Joy, Pain and Woe in the Mourning...Seeks a Retreat

i celebrated my fiftieth birthday yesterday
entirely alone. at one point i burst into tears when a neighborhood acquaintance approached  to
greet me, he coming up mere two feet away before i saw him.

then i returned home, and awakened this morning by nausea that would not go away
until I upchucked nothing but bitter stomach acid and bile that felt as if it cut my teeth


seeking a country retreat, i wrote a friend to take up their offer for a stay
dr bratt said i was either pregnant, drinking, stressed or worried.
all i can confirm except the first.




this evening that friend eddie asks me:

"what is your greatest joy right now - forget the haters for a moment, what is your greatest joy?"

i have no joy Eddie. seriously.
i am not doing anything of joy. I dont have my own space to enjoy. i have no friends or loves. no activity that brings me joy. My life was largely leaving my house around 12 or 2 for food and staying out just to be out of here.., which I want to stop. I have exhausted that route

i literally have no joy... grateful is all that i still have a bedroom to sleep in, my body still works, that is it

"you are an educated woman/person, you are armed, is this an advantage in life, your life?

are you warrior or wimp?"

i am tired fighting eddie. been fighting for a long time, all my life and essentially ramped up at 1993. I am exhausted, my fires are burnt out..i have been exerting with absolutely nothing being put in...it is against all laws of nature.

and truth be told, had about two discussions this week on this matter...my being educated has become a great disservice and handicap. my life would be so much easier if i werent...

i used to be a warrior. the cost of me being a warrior is my depletion and current downfall

i see that so clearly it is uncanny

be and become self actualized and you remove yourself from every possible population

- alienated

"

that's perhaps a good place no?"

not if you havent your own means. I used to have that once, which is why this is so bitter. everything i did and did not do was to avoid being in the place I now occupy

 "you created what you feared?"

it appears that way

"create something else!"

that is the funny part. my mojo seems lost or disabled or jammed

"old programming?"

yup for sure that

"

"worn out programmes, reboot the hard drive"

it was wrong all along..just badmind made it work but it was not and could not be sustained

"of course not"

"so, you have no thing to lose now, is that not liberating in some way?"

it is it is. and i am in a great situation if this is going to be my condition: no responsibilities, debt or charges..

it is liberating/ here is the thing though...trinidad is a hard place, harder than most will admit and near impossible for someone of my age. ageism is big

and a serious obstacle.. to do anything, small job or big

" one way of looking at things"

its the subjectivity that is the obstacle...i need to depend on people. to give me a job, to hire me, give me a chance, not be an obstacle to bar me. with nothing and no money of my own i am very much subjected

PART TWO

"so what is wrong with you employing yourself and the goodness of your own hands, mobility, good health, and intellect, to create your own methodology of sustainability? If you can do that for a corporation, why not bring "home" that energy unto oneself, or is that too selfish, or, are you not worthy of such attention?"

i was just thinking before you showed up this moment and look like i was prepping my brain for what you ask...the post would have read: "if i tell you the amount of things I have tried and it failed to catch, leave ground, fly or be successful, you would be both shocked and laugh", but i thought it is not funny at all.

i have about nine pages here on fb. here are the things I have tried to do: Personal Chef, HomeSchooling, Academic Tutoring for Tertiary, Farming, a consultancy under my name mdhuggins co ltd my art as communications and marketing tool ArtPost Trinidad

need I go on?
i even tried being a courtesan. even that failed. I think i am being protected in that regard

my thinking myself so worthy it was has me with so many haters anad resenters. it is them who have stood in my way

i designed and planned a single sailor costume when i came home and my cultural cousin told me people dont do that...i learned later it was her thinking the audacity of me to wash my foot and come in and do what they who have lived here all their lives never did.

I designed a costume band for Ella Andall

I tried event management, did an excellent job with people being happy but i made no money. it was a waste and i had no support

it is how i saved that twelve acres
music in the bamboo event

i support and give 100 to others i have never enjoyed same from anybody and no one does things alone.

on top of that, what i learned here in trinidad is that doing business depends on the same model for employment. someone must say yes, give you an in, give you a break, make recommendations and referrals for your business to grow and get traction. it is not , 'why dont you just..."

this is also a place where new entrants are often barred/gatekeepers galore

i still have stock of my posters and cards unsold from ArtPost..that is since 2011

woo sah. What havent i tried
I have invested in myself till i have not a drop or dime more to invest. I am now in the hole. I own my godsister $8400.

the one debt i have

ok. it went

i think in trinidad too, because it is not a meritocratic place you have to build clientele before you go into business. not create a business and hope to sell it and it will fly

and then Eddie, I dont discount that what is happening to me is some spiritual turbine, that only time, season, purpose and planetary alignment will correct...I am now just looking for a safe place to ride it out to the end...

"you are telling me a lot of things which are "prescribed" about business, who you know, a break in, allowance, here and there - now, imagine, for a moment, that you now reach here, and somebody download all of this into your cerebral cortex before you arrived,

what would you do tomorrow? in spite of what you had heard?"

funny thing. i dont know how to answer that because all i just wrote to you was from my experiences. no one told me a thing. i just tried with my bold audacious confident self and kept on bashing into walls, people, obstacles. I heard 'who do i think i is" I heard, "i like mehself too much" "that i am overconfident"

So now that I have learned that this is the way it is, wisdom would have me do nothing else than to stop banging myself into a wall. I might lose a shoulder eventually...or owing to the infarction on the left side of my brain, i cant afford to keep falling off ladders. that is no metaphor. there really was a blood infarction on my brain from jan 2014.

i have never 'listened to people" i do what i think i can. trinidad just showed me is more badass than me is all

"the real challenge of Trinidad is in my opinion, not an external fight with contradictory forces, but an internal alignment with internal strengths - the stronger you are the more you are tested."

for me, it became very simple after much analysis over many years: it came down to a matter of maths!!! my own philosophies were my own internal contradictions, but eventually I came to a very plain appreciation of my own context - how much does it cost to sustain someone like me, and can that be achieved without selling my fucking soul? Could I translate my joy, my speciality, my originality, into activities, things to do, compassionately which celebrated, my way of doing things?"

eddie you dont get something that i told you hours ago. I am not the strength i was decades ago. I have been beaten up for a long time, battered on an ongoing basis i am tired. so to write about alignment to strength to someone who is tired and battle weary and who is writing that and you not reading it and getting it....is a big part of my problem over all/ across the board

and you are right. I am still real strong for the endless testing i am enduring. non ending

"must be strong still to generate this much reaction and affirmation - am pushing you gently"

smile. yes. I see that.
both things: the push and that i am really strong.. but i am also incredibly tired. - and hurt, battered, broken, embittered, angry.....and some more things I cant say...lonely

lost and unable

"let it all the fuck out, it is good to say that one is "tired" and hurt, and weary, just let it out - perhaps you should take up martial arts or some kind of body discipline and for a time center yourself in your "vital" physicalness"

you know i just want a place where i can lick my wounds in peace...and build back up myself to walk upright if not run again...

i want to do yoga with troy hadeed, eat organic if not raw vegetarian, fish and japanese
.
Make myself strong again from this past dispensation. get grounded. get more spiritually aligned to my spiritual destiny and just flow

see.!! look at that> I wrote what I did not reading your last paragraph and we write the same thing. that would be fantastic. yoga and martial arts. to get myself strong again. we are on the exact same vibration!

"was trying to get you around to an idea of your present physical, vital, grounded orientation, you are often very much in "the mind", as if floating sometimes with a thousand signals -"

that is it too. i need a space where i can admit and release the trauma...even if not audible to another human, but speak it into the earth or onto the wind at the sea

that is me Eddie. that is one of my errors, achilles heel, downfall...it is my sign my moon, my soul orientation. and I need to be grounded. me farming was to be about fixing that. me trying to be more physical and sexual was about me trying to address that...i wont write for a millionth time of failure

"
my old yoga teacher used to tell me, it is the work to balance, every day, just to balance the psyche, a bit of everything - every so often you need to get the fok away and those opportunities present themselves, accordingly and deservingly"

well that is where we started today isnt it. me trying to get the fok away!

i need and want to get away from everybody i know, everything i do ; everything that is currently and have been my life for the last year; and my surroundings. I need a transplant. this 

plant is dying here

"oftentimes, sometimes, I, deliberately, do nothing - my life is very full and always was - there is no running away for me - so every so often, actually quite regularly, I just do nothing, just when I am supposed to do everything, I take my holiday in the middle of the week, it has become a silent habit"

"after Carnival, you go stay in my house in Souci for some days, not the guest house 'cos change ha' to pass,"

ok. thanks!!

how much is the guest house if someone wanted to live there? long term? per month?

"well is some change well, cos de place kinda special if say so myself - will have to consult with the lady of biznis who is in charge of such bookings - however we were calculating possibility of artists residencies, as inclusive packages or self appointed/catered,"

"but u stay by me"

ok

"perhaps you might like to assist with some gardening when you are there"

per haps. i gotta get clean and cleansed before i put my hand in your garden...

"nah, garden welcomes contrite hearts"

i wanted to do some internal therapy. i broke a code this week..lying in a hammock...emulates a swaddled baby for adults and it is a place where internal therapy and self love can take place

"and the tears of the faithful "

i would like to be somewhere of no expectations or demands and more than that, the whole intention is to nurture and accommodate my wellness..a hospital for a patient so to speak

"many of my visitors have remarked that the place seems to heal raging spirits and one is overwhelmed gently by the mood of the place"

that sounds divine!!

you need to put that in your marketing booklet...

 thanks for the time and counseling

"no counseling, time no problem - yea, b'day times sometimes suck afterwards!!!"

"we must really meet and talk, have some knowledge of being "able" to pick oneself up from a state of languish"

"the mire, a dire place or, a primaeval soup which, duty bound, you must turn up the heat and bubble up - in Gita, it say, whence this lowly state, your enemies would think you a wimp, stand up and fight, no honour in lying down taking shit, in so many words!"

you know what my fight is? I keep coming up with ideas. I keep trying...

 

"you gotta learn control and edit that process = balance or ideas run like a team of wild horses"

 

me and wild horses

 

 

Crimes Against This Human-ity

Kah Shanna:

" Maven Huggins the trouble is, you are terribly ready and with such conviction and inertia, it's a crime you aren't running or overseeing your own magazine, running your own tea/herb/chocolate farm and a mother/father to many who are ready to embrace the possibility to excel as scholars and bright minds. Like in physics, observing that which you choose or desire activates it...no doubt can shift Universal Law. Stay inspired and I look forward to witnessing your progress, growth and success."

" thanks Carlene. you are such a blessing to me. I just wish i was around you and I did not live to piss you off. I realize in my life I have never really had good uplifting people around me. all i managed to do was out of spite, bad mind and insistence not to fall under the expectation of failure. But that comes to an end I realize. Fire will take you but so far then it dies out after its energy has been depleted"

February 1, 2015

i have no words
i feel to repost the graphic of how different people will awake different beasts
i wake up thinking of different beasts, the trove of my writings and photography; the art, my dozens of books in two closets, the library -- and their risk that one beast may rise one day when i am not here and either destroy or throw away.
but mostly i have no words for people who start projects, pause them wily nily, stop them altogether, unilaterally at a whim, regardless of consequences, and impact to other people: your need or dependence to be busy, make a dollar or eat. it is stunning really. i wonder who would believe me. and i am also at a loss for words because just yesterday i was instructed that things keep happening because of "my focus" but how and why and I never envisioned such a mad nonsensical selfish damaging event. and i think how people make you a liar and a crazy by such events when you make them public and known. i am just stunned. nothing and no one to rely on? Really? is it really that bad here in this undernetherworld?

well say. my word
this is no longer fodder, amusing or material
it is just sick now

if there is a qualification then i have it, in flying colors. just as in all others surrounding my life. this is a life mad and unreeling. and just when you think there is no farther to go, it surprises you. there is

is there grace still to call?
i have to say there is, but all the while being job

i am living, witnessing-- so embroiled in the fire, every moment i try to capture the experience , the mind attempt, itself gets consumed in its own flame of that fire, before being held. so you are left with nothing, not even the words. like sitting here thinking and not even able to remember the thought. a serious unraveling.

an all time low: being fed by those you spent a life of learning to feed and feeding.
and i think of marcia henville. not surprised the paradox of her life. folk will see you be enflamed walking and living and will say they never noticed. didnt know you needed the help. because i know now how the closest people who call themselves friend will know your plight and still make decisions that cut down and undermine your attempt to stand on your feet. and they do it with doe eyes and 'hope all is well' entreaties

there are endless means of destruction

---------------------
the question was a soliloquy and an essay...among many lines: "is my life in divine cosmic order?"... when will my life improve in all spheres: my own home, land, garden, sustainable income? committed man in love and friendship with me?>...will all my enemies fall and falter before Feb 28? and they are all family blood relatives?

answer no they are not all blood relatives but most are

the answer:

The cards: WHIP + MOUNTAINS + COFFIN + RIDER + SCYTHE FOX + HEART + MICE + WOMAN + CLOVER

in short: beatings, obstacles, death, persistent movement, cut, cunning, eroding rodents ..and what is clover

-----------good morning
please let me survive yesterday and mine its lessons, not pay its consequences

Time Travel Journey Twins

I time traveled last night
i was where i am now but in a different time (and place)
inhabited by different people to now
and of a people that makes sense but dont makes sense for this island space
but in the current house i am living seems as if there was some kind of neighborhood open house. now you need to understand that this was taking place about four generations ago at the time of each generations birth, so think calculate back we talking what appears to be 1800 /1850 or so but it was not slavery, was not colonialism, it was more looking like middle eastern, ethiopian, israeili, indian, hebrew- people and compounds.which makes sense as I live in a traditional indian enclave and past estate...but what ethiopians, israelis and middle easterners doing in trinidad?

anyway...seems like there was some kind of gathering at my current land lot home. and i see two little indian children run out. in dark red tattered shirts that look like dresses but they were a boy and a girl, just that i never saw any more hair on the girl than the boy and i focused my eyesight on the boy, the little one on the left, but they were always side by side. as i wrote this the first time, i realized i might be talking of twins. So i wanted to see where and how they living to see if i can render any assistance. so i set about on a 'journey' it turns out. so i walk the neighborhood and walked south then west and ended up on a corner where an indian family was picking and sorting fruits right under the tree. a man and two women or three women i am not sure. and I stop and ask directions and describe the children and the told me to go east but i ended up being welcomed into the compound and a man was there amidst plenty flurry and movement and people and women , and he was clearly in charge but without much speaking, no instruction, no barking, everybody was already in their roles, forms and functions, but it was a cool scene. i know i was hosted and welcomed but cant remember or sense on what or how.. so i leave there and moving/ walking east , end up in another neighborhood...this one of high walls and locked gates like israel and ethiopia.

and i end up at a house compound that seemed to be a weigh or travel station intersection where people mingled and had some sort of low key market for it was that intersection i was to get a bus? Or travel further into another direction.. i seem to remember the road looked like a zimbabwean road-- covered in jacaranda or mature trees, but in this compound I was also hosted by the family, yes centered at a man and an extended family members and cores...and i remember walking about and watching the architecture and practices. the high walls had these cloth type tubings in colors that sealed the space between the walls and the roof. it was interesting.. anyway, i was led to this table, seems i was waiting or lollygagging..for the right transport to arrive..but i was led to this african lady selling beads and bracelets and earrings. and she was closing up but i asked her to show me her beads and she pulled all out and i/we selected beads for her to make me a bracelet and it was an odd colors and unique...i remember there was a black and tiger eye bronze type bead that was the head first color, then the last two i picked were peach corral and green. and i was very particular of how they were aligned and circled. and though she was to make it i never made arrangements to get it. and yet still, i was asking her to make my journey with me. i recognized that as a constant in my life. always seeking asking someone to 'come with me' from ever since. since 1987 when i asked nikki to move with me from delaware to alabama.

So i am on a journey, searching for twins of Indian Middle Eastern Ehtiopian paternity and nothing i see or plan makes me stop. I keep moving and going.

the dream was instructive too cause i felt upon waking i was being told something about the identities of people...indians, ethiopians and middle easterners (israelis and hebrews) were once all one people. from one clan

and there is no accident of this dream and Junia Vincent, is there?
twins? or twin soul flames?. ghost spirits? and the merging of male to female and back again. just being.

Good Journey Morning/

IBEJI!
did i conceive?

The Oglala Standing Bear Truths

[" Praise, flattery, exaggerated manners and fine, high-sounding words were no part of Lakota politeness. Excessive manners were put down as insincere, and the constant talker was considered rude and thoughtless. Conversation was never begun at once, or in a hurried manner.
Children were taught that true politeness was to be defined in actions rather than in words. They were never allowed to pass between the fire and the older person or a visitor, to speak while others were speaking, or to make fun of a crippled or disfigured person. If a child thoughtlessly tried to do so, a parent, in a quiet voice, immediately set him right.
Silence was meaningful with the Lakota, and his granting a space of silence before talking was done in the practice of true politeness and regardful of the rule that ‘thought comes before speech.’…and in the midst of sorrow, sickness, death or misfortune of any kind, and in the presence of the notable and great, silence was the mark of respect… strict observance of this tenet of good behavior was the reason, no doubt, for his being given the false characterization by the white man of being a stoic. He has been judged to be dumb, stupid, indifferent, and unfeeling.
We did not think of the great open plains, the beautiful rolling hills, the winding streams with tangled growth, as ‘wild’. Only to the white man was nature a ‘wilderness’ and only to him was it ‘infested’ with ‘wild’ animals and ‘savage’ people. To us it was tame. Earth was bountiful and we were surrounded with the blessings of the Great Mystery.
Kinship with all creatures of the earth, sky and water was a real and active principle. In the animal and bird world there existed a brotherly feeling that kept the Lakota safe among them. And so close did some of the Lakotas come to their feathered and furred friends that in true brotherhood they spoke a common tongue.
This concept of life and its relations was humanizing and gave to the Lakota an abiding love. It filled his being with the joy and mystery of living; it gave him reverence for all life; it made a place for all things in the scheme of existence with equal importance to all.
It was good for the skin to touch the earth, and the old people liked to remove their moccasins and walk with bare feet on the sacred earth… the old Indian still sits upon the earth instead of propping himself up and away from its life giving forces. For him, to sit or lie upon the ground is to be able to think more deeply and to feel more keenly. He can see more clearly into the mysteries of life and come closer in kinship to other lives about him.
Everything was possessed of personality, only differing from us in form. Knowledge was inherent in all things. The world was a library and its books were the stones, leaves, grass, brooks, and the birds and animals that shared, alike with us, the storms and blessings of earth. We learned to do what only the student of nature learns, and that was to feel beauty. We never railed at the storms, the furious winds, and the biting frosts and snows. To do so intensified human futility, so whatever came we adjusted ourselves, by more effort and energy if necessary, but without complaint.
…the old Lakota was wise. He knew that a man’s heart, away from nature, becomes hard; he knew that lack of respect for growing, living things soon led to lack of respect for humans, too. So he kept his children close to nature’s softening influence.
Civilization has been thrust upon me… and it has not added one whit to my love for truth, honesty, and generosity.
"]

~ Luther Standing Bear/
Oglala Lakota Sioux Chief

Guest Blog - RubadiriVictor on MarciaHenville - Trinidad

 BOLDLY GOING WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE...

 


NO! The shock of Marcia’s death under obviously violent and strange circumstances is compounded for me by the numbness that arrives right after.  Like a sneaking feeling that ‘this too is expected’…

It was always her working class British perceptiveness about and intolerance for class snobbery and pretension that riled Marcia to action. She could not take that Trini VVIP status crap- finding it especially absurd that we Trinis should be practicing these stupidities with so much abandon in an ex-colony amongst mostly red, black, and brown people… She was a committed journalist first- but then something happened to Marcia, and she switched on- deciding to be completely and wholly herself. To pursue secret passions to the fullest. In all their personal, eccentric, and flamboyant glory.  So Marcia became journalist-as-activist… And a hardcore full-blown British 1970s Punk- Mohawk, studs, coloured hair, rakish thumbed-nose attitude and all. And she started getting the business done! She started descending into the heart of our darkness (into one quadrant of many aortas) and kept bringing back missives of injustice and the realities of these grimy streets… She was boldly going where no man had gone before. At least no mainstream journalist... She made us watch, confront the truth of marginalized lives, and in so doing gave validation to the lives and struggles of the urban poor and disenfranchised. And she sought redress for them. She was not perfect- but who is? She was working on it…

And now this…

What gets me about Trinidad now at ground zero is that the ‘madness in the air’ that is resulting in these seemingly endless surreal murders, ‘accidents’, and compounding tragedies is a symptom of a community that has gone off the deep end and is now living an unexamined, uncontrolled life of Extremes. Extreme Consumption. Extreme Greed and Corruption. Extreme Rage. Extreme Hate and Ignorance. Extreme Violence to Beauty, Mind, Heart, and Spirit- and finally Body…

This atmosphere of freefall and ‘free-for-all’ did not begin with this administration- although they have exacerbated it enormously. It is a darkness that has been advancing for some time. We are falling now because we never stopped the car to find out what that noise was under the chassis. And we knew the brakes were bad. And the gears used to stick. We are falling because of the unanswered questions about ourselves: the unexamined lives of our incest and rapes; our petty and large corruptions; our class, colour, and race issues; our small-island self-hate; our massive narco-economy and its sheltered kingpins; our uncharitable elites; and our social, infrastructural, and economic problems resulting from ignorant, petty, and incompetent politicians and Public Servants we have sheltered and are too lazy to deal with…

We turned our back, but the Beast never stopped advancing…

Because of decades of these things going unchecked we are now at a place of Pandemonium- where up is down, left is right, and all kinds of extreme absurdity can happen. And does! A wheelchair assassin appears and escapes the police right after 2 police assault a wheelchair man in plain view of the public and cameras; a man from North attempts to steal a PTSC bus in South; a $50 million fraud is committed normel normel; a UWI drop-out reaps a forest of weed in his apartment; a Minister is implicated in an assassination plot and a love quadrangle with a DJ and a sports hero right after being embroiled in a corruption scandal worth hundreds of millions; Ministers are accused by several separate people of assassination attempts- one of which is the sickening assassination of a beloved Senior Counsel; murders of increasing boldness and lunacy spiral out of control- children and grandmothers, decapitations, murders and shoot-outs on prime-time TV…  No headline now is too absurd, no new revelation can surprise…

In the midst of this ripping apart of logic and the bonds of a thing called ‘normalcy’- trying to hold, keep, weave, and stitch the fabric back together are a handful of activists and civil society organisations… This bedraggled few are attempting to repair damage, sew and deploy a parachute, and maintain a focus on the real problems responsible for our madness. All at the same time. Amidst the smoke screens and red-herrings of PNM vs UNC a committed few are pursuing the real engineering problems of the national car: lack of a real Public Procurement Policy to regulate the use of Public Funds; lack of a Children’s Authority to oversee issues regarding the rearing of children; lack of a Gender Policy to engage issues of gender equity and the reality of female abuse; lack of policies, institutions, and enablers for the Dreamers , Artists, and the creative spirit of our people; lack of redress for historically dis-advantaged communities; and lack of progressive interventions in East Port of Spain and in collapsing urban communities island-wide…

In this failure of government, in the absence of an enlightened elite, in the boundary-less land of Extremes that emerges when there are no sane checks and balances, Trojans like Marcia emerge. With all their complexities…

Marcia was someone who plunged straight into the maelstrom of that Extremity- being inhabited by some of it herself! And she was good because she made us acknowledge it and because she was finding ways to restore some balance at the nether edges. She began a crusade to bring back tales from the fringes. A fringe that is really our Centre. But how are we to know direction and location in a Land without boundaries?...

Now she’s gone.

The savagery of her end is a mirror up to the savagery of our present. And that savagery is now an increasing norm. Years ago I said:
"As above, so below. As within, so without. The love we as Trinidadians do not give ourselves is the same lovelessness that is returned to us by the soul-less boys now running rampant. The savagery with which we have dealt with our best is the savagery now being returned to us by our worst.”
Our failure to honour the phenomenal Gifts we have been given is now being paid back to us by the crowning of our worst. Take dat!!! In the last 20 years especially we have presided over the neglect and wasting down of: our heroic Ancestors; our genius Elders; our precious cultural Traditions and Legacies; our beautiful buildings and sacred sites; our financial and cultural riches beyond belief… To the point of collapse. All blessings squandered. All Gifts dis-respected.

When you are given so much and spit on it so ungratefully you reap the vengeance of Moko on yourself. And that is what we are living through now…

Marcia’s loss marks yet another scattering blow to Civil Society- that Rosary bead of NGOs and under-resourced citizen-led institutions that actually fulfill the role of government and an enlightened elite… She joins the ranks of the fallen: Dennis Pantin. Norris Deonarine. Pat Bishop. Teddy Belgrave. Professor Julian Kenny. Michael Als. Peter Harris the archaeologist- and dozens of grassroots activists that have paid with their lives in our mean streets... Any one of these people is worth more than 50 politicians… Somehow we must grieve and remember them, rally again, and commit the best revenge possible: we must continue in the name of these blessed Departed and win back the country from the darkness, pen the ‘Feral Elites’, put down the rampaging Principalities and Powers, and exorcise the shadowy  Spiritual wickedness in high and low places…

REST IN PEACE MARCIA. THE MESSAGE IS CLEAR. WE HERE HAVE WORK TO DO…

i did not know where else to put this

http://likes.com/relationships/10-best-sex-positions-for-getting-pregnant?upsell=1&v=129lWYdMjcKNwz8hAJSen7Y41ycVkw0gk

and i have not written anything here since the new year? scandalous