Aquarian Alchemy

someone just gave me the opportunity for an epiphany, Sam,...

"but that is not the message (when we miss the message): hitting against a wall...it is the total opposite. See how we cant see and take the good for our own pain and blockages; which by the way is an epiphany for me!!! thank you!!!"

we cant see good if that is not our vibration. i have written that a lot in relation to how people see and engage me, in cases where people see my good in very twisted psychotic ways....but i never saw it in myself and for one reason specifically...when i am processing it outside myself it is not of the person to person framework...it is always me processing and engaging the meta and the macro, not the micro, not the personal; engaging the public, the environment-- i belabor and wonder and am pained as to how to do well, be good , move forward in an environment and country that is very much set for failure, destruction, immobilizing of the personal determination to being a functional contribution to society, and in recent months and years, we see it in governmental moves to block frustrate and disallow change, even if it is more futile parties

but this epiphany makes me wonder how i might have entrenched my inabilities by my own pain and blockages of being frustrated. and that is what and how destabilizing works eh...to frustrate and block you at every turn, every step till you stop crying / stop trying, or kill  yourself, or go on a fast hunger strike

(yeah. i am looking at you askance.)
i am just learning peace in the midst of the storm and compassion

so how to transform and alchemize what negativity resides within. negativity that are residuals from pain, sadness, trauma? cause if we dont, they are walls before us

I suspect people arent deep enough to see and recognize that when they encounter it, but their oblivion of asleep and delusions of life they have built about them. kind of funny. i think all of us do one of two things; compile the delusions of strength, power and resilience which is just money, jobs, employment, friends, family, contacts, cliques, corruption, thievery, evil and illegality. then you have the others who for a variety of reasons, perhaps they can just be of an ancestral line, peculiarly made, who cant change their vibration even when that is the one thing they wish to do so desperately, pure of heart, hand and mind, they get blocked, cause that is not the flow of the place and vibration -- the latter being the beings hit against the former, the walls. one of two stages and options it seems. a continuum as everything else.

but nevertheless, it may be a half baked theory...personally i feel i have an internal orgonite, for the moments when i bob up beyond the effluent to see the sun the skies, the stars, and to know though i be buried, this is not of my making; not what i am made of, not my source, i am evidently, for what reason i do not know, just travelling through...

how to travel better is the issue