{this pic and this story line puts me in mind of the valley of dry bones, as coined by the haitian writer , Edwidge Danticat; but this is a print of artist, Oswaldo Guayasamin}
a life of unknown sabotage, a judas for every decade. or more.
mid 90s
* sandra batie at msu, my ag econo career
* sonny mcleod, my mother's cousin, betrayed her: my legacy and inheritance
2000s
* margaret gordon, my mother's cousin: employment at uwi
* cameron chase, betrayal on an agreement after me saving his mother's land legacy that he did nothing to keep or get for fifteen+yrs
last night, i was wondering what does it mean for someone to be destroyed and sabotaged unawares. ? completely unawares
and to find out years after the fact.
all except one fit that case
and there is another, turunesh raymond, but her hand is largely impotent. except that she hurts other people in trying to affect my life, but she has no standing here.
i been pondering this when i read about being either a victim or a victor in life. VictoRevenge
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i read on a thread in a discussion on pnm politics:
never to be weak or soft hearted
i take strong instruction from that. especially since a recent lover of mine told me the very said thing standing under a street light one night
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considering complex mathematical equations of how to get from where i am to where i have to deliver. and be like ups and never make left hand turns, but then i run into the issue of dead ends and unknown saboteurs.
life routing problems
reduce cross-traffic turns, as well as waiting for an opportunity, clearing to pass through
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getting back to my saboteurs and my story of the huge impacts sabotage has dealt in my life, for the past two decades, during the primes of my life, I suspect, and know that in every one of those stories, there is a person, holding an idea that I should not attain what i was offered or stood on the threshold to obtain, and they took it upon themselves to torpedo it when i was never ever looking for them there. in fact, not only was i not even looking for them there, I did not know they held it in their heart so, nor that they were even present to play a role. it makes me realize and to share to you, how unbelievable critical that tenet of be careful who your friends are. people may see you with someone and think they are your people, when in fact, they are your most fervent enemy. it is a double edged sword.
the bottom line is that hose judases, felt and believed that level blessing is for someone else, you, as a person they envy and look like and could never get, should not have, / for them it is some kind of torrid turn on the homogenous white men that mishra talks about in this video..
i read his ideas and realize a clarity...i do think i ran into that invisible see through wall that i was in full speed to attain... that liberty, prosperity, power and attendance
"when the enemy is more intimate" -- you know you have arrived and attained to a level most did not. you have climbed over the institutional racism and systemic blocks. now it is your own encampment who will trip you up. and none of those people on that list are any degrees away and outside of me. at most one or two degree removed. sonny. everyone else was at my shoulder.
my project of self empowerment was torpedoed by hands other than mine and I struggle as to how to overturn its impacts, when i know now there are no allies. that is the other thing I know and learned, , the time of age of anger, requires cover, shields and vanguards
See video: 0:38 - 2:58... and then watch the interview
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