fifty two is such a nice neat number/
i guess like all even numbers, but not really. at half that , twentysix , it was the numbers of my birthdate. and in reality a poignant moment in my time. i had by that time passed two pregnancies. and the last, the one from the year before, the one conceived on the continent. and even after all this time and life that is the first time I am recognizing that fact to state it as an item. i marvel at how stupid I have been in turns and terms.
i guess like all even numbers, but not really. at half that , twentysix , it was the numbers of my birthdate. and in reality a poignant moment in my time. i had by that time passed two pregnancies. and the last, the one from the year before, the one conceived on the continent. and even after all this time and life that is the first time I am recognizing that fact to state it as an item. i marvel at how stupid I have been in turns and terms.
but it dawns on me and makes me write, how much unlike other women I
am. had i been, i would have had that last child and both of them
actually. the men, were trifling boys when it came to the news, but they
werent chopped liver. lazarre was one good looking haitian guy. very
broad shoulders that i love, and a red man that all these trini women
trip over and for. his eyelashes were a mile long. had huge almond eyes.
cheekbones seemingly more definitive than mine. a beak bird nose and a
wide forehead. there is no way that child would not have been gorgeous
the mix of the two of us.
most women would have used that as their only measure.
looking back in hindsight, i now would suffer any risk just to honor a life. but back then, I thought i honored life beyond myth and I could not fathom bringing children when their fathers did not want them. i also did not trust myself to be a sterling parent. to protect and guide and never harm. mistakes in children's lives are unacceptable to me. always have been
but that potier would have had an older brother. and yes, they would have both been maleboysonsuns. he was just three or four years older. looking back now i am seeing how things on a level were all so perfectly packaged. a three to four year distance between children is advisable.
it came to me in dreams. the first was junior, my brother, but spelled junia. i was puzzled until I came to trinidad and learned that is a real name. the second, potier, was junior's godbrother, his italian god brother from brooklyn, vincent. his father was mark edwards the third. the philadelphia mayor goode's assistant.
if i was like other women, thinking like them, I would have noted, good looking fathers, good looking children, and high prospects for maintenance payments. but that werent my scene. I regret not bringing them though. even as I wonder how am I sure things would have worked out and that i did not bear statistics
years ago, i told rhondell feels and single fathers group to start a service bank to provide just the kind of support he is screaming about today.
life at double twenty six
as i watch clarence rambharat at a presentation fete liming with the unc tertiary education minister. keep letting them fool you. swear to god that voice makes me think of a dodo head
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PkwdxSHdB9c
most women would have used that as their only measure.
looking back in hindsight, i now would suffer any risk just to honor a life. but back then, I thought i honored life beyond myth and I could not fathom bringing children when their fathers did not want them. i also did not trust myself to be a sterling parent. to protect and guide and never harm. mistakes in children's lives are unacceptable to me. always have been
but that potier would have had an older brother. and yes, they would have both been maleboysonsuns. he was just three or four years older. looking back now i am seeing how things on a level were all so perfectly packaged. a three to four year distance between children is advisable.
it came to me in dreams. the first was junior, my brother, but spelled junia. i was puzzled until I came to trinidad and learned that is a real name. the second, potier, was junior's godbrother, his italian god brother from brooklyn, vincent. his father was mark edwards the third. the philadelphia mayor goode's assistant.
if i was like other women, thinking like them, I would have noted, good looking fathers, good looking children, and high prospects for maintenance payments. but that werent my scene. I regret not bringing them though. even as I wonder how am I sure things would have worked out and that i did not bear statistics
years ago, i told rhondell feels and single fathers group to start a service bank to provide just the kind of support he is screaming about today.
life at double twenty six
as i watch clarence rambharat at a presentation fete liming with the unc tertiary education minister. keep letting them fool you. swear to god that voice makes me think of a dodo head
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PkwdxSHdB9c
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