Christmas Just Before August

i may and do have these wonderful pockets of joy
like last night, painting in the company of three others
coming up with yet another brilliant idea for trinidad
yet no money, backers, friends or financiers

someone called me "like christmas" last night
which tickled me all the more
and another quipped, 'yeah, but those so come with tantrums"
i laughed. hearing my light happiness fill the night patio in the hills
leaving me to wonder, if that is true and recalling exchanges that would be so characterized

we all in our own worlds, separate and collective
all of us cosmos away from debates and frauds for leaders
no politics, no interest, a different world and place for other creatures
we might as well not have been in trinidad,
though we be in the center of port of spain
for us, all that existed were each other, the canvas, chatter and introductions
of old friends

it was refreshing

but prior to getting there i had one of those exchanges by writing where someone's veneer of decency falls of, melts like a dali , dripping candle wax.
and i wake up this morning not thinking so much of the fun of the evening
but asking myself where am  i going, how am i positioning myself in relation to these people who with no prodding or effort can be brutal savages.
the tongue and mind is indeed a mighty sword

it reminds me of that thread i posted to my page yesterday of black trinidadians excoriating racism to other black trinis that brought me to tears
so you see in one day the encounters of joy are not outnumbered by cruelty and ugliness. and it is okay, it is what it is, I am just deciding to stay away from the latter as much as possible

pockets of joy: coming home and washing my locs with aveeno and remembering the generosity of quianna. i think forever i wish that to be my shampoo. what indulgence

i need to stay around softness, viscose, molasses
cocoabutter, coconut oil and lavender vanilla calming comfort lotion
i need to stay away from coarseness, i dont need anymore, i have enough
and need to finish what i have remaining
i need to get to people who can uplift me in beauty
not show me any more underbelly ugly
 no more persons carried on and by the changing winds

i need to lock myself up in an indonesian timber platform
surrounded by forests
and just a gong to keep heartbeat

i wake up thinking of things overrated
like mark's member when there is no travel, activity or conversations
i think of the savagery of the someone yesterday, one totally flaccid
and it occurs to me the ugly bringing are the ones with unworking parts and other severe insecurities and deformities . all is not well in the scenes they paint for us

i am trying to make sense and knit a fabric from dichotomous fraying cotton the idea/
ha! i realize my writing and posts of such varied aspects, disconnected lines, circle snd embedded images is just like a leroy clarke painting. art in words. can you make something beautiful from disparate words, sentences and phrases, that apart from content, the structure is notable?

i will just put all this on the shelf.
it is like taking out items and ingredients to try and bake something,
you amass the elements on the island
you stand staring at it, musing how to integrate it
what would make the best tasting item
and do we make a dessert, a savory?
for breakfast or dinner
or anytime snack for anybody?
and find you are not up to the task
and set about returning all items to shelves and cupboards
never a sign that you were even in the kitchen

that is what this post is about

CeciLion, Zimbabwe and African NonLives

Tim Wise

"Clearly that dentist who killed Cecil the Lion misread the memo from George Zimmerman and the Cleveland/Staten Island//etc police: it's African Americans not African Lions that you can kill without consequence."

it really is amazing to see how much black lives dont matter.
how zero value it is to other humans, the white dominant and establishment.

you have a good many people, at least 50K, globally signing petitions for him to be extradited to zimbabwe, calling for the destruction of his clinic, suggesting the hunting of a lion killer. and not one of these people has ever called for the prosecution of the man who have hunted, murdered and shot on sight black people, be they male or female. i am struck by that/
wondering what to do about that/ what can be done/ smh.

who on the national landscape will start this discussion, to hold up this mirror?

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Shame-Lion-Killer-Dr-Walter-Palmer-and-River-Bluff-Dental/478622992305703?fref=ts

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/821/738/351/demand-justice-for-cecil-the-lion-in-zimbambwe/

http://petitions.moveon.org/sign/extradite-walter-j-palmer.fb50?source=s.fb&r_by=5698762

Racism in Movement

Elise Alexander: "So then you just differentiating between violent and nonviolent... That said nonviolent crime often trigger complex social problems sometimes with violent impact so I still prefer to treat all seriously"

what I wrote on my own post about a half an hour prior, on an entirely different topic, and relating to a woman in passionate embrace with a skeleton:

{ would you believe i determined that a whitish chinese trini real estate agent at massy, her name is maria, blanked me having showed me a property for sale. once i organized my bank connections, i wrote her again, two months later telling her I would like to move forward, she tells me it is sold. last night, i ran into the former resident. he tells me it is still available, and we were with his close friend who had already told me the sign on the property is still up. I have no choice and no factor to point to other than the fact that I am a black chick with dreadlocks. so now i am forced to find some underhanded means to get what i want and need, to move my life along.

do you see the aegis of shit behavior, unethical means, and maybe even sneaky movements. just because of the ugly people start with. always be mindful of that. when you see 'minorities' doing what they need to to get ahead, the illegal vendors, the sidewalk builders, i dont know, there would be fair and egregious examples, just ask yourself what were they denied by whom that led them to take the action we now find distasteful.}

what i shared to Elise upon reading her comment:

{I literally Just wrote on that...about a real estate agent blanking me on a property for sale, telling me it is sold after i viewed it, and went and got my bank stuff in order, called to proceed and she says it is gone. that was about a month ago. the first encounter, two months. when last evening the previous resident tells me it is not sold, and his friend, our mutual indicates the sign is still up on the property..and i wrote when you see people getting sneaky, having to resort to unethical means, or subterfuge of some kind, or even getting to illegality like illegal vendors, or people building without permissions...ask and wonder who denied them the simplest of things that barriers their moving forward in their lives. I may use simplistic wrong examples but understand the greater point. how acts that seem obnoxious but innocuous, are NOT> and no telling what it might unfold to. I thought this was profound cause it is literally how racism against black people works. having the power to stop them from moving forward. you cant be a racist if you are not holding and withholding something sought after. anyway, you get my point. thanks for writing that reinforcement. funny eh?}

i thought this was valuable to highlight on its own
something about the dynamics of withholding, the dynamics, patterns and practices of racism in movement. the impact to people's lives and vibrations. the outworking , circular and cumulative causation to various choices of those independent of us, how others affect our lives. how people decide who moves forward, when and how. and most of all, always, the possible seeds of illegality, criminality, and maybe sometimes, self- and other-annihilation. cause what if i looked to retaliate.

a million human stories and options in just one incident. by one self, or in tandem to another

YOU

you fb people who no longer engage and share friendship on the pages and profiles, but as soon as you need something done outside virtual, you show up. i said i would try to stop curshing* crushing*, but you can imagine the two word suggestion.

but a thought woke me up. i was thinking of my longest friend here in trinidad. and i dont know why, the specific thought was the few times he has told me about myself or reminded me of my previous incarnations before my current standing,  energy, character, verve. and i thought how interminably valuable to have that...someone who can tell you who you were, before life got a hold. before it *** you up.
and then you know what i thought? I thought of this place trinidad. and i got an epiphany. wondering thinking about who would know about that kind of trauma, the experience of this place taking your energy, your excitement, your joy to do something valuable in the landscape, a time of yourself when everything was promised, everything is possible, and you are merely marching your way to it. a time of yourself before you were crushed and chewed up/ broken.

and then there was this:






 If you dont know anyone in your life with that experience. and if you had the means to stop and or reverse such a trend, pattern, and fix that person's circumstance, You my friend are part of the problem in this country. And I cant think of any circumstance in which exceptions apply

this place only works by the failure of many others. and this is so because most fo the people succeeding are the true failures, the true weaklings, weak links, the treacherous and irrelevant, but had the money and connections to attain position, power, money. and they are just as vacuous with all of that as they would be without. and not nary one is doing anything meaningful for the nation, just taking and on the fattening program/

a series of thoughts in a short space of time

"if you dont know people whose life this place has destroyed, you are the problem"

good morning

Esther Armah's Emotional Justice

Esther Armah

 

‪#‎SandraBland‬. Fear Masquerading as Opinion, This Most Toxic Masculinity
Words. Her tone. She did sound irritated. Why didn't she just put out her cigarette? Who talks back to a cop like that? Some Black men on social media pages standing on broken hearts, dripping judgment, criticism, respectability politics all over Sandra Bland's barely buried black woman body. Wagging toxic masculinity fingers' in sisters' faces via their threads; lecturing, hectoring, censuring. And we ask you to stop. You don't. We ask again. You insist. We remind you of the issue, not your ego. You keep going. Even in grief, we reach for you with kind words. You won't stop. We get mad. You chastize. Why can't you just say you're scared? That you have no idea what to do. What would it mean to say you're scared? You don't know how to be kind when you're scared. You don't know how to be loving when you feel paralyzed. So, be silent. But be here. We should be in this together. Stand beside us if you are unable to comfort us or yourself. But you don't. You enter threads with 'I'm just offering my opinion'. You're not, you're lying. And you're hurting us. Doing this dance of 'she should have' when the single soundtrack is of black women's tears, is painful. You're taking up space where tears are being shed. You're practicing that worst trait of this most toxic masculinity - the expectation that broken hearts, stunned minds, illiterate with trauma and grief should abandon every fibre of feeling in bruised spirits and molested souls and listen to your poison, tend to your wack ass, acknowledge you are right. Stand the fuck down. ‪#‎emotionaljustice‬

NOVoteSpoilABallotTT

 What if the NoVoteSpoilABallotTT Movement was housed in the Audrey Jeffers

"I want to launch a NoVote Campaign for the 2015 Election. I need to find someone to create a phone app And your company can run the campaign, the advertising, create the messaging, direct the usage of the app? Do you think you can find someone creative and competent to make the app asap?? I would also launch a crowdfunding project with NoVote.

Is this something you would be involved with? Things have a way of happening. Let me know please Thanks"I am submitting the following officially:

A request for proposal from ... as to how the company will undertake this project, outlining its capacity and or challenges to fulfill the following under immediate timeline. All facets up and running asap, preferably, if not a bit impossible by August 8, 2015:
 [NOVote2015] [SpoilABallot2015]The Choice Between Two Bad Options is No Option, No Choice, No Vote: Independent Citizen Empowerment

1. Create a national /international crowdfunding initiative for this project, inclusive of:a. bank accountsb.credit card depositsc. operational fundd. contributions by supporters, citizens and financiers

e. distinct from big financiers, funders. this is small money contributions, but no limit

The crowdfunding project requires its own launch and operation as a direct and effectually focused runSomeone may need to man, monitor and manage this with great intensity2. Create a Phone App: Digicel , bmobilea. integrated to each otherb. integrated to a computer model and program that constantly updatesc. integrated with a website for registrants

d. organize and plan for execution, integration, system with digicel and bmobile companies

3. Create a Computer Model and Programa. collects, collates ,constructs no vote registrants
b. collates and analyzes numbers and data sets by regions. constituents, demographics, citizens4. Create a Website for the NoVoteTT2015 SpoilABallot2015 Campaigna. integrates votesb. counts registrantsc. assign registrant numbersd. integrates computer model and programe. integrates phone apps from digicel and bmobile5. Create Social Media Presence for  NoVoteTT2015 SpoilABallot2015 Campaigna. Facebookb. Twitterc. Blogd. Registrants Instagrame. GoodReads - Reference Reading on Citizen Empowerment6. Create a Marketing Campaign for NoVoteTT2015 SpoilABallot2015 Campaigna. National Coverb. National Educational Inform Information Campaignc. Advertising:    i. Papers: Guardian, Newsday, Express, Sunshine   ii. Radio, Talk Shows, Music  iii. TV: All Channels: Prime Spots and Shows:

d. Public Education - Public Service Announcements during Evening News

e. Design:

    i. Logo

   ii. Products for sale:

      ~ bags/totes

      ~ mugs

      ~ metal vehicle decals

     ~ magnets

      ~ memory sticks

     ~ neck chains (key and card holders)

7. Art Exhibit NoVoteTT2015 SpoilABallot2015 Campaign

a. Open Call to All National Artists

b. Darren Trinity Cheewah

c. National Murals

d. Installations

     i Joyvay Ayiti, Dominican Republic

e. Protest Fashion and Designs

8. Possible Need for a Space: Office/Command Control/Warehouse/Multiple Use Site

a. Acquisition

b. Set up

9. Identify and Pursue possible funders, financiers, contributions for NoVoteTT2015 SpoilABallot2015 Campaign

a. Keya Marketing will get a gratuity

b. all referrals to funders get a gratuity

c. huge contributions intended .

d. development of endowment

------------------------------------------------------------

Updates:

1. Remove 2015 on the signature and title

NoVoteSpoilABallotTT Campaign

 Suggestions:
"


1.  Petition Credit Unions
2.  Market/Sell Advertising Space to Corporate Trinidad
3.  Buy the Audrey Jeffers House

















Questions:

Q  QD

the question will be what will be done with the no votes accumulated.

A:

that is why i need an app and a computer program. to tally and verify. after the election, the number of novotes can be tallied and verified. what we do is dependent on the magnitude of votes but if it is big enough, we can challenge the constitution and stop the automatic run of default governing. the party who thinks they won may not be able to just take seat. they may be forced to give the segment seats or independents or something it depends on how brave we want to be on the small end, we can organize community level projects . it is all about citizen empowerment at various means and an intended movement i very much have that in mind. It is not just no vote. we doing something with those people, both nationally, government wise, constitutionally if not reform or rewriting, and community level, ultimately it is a national social political movement of citizen empowerment citizen social political government empowerment movement

                                                                          

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

"That Life"

Adrian R Vidale: "That life ain't for everyone..."

 

i arrive and am confronted with this statement. i tried to move on but it stays with me. i return to its words. that life aint for everyone...well. i wake up thinking about 'that life' and how i and we handled a situation incorrectly. it was the thick rain that impressed me and reminded me this was the conditions i envisioned that i knew i did not want to be trudging in. i was fearful of travelling in the envisioned flooded south quay so i wanted an office in my neighborhood. then it hit me: we/i messed up that interaction. as part of my package, the $15K a month, i could have tabled getting my vehicle fixed. but everything went haywire with this hippo of a mental case. going good for years, and for months, and then one day decides to switch off. then sends bullies of differing degrees to me. so i realize 'that life' aint for everybody..

the life of dealing with any and everybody, i cant do it. i might be a fool for it, but i cant contend. i cant subject myself to all, sundry and anything, vibration is very important. look even me, after i agreed to move forward, being in this person's presence a few times, i realized I was greatly challenged. just like being around a ball of poison lumbering.

'that life' doing anything for money. that too is a challenge for me. i and the activity must be righteous. i even realize when i say we messed up, had i been able to wrangle that bull by the horns, perhaps i could have rewrite my role, or present another configuration, and not be another rabid writer.. but at the same time, I know i am sitting here thinking, i handled it wrong, but i know we dont live and navigate a situation by ourselves. it is always influenced by the other players and their intent. and look, something as simple as, if the ugly basketball head did not want to deal with me anymore, I certainly wasnt dealing with anyone else, let a lone a runaway patriarchal blowhard ass who believes everybody is one of his children./ i will never forget he told me i am trying to help you keep this job, and what problem do i have with my name if i dont have any money. i dont think i will ever forget that line. the chasm like the grand canyon that exists between me and most. "that life" that they dont know that i know i am not throwing away, and certainly for not so cheaply. so we have ideas, we wake up with them, but things are far more complex.

it is peculiar to me though
the constant balancing and processing of what ;that life; we wish to live

regularly now i am impressed by the mind numbing effects of living the same week repeatedly. and i wonder how do others contend. but i know it is their chasing the next distraction and the mighty dollar to pay a rent

;that life; i know not for everybody, and plenty of it not for me
nevertheless, i constantly wonder what i left on various tables

so i am still broke,. my car remains down. and i am out of circulation.

 i also have to remember I am Oya, come to mash up and clean even my and mine