i had such a blissful sleep this morning. I keep trying to figure out what was the source of that. it was so calm. so still. so without thought and thinking, no projections. i dreamt too. Some upstairs house, must still be trinidad, the old serving trolley from my grandparents' house was in the dream, and the same stock of lays potato chips in various selections that my aunts buy now was on there and I was complaining that no grown up snacks were bought, and it was like workmen were being welcomed to the house to eat, drink, and they brought their stocks of alcohol and were sitting on a sofa, in the dining room, waiting for all things to be set up to start imbibing, and there was a lot of milling around but seems -- whose house was it? who was the head of the house? i feel it was me, but not sure, and there were a lot of young children but none I recognize as now or before. it was a mix of realities, i guess as always.
it was blissful rest.
after an evening of so many revelations an confirmations and repeat performances. i had a great evening drinking campari and grapefruit juice
for some reason Sherron been liming in my neighborhood. I saw him twice, but it was only last night i recognized him. his jewelry has changed but it is still obscene. and his girl is in tow. then i saw this indian guy walk by and i told my friends I know that guy and he tells me it is sgt? inspector? i dont remember, but a russell, an indian guy i remember from tv. and he then said he is/was there because sherron was. I am not sure i believe that story because they all moved in different directions, the former was a regular friend entourage complete with chicks in slinky dresses. but i was liming with Mickael of Ali's Doubles and Richard, two indian guys, The latter was a trip. Just meeting us and talking about how people used to laugh at him with his old van and how he bought this brand spanking new one week old Nissan p/u/, and he described for us its load and features, charge phones from the tray, leather, and i go in and remove the plastic head bag rests == why are people so tacky , and tacky. Anyway i just watched this guy and was amazed to see how shallow people are. and yeah, Nissan improved and expanded their back seat. I never liked that vehicle before because of that cabinet they called a back seat but everything is bigger now, even the rear doors. they were cool dudes otherwise though
then i get home and decide to write an email to my one sworn enemy, and the best line keeps occurring to me:
"you stupid dumb fuck of a thief woman"
now imagine who i would have written that to
through sleep too, i got the intro and framework for my final interpretation of my eddie bowen essay...a context framed of trinidad. how trinidad infuses everything, nothing exists free of its negative influences. just like how trinidad is a land of marissa dicks,; destroyers, so too this place and its content people alters highest ideals and intentions, great expectations winnow down to the least common denominator and smallest accomplishment
what happened is i sometimes wake up with so many different lines and topics to write, that it paralyzes me. i just have to push and write a caption for each one as I tried to do here as opposed to denying it.
and i know i have long talked of coward curs here in trinidad, from since around 2009 or before I recognized it, but last night i was pushed up against that again. how coward males are, that they wont stand up for a woman in their midst, the arrogance of these coward males to feel they can say and do what they want or will toward women, a friend of mine was complaining how out of place a friend was.. and i was thinking of these crass crude bar owners, so the whole coward and curs thing occurs to me again.
i feel there is more but i cant remember anything else. it was a very rich twenty hours
i feel centered and invincible
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