Sunday, November 9, 2014

guest post - P.W. Botha 1985

The truth and nothing but the truth

 
The following is a speech made by former South African President P.W. Botha to his Cabinet in 1985. The reprint was written by David G. Mailu for the Sunday Times, a South African newspaper, dated August 18, 1985. Read it carefully and take a close look at yourself.

" Pretoria has been made by the White mind for the White man. We are not obliged even the least to try to prove to anybody and to the Blacks that we are superior people. We have demonstrated that to the Blacks in a thousand and one ways. The Republic of South Africa that we know of today has not been created by wishful thinking. We have created it at the expense of intelligence, sweat and blood. Were they Afrikaners who tried to eliminate the Australian Aborigines? Are they Afrikaners who discriminate against Blacks and call them Niggers in the States? Were they Afrikaners who started the slave trade? Where is the Black man appreciated? England discriminates against its Blacks and their "Sus" law is out to discipline the them. Canada , France , Russia and Japan all play their discrimination too. Why the hell then is so much noise made about us? Why are they biased against us? I am simply trying to prove to you all that there is nothing unusual we are doing that the so called civilized worlds are not
doing. We are simply an honest people who have come out aloud with a clear philosophy of how we want to live our own White life.

We do not pretend like other Whites that we like Blacks. The fact that Blacks look like human beings and act like human beings does not necessarily make them sensible humans. Hedgehogs are not porcupines and lizards are not crocodiles simply because they look alike. 
If God wanted us to be equal to the Blacks, he would have created us all of a uniform colour and intellect. But he created us differently: Whites, Blacks, Yellow, Rulers and the ruled. Intellectually, we are superior to the Blacks; that has been proven beyond any reasonable doubt over the years.
I believe that the Afrikaner is an honest, God fearing person, who has demonstrated practically the right way of being. Nevertheless, it is comforting to know that behind the scenes, Europe, America , Canada , Australia and all others are behind us in spite of what they say. To prove my point, Comrades, does anyone of you know a White country without an investment or interest in South Africa? Who buys our gold? Who buys our diamond? Who trades with us? Who is helping us develop our nuclear weapon? The very truth is that we are their people and they are our people. It's a big secret. The strength of our economy is backed by America, Britain and Germany. It is our strong conviction therefore, that the Black is the raw material for the White man. So Brothers and Sisters, let us join hands together to fight this Black devil. I appeal to all Afrikaners to come out with any creative means of fighting this war. Surely God cannot forsake his own people whom we are. By now every one of us has seen it practically that the Blacks cannot rule themselves. Give them guns and they will kill each other. They are good in nothing else but making noise, dancing, marrying many wives and indulging in sex. Let us all accept that the Black man is the symbol of poverty, mental inferiority, laziness and emotional incompetence. Isn't it plausible? The White man is created to rule the Black man. Come to think of what would happen one day if you woke up and on the throne sat a Kaffir! Can you imagine what would happen to our women? Does anyone of you believe that the Blacks can rule this country?

Hence, we have good reasons to let them all the Mandelas rot in prison, and I think we should be commended for having kept them alive in spite of what we have at hand with which to finish them off. I wish to announce a number of new strategies that should be put to use to destroy this Black bug. We should now make use of the chemical weapon. Priority number one, we should not by all means allow any more increases of the Black population lest we be choked very soon. I have exciting news that our scientists have come with an efficient stuff. I am sending out more researchers to the field to identify as many venues as possible where the chemical weapons could be employed to combat any further population increases. The hospital is a very strategic opening and should be fully utilized. The food supply channel should be used. We have enveloped excellent slow killing poisons and fertility destroyers. Our only fear is in case such stuff came into their hands as they are bound to start using against us if you care to think of the many Blacks working for us in our homes.

However, we are doing the best we can to make sure that the stuff remains strictly in our hands. Secondly, most Blacks are vulnerable to money inducements. I have set aside a special fund to exploit this venue. The old trick of divide and rule is still very valid today. Our experts should work day and night to set the Black man against his fellowman. His inferior sense of morals can be exploited beautifully. And here is a creature that lacks foresight. There is a need for us to combat him in long term projections that he cannot suspect. The average Black does not plan his life beyond a year: that stance, for example, should be exploited. My special department is already working round the clock to come out with a long-term operation blueprint. I am also sending a special request to all Afrikaner mothers to double their birth rate. It may be necessary too to set up a population boom industry by putting up centres where we employ and support fully White young men and women to produce children for the nation. We are also investigating the merit of uterus rentals as a possible means of speeding up the growth of our population through surrogate mothers.
For the time being, we should also engage a higher gear to make sure that Black men are separated from their women and fines imposed upon married wives who bear illegitimate children.

I have a committee working on finding better methods of inciting Blacks against each other and encouraging murders among themselves. Murder cases among Blacks should bear very little punishment in order to encourage them.
My scientists have come up with a drug that could be smuggled into their brews to effect slow poisoning results and fertility destruction. Working through drinks and manufacturing of soft drinks geared to the Blacks, could promote the channels of reducing their population. Ours is not a war that we can use the atomic bomb to destroy the Blacks, so we must use our intelligence to effect this. The person-to-person encounter can be very effective.
As the records show that the Black man is dying to go to bed with the White woman, here is our unique opportunity. Our Sex Mercenary Squad should go out and camouflage with Apartheid Fighters while doing their operations quietly administering slow killing poison and fertility destroyers to those Blacks they thus befriend.

We are modifying the Sex Mercenary Squad by introducing White men who should go for the militant Black woman and any other vulnerable Black woman. We have received a new supply of prostitutes from Europe and America who are desperate and too keen to take up the appointments.

My latest appeal is that the maternity hospital operations should be intensified. We are not paying those people to help bring Black babies to this world but to eliminate them on the very delivery moment. If this department worked very efficiently, a great deal could be achieved.

My Government has set aside a special fund for erecting more covert hospitals and clinics to promote this programme. Money can do anything for you. So while we have it, we should make the best use of it. In the meantime my beloved White citizens, do not take to heart what the world says, and don't be ashamed of being called racists. I do not mind being called the architect and King of Apartheid. I shall not become a monkey simply because someone has called me a monkey."
I will still remain your bright star...His Excellency Botha."

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Ensnared Thieving Snaking BrianStones

be careful of cretins
be careful who you let near far less into your home;  even if it is the gallery.
these people walk around looking like humans but they are beast.

take note too of my discomfort from earlier today where i wrote on the disrespect of people. my spirit sensed it early and so the demon played itself and himself, to the hilt

the photo at bottom is what is left of brian stone coming to my house for a meeting/a consultation for me to consider doing his work for his MBA under contract. The man has been writing me nonstop every month since January upon my sending in my CV for a job to and for an unknown source and company for "speechwriter" . Despite him wanting the service, he seemed loathed to pay me. the man was as if he had a nervous reaction to paying me for my service, time and work.

i saw his unethical sneakiness when in August he called again, like clockwork, wanting me to take the work. But he phoned at a time when my computer crashed. I told him he would need to provide a computer. And for the work he wanted there was a $5000 down payment. I told him in lieu of the downpayment, provide me a laptop. He said that can be done through a connection for as low as cost, circa $4500. It was agreed. Within a matter of days, ordering it and poised for drop off Brian Stone started talking about him giving away a laptop for free. I was shocked. I being hard nosed, straight back, I did not budge. What was a transaction of a laptop as down payment, representing a supposed $5K downpayment became a loaner. When people do that, change the story and negate arrangements and conversations, I get crazy , think i am crazy. The deal fell through of course.

Here he is writing me again a few days ago, as clockwork. He insists he wants to meet me first. I said there is a consultation fee of $500. I had changed my terms of operating seeing his dishonesty and told him he would have to pay me the whole job up front. He wrote me a proposal offering to pay me $500 more but in tranched payments. And it was a shorter timeline. I wrote him back and told him the best I would do is one half upon signing and the $500 consultation fee. He agreed.

I responded to him sending me material with my outline for what I require, which he ignored, see the posts below that i was processing all day. Brian shows up at 4pm, tries to bully me into doing what he wanted, all the while talking of how easy going he is, how easy the deal was, how short the assignment, how effortless. Even as I tried to cut it short and say, fine I will do the job but under no contract since he ignored the changes I wrote via email. He balked. And I said I think we are done. He thanks me for my time. I say you do not need to thank me for my time because you are just to pay me the $500. Man refused yes. Said he did not ask for a consultation. I said nothing. just showed him from the gallery to the gate. He tells me how uncooperative I am. And i will become more so as there are nothing but smart men and smart women around here.

I get back in the gallery and locking up, moving chairs back into space. See I see Mr Rat leave his fancy phone on the morris chair yes. I said look thing. I lock up and retreated back to my salon.  Just pondering the turn of events.

He comes back to the house, i guess shouting , I never heard him. I was called. I proceed He asks about the phone I just asked him if he is sure he left it here cause there is no sign of it. He talks police. I say lets go. I go inside to get my bag, Niggerman takes the keys for the gallery. So watch me move around looking for the keys and then he gives some code to indicate he has it.

I proceed to the police, he refuses to let me ride to the police. He is quarreling in my yard, loud, on the street, at the corner. He even talk to a coolie nigger man telling him i take the phone you know that next rat will look at me. no doubt he think he seeing a black child so i have to be a thief. not this white pure grand image of a marauder, right. Says to me, ms lady if you take his phone give it back to him. All at my house, crossroad and neighborhood.

Reach the police station is the police sgt who give me $3.00 to pay the taxi/ I ask to speak to him privately. I meet brian and the indian. Brian asks an officer to call the phone he so insisted was switched off. The officer say it not switched off it ringing off and going to voice mail. First thing he was so sure about . He also say he leave the phone on the gallery ledge when in fact he left it on a morris chair, at the side.. So i told the police. I just had a meeting with this man that his fee was $500. He left without paying but left his phone in my office/gallery. I told him he took the keys to the house. Sgt get up one time. Funny thing the sgt was annoyed with him one time I am not sure why. Then when I start to tell the story of him paying for the MBA sgt ask well why he have to get one if he cant do the work.

The sgt asked me if I had the phone i said yes so he proceeded to interrogate brian for my keys and the $500. He calls me back in. Gives me the $500 and I proceed to say I dont have his phone. I did that because of his behavior right through. His arrogance to try to rob, to blame others for his loss and accidental oversight. and then to try and embarrass me at my place of locus. Then to accuse me as If I made him leave his phone. You not compelled to pay me what was known and agreed. But I must be compelled to tell you where you left your phone or to give it back when  you drop it. Really>>???

 Brian again jumps into the deep end insisting I would not bring the phone to the station and it is at my house. At that point I felt to not turn over the phone even after i told the officer i had it. Playing a few rounds of roulette and poker, the phone was pulled from my bag, sans the case. and that is how that remained in my possession.

I then lectured and cussed brian stone's ass in front of the sgt. who told him to hush and listen. I told him you messed with the wrong person. an obeah woman. you come to take my time and dare not pay. You dont find it odd you leave your expensive phone, the full price of the assignment for which you were balking to give me. You dont find any instruction there. ?? even after I gave it back and with the sgt and I talking, I said I should have kept the phone. Sell it.  the sgt could not believe the smart man thing brian tried to pull.. he called him a fool and said but why would he thnk he could pull a fast one over you with a phd. that was amusing to me.

But lord look my crosses. just this afternoon I wrote all money ehnt good money
But i wanted you to know as many of you already do that Brain Stone is a thief, attempted theif, crook and smartman, and got ensared today with far much more in the balance than $500. I really do feel I was too nice.

And let me tell you something, people here talk as if all are to be in fear of the police. I am realizing, it might be just as I was royalty, wealthy and a grand priestess in previous ancient lives, I may have been a police too, or the authority comes to effortlessly. I do not consider anyone over me, and certainly no one to fear. So this talk of police and report and all this braggadocio, just so i went to get my purse to see who reaching the station first.  Brian Stone was spared today too. Because on the way to the police I made one stop and one call. The call ws for my neighborhood mafia. the stop was for one of my neighborhood police partners. But he lucky Mark phone was dead when I called. And he real lucky. Despite it all , and no matter who working on my behalf and protection at all times, I am still a very nice honest person. And I need to check that. That additional assured $3500 would have done me wonders.  it getting to a point where it seems I may best leave all attempts to any kind of work or operations with the plantation populace.

But i learned one thing clearly today....all money offered is not to be taken. All jobs presented no matter the need for money may not be best, and should not be taken.  and it is possible for your spirit to have such a strong reaction as a resistance to nearing bad energy. I felt that so strongly. Brian Stone is a snake of the ugliest kind. Apologies to such sacred animals. He is a desecration to human beings and .you know the latter aint so laudable these days.

 It was the Sgt who said to me that I probably had him petrified with all the information in his phone...i did not even think about that. The officer lauded me on how i managed the situation yes. He tell me "Buh you eh easy", laughing.

I pray for continued protection.. that word protection.. more for me to write on that

Carry on people. carry on? SmH

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Black Wombmyn Stories

i love this story and article. for so many reasons: the complexity of people, humans, their lives. the dynamics and truth of opportunity and success; being whipped, desire, the deep trenches of black womanhood; a small insight into the realities of aboriginals, blacks and minorities in australia, power and politics and the use and wielding of it--i am proud of the sister for that...she used her power to help someone else, even if it was based on personal feelings, most black folk too scared and coward and imps to do that...and in the midst of all of that, ato did the country's service. this is the world in the best of situations. and no one can say he did not deliver (no pun intended)>..but i love this story. wish i could share it but folk will take it the wrong way...as if it was a besmirch, gossip...and it is not that for me. i feel as if i was just reading a personal story. hmmm

Nova Peris-Kneebone with her Commonwealth Games gold medal & draped in an Australian flag 
 

Senator Nova Peris sought taxpayers’ money to help her to carry out a ‘freaky’ extra-marital sexual tryst with Olympic medallist Ato Boldon

Former world 200m sprint champs Ato Bolden and Olympic champ and now senator Nova Peris h
Former world 200m sprint champs Ato Bolden and Olympic champ and now senator Nova Peris hosting an Athletics clinic for kids together. Picture: News Corp
SENATOR Nova Peris sought taxpayers’ money to help her to carry out an extra-marital sexual tryst with Olympic medallist Ato Boldon in 2010, an NT News investigation has revealed.
Ms Peris, who was working as a communication officer with the Australian Institute of Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander Studies at the time and as ambassador for Athletics Australia, sought funds from Athletics Australia and other sources to pay for Mr Boldon’s trip to Australia from Los Angeles to take part in a 10 day official “Jump Start to London” program for young athletes.
She also used that trip to carry out a “just like a Tim-tam... black on black” affair with Mr Boldon. She was married to Daniel Batman at the time.
Ato Boldon of Trinidad and Tobago (r) during the Men's 100m qualifying heat at the World
Ato Boldon of Trinidad and Tobago (r) during the Men's 100m qualifying heat at the World Track and Field Championships at the Olympic Stadium in Athens, 1997. (AP Photo/Michel/Lipchitz)
“Ato…tell me babe…what u want … Make a bit of money and spend time together … I will take time of from work to be with u,” Ms Peris wrote in an email exchange obtained by the NT News.
Mr Boldon responded: “Purpose is time with u plus attend trials plus help them promote the trials and possibly guest broadcast on the tv station carrying it…need hotel ticket plus 15,000 US…”
Nova Peris-Kneebone with her Commonwealth Games gold medal & draped in an Australian flag
Nova Peris-Kneebone with her Commonwealth Games gold medal & draped in an Australian flag. Picture: Gregg/Porteous.
Athletics Australia confirmed they did pay for Mr Boldon’s flight to Melbourne from Los Angeles and covered his accommodations and some “incidentals” while in Australia.
READ: SENATOR INVESTIGATED FOR ABUSING OFFICIALS
READ: NOVA PERIS ENDORSED FOR SENATE SPOT
READ: NT LABOR MEMBERS CIRCULATE “SEXIST” EMAIL
READ: SENATOR NOVA PERIS’ MAIDEN SPEECH
A spokesman confirmed Ms Peris had personally selected Mr Boldon for the “Jump Start to London” program and that he “capably fulfilled his role as mentor and ambassador.” Athletics Australia would not disclose the total amount for the 10 day trip that ran from April 9 – 19, 2010 and refused to disclose any other information citing confidentiality.
Then-Prime Minister Julia Gillard with Nova Peris at Parliament House in Canberra, after
Then-Prime Minister Julia Gillard with Nova Peris at Parliament House in Canberra, after Nova Peris was announced as the preferred Senate Candidate for the Northern Territory. Picture: News Corp
“We also have a relationship with Senator Peris who is a reputable former athlete and someone who we want to maintain a relationship with,” said Cody Lynch.
In other emails obtained by the NT News, Ms Peris sends multiple nude pictures of herself to Mr Boldon and speaks candidly about her views on race relations in Australia.
“...You should be compensated for your long haul travels across the pacific.. sexually of course… but only .. a tired traveller should kick back for a few days,” Ms Peris says on Feb 28, 2010.
Ato Boldon while in Sydney for the 2000 Olympic Games. Picture: Darren Seiler
Ato Boldon while in Sydney for the 2000 Olympic Games. Picture: Darren Seiler
On March 5, 2010 Mr Boldon asks for something to tide him over until their rendezvous.
“Looks great.. when do I get some nude pics from u?”
Ms Peris responds on the same day: “Really, u want me to send some!!!! That is some freaky stuff Mr B..u like freaky??”
On March 6, Ms Peris emails Mr Boldon a nude photo of herself to which he responds: “Ohh ok lol”.
“Tester before naughty,” Ms Peris explains in a follow-up.
Ato Boldon, Prue Jackson and Maurice Greene during an Inside Sport magazine photographic
Ato Boldon, Prue Jackson and Maurice Greene during an Inside Sport magazine photographic shoot at Movie World amusement park in Brisbane in 2001.
Ms Peris responded to questions posed by the NT News last night, saying she “categorically rejects any wrongdoing”.
“During his trip Mr Boldon promoted athletics, attended and promoted specific events and conducted clinics for young Indigenous athletes,” she said. “Other organisations, including the West Australian Government, supported some events during the visit. I understand Athletics Australia was pleased with the outcome of the visit.
“The highs and lows of my athletic career – and now political career – are public.
“The highs and lows of my private life are matters for me and my family.”
In earlier emails from February 26, 2010, Ms Peris assures Mr Boldon she will find the money for him.
“…all expenses paid meals & accom and a fee!! Don’t know what it is I was thinking around the $10k I don’t know bub…if your purpose was to come here and make a bit of money or holiday…it was not in the budget to bring any profile athletes out but…I am goin through the indigenous grants mob….they can do was I have suggested…but I am not sure what they can do …”
Athlete Nova Peris-Kneebone displays her gold medal won in the women's 200 final at the 1
Athlete Nova Peris-Kneebone displays her gold medal won in the women's 200 final at the 1998 Commonwealth Games in Kuala Lumpur. Picture: News Corp
In other emails Ms Peris tells Mr Boldon that Sally McGrady from Athletics Australia would be arranging his payment and that Nova set it up so he would not have to pay tax on his earnings.
“I am happy to do one up for you just give me your account details and I will get the waiver form so u don’t have to pay tax, u get the whole amount as a one of payment etc…” she wrote on March 11, 2010.
“Let me know babe if this is ok? I just want to do everything right for you.”
Ms Peris was married to Olympian Daniel Batman, the father of two of her three children, at the time. In another email to Mr Boldon on March 14, Ms Peris wrote about forgetting her anniversary because she could not focus on anything but him and their upcoming sexual exploits.
“Do you think I should break it to my husband yet?” Ms Peris writes. “That I am running away from him for 10 days with you??? Did I tell u I forgot our anniversary the other week!! 2nd March, married for 9 years…ooopppps…I came home and he said, do yo have anything to say, I said um no why?, he said to look on the bed, so I did, there were roses and a card and a gift, gold bracelet… ‘happy anniversary’…
“All I could say was sorry I have had a lot on my mind lately..:)”
“What an awful wife you are lol oh and why break it now when u have almost a month til I get there...,” Mr Boldon responds.
Ms Peris has spoken before about race not affecting who she partnered with. She told the Sydney Morning Herald in March 2014 about her current husband Scott Appleton that, “I don’t see colour. I see the man I love.”
Comments in emails from March 17, 2010 seem to undermine her public statements on race.
“Its hard to keep a good woman down, and a black woman like me at that..!!” she writes to Boldon. “White men can’t control black women they think they can but can’t, If I was to marry a black man here u have to marry the family lol .. and that is just too much, I am the eldest of 45 cousins.. on my side imagine family reunions lol…”
Ms Peris continues that her husband (Batman) will probably leave her in the next five to 10 years, but does not give a reason.
“ ... I don’t want to say oh s*** I wish I had of f***** Ato when he came to Australia … lol..cause I regret that I didn’t 10 years ago, wish I wasn’t the reserved person I was back then the shy girl..lol...
“so my dear friend I am waiting for you… finally BLACK… just like a Tim-tam..black on black xxx”
Former world 200m sprint champ Ato Bolden hosting an athletics clinic for kids with at La
Former world 200m sprint champ Ato Bolden hosting an athletics clinic for kids with at Lalor in Victoria. Picture: News Corp
Later that same day, Ms Peris writes Mr Boldon again, outlining her inability to focus on anything else.
“Ok now I have to go and give a talk to 200 kids and all I am going to be thinking about is f****** you now lol
“Ok Nova you can do this lol ... focus lol xxx”
The next day Mr Boldon responds with: “I wanna f*** u sitting on my lap alot.”
In other emails, Ms Peris details how she was working to obtain additional money for Ato Boldon from various other sources including indigenous groups, Commonwealth Bank, Collingwood Football Club and Channel 10 in Melbourne.
The exact total of money Mr Boldon received is unclear but in an email from mid-March, Ms Peris writes that she had managed to round up $22,000 for him, on top of the money Athletics Australia paid.
“It’s not that I don’t think it is unreasonable, and i totally agree you should be paid up front, its just that the money is government funds, with govt funding here, the normal procedure is to apply for grants, and because the money is discretionary funding they pay to an organisation then they pay you ...” she wrote.
“...this is all black money babe.....but rightly so being used for the interest of indigenous kids babe....white people hate black people in this country, and don’t like for things to happen if there is no salt in the mix....”
Senator Nova Peris, who will be deputy chair to Ken Wyatt for the Coalition's committee looking at the referendum to recognis...
Senator Nova Peris. Picture: Ray Strange
In later emails, Ms Peris outlines how she and Mr Boldon would get “a bucket of money” through a foundation set up by the current Senator to promote sport and healthy living. That endeavour did not materialise.
Ms Peris had dreamt up the idea of a “global foundation” that would be known for “delivering outcomes (sports, health and education) ... for indigenous people.” Later in one email, Ms Peris talks of all the great things they will do and turns her attention to Olympic darling Cathy Freeman.
“Like Freeman here, she is so so dumb (sad but true) and has a national profile of running fast achieving awesome things but seriously can’t talk for shit, and has zero communication skills ...”
Olympic medallist Kathy Freeman is described as having “zero communication skills” in one
Olympic medallist Kathy Freeman is described as having “zero communication skills” in one email. Picture: Kit De Guymer
In an email dated April 6, 2010 – a few days before he arrived in Australia – Mr Boldon writes that he is looking for houses in Australia and is serious about establishing the foundation that at one point was named “Black Gold”.
Ato Boldon raises his arms in victory as he wins the men's 100-meters at the NCAA Track a
Ato Boldon raises his arms in victory as he wins the men's 100-meters at the NCAA Track and Field championships in Eugene, Oregon, in 1996. (AP Photo/Jack Smith).
“I have a great feeling about all of this and now is the time as you know ...” he wrote. “So lets do this and take care of your people and get paid well for it and have sports be the least of what we are known for when we are long gone.”
Mr Boldon did not respond to repeated requests for an interview.
Ms Peris said in her statement: “Documents provided to the NT News are private. It appears they were not lawfully obtained by a third party.
“I cannot vouch for the veracity of emails I have not seen.”
 

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

A Life of Writing

 


i woke up trying to recall the one dream i had presence of. it was like in a hotel. i find it odd how many of my dreams I remember are in hotels and conference centers. roaming wide open rambling spaces, this one wont let me go back and capture much. but bunji was there and i had an epiphany of bunji yesterday during the day...seeing him lying down on that bed.and seeing him on a tv promo or show freestyling to the max i think in london. he was so light and free. i have also seen bunji in real life, several times, both of us moving about our day. and the first time was in long circular mall, and i remember that one the most..he looked so huff, and mean and unpleasant. and yesterday i realized that is the face, demeanor and armor he wears to protect himself from an unknowing public, who might step up as fan, crazed obsessor, or offender. the other times werent so bad, saw him at the airport, both of us going to take off, behind stage at trinity...but after the dream last night i realized-- should i ever see him again, i shall take care to approach him and tell him i see him and there is no need for him to walk around trinidad with that armor, he can lay it down, and i intend to reiki his heart, dont touch him just swirl my hand above his heart. and walk away. and he will think he encountered crazy, but he will feel my energy. he was in the dream last night but i did not talk to him i dont think. plenty people were there. it was some sort of gathering. there was food. in fact most of the interaction was happening around the far long and winding buffet tables in the shape of half moon clubs

apart from trying to remember dreams, i wake up in barrenness wondering two things, what can i do to continue being productive in this fallow season and two, how can i do joy, be joy, bring joy? i am not doing art, so i think to write. and though i write every day, it has been a while i tried to construct a unified piece, such as a book or fiction. the last time i tried that Ant Bites was produced. it was to be fiction but i failed miserably. it is memoir of me in trinidad. the early years. I think now another memoir or part two would be apt and pertinent. i thought and realized how much just documenting what passes for life in trinidad is itself a piece of work, but how to tie it in, what does it say, would it say, convey? then unrelatedly i wished i had listed every single job i ever applied to these eleven years in the caribbean. opportunities missed and past to tell stories , capture images, and document your passing.

but if i die, please come find me. my house.
there are troves and trunks of writing.

* nine volumes of poetry
about another volume in various sticks, discs and computer
* my facebook posts alone
* Ant Bites, a memoir, still in the computer
* five essays published separately to put into a collection
* my writing for UNPosts. org
* my blog; and
* 49 volumes of journals written since 1990

dont let them be thrown away
with the heathens here they will be
save them please
produce them if you can
let that be the life work, perhaps
i have stacks of art unframed too
in addition to the house full of framed pieces, walled and leaning on the floor

bookmark my life, please

 

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Aquarian Alchemy




someone just gave me the opportunity for an epiphany, Sam,...

"but that is not the message (when we miss the message): hitting against a wall...it is the total opposite. See how we cant see and take the good for our own pain and blockages; which by the way is an epiphany for me!!! thank you!!!"

we cant see good if that is not our vibration. i have written that a lot in relation to how people see and engage me, in cases where people see my good in very twisted psychotic ways....but i never saw it in myself and for one reason specifically...when i am processing it outside myself it is not of the person to person framework...it is always me processing and engaging the meta and the macro, not the micro, not the personal; engaging the public, the environment-- i belabor and wonder and am pained as to how to do well, be good , move forward in an environment and country that is very much set for failure, destruction, immobilizing of the personal determination to being a functional contribution to society, and in recent months and years, we see it in governmental moves to block frustrate and disallow change, even if it is more futile parties

but this epiphany makes me wonder how i might have entrenched my inabilities by my own pain and blockages of being frustrated. and that is what and how destabilizing works eh...to frustrate and block you at every turn, every step till you stop crying / stop trying, or kill  yourself, or go on a fast hunger strike

(yeah. i am looking at you askance.)
i am just learning peace in the midst of the storm and compassion

so how to transform and alchemize what negativity resides within. negativity that are residuals from pain, sadness, trauma? cause if we dont, they are walls before us

I suspect people arent deep enough to see and recognize that when they encounter it, but their oblivion of asleep and delusions of life they have built about them. kind of funny. i think all of us do one of two things; compile the delusions of strength, power and resilience which is just money, jobs, employment, friends, family, contacts, cliques, corruption, thievery, evil and illegality. then you have the others who for a variety of reasons, perhaps they can just be of an ancestral line, peculiarly made, who cant change their vibration even when that is the one thing they wish to do so desperately, pure of heart, hand and mind, they get blocked, cause that is not the flow of the place and vibration -- the latter being the beings hit against the former, the walls. one of two stages and options it seems. a continuum as everything else.

but nevertheless, it may be a half baked theory...personally i feel i have an internal orgonite, for the moments when i bob up beyond the effluent to see the sun the skies, the stars, and to know though i be buried, this is not of my making; not what i am made of, not my source, i am evidently, for what reason i do not know, just travelling through...

how to travel better is the issue


Where is my HIlBilly?





i have watched this particular version of this story circulate for a day or two.. and was intrigued from the beginning, but passed it by, i dont think i reposted but this morning it hits me.

apart from my total inspiring uplifting response I had that of all countries, haiti and its women who might be said to be among the most subjugated in the world, would find and have and be the embodiment of spirit and cosmic goodness that they impart the little, last and nothing they have to help other women, another set of girls, their rival and competitor, and can be said, a group of girls in a better station of life than them, if only presupposed on country of origin comparisons.. I thought that was laudable beyond words and shows you how it is often the least of us who are the most, biggest, magnanimous

beyond that, it was the trail of events that hit me that i loved:
the nobody and nothings gave their last and little and nothing to someone in need but in truth had access to more though it was hidden. then the big kahunas of unlimited sources stepped in to cover the givers, and will probably do so at an extent beyond conception or expectation.

the poignancy of this story to me and my life is that I was haiti in 2013, giving my last to someone who was about to lose the most valuable thing ever in their sphere, but what they themselves neither cared for, embraced, owned or respected. but i did not stop to absorb that fully/i was also in a spiritual quest and connection, i see i was intentionally blinded to what would have stopped me otherwise and for me it means i was doing what needed to be done what was my destiny to do. and only in the aftermath fall out when the physical human level did not work out, did i see the things straight, discover that i had saved someone total without merit and deserving.; the height of the contemptible, really. And that help that i dispensed has caused me to suffer so. And the things that i have learned: that ancestor names appear in the mix of things, and so was I doing what was destined to be my gifts and blessings. and that what i thought was someone using and abusing me was really them doing what they needed to do to lay the fruits at my feet for me to take up and to complete what was designated from the ancestral spiritual integration of past and future, into one stream. which brings me to a whole new universe

-- door just blew open...am i in this cauldron, this wilderness is a transition , to a period of my soul journey where all paths become one. the past lives of being royalty, the early part of this lifetime where i was rich and privileged, with this spurt of poverty and the outcome is a lifting up by several measures, uncalculating not calculating, not translating, to a level that one can only determine is of the blessed and anointed...the miraculous magic so to speak of...which integrates a post i am yet to write...a friend last night who has known me since i landed here said to me "that I am magic and people would love me because they are all into magic" something to explore..what does he mean...---

but the whole point i am trying to make, is that having traveled the roads i have...if i were to apply the haitian trinidadian women's football story to myself...i wonder, seek and ask, who is my hillbilly with what unending endowment?

a few individuals talked about this week collective action after one person cried out "do some of us have to suffer so amidst some of us with so much " there were chimes. i spoke of how i have tried to address that in the small ways that i can, but when it comes to me needing amidst those who can or who i have asked, crickets. no response. and they would love to call themselves the better of the humans. but even animals respond to you when you nudge them. we, us beasts, to ignore, is one of the things that signatures who you really are.

so we continue on, soldiering as best as we can pretend.



http://www.foxsports.com/soccer/story/haiti-trinidad-and-tobago-bill-hillary-clinton-womens-world-cup-qualifying-100914



Thursday, October 9, 2014

Quandaries and Other Conflicts




















 Moruga Beach

I can see how people in trinidad get caught up

A few years now I discovered I had Moruga /Company Roots. It was connected to me finding out that Papa Neezer was my blood relative, being my paternal great grand mother's nephew and god son. Since then I have created a page of the Merikin Merikins legacy in Trinidad and Tobago. a fascinating story. It started a path of quiet activism. I wrote to the Smithsonian National Museum of African American History and Culture and..Smithsonian asking that Moruga, the Companies and that history be included in a new project the new director was trying to develop - A Black Museum as it was popularly called of African American history. I thought how novel to show and document how African American history exists off the land mass of the United States.

Then last year, as an outworking of my farming in San Rafael, I started to think of expansion and thought of Moruga--the vast stretches of fallow land, the unemployment and the youth. I decided to take it in pieces. And developed a program of an afterschool homework center that would be attached to a technology and farming training center for school leavers.. I met with the Baptist board and the Principal of First Company Primary Baptist school I believe. Leonis Roberts, my cousin will bear me out and correct me of my fogged memory on details. It never worked for I could not find a place to live down there as I could not afford to travel daily. But i was prepared to do the project for free.
My vision was to make Moruga an Organic Farming Mecca in Trinidad/ And use all the untapped youth and labor to develop skills and competencies. Totally transform the place.

It did not work, I left it alone as one of my many ideas I tried. Shelved for the moment.

But this story that started floating this week about Taylor and Moruga. I am glad he was rejected. I have enough stories on that man. My own personal exposure seeing him at Margaret Rose's firm. Then my friend Veera whom he robbed of $75K this year, and Gus, the old Merikin in a wheel chair will tell you how he stole the Merikin story, registered it in the US and created havoc for the real organization here to function up there. Ugly smart man thing

But to hear that there is no candidate from and for Moruga draws me out to write. I see how people does get tie up here. I would gladly jump at the chance to 'represent' Moruga, even as no one down there knows me except for my spirit, ancestral and blood relative family. But i want nothing to do with the PNM really. I dont want to be a party to any political party that ever existed before. I recognize in this writing the true test of any party seeking to move forward is to accept those who are great workers and candidates, who choose to remain independent, but given coverage and access to resources for constituent purposes, for citizen purposes, for wellbeing, national and locale interest. In the interest of that great myth of democracy and true freedom.

I would gladly jump at the chance at the dream delusion and prospect that I could access the resources and mandate to implement my ideas and solutions for the place and location and its people. But is that really how this place works? And what of the rock and hard place? the conflict between my personal view and what I think I can do and the structures and obstacles and systems that definitely do not facilitate that level of autonomy, but i have to buy in to even play. It is all mad and madness. What to do?

But i write to show you how things get twisted and complicated and how people may appear to be hypocrites from the outside perspective but it is not true. They just trying to find a way between the betwixt .

I reach out for guidance

As I write, i realize the optimal framework for someone like me going into a place maligned and forgotten like Moruga is to enter in with my funders, financiers and money to wield the magic the place and the people need.

i think of the mashed up roads, the broken down houses, the old people, the lack of so many things and ponder what make me feel I can do anything different? why no one else before? I was trying not to tag people but i dont think i have a choice>

I am deeply saddened by this quandary . It should not be so but it is an indication of the character of this place.

Richard Anthony Luke Job Reborn Clarence Rambharat Citizen Daren Mc Leod, Kambiri de Suza Patricia McIntosh, Peter OConnor, Kerry Peters