Basic is Luxury to the Impoverished Spirit

 


goddess chronicles
warrior defenses

despite my best intentions and attempts to be all love embrace, peace and compassion. beasts and bitches always think they can come at me.

then i have no choice to be all ogun and shango on their ass.

i had to check my best friend's sister tonight
grown ass woman ten years or more my elder
but this rounds, i am no respecter of persons
especially if you have no class, want to be out of place rude and obnoxious.

she did it the first time when it was just me and her at the table
asking me "do i drink anything else"
i said, i drink everything; vodka, whisky, but my drink is brandy
her response was "you must have rich friends"
i said, my friends know what i drink and they accommodate me to my taste and preference , as we all do when we drinking, eating or imbibing.

she find i shouldnt be drinking brandy
i guess she think i am supposed to be poor so what?
these bitches eh make me out

so after the first time I tell her brother of the conversation
i am sure he thought i was being finicky wrong and particular.

so he asks me to get him his laurel
I go order it and that was it, nothing else.

his girlfriend was at the bar,
she says to me: " that is it, that is all/ no brandy?"
i said, "are you buying me a brandy miss lady?"
she said sure, I wish i could buy you a house.
and i told her that was sweet of her.
some make me out. the ones who were once my enemy, interestingly enough

well wouldnt you know sister shows up at the time that the brandy is brought to me and want to tell me about money and ordering

so when we get back to the table, i insist on wife telling the story, that she invited, bought and requested it for me. so we get into it.
I told that bitch where to get off
she telling me I dont want to tackle her
I said then dont tackle me.

this rounds. the shit i been through
i have zero tolerance.

why am i writing this?
there is an attitude of poverty that pervades this place
i see it everywhere
family , and relatives
and i find it peculiar now cause folk at the bars not taking those horrors.

it was also a matter of someone interjecting themselves not knowing facts and context. when I am out with friends and i am offered a drink and i am not buying, i will always ask, "what can i have" that classless belch dont even know

people think people eat too much
drink too much
and it is from a life of lack, selfishness, and poverty
they unaccustomed
what is pedestrian to me, is special to these wenches
and it is down the line:
my car, my tastes, the food i eat, the alcohol i drink...

i had to break it down.
with nothing i make an emporium
with entrails I make a feast
and entrails to me is cheese,  cold cuts,  anything basic.

i served bottled rumpunch to my mother and her friend auntie josephine
and cut up and seeded purple grapes and portugals in it, with toothpicks.

i cook; i cook for somebody or a few people to eat after me
i have made dishes and my mother will tell me, I using too much tomatoes
it is a meagreness that flabbergasts me
makes me wonder what i dont know
makes me think to take pause
people have the accoutrements of style, grace and access, like this big macco house my mother built, but is like they still chinksing on food. the quality, the kind, who eat, how much. i have been called on me drinking big jars of juice, my real scavenging aunt not knowing i does drink flavored water. she assume it is juice and it is just colored, flavored water. she eh know yet. i never answered her. i was just recording

i did not grow like that in carl huggins house
i also go pulled up and bouffed by him early in life
when i teased my male mack truck football playing in william and mary football cousin about eating plenty at thanksgiving one year as a teenager, and my father said, never mind what people eating and have no comment.

poor ass fucking common slaves. i have no idea why i chose, and they sent me to be among the commoners.

good thing i decided to speak out after the first comment
i ended up telling my male friend. you know. as much as I dont have right now, people who have more than me are poorer than I . he asked me to explain.
i tried to be delicate so as not to offend his sensibilities with his sister. i had occassion to tell him that they frauds a few weeks ago. a network of big people: carlos john, defour from ngc, and lord knows who else and none of them could set a table of employment before me. with my qualifications to justify.. i said i do what my tastes and preferences no matter my circumstance. if i cant make, i stay home, he pushed me to explain furhter. and i told him, people who think they know your circumstance and station will try to tell you to take a back seat, not knowing you accustomed to owning the damn fucking bus. they think you get the best because someone else buying not knowing your ass pours that for lunch or early dinner at 2pm. I was drinking grapefruit juice and peel/peele/pele whisky at 3 and 5pm today.

and his sister and i in the same situation. except she is fatter and older.
you return to trinidad and you living in your mother's house. i have excuses what is yours?  then the heifer had nerve to reference lazy people. i go to answer her and my friend tell me like i gearing up again. i was like yes.  i was getting ready to rail on her ass.

but i made me and my position crystal clear
she ended up shutting the fuck up and backed down, and a few steps back

my friend;s ladyfriend even told her she was being rude. my male friend raised opposition. people think they somebody of stock but folk will show you they from the stockade
i told her you did not invite me nor did you offer me a drink , if you have an issue, speak to your brother, dont step to me.. i keeps brandy. in my purse!

smh. i try to hang up the warrior shield and sword but mfers make you slit it out.

leaving now, my friend;s girlfriend told me, "well i congratulate you for standing up for yourself. they dont know. had that woman not been the relative of my peeps, I would have gone in! slashed her bloody

i must admit i feel good too for standing up for myself.
i didnt always do that
 but sometimes petra does pay for paul's shit
and folk does want to step to people when you dont know the path they walked and survived to be sitting in front of you. then for some reasons these wenches have a perception of me as a pushover, then i have to get bear bull on their ass.
imagine that bitch will refer me as lazy.
what she did with her life being an admin asst to retirement.

steups. look

y;all be gracious and kind eh/
even and especially among slaves

this is why i said, when i get back to my station, I will have an open house for people to eat and drink. let them know what being welcome really is.
there shall be no want, wanting or lack

on the flip side, this is why i bitch, i am an empress among the court.
and either I have to become a commoner, or i need to take the riches to the bottom
so far, i have not chosen the former. i am not yet able to the latter
so i normally stay in this rounds.

how entirely different my life and path has been
and the only witness i had was my brother and he is dead.
my birth mother too
my father has become a commoner/
he no longer lives according to what he exposed us to

this is part of a way larger story
that did not start with me
i think though I took it to a height
reincarnations and ancient old priestesses and all

you know, toilet paper. so think, quilted and lush that you only use two squares..

and as i close more references pop up...like cheese.
here where we are, cheese is almost a luxury item...so what
that all basic and cheap and unhealthiest of foods, becomes a luxury

i realize. we dealing straight up economics here
and level of existence, abilities and living
\
folk have withheld food from me. where i live
and i been eating better more luxurious , and getting fatter than ever.
how to explain that i am not sure.

i was asked tonight if i could teach art to young children, i said sure
but i think i need to teach people how to live
decades now i saying that.
long before i came to trinidad
i know how to love on myself.

RADA: In Honor of Seadly Joseph, The Penguin

i went to sleep a second time at minutes after five, after being up for three hours.
it was with a distinctive smile on my face. for i had prayed as i had never before the whole four am hour. doing what i do...reciting and rewriting prayers in my own words and needs.. by candle light which was sending me messages , the flame, so i dealt with that too. it was powerful a quietly powerful revealing moment. I am good at prayer. Real good. in the states the black americans told me all the time, from alabama to michigan that "i had a calling on my life" to preach the word". I never took it on, cause if i was called, I dont know what or whose that voice sounded like. dont know if that is one of the reasons I am in such a life cross now. You know they do that to you. if you are supposed to guard the ancestor knowledge and you refuse or somehow dont know, they will strike you and down. happened to seadly and his spiritual belmont people. it has been so long since I have been there or connected there in thought or practice that i forget their known name. anyways...

i went to bed asking myself if it was harden, hard-headed and stubborn so? to this extent. cause as i was prayering and canting, I remembered is how long now they telling me to "pray hard and plenty" many people. but i had stopped praying. too much hardship heartbrokenness, trauma, betrayal and pain has visited my life, from my brother dying to my current sandwich in between witch stepmothers of the no-power kind. a revelation i came up with last night. and just yesterday someone pulled a card for me and it came up cinderella, and i am not into fairytales but something about that moniker seemed to resonate with my real life. people suppressing and doing all they can to destroy me from the station and my inherent identity. the shit is real and about me. to be alerted to it all in most its dimension this morning was powerful. only because i was alert and asking and seeking.

but here is the thing..i went back to sleep at five, so I am writing while still needing sleep, half asleep. I prayed for money and food. and i specified when: not soon, tomorrow or today but right now. a little under four hours later scotiabank calls and awakens me from sleep offering me a credit card. a second one.. I find that peculiar and the coincidence uncanny, considering i dont and havent been praying, and i certainly dont ask for things. but here today. I just told her to call my bank manager and ask him to handle the card as he did my other one (no annual fee) and phone me back. I had to stay awake and write about it, though I preferred to return to sleep

i have long thought the first time i wrote a prayer a few years ago that people could potentially pay me to write personal prayers for them. prayers are nothing but energy generating, guarding and shielding. In the few moments I laid trying to figure all this out i realized - had an epiphany that prayers are just like meticulousness and cleanliness. nothing to deride. you keep a clean home dont you ? or do everything in a meticulous orderly way? and as I write that i have learned damn well and visited enough homes to knw that is not true. it is one of the ways I know my huggins family, ruth and carl who was over the top aint like everyone else. our houses used to be spotless. carl house not even so anymore. his wife and two daughters are nasty people. plain talk bad manners, and not just my family. i go into homes and see the mark of filthy hands everywhere. on fridges, stoves, walls, doors and door frames.. my word. hygiene is not a popular, common or consistent character here. people who serve food do so from travelling, packing, unpacking and serving food never washing their hands before they touch a potspoon or uncover a pot. anyways, praying is just like cleaning. no different. something you do to keep clean. a preventative measure to keep in order, make life easier. something you do to protect yourself from germs and evil..malocchio...imagine, that is a word from europe//spain or ital. bady evil eye./ maljeaux!!..and they been dealing with that from since the sixteenth century or before..whenever it was discovered. and i realized in prayer last night how much of that surrounds, embeds me.it is really phenomenal. might be why people call me princess and beautiful and i dont look my age...my sister's godmother who i dont see regularly, maybe three times a year, if that, told me i was beautiful looking like a princess as she came to visit my mother. i am always deeply amused at the folk who come to the home and regale me among people who pretty well damn much hate me i now think the bad energy they sending me not going back but it is making me shine and become more beautiful. nothing else makes sense. everytime it happens, I visit a mirror to try and see what it is they see and capture. i am deeply amused because it is such a clear display of people. beautiful people see beautiful. but in the prayer and even in the thinking and writing about it sense, I remark the level of haters, deniers, blockers and contra -agents about me. from real life to fb.
i have been working on removing all those in real life. but i have no idea why the fb people dont unfriend me and done, what they have me on blind for? i dont know if they feel i dont know, not aware, just because fb does not send notices. i also thought too about the people who block you on fb. how much of a sign of your weakness do we need that you have to block people..you cant contend? cant bear the thought that what? someone might see you? what is it really you are blocking>? it is laughable. but i digress.

i wanted to stamp and declare, evidently, the mojo aint been nowhere.
maybe i stopped doing what i am supposed to do, brought to do.
reminds me of how one of my haters in my family stated years ago, "who she, she is going to be the biggest obeah woman in port of spain"
and obeah is nothing about having your own personal power to convert bad and evil to good and shine, and the power of your word, ase' that whatever you declare the universe answers, responds and commands.

reminds me i am to be specific cause when i called for money, a credit card is not what i had in mind. but i heard how valuable it would be. it comes with three cards if you wish for whomever. i can give two or all three to people in mind. my two nieces if not one, and another for household living. we shall see. but i need cash. thanks eh loves, angels, ancestors and universes, but i meant cash. lets go again. 9:26am

I can write your prayers for you, for a fee. or gifts and provisions are much better.
we dont sell spiritual blessings. though i put myself out to sale yesterday, this inherent gift is separate. not sold at all. not even separately

and then i close this post and move on with life, only to see the person organizing a women's conference in october wants me to be a featured speaker and partner. i thought to lauch myself as a spoken word artist...and i write that but what i really meant to write was one woman performance artist in the vein of nina simone, lauryn hill or really, anna deaveare smith, but vocals, spirituals, lamentations, prayers and blues might very well be a part



For my cousing Seadly, my self and all those whose lives and memories I am to reconcile!

Angel Hour Prayers and Results

 Barry Lungu

 
omg. Chintungwiza! the memories! thank you!

i wake up from a marathon sleep, after yesterday waking and my first few moments of movement and activity were me in deep sleep still. from one day to another...

i have been writing for the last fifty minutes and feel the need to share and tell. yesterday i woke up at angel hour (what time is that for you?) and poured water for the angels in my fancy crystal and silver glass from my parent's house, made myself a mocha, lit a white candle, wrote my wishes and prayers, read power of the psalms, a few of them for specific purposes. I just checked. I asked for nineteen things. nineteen is showing up. coincidentally, in my meetings with the minister and his advisor this week i happened to outline nineteen programs and projects. anyway, by the time I retreated indoors yesterday three things on my prayer list of the morning had been provided. Mark and code, a gig, and help with my vehicle: retrieval and fixing if you please my ladylord. Angels? Guardians, Guides and Ancestors? or my time in the cosmos?

i have a post waiting to write in my head, i loathe to write it as it is such bitter truth but it is what it is..something about black and indian people. we really are a different bunch. and i fear I am turning into one of those black people who enjoy a different internal inclusive insight of another people and am able to see the difference between them and my own and it is not a nice picture. people i just met willing to do what they can to help me, whereas my people want money for what ever little they do. folk absorbing costs just because they have the resource, our folk, my folk, ? were they? want to tell you how much it costing. i eh know.

i moved around yesterday too and encountered two empty homes. one all the time, the other just during the week. folk have thing just sitting down taking up space brother, not in any use whatsoever...it was the first time I did not launch into "i need a place to live, can we organize?"...i guess for several reasons, folk may have be coming out of situations with others, and so no need to take them to the prospect of that trauma, or personally, i am just in a space to fight up with my situation as it is. let the universe and angels provide. no asking.

anyways, i just woke up an hour ago after eleven (years ) {that is what i wrote} lol..after eleven hours...and the last thought i had was a vision of an old fashioned simple house deep turquoise in color, the same color of my salon...it had no windows, doors or security grills. you can see inside into the great room which was painted a burnished corral color. i stood watching the house from the street, which was a corner and it was on the top of a hill, the incline facing the back of the house. and it was empty and available for me to command and occupy...all i needed to do was to powerwash it (inside and house), put grills on the windows and doors, build in window ledges and put up awnings, hang ferns from the roof, orchids on the grills, and place other plants on the ledge; furnish and live. but as I scanned into the great room there was an old blind spanish woman in the house, sitting, living meticulously clean with nothing..either existing or she was a ghost. and now as I write, I think she may have been my grandmother, but i wonder if she had issues with her eyes that i am not aware of...her accompanying me, being before me, going before me to make a place, keeping me company is not in any way outside the realm of real, and i would be so happy if that were so going forward. But i need to know where that house. So if you see a house looking like that anywhere, please write or call me. Tell me. That is my house. so i wake up and one of the things on the list from yesterday appears in a vision.

Good Morning

"In Egyptian cosmogony, for instance, Hathor–the divinity of joy, love, fertility and childbirth and the protector of women–is the divine daughter referred to as The Eye of God (Obenga 2004: 176). In turbulent moments she wields a dreaded incarnate power that transforms her into Sekhmet.⁸ This dual creator/destroyer identity of Hathor can be found in the Yoruba divinity Òsun,⁹ whose distinguishing traits are preserved in the sacred texts of the ancient Odù Ifá divination system that go back to remote antiquity.

Like Hathor, she possesses a special relationship to Olódùmarè, the Supreme Creator Force and an equally dreaded power known as Àjé, which she uses to destroy violators. Although Òsun is the sole female divinity among 16 male divinities, she is the one that ‘the Creator-God placed all the good things on earth in [her] charge making her “the vital source”’ of life. Known as ‘the source’, this archetypal female ‘conduit through which all life flows’ and epitome of sensuality and sexual pleasure. Taken from "African Sexualities: A Reader" "‪#‎Maferun‬ Osun ‪#‎Good‬ morning.

True Ifa- Obatala Clarity March 1 2015

True Ifa:

"Your way of thinking needs to change in order to master a new way of doing. Focus on your habits rather than the gain and you will accomplish your goal and allow for the new to take effect in your life.

Connecting with Obatala will allow you to understand the root of the cause so you could make the changes necessary to eliminate what has been festering in your path and change it to benefit your progress.
Take a bowl of water at room temperature, white flowers, and Efun (white chalk). Flake the buds of the flower into the water and crush a little bit of Efun in the bowl. Mix the 3 items with your hands while asking Obatala to give you the clarity you need to allow your thoughts to flourish and bring a greater understating to the changes that are coming. Once you have consecrated the water with your Ase (your words of blessings), pour it over your head, wrap your head with a cloth and allow the coolness and clarity to start manifesting.
Iya’s Thoughts: Change is not a materialistic thing. It comes from your core and how you handle it.
Blessings,
Iyanifa Fakemi"

The Cost to The Good; The Price of Gifts UnDeserved

"“I’ve tried to invest my time and money into other people’s dreams. I thought that helping others succeed would be an easy way to accomplish something without the pressure of doing it myself. But I’ve been burned. You’d expect people to be grateful if you’ve helped them. But a lot of times they will avoid you. People don’t like to be reminded that they owe their success to anyone. Sometimes they’ll even find reasons to vilify you, if it helps to make the debt invalid.”"

HONY

Asexual Reproduction