Me and Micah White: The Future 2017

People are asking what next.

Who to call to coach and train on activism. And this man called Micah White exists, been writing, and tweeting.

Does that not tell us we are not quite legit. not quite tied in, connected. Not really from the tunnel of real legitimate valid uprising???

me searching today found him. and i am stunned how much of his work echoes what i have been writing on this facebook since 2008 or so, with PEA when he was first initially emerging, and who I named back then.

"the end of protest"

"Your protest doesnt work if it isn't tied to the levers of power"

"we activist are to become the politicians we want to push"

i been advocating trinidadians, that if you feel you have a skill, then put yourself up to run that ministry.

And for no years in Trinidad, since the falseness of so many marches, one I observed: keithnoel and the pea march in white... I realized what a farce, and stage presentation of protests that mean nothing.

and here is the man saying just what and how I saw the election of trump: an opportunity for massive radical change:

"on the other side of trump is a glorious people's revolutionary government..."

the only thing though, most are seeing the potential for revolution in general terms. as well/.... when he speaks of women taking over power. but i am one step ahead of him. It cant be white women. their focus is on their race and color that trumps all else for them: power. gender, interests. and their movement has serially ignored and run over and thrown under the bus, black women, so they cant do shit for the black and brown women of the world. let them bake bread for us. and send us money. let them be the black women's handmaiden and patrons. #2017

" Listen up, this is the end of protest. Options now are electoral insurrection or armed insurrection."

"women are the future"

BLACK WOMEN
Sovereign Black Power

 https://youtu.be/xEpAA_sW3y4

https://twitter.com/beingMicahWhite 

2017 Money Maker

there is so much and many opportunities for fund raising and development right now. it is almost ludicrous

so many ports and anchors. all legitimate

this gets back to one of my degrees, its title and department:

Resource Development

and on a global level, in an american context and orientation

it is a shame that i am off port location

barron. melania. abuse. social justice. social action.

black economics. the be ready for the sail call.

policy calls and changes. dakota pipeline.

Possible Potential Careers, 2017 and Post. Upon Trump:
 

1. Resource Development - TrumParade

2. Business Coaching/Entrepreneurial Support

3. Corporate and Organizational Change Management and Transformation

4. Start Up Creation:
   a. ICT Global Mobile - Crowdfunding. Stock Exchange. Apps.  Worker Owned

   b ArtShram Gallery

Love Supreme

i love and both live this quote. at this time. so pertinent and poignant.

for months now, folks of various colors and stripes been losing their minds. but i watched on calmly. wondered if folk were so up in arms why they did not coalesce to the electors for the day of their final chance to thwart the tide. not nary a man nor woman. and now marches. that i learned yesterday were organized and funded backed by george soros, so that answers one person's questions about how all those people managed to get their pink hats in right time for the march. i have not a concern, not a horse in this race. it is what happens when your ass is handed to you to exit masses plantation lest you free all the slaves and the agents. you smart enough to recognize they just kill the lessers or place them on the docks out of their minds.

when you love yourself so clearly and completely, what happens on the outside really is of zero consequence . one thing i have learned in the last few weeks. a month really, is that i am really blessed beyond compare or measure. and black folk rarely have and enjoy the covering and support i have been afforded. my stock and ancestors are really supreme and to be elevated. along with marjorie. i have lived to stand to be corrected. ase'

 

 

 

 #johnhenrikclarke "Racists will always call you a racist when you identify their racism. To love yourself now is a form of racism. We are the only people who are criticized for loving ourselves. and white people think when you love yourself you hate them. No, when I love myself they become irrelevant to me" (John Henrik Clarke).

Sea Release

 

 

 

i have been sitting on so much since last evening. processing sessions, revelations and epiphanies.

the greatest observation of all is that the person who played me and not held up his side of a bargain arrangement where I was saving land his family disbanded, abandoned, and among a clap of six or seven adults, none of them saved financially, land that I was to live, organic farm and operate various green technology enterprises... he now wants my status and name as a director on an ngo he is forming for get this, to support african women and children on land tenure. writes me at three in the morning. first ever i am hearing about it. when i tell him i am going back to sleep he tells me send him my name address and occupation. before i go back to sleep.

i went to sleep. when i woke up this morning I wrote him and said seems to me instead of director i need to be a first case beneficiary of said ngo. mind you, this man owes my aunt $22K

where on what planet, what universe? what cosmos?

what kind of being is that?

and what gets me is that you have aspirationals who write shit like everything that happens to you is about you. what about me allowed me to encounter that at 3am this morning?

-----

on to more significant matters

i, last evening, after a session, reflected on so much that still seems to be in transit flying toward me. but major huge things:

Like, one, putting to rest in a complete resolve my past. someone said to me I have a lot of regret and pain about my past and at first I tried to deny it,. because there is also so much pride, accomplishment and experience as well, and a whole trajectory that has made me a truly unique being. but they spoke the truth. I regret the path I was placed in life. I regret spending my youth in academia, i regret the huge dreams I had that never materialized. I regret the pain along the way, the disappointments, the choices of the time and moment, I regret so much about family issues. only to come and relive and replay the same family issues for another sect and part of my family. that part to me is deep. and the very foundation of who and what I thought I was and what enabled me to do so much in life, has been completely eroded and destroyed.

so i do have to come to terms with that

i realize there is more to the above story. more entries under that same banner and dynamic.

my cousin wants me to help him finish his thesis, when, WHEN> last year, midyear we started that very process. I wrote his proposal with him to which he got such an amazing accolade from arthur lok jack and once that happened, guess what, he saw no need of me again, when, WHEN, that was supposed to be a means for me to earn a bit of change. from him and the other students his administrators told him to bring in on the project. so that went dead. Then he had promised to put some change in my hand. Advance to this year, a few weeks ago, he wants me to help him. and my response is < I need a living. mind you this is one of them who tell me, I am unemployed because I choose to be. so imagine my richness to be able to make sure I dont make the choice to be poor again and require payment for my services. but of course, he has a problem with that woudnt he. and asks me, "if i am not helping him if he doesnt have the money" now of course, I would have been willing and tried to indicate listen, i can work with you, i dont have money for a beer or cigarettes or transport. indicating sending the message is small change we talking about here. i told him let us talk, but he has not followed up. but that too i see as the balls of the planets. what is wrong with these male people? their arrogance astounds. arrogance. entitlement, demands. and their sheer complete overlook of your needs, to do or be any think kind for you. that same cousin, if i ask him to drop me somewhere or lets go somewhere, he cant ever make. even standing me up last year to go to a big cultural figure birthday party. and tried to be on scenes. I am writing how people completely fuck me up and tie me up when they behave in such ways that only serve to undermine connections but always feel they are still able to come and work those connections as if their sabotage and depletion never happened.

the other clarity that came to me...is that i need to stop trying to do. to make. to come up. i realize this morning. that everything I had planned for this year, huge mega projects, that i had set up, put pieces on chess board, was just waiting for the calendar to flip, and for folk to land back and get settled and we roll. and it aint happening like that. my main, returned with injuries and debilitating movements. and it is such a sign to me. for his life and for mine. folk are struggling. I keep telling and saying and revealing that. folk who i think are in a better position than me. but they are not. folk are real stressed, about the shrinking economy, vanishing opportunities, lost income, and not even sure how their ideas for future navigation will pan out

from a group of five or six: one bailed out of fear, one has never responded though she was the first recruited. one is not well, just me and my lawyer friend, and i am thinking to leave that alone. let it happen on its own time. cause mine aint.

then i came up with another brilliant idea this week. that too was and is dependent on others and i am struggling making the connections, to set the agreements and arrangements for partnership, get an event coordinator, cause i want it luxe, and then it was less than a three week timeline. for my birthday, a money maker/ a sure money maker dependent on others being on board and working tirelessly for the vision to not falter and meet and exceed it. but that aint happening it dont look like.

so this lesson to just sit still

an executive job that I was so sure I would get, and interviewed for in november, has gone silent and i cant reach a soul to tell me what is happening.

so just sit. still

i have to come to terms with the idea and prospect of possibly never doing another great or good thing again in life. and having no aspirations beyond where i am, moving no where out of where I am.

those deep reconciliations are before me.

i am in therapy though. good therapy. double moded therapy.

Signs to Wonder of Leap Year GIfts and Plantings

i have no idea what is going on, but let me document this

last weekend, friday, december 6th, I had such pulls, light cramps, distended feeling in my abdomen, in my belly. i had such a heavy feeling. from the night before, all into the day.

it carried on into saturday, where i shared it with margaret. we talked about the signs of pregnancy because the friday before as I went to my journal to document what i was feeling as i am wont to do this late in my years, over fifty, still with my cycle that is so methodical. mathematical. moon based and timely, and seemingly happening on ever growing shorter time spans, I realize it was the time for ovulation. but the feelings were not normal ovulations, not the normal experiences i have had in recent years or ever before when younger. these things shift and change given the time and age i believe

so margaret tells me all of that are signs. of pregnancy
that was at seven weeks.
why seven weeks?
it was seven weeks prior, also on a friday, Nove 18, that i had sex with Narine Boodoo

in the week since, my abdomen has given me an ease, but i noticed in the last day or so, my areolas are rough. as if they have a rash or exczema. the interesting thing Is i have not rushed to put ointment or any treatment on them. but today, i googled and researched and sure enough, what comes up? signs of pregnancy, and early stage pregnancy.

what is fascinating and what i suspect is that too, the signs and experiences of pregnancy changes per your life stage, age, and with each one.

the other thing that made me start writing? i noticed yesterday my skin on the thigh is dry. i looked that up. and yup. that too is an incidental of pregnancy.  then what else? I have been constipated for the last two days. and i was thinking because it is I am not smoking, not eating well, enough fiber.. but i did not even bother to look that up. who dont know that can be a part of the package. so me eh know...what is in store, but i decided to write down every single particular of what may turn out to be journey

during this week too, I had a day of foul vaginal smell. not discharge, it would seem. just one day. and gone.

the other science with the whole thing too.. is how it coincided with me stopping liming and drinking and smoking every day by the bar, since christmas eve. and i stopped smoking at the new year when i ran out of money. and roderick bought me a pack of cigarettes that was the wrong kind and he insisted on giving it to his yardman when i was going to trade it for the right kind. and that was that. I have not smoked since. except a pull and a two at a party last saturday night. so is like the universe is assisting me, even in my ignorance

it just occurred to me to write this stuff all down. in case, a baby is on the way. a boy i hope. and it was high and intense the expectation last week. i decided Krisson will be the Godfather one. Uchenna Hackett, Godfather two and my Godsister, Carlene Rostant Freeman, the GodMother, if they agree.

If I count the weeks I am writing at exactly two months and one day pregnant/
And thirtysix weeks from the day of sex would be July 28, 2017
I dont plan on taking a pregnancy test but to just watch my body, life and belly.

Then too, just today my girlfriend from since college writes and tells me she is coming to Trinidad in March. and we should hook up. I shall make her too a GodMother. and I think i want to change that designation. LifeParent?  GiftMother, GiftFather. i dont know

Lee Daniels Teaching Me

Just Do The Work

And the work refers to concurrent consistent action in so many and myriad quarters and corners.

Do the work on self.

Do the work you were born to do, sent to do, that no one else can do your Gift

{this morning my cousin told me my gift is doing research, thinking, constructing concepts} and maybe it is because, but for the work research, he did not use any of those others, I am just trying to convey what i thought he told me.

Do the work that is your contribution and legacy

And that is all. Leave the rest alone

If you have children, do the work means raising them to be gifts to the planet. I said that. I read it somewhere too though.

And this tenet relates to another too

Stay Focused; Get Focused

And for me right now, my work is to find that focus.

My work is to reprogram. Become Laser Sharp/ Identify purpose, mission and further future work. And fulfill my potential like a mack truck going forward.

-------i got tired. i lost control. i let the wheel go. i got broken, lost, confused. there was none and no one present to aid to get back on track. and i had a wreck.. my work this 2017 is to demolish any repercussion or memory of that

"If I had thought that way – that the world was against me – I wouldn’t be here now," Lee Daniels, just the second black director to have been nominated for an Oscar, said. "I don’t expect acknowledgment or acceptance from white America. I’m going to be me.”