It is an interesting time of the MMLadyH Cosmos
you would and could surprise yourself with the landscapes in which you find yourself, your gifts, your blessings....
Something of the Sagitarius Zodiac named so for the significance of Vaughn Mark Lewis who has occupied my thoughts and desires since June 25th and now as his birthday approaches on the 19th, i bid him, the idea of him, my desire for him, my allure toward him, good bye..and do so a week before Christmas...
I did something odd and novel. posted on social media sites for various offers, desires and services:
Massages, Men, Courtesan Situations, and Encounters. And woah the traffic.
And all this comes at the end of a year and a season.
Add to that, I had a phone conversation with Chase a week ago, while liming, that lasted an hour. I phoned thinking i was trying to make a link for a gentleman I met as we talked of his father he never met but whose last name is Celestine. I met Chase's friend in Tobago, Celestine and thought that could be a link. Anyway, since then, he asked me out for a burger on Tuesday as I told him how the household here have refused me eating their food in the house. Interesting times indeed. The close of seasons, "the start of the beginning" of things, and new vistas and characters, a whole new world threatens: Peace with Chase...I can tell he wants to see me physically. And even admitted he still have feelings for me : "i never end the love I have for someone" and that was my problem with him and his other girlfriends and peoples. But we closed our acrimony as the year of time took care of my pain and began talks on doing projects..he wants to build an apartment building and I effortlessly launched into design talks with him. As always, he likes my ideas. So this is a new path with who knows where it shal lead
And that is what I wanted to write about as risque as it is.
In 2007, 2008, I explored modern day courtesan pages on the net. Seemed I had a drive to become one, so sans of sex, affection, male energy and relationships my life was, has been, entrenched for decades. No one would believe. Everyone looks at me and tells me I am good looking, beautiful, have a great body, a wonderful ... but men rarely approach me. If they do it is just for sex from the most uninteresting unalluring of males, they are not even men. And then in the locus where both of us are found, doing hookups is just asking for trouble, much like my hook up with Mark who he saw me, determined, designed, created, and executed..without any conversation and without my permission, agreement, intent. But I liked it thoroughly and fell in love or addiction or deep internal cosmic attraction to his sex, body and energy. Like our physical selves were made for each other, but oh the tumultuousness of a very erratic male character with a girlfriend. So despite having amazing sex with this man, in the close to six months we have known, we have only had sex about six times. Totally unacceptable as was and is my unfettered desire and his unforthcoming empty words and promises. For him, I think i appear rich and with a car that persists to mean little beyond just transportation for me but appears to be the biggest signifier of bling to the common citizen of tobago and trinidad.
Chase explained it to me...I am driving an SUV, not a b13, not a -- i forget all the cars he rattled off.
Anyway, i think Mark was as in love with me at the very beginning..he even told me how he was just filled the next day with thoughts of me and that was just not going to be so he shut it down under control. And that is him. He is incredibly strongwilled and minded. I have nothing on or close to him in that department though people see me steel willed, describing me as iron strength. No. They have no idea. So after months of requests for him, his time, his energy and interest, more 'No's" than I can ever collect they spilled all over, I am ending my interaction with him. I held on too because The Energy made me think we had a destiny and future together. But I think i have been delusional.
So moving on from that Sagittarius, it is the Christmas Season...and not that I timed it that way or was intentional or mindful. Last week I placed a public ad, three actually. And the week has been exciting.
I think of the twenty two year old black young man driving a Land Cruiser, pick up, much like one I would be willing to drive east on the highway while I was with Sharon in search of a blind pursuit for money for her. I knew my efforts were limited but for some reason, because I had nothing to do, I decided to appease an appearance for a search. This from the person who when last she saw me was quite cold and indifferent despite her behavior, her failures, and my money moneylent to her. But all of that was for my fortitude. $36K for a $10K loan.
Anyway, I asked the guy, Carlyle George if he would be willing to sell. He said no and proceeds to tell me that he has three. I give him a side eye squint and ask to meet him. He gives me his cell, and we talk, we make plans to meet for drinks that evening and then he texts me he has an emergency. I gathered he spoke to someone and they told him to be concerned. a black man concerned for a black woman living in the same neighborhood. What has the world come to? But I wanted to know from him how such a young person has so many of those vehicles, who his family was and what he did. And, he went to get a bike helmet. I was going to make that little boy my biker boyfriend. He drive one cruiser, I the other. My biker boyfriend finally. But alas, fear took over...Fear of what i do not know for sure> An older woman cause I was deep into cougar forest country. Fear of a black face. Fear of an unknown person in Trinidad that I could be killed, robbed or kidnapped. It is deep to me though. Fear is a big piece that emerges.
So by the time that day passes, I have responses to my internet ads.
And here is why i wanted to write. So far, all the men who have responded have been Indians.
Being ostensibly African in this culture of Trinidad and Tobago this dynamic is interesting and very separate from what the myths would have you believe Or maybe it is I am just now being oriented*.
And I have been having a time, incidentally, unintentionally, I have been wined, dined and fared..without limitations. The first one was last week. We met at Toppers, we smoked cigarettes, I drank wine, he beer, and ate cutters and I a shrimp bacon ceasar salad and sat for hours talking of all things
The other thing I wanted to tell you about these men: All of them are impressive. Even the first who was a serious characteristic iconic 'coolie'...in dress, appearance, religion and location: Hindu and Las Lomas. But his mind. Oh my Om!. He studied Psychology at UWI and seemed really adept and insightful. He said he was so enthralled with me, one time, not apart for my looks but because of the PhD...he had an affinity for intellectualism, education.. And we had similar views on almost everything we discussed. There was not one opposing view. And then I ended the lime to go to neighborhood parang which was a bust. While I was moving toward a new life, I lingered in mind with the old and its people only to find they were all vanished..
I offered to meet him again before the weekend ended as he expressed regret that i had other plans and leaving him but he had to study for exams. We friended on fb but i have not seen or heard hide of him. And because the new males i have met have been and appear to be more intriguing I have thought to just let that linger. The others are less oppositional Indian, more cosmopolitan, though might not be as intellectual. We shall see. we can do a She's Gotta Have It scenario and dance with all to get their different aspects.
So this week, two more Indians. And their names eh. Las Lomas was Dave Rudy Ragbir. But is the Dave Rudy. This week I met Mark! no last name, he is real jittery, but 6'2" gorgeous handsome faced man, if not lanky skinny narrow.. And he presented a pic of his ..and you do know the saying that the men with the biggest are often the tall skinny types...my girlfriend from college I remember her saying that all those decades ago, like it was yesterday..Carol from Long Island, My Philly Soror
Mark and I had wine and hot cocoa at the Arabic place at One WoodBrook Place. Never eat there at least not the lamb kebabs. I sent mine back and Mark and I discussed service and food in trinidad. he paid for it. This was after we met at Trader Jack where he paid for the wine I had before he arrived. A total gentleman I tell you. From a good strong classical cloistered Hindu home and family in St. Augustine, living with his grandmother. 35 or so as is Rudy.
Then this morning, another indian from South: Andre. see name. Andre is the name of my college boyfriend as well. I met him. at 5am in the dark of morning. And he is so gentle, kind and considerate. An accountant pulling $60K a month he says working on his own. That what other accountants take months to do he does in hours and that he has like crazy clients from failed tax payments, to the big firms, to government ministries. blow mind! and he still can make more money.
Andre has great technique, expansive knowledge
But here is the third reason I wanted to write about this
These indian men. I have only seen one member so far but the thing is the ad I put out had a picture and I asked readers, if they had 'that" which was a jamaican massive. For Andre to have responded I realize either these men are delusional, which we have always heard of but never had proof of, or that is their technique to increase the traffic. You send them nine by twos and they send you back as entry six by ones. Sigh. The only thing that saving them is their class and behavior, and so far, skill. and that goes a long way>
And just in one encounter, and hearing the magnitude of work he has, I immediately thought it might be possible to work with Andre in his accounting business and with clients..And perhaps a life of profession, moneymaking and security? From an online connection?...the possibilities of what can unfold if only we dared to venture..
Then I met other writers/responders on line...A businessman from NJ who comes to Trinidad about five times a year...He wants to get some of my Reiki Massages. And two others, expats, locally, who also want to book.
As I mentioned, I did this venture for several reasons: One, to make money and get new clients...The PhD in Economics need to scrounge new vistas, highs and lows to make it forward, and to satisfy my own sexual needs that have been languishing for more years than anyone would dare to believe.
Andre this morning, seemed like a catch, If he were single I would pursue him in a heartbeat. But the other thing that strikes me is how all of us have one foot in normal and another on the edge, in the darkness, off line. As one said, no one would believe my shy conservative veneer shields such freakiness.
Right now as I write, I sip cinammon clove honey black lipton tea...waiting to get ready for a 3pm meeting with Kenny from Arima. he offered he is not indian but likes Indian food. We shall see what these encounters bring. Why am I meeting with him? He offered me lunch and a christmas present of my choice. I had to tell him. I had no idea what to say I wanted, It has been decades likewise since I have received a christmas or birthday gift of any kind . And by this you get a sense of why i am out here in the wilderness, exploring desert territory..
Let it not be said that I did not live while i was here
Or that i did not pursue solutions and answers to what is lacking.
Cheers
All out There
(i feel this might be disjointed with dangling story tags...if so forgive me)
you would and could surprise yourself with the landscapes in which you find yourself, your gifts, your blessings....
Something of the Sagitarius Zodiac named so for the significance of Vaughn Mark Lewis who has occupied my thoughts and desires since June 25th and now as his birthday approaches on the 19th, i bid him, the idea of him, my desire for him, my allure toward him, good bye..and do so a week before Christmas...
I did something odd and novel. posted on social media sites for various offers, desires and services:
Massages, Men, Courtesan Situations, and Encounters. And woah the traffic.
And all this comes at the end of a year and a season.
Add to that, I had a phone conversation with Chase a week ago, while liming, that lasted an hour. I phoned thinking i was trying to make a link for a gentleman I met as we talked of his father he never met but whose last name is Celestine. I met Chase's friend in Tobago, Celestine and thought that could be a link. Anyway, since then, he asked me out for a burger on Tuesday as I told him how the household here have refused me eating their food in the house. Interesting times indeed. The close of seasons, "the start of the beginning" of things, and new vistas and characters, a whole new world threatens: Peace with Chase...I can tell he wants to see me physically. And even admitted he still have feelings for me : "i never end the love I have for someone" and that was my problem with him and his other girlfriends and peoples. But we closed our acrimony as the year of time took care of my pain and began talks on doing projects..he wants to build an apartment building and I effortlessly launched into design talks with him. As always, he likes my ideas. So this is a new path with who knows where it shal lead
And that is what I wanted to write about as risque as it is.
In 2007, 2008, I explored modern day courtesan pages on the net. Seemed I had a drive to become one, so sans of sex, affection, male energy and relationships my life was, has been, entrenched for decades. No one would believe. Everyone looks at me and tells me I am good looking, beautiful, have a great body, a wonderful ... but men rarely approach me. If they do it is just for sex from the most uninteresting unalluring of males, they are not even men. And then in the locus where both of us are found, doing hookups is just asking for trouble, much like my hook up with Mark who he saw me, determined, designed, created, and executed..without any conversation and without my permission, agreement, intent. But I liked it thoroughly and fell in love or addiction or deep internal cosmic attraction to his sex, body and energy. Like our physical selves were made for each other, but oh the tumultuousness of a very erratic male character with a girlfriend. So despite having amazing sex with this man, in the close to six months we have known, we have only had sex about six times. Totally unacceptable as was and is my unfettered desire and his unforthcoming empty words and promises. For him, I think i appear rich and with a car that persists to mean little beyond just transportation for me but appears to be the biggest signifier of bling to the common citizen of tobago and trinidad.
Chase explained it to me...I am driving an SUV, not a b13, not a -- i forget all the cars he rattled off.
Anyway, i think Mark was as in love with me at the very beginning..he even told me how he was just filled the next day with thoughts of me and that was just not going to be so he shut it down under control. And that is him. He is incredibly strongwilled and minded. I have nothing on or close to him in that department though people see me steel willed, describing me as iron strength. No. They have no idea. So after months of requests for him, his time, his energy and interest, more 'No's" than I can ever collect they spilled all over, I am ending my interaction with him. I held on too because The Energy made me think we had a destiny and future together. But I think i have been delusional.
So moving on from that Sagittarius, it is the Christmas Season...and not that I timed it that way or was intentional or mindful. Last week I placed a public ad, three actually. And the week has been exciting.
I think of the twenty two year old black young man driving a Land Cruiser, pick up, much like one I would be willing to drive east on the highway while I was with Sharon in search of a blind pursuit for money for her. I knew my efforts were limited but for some reason, because I had nothing to do, I decided to appease an appearance for a search. This from the person who when last she saw me was quite cold and indifferent despite her behavior, her failures, and my money moneylent to her. But all of that was for my fortitude. $36K for a $10K loan.
Anyway, I asked the guy, Carlyle George if he would be willing to sell. He said no and proceeds to tell me that he has three. I give him a side eye squint and ask to meet him. He gives me his cell, and we talk, we make plans to meet for drinks that evening and then he texts me he has an emergency. I gathered he spoke to someone and they told him to be concerned. a black man concerned for a black woman living in the same neighborhood. What has the world come to? But I wanted to know from him how such a young person has so many of those vehicles, who his family was and what he did. And, he went to get a bike helmet. I was going to make that little boy my biker boyfriend. He drive one cruiser, I the other. My biker boyfriend finally. But alas, fear took over...Fear of what i do not know for sure> An older woman cause I was deep into cougar forest country. Fear of a black face. Fear of an unknown person in Trinidad that I could be killed, robbed or kidnapped. It is deep to me though. Fear is a big piece that emerges.
So by the time that day passes, I have responses to my internet ads.
And here is why i wanted to write. So far, all the men who have responded have been Indians.
Being ostensibly African in this culture of Trinidad and Tobago this dynamic is interesting and very separate from what the myths would have you believe Or maybe it is I am just now being oriented*.
And I have been having a time, incidentally, unintentionally, I have been wined, dined and fared..without limitations. The first one was last week. We met at Toppers, we smoked cigarettes, I drank wine, he beer, and ate cutters and I a shrimp bacon ceasar salad and sat for hours talking of all things
The other thing I wanted to tell you about these men: All of them are impressive. Even the first who was a serious characteristic iconic 'coolie'...in dress, appearance, religion and location: Hindu and Las Lomas. But his mind. Oh my Om!. He studied Psychology at UWI and seemed really adept and insightful. He said he was so enthralled with me, one time, not apart for my looks but because of the PhD...he had an affinity for intellectualism, education.. And we had similar views on almost everything we discussed. There was not one opposing view. And then I ended the lime to go to neighborhood parang which was a bust. While I was moving toward a new life, I lingered in mind with the old and its people only to find they were all vanished..
I offered to meet him again before the weekend ended as he expressed regret that i had other plans and leaving him but he had to study for exams. We friended on fb but i have not seen or heard hide of him. And because the new males i have met have been and appear to be more intriguing I have thought to just let that linger. The others are less oppositional Indian, more cosmopolitan, though might not be as intellectual. We shall see. we can do a She's Gotta Have It scenario and dance with all to get their different aspects.
So this week, two more Indians. And their names eh. Las Lomas was Dave Rudy Ragbir. But is the Dave Rudy. This week I met Mark! no last name, he is real jittery, but 6'2" gorgeous handsome faced man, if not lanky skinny narrow.. And he presented a pic of his ..and you do know the saying that the men with the biggest are often the tall skinny types...my girlfriend from college I remember her saying that all those decades ago, like it was yesterday..Carol from Long Island, My Philly Soror
Mark and I had wine and hot cocoa at the Arabic place at One WoodBrook Place. Never eat there at least not the lamb kebabs. I sent mine back and Mark and I discussed service and food in trinidad. he paid for it. This was after we met at Trader Jack where he paid for the wine I had before he arrived. A total gentleman I tell you. From a good strong classical cloistered Hindu home and family in St. Augustine, living with his grandmother. 35 or so as is Rudy.
Then this morning, another indian from South: Andre. see name. Andre is the name of my college boyfriend as well. I met him. at 5am in the dark of morning. And he is so gentle, kind and considerate. An accountant pulling $60K a month he says working on his own. That what other accountants take months to do he does in hours and that he has like crazy clients from failed tax payments, to the big firms, to government ministries. blow mind! and he still can make more money.
Andre has great technique, expansive knowledge
But here is the third reason I wanted to write about this
These indian men. I have only seen one member so far but the thing is the ad I put out had a picture and I asked readers, if they had 'that" which was a jamaican massive. For Andre to have responded I realize either these men are delusional, which we have always heard of but never had proof of, or that is their technique to increase the traffic. You send them nine by twos and they send you back as entry six by ones. Sigh. The only thing that saving them is their class and behavior, and so far, skill. and that goes a long way>
And just in one encounter, and hearing the magnitude of work he has, I immediately thought it might be possible to work with Andre in his accounting business and with clients..And perhaps a life of profession, moneymaking and security? From an online connection?...the possibilities of what can unfold if only we dared to venture..
Then I met other writers/responders on line...A businessman from NJ who comes to Trinidad about five times a year...He wants to get some of my Reiki Massages. And two others, expats, locally, who also want to book.
As I mentioned, I did this venture for several reasons: One, to make money and get new clients...The PhD in Economics need to scrounge new vistas, highs and lows to make it forward, and to satisfy my own sexual needs that have been languishing for more years than anyone would dare to believe.
Andre this morning, seemed like a catch, If he were single I would pursue him in a heartbeat. But the other thing that strikes me is how all of us have one foot in normal and another on the edge, in the darkness, off line. As one said, no one would believe my shy conservative veneer shields such freakiness.
Right now as I write, I sip cinammon clove honey black lipton tea...waiting to get ready for a 3pm meeting with Kenny from Arima. he offered he is not indian but likes Indian food. We shall see what these encounters bring. Why am I meeting with him? He offered me lunch and a christmas present of my choice. I had to tell him. I had no idea what to say I wanted, It has been decades likewise since I have received a christmas or birthday gift of any kind . And by this you get a sense of why i am out here in the wilderness, exploring desert territory..
Let it not be said that I did not live while i was here
Or that i did not pursue solutions and answers to what is lacking.
Cheers
All out There
(i feel this might be disjointed with dangling story tags...if so forgive me)
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