A Tale of Two/
Girls as Cities...
i am watching lives and stories writing, in the making, building, creating;
edifice and foundation building and laying
and cant say a thing
watching the parts go together
the links, relationships
fodder and motivation
reason and cosign enablers
it is so deep
and i cant say a thing
two girls lives to evolve into persons, women
and it is going to be fascinating to see where all this ends, and how
i think i ought to write a book
or try
to document this unfolding
that i know will be interesting
Maya and Marielle
TWO
one is very very dark
even so I recognize I perhaps dont understand how dark black
i think what it is is she is becoming more so as she grows older,
stay out in the sun, play and build a life/ she was not so dark when she was born
at least the darkness was not so thick and losing brownness.
i noticed it last night as she turned ten
birthday cakes, icecream and candles are the norm for us girls of barataria
but this one, the second one,
she is a special one
she is that dark, illiterate by family comparison standards,
lagging school wise from most of the family recent history and structure,
with adhd perhaps, and definitely dyslexia
in a special school that seems to neither push or challenge you
when she went there her sister called it 'camp'
her mother warned her not to do so
so recognize that two silent dynamic
her older sister knows she is not up to snuff
the mother knows it as well
the mother protects her
always has from since birth
this child was like the nipple on her mother's breast
she never ventured off to anyone or anywhere
and we are a close knit family
she was born in the family house afterall
her grandmother's house
which was my grandparent's house in a lifetime or two before
an old tapia
now we are grand in a huge house by neighborhood and class standards
i dont know our individual or family capacities have grown as this one emblematic house
anyway, this one girl
is that dark
that illiterate
and from early on we saw her switch and change
about half her life ago
from being sugary sweet and retreating
to attacking
to the extent, at her birthday party last night
my mother started off first
i was never present for such a celebration
in or out of family
where it was more a council of upbriading
than a celebration of personhood
she was told as she gets older to change and reverse some of her behaviors
hostility, anger, lack of calm, and the absence of attention to her school work and brain power
were consistently mentioned.
by her grandmother, her great aunt.
her sister agreed
all proclaimed their love
her mother said something lukewarm as usual
i sat there surprised, wondering how i missed most of this
but it is because I do stay away from her
do not engage much
she is very dishonest. deceitful, shrewdly manipulating
years early i saw the deceit and dishonesty was cover for her illiteracy
when asked to read a bottle she stated what she thought it said
not what the label read
i was floored
shocked because i was given and getting insight as to how illiterates function in the world
how they fool people into thinking they can read
how children function in a group and school environment
and how educational dysfunction is perpetuated and entrenched in an individual
well last night, hearing about this hostility
in my mind it is all part of the same package
as she grows darker, i suspect the derision also comes
coupled with the old requirement to cover up her inability to read and function mentally
so you see how holes are made deeper
situations compounded.
that is a lot of attack to shield and project from
thus, the hostility
then she has an older sister
who is an effortless star
bright no arse
well she was born under me
we read daily
girlfriend held books before she could read
there are pictures
she was brave
she had loving caretakers
i was one of them
she only changed when she left this house with her family to their own
she was three. but i shall tell that and her story on her birthday
coming on the 31st. this one is marielle's city
marielle has an upward climb
and then too the demand to shine when she is naturally shaded
by complexion, incompetence, babying
it is all being rolled together in an odd way
she is being pumped up for the wrong things
by the wrong vehicles
by her mother's own insecurities
so there is an affinity there to protect and shield
whereby a push and charge
a demand to evolve and get better is absent
she is being primped for being a ladygirl
you know...all the princess treatments, the clothes, the glam, the nailpolish and gloss
but yet, she is an indelicate specie
she flings herself around. she is rough and tomboyish
very athletic, she bounces, flies and runs everywhere
no matter how short the distance
she dances
she is an entertainer
she is a lover
when she was younger everyone regaled how loving she was
what was real has turned into a straight up shield
it is not real
it is her trade, armour, strategy and weapon
both these girls are geminis eh
the astrological sign most affinitied to my aquarius
but i have never been this close to the creature
the both of them are night and day moodies
very moody
they will come in the house and not speak if they dont feel to
and so they have been indulged
and they did it last night
when i emerged out my bedroom to greet her for her birthday
her mother told her, the three of us in the kitchen
and instead of marielle coming to me,
she went to her mother and stretched as if i was not there
and her mom just never addresses dynamics like that
i too have grown into the groove and just let them
so this is what this writing and story is about
documenting the beings that emerge for the silence, enabling or coddling of adults raising them or not
i felt the need to document this cause i think the outcomes are going to be interesting' in time
i want to be able to say here. i saw and wrote this back then
but hostility, anger, dark black skin complexion and the shirking of mental acuity
for a girl is going to reach her where?
in trinidad?
then to think of who she was and what was said of marielle,
as a baby, a toddler , a young girl. to now the age of ten
i find fascinating
how does one go from being called gentle and loving
to hostile and angry
>>>>!!!!!??????
i fear this story is bigger than i realize
i recognize now i need to interview and engage Maya for her views
a very insightful smart otherworldly child
but last night
was just three or two weeks since Maya flew through her SEA
the first time we have seen the both of them
and those girls were acting like farm animals almost
as if they had been let out and untrained unmoored, unattended and were growing wild
it was extreme. and after a few comments from all the other adults,
is when i commented: "i wonder where you girls have been in the intervening weeks cause you all are surely acting strange" and marielle thought i said they were acting elegantly and i replied, "well one is throwing crumbs onto the floor, dusting them from the table onto the floor" Aunt Mona chided her for that. The same one "throws and drops heavily a cup into the sink" somebody else told her about that" both of them were recalcitrant to greet me warmly, sufficiently or appropriately; then maya was eating ice cream cones, empty from the box. I think she had about four of them. the box finished, I dont know how many they came with. or if not empty, filled with spray cream. Just odd wild unfettered, unguided unpolished behavior. and her mother talking about "they just taste like wafers" well buy them wafers to eat not empty ice cream cones as if they have no bleddy training.
so it is like wild animals were over here to celebrate a birthday
the house was ordered and cleaned, they left icecream crumbs everywhere between the dining room and the kitchen,. they were just sloppy, unregulated, and it almost disgusts me how an adult, a woman, and a mother could be in the midst of that and it is as if there is not. such is the extent of the lacksadaiscalness of their mother
and i recognize i thought during the night..how when i thought m had grown up and away from one level of neglect, for she did neglect them between the ages of 3 and 11 Maya's age, she took vsep and so i thought her attention to them would have been increased. but her MO has always been indulgence as opposed to firm discipline.and so nothing more she was indulging the girls for maya's success and thus, two animals showed up last night. and i wondering where is this going? how does one who is lagging be allowed to continue to do so, to what end.
but overall, i am trying to capture how various characteristics, dynamics and behaviors
creates a nexus for what kind of being to evolve.
i shall write the next episode I think on Maya's twelvth.
Girls as Cities...
i am watching lives and stories writing, in the making, building, creating;
edifice and foundation building and laying
and cant say a thing
watching the parts go together
the links, relationships
fodder and motivation
reason and cosign enablers
it is so deep
and i cant say a thing
two girls lives to evolve into persons, women
and it is going to be fascinating to see where all this ends, and how
i think i ought to write a book
or try
to document this unfolding
that i know will be interesting
Maya and Marielle
TWO
one is very very dark
even so I recognize I perhaps dont understand how dark black
i think what it is is she is becoming more so as she grows older,
stay out in the sun, play and build a life/ she was not so dark when she was born
at least the darkness was not so thick and losing brownness.
i noticed it last night as she turned ten
birthday cakes, icecream and candles are the norm for us girls of barataria
but this one, the second one,
she is a special one
she is that dark, illiterate by family comparison standards,
lagging school wise from most of the family recent history and structure,
with adhd perhaps, and definitely dyslexia
in a special school that seems to neither push or challenge you
when she went there her sister called it 'camp'
her mother warned her not to do so
so recognize that two silent dynamic
her older sister knows she is not up to snuff
the mother knows it as well
the mother protects her
always has from since birth
this child was like the nipple on her mother's breast
she never ventured off to anyone or anywhere
and we are a close knit family
she was born in the family house afterall
her grandmother's house
which was my grandparent's house in a lifetime or two before
an old tapia
now we are grand in a huge house by neighborhood and class standards
i dont know our individual or family capacities have grown as this one emblematic house
anyway, this one girl
is that dark
that illiterate
and from early on we saw her switch and change
about half her life ago
from being sugary sweet and retreating
to attacking
to the extent, at her birthday party last night
my mother started off first
i was never present for such a celebration
in or out of family
where it was more a council of upbriading
than a celebration of personhood
she was told as she gets older to change and reverse some of her behaviors
hostility, anger, lack of calm, and the absence of attention to her school work and brain power
were consistently mentioned.
by her grandmother, her great aunt.
her sister agreed
all proclaimed their love
her mother said something lukewarm as usual
i sat there surprised, wondering how i missed most of this
but it is because I do stay away from her
do not engage much
she is very dishonest. deceitful, shrewdly manipulating
years early i saw the deceit and dishonesty was cover for her illiteracy
when asked to read a bottle she stated what she thought it said
not what the label read
i was floored
shocked because i was given and getting insight as to how illiterates function in the world
how they fool people into thinking they can read
how children function in a group and school environment
and how educational dysfunction is perpetuated and entrenched in an individual
well last night, hearing about this hostility
in my mind it is all part of the same package
as she grows darker, i suspect the derision also comes
coupled with the old requirement to cover up her inability to read and function mentally
so you see how holes are made deeper
situations compounded.
that is a lot of attack to shield and project from
thus, the hostility
then she has an older sister
who is an effortless star
bright no arse
well she was born under me
we read daily
girlfriend held books before she could read
there are pictures
she was brave
she had loving caretakers
i was one of them
she only changed when she left this house with her family to their own
she was three. but i shall tell that and her story on her birthday
coming on the 31st. this one is marielle's city
marielle has an upward climb
and then too the demand to shine when she is naturally shaded
by complexion, incompetence, babying
it is all being rolled together in an odd way
she is being pumped up for the wrong things
by the wrong vehicles
by her mother's own insecurities
so there is an affinity there to protect and shield
whereby a push and charge
a demand to evolve and get better is absent
she is being primped for being a ladygirl
you know...all the princess treatments, the clothes, the glam, the nailpolish and gloss
but yet, she is an indelicate specie
she flings herself around. she is rough and tomboyish
very athletic, she bounces, flies and runs everywhere
no matter how short the distance
she dances
she is an entertainer
she is a lover
when she was younger everyone regaled how loving she was
what was real has turned into a straight up shield
it is not real
it is her trade, armour, strategy and weapon
both these girls are geminis eh
the astrological sign most affinitied to my aquarius
but i have never been this close to the creature
the both of them are night and day moodies
very moody
they will come in the house and not speak if they dont feel to
and so they have been indulged
and they did it last night
when i emerged out my bedroom to greet her for her birthday
her mother told her, the three of us in the kitchen
and instead of marielle coming to me,
she went to her mother and stretched as if i was not there
and her mom just never addresses dynamics like that
i too have grown into the groove and just let them
so this is what this writing and story is about
documenting the beings that emerge for the silence, enabling or coddling of adults raising them or not
i felt the need to document this cause i think the outcomes are going to be interesting' in time
i want to be able to say here. i saw and wrote this back then
but hostility, anger, dark black skin complexion and the shirking of mental acuity
for a girl is going to reach her where?
in trinidad?
then to think of who she was and what was said of marielle,
as a baby, a toddler , a young girl. to now the age of ten
i find fascinating
how does one go from being called gentle and loving
to hostile and angry
>>>>!!!!!??????
i fear this story is bigger than i realize
i recognize now i need to interview and engage Maya for her views
a very insightful smart otherworldly child
but last night
was just three or two weeks since Maya flew through her SEA
the first time we have seen the both of them
and those girls were acting like farm animals almost
as if they had been let out and untrained unmoored, unattended and were growing wild
it was extreme. and after a few comments from all the other adults,
is when i commented: "i wonder where you girls have been in the intervening weeks cause you all are surely acting strange" and marielle thought i said they were acting elegantly and i replied, "well one is throwing crumbs onto the floor, dusting them from the table onto the floor" Aunt Mona chided her for that. The same one "throws and drops heavily a cup into the sink" somebody else told her about that" both of them were recalcitrant to greet me warmly, sufficiently or appropriately; then maya was eating ice cream cones, empty from the box. I think she had about four of them. the box finished, I dont know how many they came with. or if not empty, filled with spray cream. Just odd wild unfettered, unguided unpolished behavior. and her mother talking about "they just taste like wafers" well buy them wafers to eat not empty ice cream cones as if they have no bleddy training.
so it is like wild animals were over here to celebrate a birthday
the house was ordered and cleaned, they left icecream crumbs everywhere between the dining room and the kitchen,. they were just sloppy, unregulated, and it almost disgusts me how an adult, a woman, and a mother could be in the midst of that and it is as if there is not. such is the extent of the lacksadaiscalness of their mother
and i recognize i thought during the night..how when i thought m had grown up and away from one level of neglect, for she did neglect them between the ages of 3 and 11 Maya's age, she took vsep and so i thought her attention to them would have been increased. but her MO has always been indulgence as opposed to firm discipline.and so nothing more she was indulging the girls for maya's success and thus, two animals showed up last night. and i wondering where is this going? how does one who is lagging be allowed to continue to do so, to what end.
but overall, i am trying to capture how various characteristics, dynamics and behaviors
creates a nexus for what kind of being to evolve.
i shall write the next episode I think on Maya's twelvth.
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