Laventille LoveUntil 2020

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New LIfe New Year September 2015

the following came to me all on fb in one day, Sunday Aug 30, 2015
the day before national independence in this caribbean island, "the state of my independence"
and one who knows will see the synchronicity and reinforcement between the two: the post on the full moon and fears/blockages associated with dreams and visions and the reading. Thus, i thought it worthy to lodge them for reference in the life path journey.


Guest Post

Denize Sarikoz:

"This Full Moon will also highlight how we keep our fears next to our desires or goals and block them manifesting. By fearing and expecting the worst we are sabotaging our energy flow by resisting. That holds a fear projections on things that we want the most. So we create static to achieve what we want to achieve by playing with fear. This was embedded in our victim consciousness patterns that are releasing right now. You desire something so much that you fear that much to have it. This was normal. Fear was normal. But now this is becoming up to surface as our blocking mechanism. How we block our abundance and our manifestation process will be highlighted at this Full Moon. Do you have to keep fear as your safety cushion when you want to achieve something? How much you are afraid of your desire will come true? Fear only brings more statics, delays and disappointments. And you are putting them there by keeping them in your mind and visualize the fear. This is very personal and not to be confused by blaming anything outside of you when it comes to manifesting and attracting to what you want. Keeping fear as your weapon will only destroy your desires, your creative side and will make you want things and never achieve them. Practice having your goals without creating drama and more fear to push them away. You deserve to have your dreams but only if you drop the fear games that you play with yourself. heart emoticon heart emoticon xox D"

Lenormand Card Pull



the commentary on the card pull was as interesting as it was inadequate.
as always my journey is heavier and deeper than most

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The Day's Morning Blasts and Impacts

tianjin
real apocalypse
/ no filmovie
 port container stacks are scattered egos
what happened there

on the ongoing reprogramming the subconscious mind:
it came to me while sleeping: no feelings. no emotions,
no sentiment. get out of yourself, your head and your feelings
if not your life

then it just hit me an experience i had months ago around my birthday, only now i solve. no matter how people pretend to be mature and different, they are not. and when you think it is safe to talk to men, it is not. they gossip more than women it seems. anything innocuous is made into a bacchanal.

then it hits me too about people. they real have no shame or limits. someone who says they dont come to my door and gate to collect me to lime, came yesterday to ask me to come help her prepare for a birthday celebration tomorrow. i see in her kitchen sink a huge mass, the size of a kilm tin of chicken skin and fat, frozen to death. she says it is neck, and my stomach held. for if i thought further i would have gotten sick. first of all yesterday i thought, who would buy that?, and so? half of the price you just paid is going to be thrown away, probably more than half. I would love to know how that is sold: by weight or bag. and then weigh it after it is cleaned.  but she let slip out that i was coming to help her clean that. and if a scene was playing out in my mind it would have shown me stopping in my tracks and staring at the audience dry face. she really look at me and make me out to be the one to come and clean chicken necks? you compliment me on knowing about a kitchen a week ago so you can prep to ask me to come help you strip massive chicken skin and fat? what about me so appears? and i think either i dont see myself or people are real on their own shtick. but i wake up now having supposed to be there an hour and twenty minutes ago, and realize I am not going, and if i do it will be in the afternoon.and i am certainly not cleaning any chicken. i wake up with a revelation: dont buy anything you dont want to clean, and better than that, be mindful of the shit you buy. that bag looked like proper elements for dog food.  and i hate to sound elitist but this is about economics too, wasting money for what will be thrown away. but i wonder, for they do have dogs, if they will save that for the dogs, but I know that is not good for the dogs. the skin maybe but not all that fat. i swear if i go near there I may not eat anything else prepared at all.

a small interaction that gave me so much. people will use you if you let them. you will get played if you not awake

 

 Shooting Stars Showers
Promises and Covenants beyond Rainbows

My Reparations from NEDCO
Other grants, funds, gifts and allotments
Calculated according to gratuity,
Gratuity compounded for five years
For the Budget of Creative Social Enterprise Entrepreneur
IPOs of Self and Models
Endowments and Operationals
Ph Apps for Social Mobilization and Political Transformation
Global ICTT from the Caribbean to Africa
Making Promote a Black Caucus Lobby an Economic Agenda

San Rafael Santa Maria
and sale of twelve soon after
Make me a Millionaire Twice over
By September next month a Refurbished CRV
I shall have to find a name for her,
I think Venetian Violet to symbolize my Anointed Anointing Impunity

Mark VL by September 2015 right after election
Our reconciliation consummated for Nov his birthday
And by then, for Christmas Parang Season,
My ArtShram Artelier completed, launched and running

building growth twenty percent annually
with my five year moratorium to pay nothing

By 2016 September
I would have made the fullness of the vision and dream
Manifest

And then, Covenant Contract and Bambino
Reprogramming the Subconscious is about Focus Only on Outcomes
No Process

Finally: The Spirit Given Path

 

 in bits and pieces i am realizing the dream: the purpose, the mission and the vehicle. last night/ this morning actually, while sleeping I had the vision for the moment. a piece of art work came to me and i could see the technique of it, layering, and it is so emblematic and symbolic of me: there are so many unknown lawyers that make up my constitution. so the message for the second time in my life is to do art. the first message came from the lupus lady whose name is escaping me at the moment. i invited to make lunch for her and a friend. she came to the house and told me the holy spirit was talking to her...as she admired my art and said, it is the spirit that guides my hand, and a female ancestor, and to keep on doing art. and since then so many things winnowed: my space to paint, the destruction of my iph so no more fancy photos. but the dream this morning made Aug 7 2015 complete. it is like i have clear marching papers that i feel totally aligned and comfortable with . and i will make space. if i am to get a suitcase and hold all the materials in there. i will have someone buy me an easel, maybe, and if i have to paint in the laundry room at the back door and landing, that is still fine and okay. we make do. no rent to studio. we will crawl. sell the car and the money will be endowment funds to live on small and buy materials. and so we going. if i do more art, then i do less fb and while i do more art and less fb, and be more outdoors, perhaps i will read more. and thus all my plans are realized. remove myself from the bottom, the dead the listless and elevate to activities of realization and inspiration.and i write 'realization' and some image from my dreams and travels, sleep and vision flashes, but it was too faded to make out..i just need be committed to the process, which i am even when i dont have answers. i give high praises and halelujahs...that christian slave game gave us wonderful imagery, words and incantations, eh,. use everything to get where you are going and ditch it when it no longer serves

Good Morning

and how could i forget my second activity: writing

putting my bits and pieces together shall never ruin my theme of alignment and authenticity, cause it is reality that forms them not me imposing them

so art: painting. photography, writing, reading; inspiration

Artelier* Conscious Creative Collective 99 Artshram*

could you believe before this the plan was to sell the car and open a bar and a restaurant? well. i am revising my way in the world too, and i realize the dead and death of activity unless i can control where, when and with whom, my place would make the world of difference, but in its current dispensation, i needed to pull back...so now it is sell the car and paint, do art, find inspiration. i cant help but think that bush and forests play a large part of that. nevertheless, I know better and feel deeply, if not veiled, shaded, distant and intuitively this artelier artshram inspiration thing will be located just where my barestaurant artisan shop cafe is located. and it would be a wonderful place.

ah,. the other small part of the vision was that this house be turned into not the restaurant bar cafe, but the artetlier/ to fill the walls even more with art, empty away all the furniture:, so make the great room, tv room and the corridors an art gallery. I can see the front garden being an art gazebo where folk can sit and paint. and a studio built in the back under the plum and mango trees. and bedrooms. the kitchen, the patio like a cafe for people to sit while the organize their purchases over cocktails and coffee.

who knows. who knows when. who knows how, despite the blind seer man in loveuntil telling me how quite back in 2011.

i give thanks and praise for the salvation. i have been despondent not knowing what or how, and flying into all these demons trying to figure it out..

all the while amidst everything. writing.

 

SmartMen CharlatanWomen and ReInventions

i heard singapore is a country that has reinvented itself a few times in its fifty years and i immediately thought of trinidad. lol. has not even attempted to change its curtains, once in its fifty years or so. then i thought of my self. i use that word reinvention a lot when i take on new words, people give me new identities, but if it is not traded in the market place is it real? and that is my crunch right there. living a life outside the market when the whole world spins and exists precisely there. so i thought i had not reinvented myself. and it is why i am squeezed and pinched. no matter what i have done, where i have gone, what work I did, i was one mode and mold and still am, even with no money: that girl.

and here is me and how i am. watching cup of joe. they on a cooking segment. making bruschetta. and they are assembling and constructing the final product, on sliced white bread. not toast. and that is one of my alienation here. endless endless, complete cover almost of people presenting as if they know what they are doing and havent got a clue that they are doing it wrong, getting paid to do what they cant, and no one is none the wiser: not who is paying them, not who is watching. not the larger national society or audience. but i am the one with the outlier, the problem

i wonder how to reinvent myself.

a friend's wife told me two nights ago how she appreciates i come to their home would eat, wash dishes and clean the kitchen, and how i wipe down the sink after i am done. and how i would make a good woman in a house. and i said, i have no earthly idea how some man has not yet put me in house. and the man said, you gone do phd for man to put you in house. so you see the other side of my life problem. others wont let me reinvent

i had such an interesting exchange/conversation last evening. i phrase it like that because i had such tight reign on myself i dare not let out any real information or open myself. a gentleman who wants so much to convince me of his compassion, to listen to me, while he hears of my trials. and i wonder are people serious? or have i gotten invariably cynical and hard? but if someone telling me they are in trouble and have so many aspects of their life missing or in need of repair, on what dimension will i be talking to them about listening to them? and it just seemed to me yet another angle line and charade of manipulation and tricks. so he tells me for the third or more time since december that he wants to keep my company but has never asked for my number. this guy who limes every day, at the same spot, at the bar with the bartender. and leaves around nightfall . is never out during the weekends. do you know how to mark someone's life to get a sense or at least not to be lost or blindsided? so his movements dont match . and i have no idea what his aim. but the biggest indictment of him is months ago he spoke about women who are free to be and move and enjoy their lives publicly are seen as prostitutes. are you able to listen when people talk to hear the inconsistencies? what part of compassion that could be, that judgment? you dont judge and have compassion at the same time. the two dont match.. dont vibe. but i say nothing. i dont confront him. i do not engage what he says. i just try to be kind and not offensive. but i bite my life lips. i am no longer amused by these exchanges. and all this when i saw a moment of him wanting to buy us drinks while we talked but he saw my bottle of hennessy and sat back down. and i say. see sorry. but this is why me and everybody not in the same lane or rink. so why not peep that first and not even pretend to step up? i am tired with posers and half steppers.

reminds me of a phrase i have been sitting with for over a day:

smartmen and charlatanwomen

i woke up this morning remembering popoola's talk tuesday night and boom a question hits me that i could have asked him. i was so signed off and resigned away from that scene and pretend practice that i was not engaging, but a man asked popoola about "initiating" and the high cost of such. and one person talked of how you go to any school you have to pay the tuiition and that was such an asinine response because now what you are telling me is that a school and educational market scam is the same as your spiritual religion practice whose only mission is to bring in ever more candidates and clients to make money, and bodies? really.? and not one person in the crowd could stand up and raise that conflict. mind you , this was after popoola spoke about orisa as a profession and not a spiritual practice eh, so this is the means by which people seek to make money and have an industry, a trade, a means to collect money for anything real or not. hence my words smartmen and charlatan women which i had been using for years.

but i remember my cousin, and asking her to do some readings for me in 2011 to help me discern the abilities and veracity of a mechanic who was asking me for $7K to fix my vehicles drivetrain. she told me to proceed. do you know that man ended up being such a smartman. he was dismantling my car to take parts, and he never put it back together right and it never warranted the work he said. and i now think on that...how people can pretend and get press for capabilities that are most contrived, unreal and unattained. and that is the environment in which popoola spoke. when you have profession rather than spirit.

but the question i woke up with today, two nights and a half day of him getting on a plane was about my ancestor pa neezer: who was never initiated by any human, man or woman, who the spirits came for nightly and took him to the forest, in a stupor and trance, to teach him and release him from schooling at daybreak where his family would pray that he return home safely, and he always did. what a question that would have been to a gathering of those who believe truth resides and reposits with them, these , fake leaders, charlatans and smarters/

that is the inference of popoola's talk eh. it was an indictment. that is not my words. when someone has to tell you that you do not claim and call yourself a leader, the people call you to lead and not one of them have such a story, then they are fake by implication and popoola is giving them a public reading. an indictment and yet, they all sat there straightfaced as if he was talking to someone sel, someplace else, and not to them in his hearing.

quite interesting

but let me end here, cause this the kind of thing why people dont like me

sigh

delayed post of forgotten title: no emancipation aug 1

 PeterOConnor On Trinidad and Tobago Emancipation August 1



"Slaves were forcibly Christianized and “culturalized” to be black

Europeans. By the time of Emancipation, few might have had

any memory of Africa, of their forefathers, and of their life and

rituals. They were deemed “lazy”, and “shiftless”, but to me, it

would have been their duty to have been so. Born into

generations of violent oppression, that would be the most

obvious reaction—work as little as possible, sabotage as much

as you can.  I would see that as “duty”."

"Stripped of every aspect of their own being, “freed” slaves were

a people without a history. How then could they embrace the

present—Emancipation? In what terms could they plan a

future? To most, except in dire terms of survival, staying on the

plantations would have been totally repugnant."


i now realize: is it the bible that says we, as Black people are destined to destruction and demolition? in other words of course. It never hit me before but by the words of this creole in Trinidad. not novel words. repeated oft times. but only now making sense. at certain times things click and never before. sometimes it is the litany and order of the way things are put across that make each line be a coded sequential click that unlocks all wisdom

the quotes about black african people and work and land makes our condition the global diaspora over very clear. a related but different dynamic obtains in continental africa i imagine.

the two things my life toil has been heavily planted: the former quote relating work and the creation of ideas into empires, business models, the summoning of internal energy to apply to a vision and an intention beyond petty profiling and pretense. the latter from my background, interest, origin, training and preference in agriculture. i saw in two land masses: here in trinidad and mostly in the US, black african people abandon land like old t-shirts and that has always boggled my mind. i somehow knew the reason in the back of my mind, but the way Peter writes I see it as sinew now, inextricable to the black body being, almost.

apart from the land as all that the black enslaved body would have though, in terms of access, ownership and skill, with what else do you build?

and i have always been disappointed that we as a people were not more shrewd and strategic toward our own interest: suck it up and get past it. work the land, that is our comparative advantage. incidentally and interestingly enough, my field as a development economist, its foundation theory is that of transformational steps starting from agriculture, growing and producing surplus that then is split into manufacturing and subsequently service, from innovation, creating and the development of free time from the use of technology. you cant get around it. so if you suspend and stop all those processes, what do you have? and where are you going? it is set up like a chess board. no where. all the pieces are blocked. there are no squares beyond where the pieces stand, each individual piece. they stand alone

"chasms to explore"

Development Matters: Singapore to Trinidad

to be singaporean..."i succeeded in life because of the efforts of others, so there is an obligation to help others succeed"

so by that trinidad, never again shall any of you utter the word singapore in your speak or writing relating to anything trinidadian, eh.

repeat: bbc singapore at 50
and i cant remember if it is the deceased lee who said that or some other senior man of the society.

do you notice here in trinidad no one who is considered successful has ever a story about other people who helped them? and do you realize our success here are along the lines of a few things: music, of which you gain access to the treasury, art, which you sell yourself, money, which you thieved and schemed from citizens, or a part of a conglomerate that exploits the nation and citizens by trader prices. or with a sex tape, or getting into a school or some colonial award, the latter two are so common I dare not include them but only because small minded people still think that is something significant in this day and age. in this day and age it is getting into all the top tier schools in your field, or getting millions of dollars, almost to get your academics completed. but entry, to one, not so much

i sit here and i am pulling my legs trying to think of success stories of individuals, of industry, and where there is, the story, and that story is about how others helped you succeed, and at the end of that story your obligation, commitment and declaration that your purpose from now on is to help others succeed.

notice how that is almost vacant, and i only use the word almost, for what and who i may not know of. but everybody else damn selfish. everybody struggling and striving./ no matter what they driving and where they living, they may lose it all if the next check, kickback or month;s work were to be taken away, and then the others who may have that, havent a penny to spare, an then there are some of us with none of  that and damn if we will use anything we have to place on the altar of another. except for me. one of my lessons as I was recounting last night due to TeQuila telling me to take the lessons and move on, I realize I have thought way too much of wolves and other forms of the lowest bottom feeders and predators. do you have any idea that there is a whole class of people, men i have been exposed to, i presume there might be women to, whose only action and productivity in life is constant scanning their life and environment to see who they can take to the cleaners? who can benefit them to accomplish one tax, task or another? I saw it. i have seen it twice. and more times for those instances outside my life. like duprey? how you think he got the idea to siphon off money from citizens? he scanned his environment to see how he may clean up and thus he sold you wolf certificates, and kept on raking in the money in order to pay you, to make the billing and the pr, to collect from new victims.  marketing and stories are amazing aint it? it is your first vehicle of sales...the reportage, the reputations, and the value of sheep herding corralling envy behaviors. if you in the new thing, i must be too.

anyway. i thought that point was intriguing.
not a poor person talking about helping others, but a big grown man who spanned several dispensations of a country, having made it to the pinnacle and can now speak of "that is what it means to be his country's nationality." which by the way, had nothing to do with ethnicity, which by the way, singaporeans went through a national pogrom to dismantle and downplay that structure, to become the nation of success , both on the macro and i am not too sure of the micro. I would love to go there and do my own observations. i think i heard or read that the malay, the ethnic lower group ...well...let me learn more before i speak on that.

here in trinidad i see idiots all day every day confusing and conflating ethnicity and nationality and why and how does that happen? when you have been brainwashed to believe and promote race, and difference, when in fact, there is only one, the human. of course some of the latter, are on different vibrations: some humaning more than others, those are the real cosmic spirits