i have no words
i feel to repost the graphic of how different people will awake different beasts
i wake up thinking of different beasts, the trove of my writings and photography; the art, my dozens of books in two closets, the library -- and their risk that one beast may rise one day when i am not here and either destroy or throw away.
but mostly i have no words for people who start projects, pause them wily nily, stop them altogether, unilaterally at a whim, regardless of consequences, and impact to other people: your need or dependence to be busy, make a dollar or eat. it is stunning really. i wonder who would believe me. and i am also at a loss for words because just yesterday i was instructed that things keep happening because of "my focus" but how and why and I never envisioned such a mad nonsensical selfish damaging event. and i think how people make you a liar and a crazy by such events when you make them public and known. i am just stunned. nothing and no one to rely on? Really? is it really that bad here in this undernetherworld?
well say. my word
this is no longer fodder, amusing or material
it is just sick now
if there is a qualification then i have it, in flying colors. just as in all others surrounding my life. this is a life mad and unreeling. and just when you think there is no farther to go, it surprises you. there is
is there grace still to call?
i have to say there is, but all the while being job
i am living, witnessing-- so embroiled in the fire, every moment i try to capture the experience , the mind attempt, itself gets consumed in its own flame of that fire, before being held. so you are left with nothing, not even the words. like sitting here thinking and not even able to remember the thought. a serious unraveling.
an all time low: being fed by those you spent a life of learning to feed and feeding.
and i think of marcia henville. not surprised the paradox of her life. folk will see you be enflamed walking and living and will say they never noticed. didnt know you needed the help. because i know now how the closest people who call themselves friend will know your plight and still make decisions that cut down and undermine your attempt to stand on your feet. and they do it with doe eyes and 'hope all is well' entreaties
there are endless means of destruction
---------------------
the question was a soliloquy and an essay...among many lines: "is my life in divine cosmic order?"... when will my life improve in all spheres: my own home, land, garden, sustainable income? committed man in love and friendship with me?>...will all my enemies fall and falter before Feb 28? and they are all family blood relatives?
answer no they are not all blood relatives but most are
the answer:
The cards: WHIP + MOUNTAINS + COFFIN + RIDER + SCYTHE FOX + HEART + MICE + WOMAN + CLOVER
in short: beatings, obstacles, death, persistent movement, cut, cunning, eroding rodents ..and what is clover
-----------good morning
please let me survive yesterday and mine its lessons, not pay its consequences
i feel to repost the graphic of how different people will awake different beasts
i wake up thinking of different beasts, the trove of my writings and photography; the art, my dozens of books in two closets, the library -- and their risk that one beast may rise one day when i am not here and either destroy or throw away.
but mostly i have no words for people who start projects, pause them wily nily, stop them altogether, unilaterally at a whim, regardless of consequences, and impact to other people: your need or dependence to be busy, make a dollar or eat. it is stunning really. i wonder who would believe me. and i am also at a loss for words because just yesterday i was instructed that things keep happening because of "my focus" but how and why and I never envisioned such a mad nonsensical selfish damaging event. and i think how people make you a liar and a crazy by such events when you make them public and known. i am just stunned. nothing and no one to rely on? Really? is it really that bad here in this undernetherworld?
well say. my word
this is no longer fodder, amusing or material
it is just sick now
if there is a qualification then i have it, in flying colors. just as in all others surrounding my life. this is a life mad and unreeling. and just when you think there is no farther to go, it surprises you. there is
is there grace still to call?
i have to say there is, but all the while being job
i am living, witnessing-- so embroiled in the fire, every moment i try to capture the experience , the mind attempt, itself gets consumed in its own flame of that fire, before being held. so you are left with nothing, not even the words. like sitting here thinking and not even able to remember the thought. a serious unraveling.
an all time low: being fed by those you spent a life of learning to feed and feeding.
and i think of marcia henville. not surprised the paradox of her life. folk will see you be enflamed walking and living and will say they never noticed. didnt know you needed the help. because i know now how the closest people who call themselves friend will know your plight and still make decisions that cut down and undermine your attempt to stand on your feet. and they do it with doe eyes and 'hope all is well' entreaties
there are endless means of destruction
---------------------
the question was a soliloquy and an essay...among many lines: "is my life in divine cosmic order?"... when will my life improve in all spheres: my own home, land, garden, sustainable income? committed man in love and friendship with me?>...will all my enemies fall and falter before Feb 28? and they are all family blood relatives?
answer no they are not all blood relatives but most are
the answer:
The cards: WHIP + MOUNTAINS + COFFIN + RIDER + SCYTHE FOX + HEART + MICE + WOMAN + CLOVER
in short: beatings, obstacles, death, persistent movement, cut, cunning, eroding rodents ..and what is clover
-----------good morning
please let me survive yesterday and mine its lessons, not pay its consequences
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