DNA Changes

 

 

neck pain's spiritual purpose and mission of language

and its consistency, twice, in a life?

a question for the next qualified reader/seer I meet

what if the five morrocoys i was to get from 2011 are not turtles themselves but perhaps, five persons moving like turtles. in that case, i think i can almost name all of them. if not most. and if not name them. there are five areas, corners, situations, facets of my life that nee fixing. wealthealth. productivity. employment. love/mating and children/raising/teaching. and who can deny they have all snailed dragging along all these years.

i wake up thinking if someone else asks me why am i not in mississippi i will say cause there was never anything there for me, in that barren place, but it took the flight to know it. if there was anything for me there, ever at all, i would be. i would have known all/ i only talk about it still cause i am astounded at the lies, as if i never would have reached there to see for myself, but i guess that cretin thought I was so bad off I would accept anything. little does he and his total condition makes the bun bun burnt pot bottom of my life, ever. in fact, there wasnt even a pot. just an empty filthy untouched house with windows. i scorn to think the condition he would live in if he thought that house was clean. anyway, moving on. i have no idea why the runt is still here, i guess to read my posts, so here, read about your trifling self showing all the tiredness of every last one of your ancestors.

it has been a weird few days. i see it in my dreams. bizarre dynamics/ like links that are alive, and blue and turn into people. or something so.

then i had such a heavy cry in public talking to supposed friends, and i realized i was crying close to wanting to sob because i could feel the weight of my whole life, and more than that, I am stunned to accept how much of it all i have kept in, silence, holding, carrying. and it was thirty years ago that graham used to tell me "empty your cup, melise" far less for all that has been added to it in the thirtty years since, is just mindblowing. that i have managed to keep it together, and it was like spiritually i felt i was on a tightrope with a bulging jihaji bundle. like from cartoons from the 1930s. carrying a house wrapped into a cloth tied by its edges.

i know what i want and need does not exist...someone deep, smart, strong, resilient, competent, empathic, compassionate, resourceful and wide shouldered, barreled torso enough for me to sob these stories out for freedom

I am also clear on so much I am to do right now. But it would seem almost all i need to do , i dont have the space to do. at the most banal, i need to clear and clean my closets and space. but exactly what I need to throw away is what i now wear.

I need to be in the bush. last night i realized I needed to wrap my neck around my poui tree outside, i need to let nature purify me of all that has its claim, and reconstitute me touch free

i thought to sit under a pure river waterfall and let the rush beat my shoulders and neck into a submission of reception

gosh. i am saving the most and worse and greatest needful for the last, and even some of them are trying to elude me...i need to remove myself from the people i am around. every single one almost.

i keep being formed and reformed peculiar and yet still not moving away from the environments and mentalities that have no space for me to spread my wings. from family, friends, relatives, associates. all.

the eagle trying to make life among the chickens and in the chicken coop, as if the earth ground was not bad enough

the fact that a being comes with so much and tools and uses almost none of it, that frustration. also a facet that needs to end. but as I sat at a table last night and watched from a distance, a group of adults, two with grandchildren, argue long, hard, and rowdy about which beer was better, stag or carib. and all i could think of watching these people was, which one of you all own either? but could not . as I played out in my head how serious and grave I would have said it, so the music would stop abruptly and everyone thrown out on their tail. that kind of dynamic, separation and juxtaposition is my life

and all i am writing now i feel i am still missing my initial intention of this post. i am not getting to the meat of the matter. not speaking the pictures i saw in my dreams this morning. they are lost to me now it seems. i just know it was mystical , magickal, supernatural, cosmic/

the body alters// dna changes