DNA Changes

 

 

neck pain's spiritual purpose and mission of language

and its consistency, twice, in a life?

a question for the next qualified reader/seer I meet

what if the five morrocoys i was to get from 2011 are not turtles themselves but perhaps, five persons moving like turtles. in that case, i think i can almost name all of them. if not most. and if not name them. there are five areas, corners, situations, facets of my life that nee fixing. wealthealth. productivity. employment. love/mating and children/raising/teaching. and who can deny they have all snailed dragging along all these years.

i wake up thinking if someone else asks me why am i not in mississippi i will say cause there was never anything there for me, in that barren place, but it took the flight to know it. if there was anything for me there, ever at all, i would be. i would have known all/ i only talk about it still cause i am astounded at the lies, as if i never would have reached there to see for myself, but i guess that cretin thought I was so bad off I would accept anything. little does he and his total condition makes the bun bun burnt pot bottom of my life, ever. in fact, there wasnt even a pot. just an empty filthy untouched house with windows. i scorn to think the condition he would live in if he thought that house was clean. anyway, moving on. i have no idea why the runt is still here, i guess to read my posts, so here, read about your trifling self showing all the tiredness of every last one of your ancestors.

it has been a weird few days. i see it in my dreams. bizarre dynamics/ like links that are alive, and blue and turn into people. or something so.

then i had such a heavy cry in public talking to supposed friends, and i realized i was crying close to wanting to sob because i could feel the weight of my whole life, and more than that, I am stunned to accept how much of it all i have kept in, silence, holding, carrying. and it was thirty years ago that graham used to tell me "empty your cup, melise" far less for all that has been added to it in the thirtty years since, is just mindblowing. that i have managed to keep it together, and it was like spiritually i felt i was on a tightrope with a bulging jihaji bundle. like from cartoons from the 1930s. carrying a house wrapped into a cloth tied by its edges.

i know what i want and need does not exist...someone deep, smart, strong, resilient, competent, empathic, compassionate, resourceful and wide shouldered, barreled torso enough for me to sob these stories out for freedom

I am also clear on so much I am to do right now. But it would seem almost all i need to do , i dont have the space to do. at the most banal, i need to clear and clean my closets and space. but exactly what I need to throw away is what i now wear.

I need to be in the bush. last night i realized I needed to wrap my neck around my poui tree outside, i need to let nature purify me of all that has its claim, and reconstitute me touch free

i thought to sit under a pure river waterfall and let the rush beat my shoulders and neck into a submission of reception

gosh. i am saving the most and worse and greatest needful for the last, and even some of them are trying to elude me...i need to remove myself from the people i am around. every single one almost.

i keep being formed and reformed peculiar and yet still not moving away from the environments and mentalities that have no space for me to spread my wings. from family, friends, relatives, associates. all.

the eagle trying to make life among the chickens and in the chicken coop, as if the earth ground was not bad enough

the fact that a being comes with so much and tools and uses almost none of it, that frustration. also a facet that needs to end. but as I sat at a table last night and watched from a distance, a group of adults, two with grandchildren, argue long, hard, and rowdy about which beer was better, stag or carib. and all i could think of watching these people was, which one of you all own either? but could not . as I played out in my head how serious and grave I would have said it, so the music would stop abruptly and everyone thrown out on their tail. that kind of dynamic, separation and juxtaposition is my life

and all i am writing now i feel i am still missing my initial intention of this post. i am not getting to the meat of the matter. not speaking the pictures i saw in my dreams this morning. they are lost to me now it seems. i just know it was mystical , magickal, supernatural, cosmic/

the body alters// dna changes  

"Ant Bites" 2016 Sept Full Moon Edition

having another episode of 'ant bites'

weird incidences that make no sense, only seem to happen to me.

in the range of alter and bizarre.

was wondering how and if to write about this

but i dont think things are accidental

when we do it is merely knowledge and circumstances, or actions we are not aware. might even be in the realm of what cannot be explained in this dimension

but

who goes for food on a sunday

in their home

and dishing out food, opening containers, and only realizing that a chicken dish cover is covered and teeming with ants

and once again, as my first ant bites in 2004, where i was insect poisoned by twenty three bites, and thinking it was merely the grass and plants that were pricking my legs at night, i was bit on my hands, three times, and never felt a thing until I started itching/scratching the invisible. soon enough the welts appeared

and this is after i threw the cover in the sink of water.

then the chicken piece I dish out was in fact, covered in ants at the bone. someone else with less eyesight would have missed it. just imagine stew chicken the same color of the ants. and my eyesight is bad eh, but in other ways, like laser.

who does this happen to ?

how does this happen?

why me and not the other two people in the house?

the ones who cooked the food?

why me??

now that I have eaten, moved the food, cleaned the ants, washed the dishes, I sit and think to write and remember last night too.

flying insects slamming into me. one was big enough that i thought someone passed and touched me somehow. no one was there.

then later on in the evening, sitting among friends, a flying ant, one of those that come out after rain, flew into my neck. i caught it but not before it bit me, to leave a welt. and my friend asks, 'what going on with you?" brent piper, a gentleman i know just incidentally, breaks out with his very truthful and poignant quip...why would they not come for her, her blood sweet and she not letting go that sweetness, so they must come...what is that saying? they digging it out?" at one moment, crass, another moment, I just had to laugh at how this man has only seen me twice yet, reading me like words on a page

so now i realize, between last night to just now. i am in another season of 'ant bites'/

smh/ what it is?!

WHEW.

deep sigh

Meet the Ancestors

hm.

"can i meet my ancestors without shame"?

this strikes me as so significant. strikes me as such a lofty goal, when truth is, despite acknowledging my ancestors, i see their actions in the land of the living, I see the things they did, the sabotage, what they failed to do. the treachery in some cases, like my brother who told my mother that my college boyfriend was living with us but he wasnt, it was summer, and we would spend a few days or so. guest. i thought i was free to live this life as best as I could see fit or onto my choices, but now...can i face them without shame. so far yes. and much honor for what i have both , accomplished and tried

and such a perplexing presentation/ i met alice once. in atlanta , at some function, i was still in my twenties. telling her of my writing, and something proceeded out of my mouth, or spirit, or from behind me and she literally just walked away. i never knew why, but it is the reason I think i am spirit possessed by my brother. from the time of his death, the same year, mere months later, where i denied him return and was told decades after that he was trying to come back to life and the pod of us. he did not know what it was to be dead.

i also clue into something chase told me in 2013, that i am living and walking with every single ancestor and past life I have ever lived in the cosmos. and those with sense, eyes and powers, can see and feel it, it is why i scare so many so easily. and is one story so far and different from the other. the only proof i have is my art. i realize in the other day that i am a channeling artist. i sit down to do art, and various things come out. but when i am doing freeform and abstract. after the piece is done, endless faces, spirits, beings and entities are shown, from fetuses to animals, to endless human faces, of varying ethnographies and descriptions. there are men with huge beards.

do you even meet your ancestors when they are all walking around with you daily, eclipsing you in life, sometimes? taking over your being and existence? making decisions, taking actions and leaving you to wonder, did i really just say and do that. how?!

 

 

 

BMcFadden's inspiration

Brother Magick

think i had a dream this morning to remind me about magick and miracles. 

 

and that my deceased brother, someone put his corpse on a suspended bed of sorts outside my window, and had him wrapped, i was living on a top floor. i guess i was supposed to be scared, but he looked then, in the dream, after twentynine years, better than he did ten days after his death. and i feel the message was to remember the power of the dead, call on them, they will deliver. i keep trying to remember what i did in that dream, after I saw him but it is not coming to me. it all felt good and positive, though

then i remembered the dream i had last week of the spirit sent over a precipice down to the sea, and when i /we looked over we saw a light lemon colored gold fish, walking on its feather fins, on a lily pad and turning into a bird that had chirped when the spirit was flung over...i wonder what that was...

reincarnation came to mind then and does so now. rebirth, recreation, the sea of yemoja, of fishes, children and the wellbeing of women. then my brother now, i feel if it was true what i was told decades ago that he put a curse on my life because i refused his return to us in this life and pod, that he is reversing it, and bringing all the abundance back to my life and at my feet, and upon my head. i did not know any of these things at the time when they occurred, i was just trying to live through repeated traumas in succession.

I now realize. a drawing i did when i first returned home and always thought it was my brother deceased I had drawn, the view of him in this dream is very much akin to that drawing except for the facial skin erosion on the cheek and cheekbone. my brother had prominent cheekbones

Anthony Huggins Jr.  at his boarding school, they called him Rajah. We called him Junior. and when years after his death and attempted return, I had a dream and the baby i was told of his name was Junia.

It took me decades after to return to Trinidad to learn that is the name here. a real birth name, and pronounced just like Junior..

Sigh

Angels and Their Amazing Blessings

the lesson of july into august is to focus on the good, and totally ignore the bad...

someone wrote in a group: "you mean to tell me nothing good happens to you all...and that made me share this story:

[i will spare all the long details...but just a month ago, six weeks actually, i tried to leave trinidad. traveled to mississippi on a one way ticket to meet an old friend from twenty three years ago. we were supposed to be aligning our resources and capabilities to build empire. I was to live in a house they have unused.
i get there, the house is neither cleaned, put up for someone to live, nor the kitchen functioning...range top for stove gone, washer dryer, gone. dishwasher gone, no microwave. no utensils. nothing
No bed./ nothing nothing nothing.
I was stunned.
Stayed in a hotel they paid for.
was supposed to come back with toiletries for me and never returned.
left money in an envelope for me to get back home and said a return ticket was at the airport.
Well. that return ticket was not paid for.
the counter lady. tells me all of this. and for some reason, I was just cool, calm and collected. despite it all
called my friends, one in colorado, one in a neighboring city.
the latter puts up the money on her credit card for me to return home.
I been wondering how long it would take me to pay her back.
I got a gig last night working as a research asst for a prof at a US college, making US money. so i said I would amass the $400 over the ticket paid and pay my girlfriend back
today she writes me and tells me. a month, six weeks after the fact, no charge shows up on her card.
mind you. the ticket agent. knew the friend who created all this drama. taught her microbiology at jackson state. then my friend who purchased the ticket, taught her art. and I was in the restaurant eating brunch, while this ticket agent allowed her personal cell to be used to call my friends and for them to call me.
the good news of this story... she had booked me on my first ever first class trip. and I used to travel for a living.
yes, we were all amazed that I would get the one ticket agent who knew all these people. but for her to extend herself to me as a stranger. was amazing. there was no end. and it never stopped
access. caring. compassion, sharing.
first class ticket
then it turns out, she did whatever shenanigans for their to be no charge. She probably booked me on one of her free flights
the news today came up about the no charge.
That made my day
my month. my year?
<3 span="">
This lady.
Send her love and blessings in abundance
https://www.facebook.com/courtney.thompsonpaige?fref=ts]



0-----then this is my horoscope for the coming week
 
[Aquarius (January 20-February 19)
Aquarius Horoscope for week of September 8, 2016
These days, my dear, your eccentric beauty is even more unkempt than usual. I like it. It entertains and charms me. And as for your idiosyncratic intelligence: That, too, is messier and cuter and even more interesting than ever before. I'm inclined to encourage you to milk this unruly streak for all its potential. Maybe it will provoke you to experiment in situations where you've been too accepting of the stagnant status quo. And perhaps it will embolden you to look for love and money in more of the right places. ]

The Talented Case Trainer

 Jonathan, HI IN today,s Sept 3 Guardian there is an article of fisherfolk getting relief from the govt for the fishkill and loss of income . Can you construct a case, and I can help, I assure you, I am very clear on the terms and articles, to file a suit against the nation state of trinidad and tobago for the years I have been in trinidad, superqualified, yet, unemployed, while so many lessers are employed at such high income levels?? i want at least a million for each year. and i am not alone PLEASE???@@@@!!!!"" Maven Dr. Huggins Melise
 those two docs (CV and Resume) are my life. in total, almost'


Jonathan Bhagan:

Mav i'v never heard a precedent along those lines before , you're also risking paying costs to the state lawyers if you lose

there is a rule in law called the duty of mitigation as well, the state will argue that you should have mitigated your losses by seeking employment from sources other thant he State

even if we win we're looking at a few hundred thousand tops

If you can get me someone with a few years experience in Administrative law i'd be happy to help , but its really like asking a dermatologist (me) to attempt brain surgery

i need a team of 2-3 admin law experts , someone like Ramesh Maharaj or Kieth Scotland

 Hi Jonathan, 

You give a very insightful response that makes sense if that is the approach But here is my suggestion and perception: 

All or most of your concerns are eroded IF such a case is built on the record of all the situations of exorbitant and wasteful employment over the years. I can start with calder hart who made a minimum $800K/month in eight different top level positions then go to various posts showing the high level of incomes foreigners made *i am a US citizen too* and their contracts...I think of the Canadian commissioner of police and his exorbitant package and pay out. as validity for wanting my level of income that I never got nor pursued because I was working for country and the list goes on to the black woman ceo at cda making one million a month? for how many years? three to five? down to the endless number of indian frauds who were making the norm of $40=$50 K per month with either no papers, fake papers/ 

 Further to that, and this is critical., as an economist I can show how this country is not a market economy, it is a commanded economy by the state, meaning it is the state that controls it by various subtle means but the bottom line is if there is no oil, oil money and high oil prices, everything slows, stops or dies, because all find their source sustenance and survival at the trough of the treasury. Even now. see how many private companies are failing, international companies and local. the only ones inured are the money laundering exploitative slave type conglomerates that are truly diversified and charging obscene price differentials from cost to price. But everyone else garners their living  from the state. when the state has money, it contracts, buys goods and inputs from the private sector.

But one of the BIGGEST Myths in Trinidad is that this is a market economy, there is a private sector and the two are separate. and that is not so. I can write a model and do the research if i had access to company files to show to what enumerated extent: 50% to 80% of their inputs, outputs or services are to the state and show the rise and fall of those arrangements over time..

And I have applied for work in the private sector. Throughout. My email history record will prove that> 

But the bottom line of suing the nation state is that it is separate from the government state. I am holding the nation responsible for the country it has built and promulgate that keep the best marginalized, unemployed and seeking emigration for a life appropriate to their pursuits and professionalism and immigrants to modern enslavement, just like the recent colonial employment case showed and so many other people testified to the private company bullyings of employees, the constant thread of unemployment if they do not comply, the low levels of income, the bad treatments, the fraudulent terms of entitled days, vacations but try to take it and you get written up. 

 And my love. THERE IS NO PRECEDENT> WE/ I am seeking to create and formulate the precedent. Your whole thinking of this is what I am seeking to break. the default and orientation and location of the slave master, owner, state, and all of else, comply and fall in line. and that is erroneous. 

 

It is like you are saying there is no precedent and not seeing as a lawyer that the practice of law is all about creating precedent and new avenue of rights. it just needs to be conceived, perceived, pursued. and every one is afraid of that. In 2008 i told margaret rose to create a class action law suit against clico and she could not see it, i guess thought i was talking caca, and refused to imagine it. what happened? anand ramlogan came in to power and made a law against it. why would you need to make a law against something you cant do. and that my dear is the riddle of our incompetence as citizens and professionals. mind you, he did it because he saw the tide, but really, it is because all the people who want to feel they are so smart and strategic had flubbed up every opportunity and step on the way to creating that clico payout, and even then, that was one of the biggest frauds that i could cite in my case as this country having money to burn that was a money ponzi scheme where all the registrants got paid back repeatedly over the years, and then returned to charge the company when it fell. Corruption

Finally, just as I have had to bear the cost of this fraudulent economy and farce of a nation state (i can prove and outline all of that too), being unemployed, I would stipulate that the state pay my legal costs and my lawyers. And my basis for that would be all the proposals I have written and submitted to various ministries and agencies (labor, agriculture, green fund, planning) that they went on to try to implement in theft.

I write this and I realize It i s like i am petitioning the court, and it almost seems that is what i need to do , petition the court to represent myself, petition the court for my approach, and then proceed. a novel case from beginning to end And then I would indeed need a bold thinker like Maharaj, but in constructing this case I never wanted to make a rich wealthy lawyer more so. I was always hoping to find a good hearted, soul young professional cause this would be ground breaking. i would be helping their career. even if they fail, the amount of other cases that would come forward would be a career building thing. and I think I want to be part of that, part of that firm and that partnership going forward since it is me who strategized and mapped out the case anyway. I am just asking them to use their qualifications.

It is amazing to me. this is like a class i am teaching someone who is already called lawyer and should show the limitations of what and how law is taught now, in this caribbean trinidad and its huge impact.> this is why and how this society does not change. we teach no professional to think out side the box, to solve problems or to reconstruct the world , to a better standard . then when you do so, people hate you cause you showing up how incompetent and lesser they are, that too is why i am unemployed.

I am way beyond the heads and minds and qualifications of most of people here, in and out of my field.

To your points: why has the state not mitigated the unemployment of so many talented educated people? in the whole of society? Why has it not mitigated the corruption and theft from the treasury, which i point out is my patrimoney???

And no if we win we are not looking at thousands, we are looking at millions and i just explained above why As i said, I understand your points. see if anything I wrote reconstructs your thinking or gives you pause or change/

You know as I review the mails between us, I note that your response to me does not integrate the fact that fisherfolk are asking the state to cover their losses, which is my original point, and my original validation to construct this case,  but your write as If I should not have the same rights and privileges, access and consideration, how is that??? why is that? And therein the core of the case