i went to sleep a second time at minutes after five, after being up for three hours.
it was with a distinctive smile on my face. for i had prayed as i had never before the whole four am hour. doing what i do...reciting and rewriting prayers in my own words and needs.. by candle light which was sending me messages , the flame, so i dealt with that too. it was powerful a quietly powerful revealing moment. I am good at prayer. Real good. in the states the black americans told me all the time, from alabama to michigan that "i had a calling on my life" to preach the word". I never took it on, cause if i was called, I dont know what or whose that voice sounded like. dont know if that is one of the reasons I am in such a life cross now. You know they do that to you. if you are supposed to guard the ancestor knowledge and you refuse or somehow dont know, they will strike you and down. happened to seadly and his spiritual belmont people. it has been so long since I have been there or connected there in thought or practice that i forget their known name. anyways...
i went to bed asking myself if it was harden, hard-headed and stubborn so? to this extent. cause as i was prayering and canting, I remembered is how long now they telling me to "pray hard and plenty" many people. but i had stopped praying. too much hardship heartbrokenness, trauma, betrayal and pain has visited my life, from my brother dying to my current sandwich in between witch stepmothers of the no-power kind. a revelation i came up with last night. and just yesterday someone pulled a card for me and it came up cinderella, and i am not into fairytales but something about that moniker seemed to resonate with my real life. people suppressing and doing all they can to destroy me from the station and my inherent identity. the shit is real and about me. to be alerted to it all in most its dimension this morning was powerful. only because i was alert and asking and seeking.
but here is the thing..i went back to sleep at five, so I am writing while still needing sleep, half asleep. I prayed for money and food. and i specified when: not soon, tomorrow or today but right now. a little under four hours later scotiabank calls and awakens me from sleep offering me a credit card. a second one.. I find that peculiar and the coincidence uncanny, considering i dont and havent been praying, and i certainly dont ask for things. but here today. I just told her to call my bank manager and ask him to handle the card as he did my other one (no annual fee) and phone me back. I had to stay awake and write about it, though I preferred to return to sleep
i have long thought the first time i wrote a prayer a few years ago that people could potentially pay me to write personal prayers for them. prayers are nothing but energy generating, guarding and shielding. In the few moments I laid trying to figure all this out i realized - had an epiphany that prayers are just like meticulousness and cleanliness. nothing to deride. you keep a clean home dont you ? or do everything in a meticulous orderly way? and as I write that i have learned damn well and visited enough homes to knw that is not true. it is one of the ways I know my huggins family, ruth and carl who was over the top aint like everyone else. our houses used to be spotless. carl house not even so anymore. his wife and two daughters are nasty people. plain talk bad manners, and not just my family. i go into homes and see the mark of filthy hands everywhere. on fridges, stoves, walls, doors and door frames.. my word. hygiene is not a popular, common or consistent character here. people who serve food do so from travelling, packing, unpacking and serving food never washing their hands before they touch a potspoon or uncover a pot. anyways, praying is just like cleaning. no different. something you do to keep clean. a preventative measure to keep in order, make life easier. something you do to protect yourself from germs and evil..malocchio...imagine, that is a word from europe//spain or ital. bady evil eye./ maljeaux!!..and they been dealing with that from since the sixteenth century or before..whenever it was discovered. and i realized in prayer last night how much of that surrounds, embeds me.it is really phenomenal. might be why people call me princess and beautiful and i dont look my age...my sister's godmother who i dont see regularly, maybe three times a year, if that, told me i was beautiful looking like a princess as she came to visit my mother. i am always deeply amused at the folk who come to the home and regale me among people who pretty well damn much hate me i now think the bad energy they sending me not going back but it is making me shine and become more beautiful. nothing else makes sense. everytime it happens, I visit a mirror to try and see what it is they see and capture. i am deeply amused because it is such a clear display of people. beautiful people see beautiful. but in the prayer and even in the thinking and writing about it sense, I remark the level of haters, deniers, blockers and contra -agents about me. from real life to fb.
i have been working on removing all those in real life. but i have no idea why the fb people dont unfriend me and done, what they have me on blind for? i dont know if they feel i dont know, not aware, just because fb does not send notices. i also thought too about the people who block you on fb. how much of a sign of your weakness do we need that you have to block people..you cant contend? cant bear the thought that what? someone might see you? what is it really you are blocking>? it is laughable. but i digress.
i wanted to stamp and declare, evidently, the mojo aint been nowhere.
maybe i stopped doing what i am supposed to do, brought to do.
reminds me of how one of my haters in my family stated years ago, "who she, she is going to be the biggest obeah woman in port of spain"
and obeah is nothing about having your own personal power to convert bad and evil to good and shine, and the power of your word, ase' that whatever you declare the universe answers, responds and commands.
reminds me i am to be specific cause when i called for money, a credit card is not what i had in mind. but i heard how valuable it would be. it comes with three cards if you wish for whomever. i can give two or all three to people in mind. my two nieces if not one, and another for household living. we shall see. but i need cash. thanks eh loves, angels, ancestors and universes, but i meant cash. lets go again. 9:26am
I can write your prayers for you, for a fee. or gifts and provisions are much better.
we dont sell spiritual blessings. though i put myself out to sale yesterday, this inherent gift is separate. not sold at all. not even separately
it was with a distinctive smile on my face. for i had prayed as i had never before the whole four am hour. doing what i do...reciting and rewriting prayers in my own words and needs.. by candle light which was sending me messages , the flame, so i dealt with that too. it was powerful a quietly powerful revealing moment. I am good at prayer. Real good. in the states the black americans told me all the time, from alabama to michigan that "i had a calling on my life" to preach the word". I never took it on, cause if i was called, I dont know what or whose that voice sounded like. dont know if that is one of the reasons I am in such a life cross now. You know they do that to you. if you are supposed to guard the ancestor knowledge and you refuse or somehow dont know, they will strike you and down. happened to seadly and his spiritual belmont people. it has been so long since I have been there or connected there in thought or practice that i forget their known name. anyways...
i went to bed asking myself if it was harden, hard-headed and stubborn so? to this extent. cause as i was prayering and canting, I remembered is how long now they telling me to "pray hard and plenty" many people. but i had stopped praying. too much hardship heartbrokenness, trauma, betrayal and pain has visited my life, from my brother dying to my current sandwich in between witch stepmothers of the no-power kind. a revelation i came up with last night. and just yesterday someone pulled a card for me and it came up cinderella, and i am not into fairytales but something about that moniker seemed to resonate with my real life. people suppressing and doing all they can to destroy me from the station and my inherent identity. the shit is real and about me. to be alerted to it all in most its dimension this morning was powerful. only because i was alert and asking and seeking.
but here is the thing..i went back to sleep at five, so I am writing while still needing sleep, half asleep. I prayed for money and food. and i specified when: not soon, tomorrow or today but right now. a little under four hours later scotiabank calls and awakens me from sleep offering me a credit card. a second one.. I find that peculiar and the coincidence uncanny, considering i dont and havent been praying, and i certainly dont ask for things. but here today. I just told her to call my bank manager and ask him to handle the card as he did my other one (no annual fee) and phone me back. I had to stay awake and write about it, though I preferred to return to sleep
i have long thought the first time i wrote a prayer a few years ago that people could potentially pay me to write personal prayers for them. prayers are nothing but energy generating, guarding and shielding. In the few moments I laid trying to figure all this out i realized - had an epiphany that prayers are just like meticulousness and cleanliness. nothing to deride. you keep a clean home dont you ? or do everything in a meticulous orderly way? and as I write that i have learned damn well and visited enough homes to knw that is not true. it is one of the ways I know my huggins family, ruth and carl who was over the top aint like everyone else. our houses used to be spotless. carl house not even so anymore. his wife and two daughters are nasty people. plain talk bad manners, and not just my family. i go into homes and see the mark of filthy hands everywhere. on fridges, stoves, walls, doors and door frames.. my word. hygiene is not a popular, common or consistent character here. people who serve food do so from travelling, packing, unpacking and serving food never washing their hands before they touch a potspoon or uncover a pot. anyways, praying is just like cleaning. no different. something you do to keep clean. a preventative measure to keep in order, make life easier. something you do to protect yourself from germs and evil..malocchio...imagine, that is a word from europe//spain or ital. bady evil eye./ maljeaux!!..and they been dealing with that from since the sixteenth century or before..whenever it was discovered. and i realized in prayer last night how much of that surrounds, embeds me.it is really phenomenal. might be why people call me princess and beautiful and i dont look my age...my sister's godmother who i dont see regularly, maybe three times a year, if that, told me i was beautiful looking like a princess as she came to visit my mother. i am always deeply amused at the folk who come to the home and regale me among people who pretty well damn much hate me i now think the bad energy they sending me not going back but it is making me shine and become more beautiful. nothing else makes sense. everytime it happens, I visit a mirror to try and see what it is they see and capture. i am deeply amused because it is such a clear display of people. beautiful people see beautiful. but in the prayer and even in the thinking and writing about it sense, I remark the level of haters, deniers, blockers and contra -agents about me. from real life to fb.
i have been working on removing all those in real life. but i have no idea why the fb people dont unfriend me and done, what they have me on blind for? i dont know if they feel i dont know, not aware, just because fb does not send notices. i also thought too about the people who block you on fb. how much of a sign of your weakness do we need that you have to block people..you cant contend? cant bear the thought that what? someone might see you? what is it really you are blocking>? it is laughable. but i digress.
i wanted to stamp and declare, evidently, the mojo aint been nowhere.
maybe i stopped doing what i am supposed to do, brought to do.
reminds me of how one of my haters in my family stated years ago, "who she, she is going to be the biggest obeah woman in port of spain"
and obeah is nothing about having your own personal power to convert bad and evil to good and shine, and the power of your word, ase' that whatever you declare the universe answers, responds and commands.
reminds me i am to be specific cause when i called for money, a credit card is not what i had in mind. but i heard how valuable it would be. it comes with three cards if you wish for whomever. i can give two or all three to people in mind. my two nieces if not one, and another for household living. we shall see. but i need cash. thanks eh loves, angels, ancestors and universes, but i meant cash. lets go again. 9:26am
I can write your prayers for you, for a fee. or gifts and provisions are much better.
we dont sell spiritual blessings. though i put myself out to sale yesterday, this inherent gift is separate. not sold at all. not even separately
and then i close this post and move on with life, only to see the person organizing a women's conference in october wants me to be a featured speaker and partner. i thought to lauch myself as a spoken word artist...and i write that but what i really meant to write was one woman performance artist in the vein of nina simone, lauryn hill or really, anna deaveare smith, but vocals, spirituals, lamentations, prayers and blues might very well be a part
For my cousing Seadly, my self and all those whose lives and memories I am to reconcile!
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