have much activity (!)
how often do you change your towels? Daily, every two days? no more than three please. and clean air needs to get to it daily
how do you keep your bathroom? a pristine second bedroom? a sanctuary it is supposed to be for all who enters there: devoid of smells, but flowing with good clean scents, plenty soap: bar, liquid, and for cleaning, access to clean towels, paper towels, and free flowing air and light
how is the maintenance of your buildings? and for this one I can ask the whole nation and straight to government. see in this place, we put up nice shiny buildings, after oil that is our currency, and then we leave it to languish in traffic, filth, non maintenance, so we have these odd mixes of new covered in all manner and proof of dirt.
when we walk, drive and travel the road, buy food and drink, where do we drop the straws, the forks, spoons and containers? the bottles and napkins>|? fascinating for me is driving through neighborhoods of home and seeing large unsightly literal rubbish heaps and dumps. I dont come from that. I come from a family context, first of all never in that frame or living, but if we were to have garbage piling up, bet your bottom dollar they would be properly bagged in strong plastic at that, and then boxed or binned, in our own private place, out of sight and not causing any risk to animals or humans. i write and i think of my meticulous father. and after all of that, he would have sprinkled bleach and scented disinfectant atop the construction. just to keep it intact and away from scavengers. who and what manner of man would dump where they live, work and walk? you know animals dont do that> they dont shit where they sleep and eat/ but that is not true. that is just something they say to show people how they are no different from animals
everything i wrote here as questions shows signs and proof of its absence
but imagine me now, compulsive about hygiene and cleanliness, proper comportment would be an understatement...i go into some people;s places and spaces and cant even get comfortable/ and trinidad is a place getting dustier by the day. and our dust is not just dust it is a black sooted dirt dust that embeds in everything. and why is that you can wonder and imagine? because we have no laws against smog, vehicular outflow, industry air pollution, and we burn as if that is an industry, and it is...for metals. farmers burning for land. squatters burning garbage, burn, burn burn...so our air. i would love it for the epa to come down here and do some studies. i would be willing to bet we have among the lowest, bottom worse air quality in the globe. eastern europe, africa, india, china and trinidad
anyway, that /this has been in my craw for quite some time. but this weekend, i encountered it in consistent consecutive ways...even people who are living in hovels in stifled air/ under buildings, rooms fashioned out of no space, no flow. not energy or air. i go to such places on the odd experience and feel stifled, like a cat looking for an open space to bolt.
it is all sad, what we are exposed to, what we are closed off from, issues of privilege, socio-economic status, exposure...and you can be exposed and still be of a lower economic class, but the exposure shows you what is possible and how you can be different, so you do different. for some odd reason, i am a product of family on both sides, to that experience. land people who came to homes knowing what a proper estate home looked and conducted like so it was followed: Mama Bastaldo Baptiste. and poor people who had nothing but from where and somehow i dont know, knew how to be meticulously clean: Huggins.
so here I am in 2013 railing, wondering, how and what with most everybody else.
-------------
but realize another aspect related to vibration and frequency and how people exist in the world due to that one very central determinant: i feel i am being ushered through, onto the rightful place, mirrored company, and that calibration.. i think i was trying to be proletariat. trying to be common, to flow and fit in. it hasnt worked. even if i put on the affect of disinterest and casual indifference, i am still made out. i am still stared at. my cousin told me something quite profound once and i downplayed it, but i never ever forgot it. and what she told me fit this whole long exposition...she said:
"you take care of yourself well and everyone will notice"
you know sometimes people will say things to you that appear very simple but you still have to sit and think and ponder to wonder what that means...well.that was one...and i remember thinking,.oh, it is because I scrub my feet, clean my hands and nails kept clean, lotion oil my body, care for my head of africa? and all spaces about me are absent mess, confusion, disarray, filth and dirt. ...meaning, one can see that this vehicle, home and office is cleaned . daily? weekly? regularly?
no matter the distress, there are some places we just dont belong
[forgive me any haughtiness, privilege, arrogance, conceit or display unbecoming public forbearance. please. thank you]
#weirdpost #236
