The Cauldron

Mother Goddess Lakshmi by Artist Divine Claiborne

calling on mother goddess lakshmi and oshun, yemaya yemoja, oya
to whisk me up and away to better and higher. purer ground

 i just crossed a threshold over myself.
making changes is painful and scary
especially in the dark

building trust when you are used to being faithless
is worse than being tom snow of the guard
at the dark ridge with fire bone night people
without any of your kennel

and in the midst of fighting for myself and for what i want
i learned of some ugly things said about me

and still i come home feeling some kind of victorious

telling myself i have been here and through long enough
words of marauders are to be like water on a duck's back
pus from a cut that refuses to heal of a barren diabetic

i still marvel how one can strive to live with straight nose and back
just to be free and free spirited
and they will still say and find to talk about you
and it cant be indifferent, it must be the most salacious

this place is more treachery than I ever considered
i had a moment of wanting to fly to someone for comfort
to talk and tell and realized there is no one.
suffer it silently. enshrined and shrouded
it becomes another bar attained
another cloak covering acclaim

so i write
and write on fb
another window for another set
but this is my journal
i wonder if it is really just my life

our life as our own might be another delusion of this world

bad mind though
making me step further out myself
feeling to change a complete one hundred and eighty degrees
just to flounder and confound
the peanut gallery

and to find a new self.
there was a reason they sent me to fast today, ent?
perhaps
in preparation for all that cometh.

i just did not know.
all what was coming.

if you gonna write and talk bold of being a dakini
here is where the real struggle begins
are you bold enough to keep dancing
amidst the reviews of the crippled

this though.
my cousin warned me when i landed here
she told me mind who i hang with
the places i go
the company i keep
i felt it was like europe or america though
unknown and free
not so
here is the backlash

want to be on the curb
with the dogs
well...

make sure to keep flea powder
simple

no time for pity
and yuh say yuh done partying aready
so!

keep your big girls on
moving on

------------


you gotta go to deep dark places to get through to light.
let me tell you

faith and trust,
trust and faith

i am confronted with some real twisted thinking and living on my part
almost dont know how to contend
but must i shall

-------


crisis of faith, conscience, independence, interdependence, trust

when you are old and discover both your development and orientation are retarded, if not twisted.

saying you are alien and intergalactic no longer cuts it
you just see you grew up raised up turned up in a litter
sans some seriously critical pieces

and having to set it right
but first you need to break yourself

the breaking of self!
the breaking open of self
my god my gosh

feel like i am in church. living a sermon. i heard these words that describe my recent steps.
the cup is being emptied

-----------


self reflection and self orientation
strength and strong mindedness

i think i rival most of these males out here
and i and others have yet to see another such female.

breaking shells
smashing brigades
destroying all the bullshit
ideas of selves and selfies/self images

-----------


when someone is trying to break you
and you let them
cause you feel and believe
it is time to let some things go
to change in ways never before known
least of all considered

when you have to learn to go with the flow
that no man is an island
no more this wombmyn

when you start to think to believe
you are too selfish, self-centered, self-reflected

so you give yourself up at the altar
in the hopes your firing will bring a purifier

in faith and trust'
we hope
let it not be barren

Phoenix Rising from the Fire and Firing


----------

dancing with devils

----------


it is indeed a pregnant time in the universe
"conform and comply"

the universe is telling me i wont get what i want unless...i change
the start of which is to conform and comply.

------

do you see the deep well and wellness of happiness the pregnant sister in the pic, carries, belies, effuses??? it is palpable to me...

this night
another message/another window





-------------

  i think when the right person breaks you open you sit and be quiet.
you sit and soak in all your remnants, your spill, your mess
you dont run away. you dont get angry.
your supplication and quiet words may still speak for fairness and justice
but a meekness takes over
a yielding

this thing called woman is no joke
and wombmyn constantly give birth to their new selves. constantly

survival is a dynamic thing
all that is required to thrive
emerges and appears on the table
imbibe
no fasting


-------------------
 erasure of self for others
 Erasure of Self. To Make and Find a Purer Self. To Help Self. Help Others

-------------
i am at the point, brink and nexus where the conclusion is made that i know absolutely nothing about this life, how to live it and how to live (with people)

-------------

By Chris Slaughter

Haiku for Sade

If love is stronger
than pride, why does pride always
win? Words go unsaid.

>>>

 that is it.
i crushed my pride tonight
and set flame to my ego
in the hopes of finding rainbows
that werent there
only phoenix selves rising from ashes

and the reiki death of burdens and weights

fetters that keep me from flying

-------------

Andrew Sweeny:

"

There is something about the male psyche that would rather raze and burn down the whole earth till nothing but ashes remain rather than admit weakness, confess a certain vulnerability, touch the primal wound that would be his deliverance from meaningless rage, beer or football."