New York Daily News May 1 ·
A bisexual 12 year old committed suicide this month after being bullied
at her Des Moines, Iowa, middle school, her distraught mom says. Read more: http://nydn.us/1EIqTOn
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some
people come. know they dont belong. know they not made to fight up with
the hellion beasts and them, and beat out. until a next time, another
place. I give them the greatest benediction in and of grace--------------------
i reposted this because of the last line i wanted to write on a comment...
{i actually think children (and people) who take their own lives are mind bogglingly courageous. it is an act of empowerment and a power of decision, the choice to end what one cannot control, so you go to your only means of control, self. it is also laudable, when they do so for it is an act of refusing to hurt others, the perpetrators or proxies.
----------------i wrote on a post....
i read the first few lines of the caption, but really, just stared at
the little girl, she seems truly pure and pleasant, forgetting the light
halo at the top of her head..but i only wondered, how it is these
children do not feel they can find solace, safety and comfort in their
parents when being mistreated, bullied or overwhelmed.
and then i read the comments here.
i pondered about sharing and tried to move on without doing so but i come back up.
there is a lot of ignorance. that shocks me cause i have no children. but parents are on autopilot. they do things without thinking cause it is convenient. convenient to send children to schools that are not their best environments. convenient not to grapple with one;s own ignorance and limitations, and convenient not to unearth their own struggles, from way back when far less of the day.. how can a child like this find solace if people want to interrogate how they know what they know about who they are?
the conflating of labels and the activity of sex also just shocks me. so simple banal and contrary to all the info about us
And then the preponderance of default heteronorms. what little child does not have affinity and crushes? i have a niece 11 and from since 6 or 7 she coming home telling me about what boy she like and what drama going on in their school...at that level for affections and friendships. and that is the point eh..who do children feel they can talk to , unburden their hearts. cry to, complain about hurt feelings.???
we dont know how to be safe places for children, not even our own, not even the ones we birth , living with. so is there any shock that tender souls without moorings or groundedness feeling no safety will do this.
you all see this child had sense enough to take her life and you still asking about how she know she was bisexual. see the problem
this is about far more than bullying. in schools. it is the total absolute absence of safe places for our vulnerable, no matter who they are, how they prescribe/describe
more than the loss of life is that we are the problem and dont even know it. we as adults, parents, the schools, systems, norms, mindset, thinking, domination
Anon of Many:
and then i read the comments here.
i pondered about sharing and tried to move on without doing so but i come back up.
there is a lot of ignorance. that shocks me cause i have no children. but parents are on autopilot. they do things without thinking cause it is convenient. convenient to send children to schools that are not their best environments. convenient not to grapple with one;s own ignorance and limitations, and convenient not to unearth their own struggles, from way back when far less of the day.. how can a child like this find solace if people want to interrogate how they know what they know about who they are?
the conflating of labels and the activity of sex also just shocks me. so simple banal and contrary to all the info about us
And then the preponderance of default heteronorms. what little child does not have affinity and crushes? i have a niece 11 and from since 6 or 7 she coming home telling me about what boy she like and what drama going on in their school...at that level for affections and friendships. and that is the point eh..who do children feel they can talk to , unburden their hearts. cry to, complain about hurt feelings.???
we dont know how to be safe places for children, not even our own, not even the ones we birth , living with. so is there any shock that tender souls without moorings or groundedness feeling no safety will do this.
you all see this child had sense enough to take her life and you still asking about how she know she was bisexual. see the problem
this is about far more than bullying. in schools. it is the total absolute absence of safe places for our vulnerable, no matter who they are, how they prescribe/describe
more than the loss of life is that we are the problem and dont even know it. we as adults, parents, the schools, systems, norms, mindset, thinking, domination
Anon of Many:
Maven Huggins the
same way 4, 5, 6 7 year olds-- little girls know that they have
crushes on their boys in class or little boys for girls in their class,
neighborhood, etc?
how do they know?
how come we dont ask of the hetero children when they come home and say, betty is their girlfriend we dont ask john how he know he likes girls?
we need to get to a place where we can remove ourselves conceptually from our defacto default dominant paradigms, we would ask vastly different questions then and might be an aid to those who are different
i also want to add, dont get hung up on language as was done in the post where i got this from.. children and people and humans use the language that is bandied about, if there were no language, the feeling, emotion and inclinations would still be present and not clouded and made heavy with language> if that term was not coined, she would just say, I like everybody.
third of all, do not as the people in the last post did get hung up as adults do on the issue, act and behavior of sex.
people's gender is different from their sex, is different from their proclivities
we conflate a lot and then wonder why we are all confused going down the wrong road and the vulnerable in between get trampled
finally, this report leaves a lot unanswered and i have to tell you i did not even read the article. if she was my child, i would have told her do not use labels, like i tell my niece/s, one more than the other. if we did not live in a world so quick to label and box we would have a lot less problems.
if we lived in a world sans assumptions it would be a far more beautiful place. my comment and post here is without all of that: no labels, i not even dealing with what the child said she was. my only concern is why did she not feel that she could one, go to her parents, and two, find solace and safety there/ why did she feel her only option was to kill herself.
and like i wrote in the previous post, how come you dont ask how could a twelve year old have the sense awareness ability and courage to kill her self, beyond wanting to, she did it. how come we dont ask that?
i find us as humans quite fascinating.
the bottom line for me, which I did not say in the post previous but it comes at me again, we adults are so damn stupid, ignorant and bereft. our children are smarter than us but we go about parenting and raise them to be stupid or more so than we are.
children KNOW> they know who they are, they know who people are, they see things we have become blind to see. and if you doubt me, next time you see a child refusing to go to someone, and yet the adults are forcing them, is a classic consistent case and point
we disrespect children as just small and smaller people, we dismiss them, what they know and think and feel, in exchange for what we put and load upon them...and that is why we have the questions and approaches we do. that lead them to kill themselves.
all that to say, i dont know. i dont know this child, never spoke with her, so I dont know how she knows.
i just take her at her word. and it was more powerful than a host of other folks. she was more powerful than many i know, cause she made a decision and had the courage to take care of her self when she found NO one in her sphere was up to the task. that to me is the issue, and point
hope there is something of value for us to look at in t/here
how do they know?
how come we dont ask of the hetero children when they come home and say, betty is their girlfriend we dont ask john how he know he likes girls?
we need to get to a place where we can remove ourselves conceptually from our defacto default dominant paradigms, we would ask vastly different questions then and might be an aid to those who are different
i also want to add, dont get hung up on language as was done in the post where i got this from.. children and people and humans use the language that is bandied about, if there were no language, the feeling, emotion and inclinations would still be present and not clouded and made heavy with language> if that term was not coined, she would just say, I like everybody.
third of all, do not as the people in the last post did get hung up as adults do on the issue, act and behavior of sex.
people's gender is different from their sex, is different from their proclivities
we conflate a lot and then wonder why we are all confused going down the wrong road and the vulnerable in between get trampled
finally, this report leaves a lot unanswered and i have to tell you i did not even read the article. if she was my child, i would have told her do not use labels, like i tell my niece/s, one more than the other. if we did not live in a world so quick to label and box we would have a lot less problems.
if we lived in a world sans assumptions it would be a far more beautiful place. my comment and post here is without all of that: no labels, i not even dealing with what the child said she was. my only concern is why did she not feel that she could one, go to her parents, and two, find solace and safety there/ why did she feel her only option was to kill herself.
and like i wrote in the previous post, how come you dont ask how could a twelve year old have the sense awareness ability and courage to kill her self, beyond wanting to, she did it. how come we dont ask that?
i find us as humans quite fascinating.
the bottom line for me, which I did not say in the post previous but it comes at me again, we adults are so damn stupid, ignorant and bereft. our children are smarter than us but we go about parenting and raise them to be stupid or more so than we are.
children KNOW> they know who they are, they know who people are, they see things we have become blind to see. and if you doubt me, next time you see a child refusing to go to someone, and yet the adults are forcing them, is a classic consistent case and point
we disrespect children as just small and smaller people, we dismiss them, what they know and think and feel, in exchange for what we put and load upon them...and that is why we have the questions and approaches we do. that lead them to kill themselves.
all that to say, i dont know. i dont know this child, never spoke with her, so I dont know how she knows.
i just take her at her word. and it was more powerful than a host of other folks. she was more powerful than many i know, cause she made a decision and had the courage to take care of her self when she found NO one in her sphere was up to the task. that to me is the issue, and point
hope there is something of value for us to look at in t/here
"My question is based on the FACT that I've been a teacher of children for almost 25 years and am the mother of a 14 year old. I don't doubt children's intuition BUT nothing beats experience...she hasn't LIVED! WHAT isshe basing that assessment on?!! Dome children are QUITE intelligent and inutitive BUT it is based on their LIMITED life experience! HOW could she know FOR SURE if she hadn't as yet LIVED??!! WHY is it that someone like me is considered 'narrow minded' and 'myopic' and limited in my thinking because I use MY life experience to question the child's lack thereof??!! I have a serious issue with that!"
Maven Huggins: and
that is the point Lois: you are assuming that child's living is less
than yours...lol. how many lives has that child lived? what did she come
to us and her parents with? you are emphasizing my point: dismissing
HER reality. subjecting it to yours, mine or anyone else's. thanks for making my point.
i will reiterate, had that child been mine or around me i would have told her not to use labels or confine herself...but i would not for one minute dissuade her of what she tells me.
i will reiterate, had that child been mine or around me i would have told her not to use labels or confine herself...but i would not for one minute dissuade her of what she tells me.
-----------------
Merlin Hernandez : "Maven, I do acknowledge and agree with what you and Paul Lindo are saying. Bullying is the problem and there was some lack of haven for this child even with a parent who was, by all reports supportive. My problem is exactly what you touched on. Children can feel deep atractions and love for either sex and it is no trifling love. But this is a time when these children need to be carefully nurtured so they come into their own intact. Yes, a 12 year old could experience themselves to be conflicted about their sexuality but for the parent or society to accept the attachment of a label at that age is to deny the process of growth. It is a period of great volatility, moreso for some children. What is needed is gentle guidance, empathetic counselling, keeping all options open, and parents creating spaces for growth into what maybe natural to the child.
I am not sure that the one parent failed at being supportive but I do wonder if the label itself pushed this child into a place from which there was no retreat from the cruelty. My position is that these children require much greater shielding from the prejudices and cruelties that abound because they do not yet have the tools to cope with the very real consequences of those labels. The crux here is the stage of psychological and emotional development of a 12 year old does not allow definitions but there is greater responsibility toward those who grapple with their sexual identity at least until the hormonal and emotional roller coaster of puberty is over. "
Maven Huggins: Merlin,
we are on the same vibration. see what i just wrote on my repost, in
response to someone asking me, two people actually, how does a twelve
year old child know....i wrote long and in there i said, if i was
speaking with her, I would have advised her not to use labels, like i do with my niece/s...one more than the other. so i am with you totally there
where i differ is my sole interest was why did this child have no one or place of safety. that is it. All the other stuff is ancillary to a dead child. to me.
and one seemingly so pure hearted.
where i differ is my sole interest was why did this child have no one or place of safety. that is it. All the other stuff is ancillary to a dead child. to me.
and one seemingly so pure hearted.
-----------------------
the ways in which people who think they are oh so smart and enlightened are stuck in a time warp or totally planted in some old form, place, identity, like a tree, and they are not giving shade
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