my every thought, consideration, theory, muse, word and whim
Monday, September 5, 2011
How Trinidad Ignores their Titans
that quote keeps my attention for i think, yes, it is a loss of capacity for development, Pat Bishop's death, but so was the national, state, elite, populist ignoring of her, her ideas and talents...
was she not ignored?
as so many other persons filled to overbrimming with ideas, visions and possibilities?
just needing an audience, a platform, funding and an army to implement?
Just like Dr. Kenny?
why do we not do what these people say, want and ask, forthwith, when they say?
why do we wait till their death to say how great they were. when our actions, engagement and covenant with them speaks volumes, otherwise
i have been thinking on this.
we are so hopelessly minute, selfish and paralyzed to think and do different, from family members to private citizens to government
like i think, did Pat;'s sister know who Pat was, what she had in her hands and brain? while Pat was living? Did she ever think to store, capture, prepare for this day? allow someone, others to enter in and start archiving? why do we wait for death, as if we know not death. I think that is the height of childishness. or is it that we fear self promotion?
it is hard. a hard muse. a difficult muse
makes me think of my 2000 book library. I knew it was a treasure. but see, little black african girls dont have treasures, such treasures, not libraries and certainly not ones that should be donated and archived, protected and promoted, so it was bizarre of me to talk of that in 2003
when i came to trinidad, had not even known much of Minshall, just hearing how carnival was no longer the same, and found myself sitting next to him at a function, and i introduced myself (hm, i wonder if i did)...but in any case, i leaned over and told him, asked him, are you writing your story? you should write your story. i am not sure what he said..but i seem to remember even then, his own surprise, like i was giving him a new thought, a surprising thought, a story, was the thought in his head in a quizzical manner, but also a regroup to say, yes, it is in the offing...i seem to recall. they are always going to do it when you mention it, but then death comes, and it is not done.
i could kind of see the same thing with a Pat in this country>laughter, mirth, derision and flagellation if she were to suggest the ordering of her own mind, hand and work for posterity/ so now we struggle, all in silent camps thinking what can be done. but wondering, i do, if it ever will
yes, we have lost a great piece and contributor to our national development, but the point was we are undeveloped, douen, premature, and breech because we ignore the real and true titans while they live. preferring to worship instead, the empty tins.
If you want to know who Pat Bishop:
http://www.google.tt/search?q=who+was+Pat+Bishop&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a
Sunday, September 4, 2011
i awaken finally, after pondering four a good three hours or more, while still sleeping, the disturbance of people and this place, and they know it not. the world is full of demons and trinidad is a particular lay line vortex for them. ask the chinese medicine practitioner in st augustine, if you be pure, he will tell you.
From the moment the sun hits the sky, meaning it was still in the east horizon, the neighborhood grass cutter started work, and I swear I envisioned him drunk or mad for i swear he was cutting stone and galvanize. I got up to try and see where he was for i feared for my vehicle and the pelting of fragmented missiles. i could not see him but it went on so for the whole time. that never happened before. what the hell was that about? and why was he ignoring the landscape. it was odd. odd for a person of a heightened sense of hearing. so who does that...? ask yourself if you can imagine>
then no matter your belief or not, who or what has no value for time and space of quiet, respect for others/ people who play music for the world and it is often the most offensive noises, at the quietest hour. If you wake up, or never went to bed and in noise the whole time. Who are you? think about that. let me give you my opinion for once. demons, those of unresting unpeaceful spirits, that are here to disrupt the spirit, thoughts and work of others. think about it.
i also wake up realizing i am turning into my grandmother Ruth. I went from young girl, see the pic above, endless taxi of womanhood that never took off, people say i am still very much a girl, act like one, to those who get to see that side of me...straight into old woman. My sensibilities are/ and why Ruth in particular? After being a fighter and warrior for all my life, from childhood of seven to about oh...yesterday*, i just seem to want to be about love. in fact, one person on here who doesn't even really know me, said that to me a few months ago..'Everybody cant be about love, Maven" i laughed. evidently i was morphing still holding my sword and my tank of fire...so i am thinking to put it down. Realizing. to want to be love, speak love, touch love, fill love, heal by love, eat and drink by love, massage a body when they lie down in rest as my grandmother did me, is love. I am turning into Ruth
then, as i am coming to write this, i see to peculiar posts. cause i have to tell you, i was hesitant to write these views about peace, silence and love; i thought well, the demons may look at me as crazy, and then i thought, no they dont, they dont even see or know of me. but i saw two posts that related to mine so it tells me, there is relevance if not value. one post mentioned having peaceful homes. and i am talking of the respect for people to have peace in their homes, if there is peace in the street if others are respectful of the fully integrated life we live on an island. even the churches are disruptive. what makes them think i want to hear their noise? why have they not thought to ac their houses so noise is contained and their attendants are comfortable. and another post speaks of atheists. and i laugh at those people. for they are always proselytizing as the believers. but my readers will tell you, i am god, even while i believe and have respect for what and who i don;t know and the work they did beyond and above me and i need not dispel them just as i need not prove myself. but those are things, corners, the hidden and dimensions the ignorant who are so full and sure of what they know insist, so i just smile, watch and keep on going. lesser and lesser now i choose to engage. but at least it tells me, my voice and views, opinions and theories are worth entertaining, considering. in this whole atheist believer continuum too, I pray. at least i am starting to again, after i stopped, thinking i was all powerful and able. my life has gently showed me i am not. I say gently cause it did not slam me against a pole, take away my brain, my legs, arms or destabilize my body to make it weak or inoperable. so, yes, gently. I am not as powerful and able as i prepared myself to be, so i in touch with my very real and breathing vulnerability can reach out and talk, speak a word, make a beseech, to my ancestors, the universe, and what they know and can that I cant. that is prayer. And guess what atheist, i have proof those two exist. atheists of a certain local kind are also funny to me. for they are like all the other sheep populating the world, they are not able to configure a way and means outside of labels and categories. that just came to me. praying to what exists, animism, makes sense, from their logic and challenge: 'how do you know god exists?'. anyway my thing is to let all believe and do as they wish. my thing is, is why cant we all do it quietly? why is your listening to music as you drive by part of my reality?
the last thought and Idea i had was that it would be nice to have the Books of Love> for i also thought of the bible. and there are delightful books in there. excellent literature, myths, allegory and personal stories. The Books of Job, Isaiah; Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, ...hm. i can see myself being a great editor and intermingling the stories of the women, the prostitute, Ruth, Deborah, Esther. ..to compile not necessarily in a cohesive story, but just a telling of love. Tellings of Love. Author, The Bible. I wonder who i would have to ask for copyright?> And I think that is too much trouble, I will just compile them, sell, share and disseminate them. and wait for them to come to me.
these are my Sunday September 4, 2011 thoughts on a morning
Saturday, September 3, 2011
September 3, 2011 Middle Night Soul Revealings, LifEpiphanies and Future Unfolding
so many thoughts fill my mind/ they interrupt my thought sequence at different moments to remind me...remember to write...but i feel i do not have a coherent story yet ..nevertheless, this date, September 3, 2011
the thought that just interrupted: during the night it hit me how grown folk are shown by one thing: those who do what they have to, what they must, what is the right thing to do no matter who or what; someone did to you, or what space they are in or inhabiting. so if you land, call and say hi. not because they curtailed your interaction does it mean you have to go to enemy stance #GrownFolk. This popped in my mind as i watched and observed men in groups. they cuss each other out holy and completely but they come around to shaking hands, drinking beers and commiserating again...and i am at a loss to figure that one out for i do not get close enough to their mind to understand the real move, motivation, thinking.
the other thing i have been thinking hard upon since last night is this thread, ...
https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=10150368873465148&id=520315147
...and the blogpost from which it came, and the writer, and the identity they inhabit, the role and function they say they are about, but with quotes and words that betray another form...and how to deal with that in a space where no confrontation ever takes place and we friend and belove enemies, even those who call us out of our names, to our faces, and we laugh and make light of the pathology, unable unwired it seems to honesty and personal integrity.; and in the meanwhile all the work we need and is critical to our national development is mamaguyed...i ponder how to engage all that..
Personally though, the greatest weight
so much came in a tidal wave, not one huge but little small ones building a poolake
1. our future is in our past/ i know we have read people write that, but only when you have an epiphany, I think do we understand how poignant
2. we may think we are doing nothing, missed the boat, or life left us on the pier, but really, we are being prepared, we are being taught, we are there to fish the pieces out the water and to watch the naysayers sail down the river to the falls, without a submarine. get me/it was not our waters to drink from, inhabit, bathe in or encounter
3. the seemingly unrelated things we did, learned, and ventured was as if we were unknown, building the tool chest of skills and abilities; painting a collaborative piece by the varied hands of our different personalities or past lives.
4. the future is in the chance things that people say, maybe curses, may be blessings, may be marching orders, clues, actions, withholdings or riddles...but it is there, if you know what to look at/ look at everything.
5. then that gets me to some thing i read on twitter yesterday, someone wrote a book of how to discover your future. And I remember pausing and considering the title. Wondering what on earth are they gonna say and maybe even make up. And I realized through the night that
6. this is what I am writing you here. My story, how it is evolving, the answers coming, as I just stay faithful to my intent. My journey, my goal and expectation, that this was not all for naught, fraught as it was...it was just seasoning, wizening, sweetening. an unfolding, still in process.
7. I feel I know what I am to do now. At least what I am marching to. I even see what it will be like, and the boldness in which I will do it.
8. And of course all of this was helped by those who unwittingly, openly stated what their third eye saw
9. Everything is economical, resourceful and to a purpose..
Keep your eyes open
afterthought: {it is all there/ even in my name}
7. I feel I know what I am to do now. At least what I am marching to. I even see what it will be like, and the boldness in which I will do it.
8. And of course all of this was helped by those who unwittingly, openly stated what their third eye saw
9. Everything is economical, resourceful and to a purpose..
Keep your eyes open
afterthought: {it is all there/ even in my name}
Sunday, August 28, 2011
The State is Indeed an Emergency
\
everything here, good and bad, but we are talking of the bad is a reflection of the people. know how bizarre and unusual for me to be on fb at this hour, then to open up in this page, which I never stay, close or leave on; and then to see your post, first and only -- reflecting the thought that awoke me from sleep that i expressly came to write.
Friday, August 26, 2011
thoughts on my mind this morning:
Pat Bishop's evident sense and duty of work, at all cost to health, wellbeing and life, as told by some of her closests ...the ide of "working to and till the cost of life" comes to me. I wonder who else have i seen that kind of ethic; i wonder where it comes from; what it comes from? I wonder if slavery and indentureship .> a complete release to exhaustion and inevitable death that to my mind seems to bring it closer, sooner. a powerlessness? a fatalism? am i right? and i was...when I heard of her death, how she went and the complaints she made earlier in the day, just what was explained this morning is exactly what i subscribed/ so now i wonder why>? what is that about? what anthropology and ethnography or cultural frame is that?
then waking up to Irene and the recognition that she is pointed and directed to slam straight into my childhood home; and the footage of folk going on about their business as normal. and the bloomberg host speaks of the ny character, "you can tell a NewYorker but you cant tell 'em nothing", how they appear to be ignoring warnings and he says the reckoning will be told on Monday morning..
and the me in global world assessment dont end there/
a car bombing in Abuja, the Nigerian recent capital, at the UN building
And I think, well. perhaps there is no where to go other than where i am, despite my how many tentacles sent out to all, everywhere and sundry; old haunts and new places. all of them under some kind of strain, bent, destroyed and buckling. there is no where left to escape/;that ended since 1998, why are folk like me still raising rugs and digging up overgrowth?
i wonder if i have the mettle to do what i did twenty years prior? i think the deep truth of the matter, is now the fire is now just embers. Think i want to just sit and make hearth and home, whatever that home may be or not. it just is
the fact of the matter is that this is a global reaping time. It is a time of economic shifts and political realignment; great and grave instability; all at the whims and subjectivity to the weather, the one we created with our global warming as if we did not need to live here...well. sociopsychopathology at its height needs to play itself out...i wonder if this is really the time to go trolloping through the cumulative sewers of our times?
and what am i watching at this hour Friday, August 26, 2011 9:48pm
CNN's Living with Slums, Part Two, Manila Phillipines
the host: "my revulsion of how people are living, leads to admiration as to what is required of them to survive"
and that leads me to put my own strivings in context/ there are no words. is it possible to list 2011 current human afflictions created by human darkness/ and yet, i number among the fortunate. so let me rest and sit content and carefully easy. in honor of those not with either privilege or luxury
Pat Bishop's evident sense and duty of work, at all cost to health, wellbeing and life, as told by some of her closests ...the ide of "working to and till the cost of life" comes to me. I wonder who else have i seen that kind of ethic; i wonder where it comes from; what it comes from? I wonder if slavery and indentureship .> a complete release to exhaustion and inevitable death that to my mind seems to bring it closer, sooner. a powerlessness? a fatalism? am i right? and i was...when I heard of her death, how she went and the complaints she made earlier in the day, just what was explained this morning is exactly what i subscribed/ so now i wonder why>? what is that about? what anthropology and ethnography or cultural frame is that?
then waking up to Irene and the recognition that she is pointed and directed to slam straight into my childhood home; and the footage of folk going on about their business as normal. and the bloomberg host speaks of the ny character, "you can tell a NewYorker but you cant tell 'em nothing", how they appear to be ignoring warnings and he says the reckoning will be told on Monday morning..
and the me in global world assessment dont end there/
a car bombing in Abuja, the Nigerian recent capital, at the UN building
And I think, well. perhaps there is no where to go other than where i am, despite my how many tentacles sent out to all, everywhere and sundry; old haunts and new places. all of them under some kind of strain, bent, destroyed and buckling. there is no where left to escape/;that ended since 1998, why are folk like me still raising rugs and digging up overgrowth?
i wonder if i have the mettle to do what i did twenty years prior? i think the deep truth of the matter, is now the fire is now just embers. Think i want to just sit and make hearth and home, whatever that home may be or not. it just is
the fact of the matter is that this is a global reaping time. It is a time of economic shifts and political realignment; great and grave instability; all at the whims and subjectivity to the weather, the one we created with our global warming as if we did not need to live here...well. sociopsychopathology at its height needs to play itself out...i wonder if this is really the time to go trolloping through the cumulative sewers of our times?
and what am i watching at this hour Friday, August 26, 2011 9:48pm
CNN's Living with Slums, Part Two, Manila Phillipines
the host: "my revulsion of how people are living, leads to admiration as to what is required of them to survive"
and that leads me to put my own strivings in context/ there are no words. is it possible to list 2011 current human afflictions created by human darkness/ and yet, i number among the fortunate. so let me rest and sit content and carefully easy. in honor of those not with either privilege or luxury
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
State of Emergencies and Other Life Curfews
to maintain center as it falls away
to write truth in and out of emergencies
to discern facts from falsehoods in all states
to decipher cats and snakes before they both hiss and bite
to understand it is not for the lack of procedures but the absence of character
to lead outside a constitution
to wipe the president inconsequential
the CoP into brasoblivion
his standin a mimic of a former herald
to dissonance a memory
to dislocate a direction
to fragment a piece of a 2x4 nation
to rewrite the culture when their was none
and to that all without rights
but with valid ids and passport
to escape where
I think to make good work of prison
if they come for me
will they let me get dressed and take enough tampons
Will i have time to finish a law degree
to contest the extent of illegality
i will petition the kangaroo court
off their plantation
the finest silks and counsel from london and other nations
all toward reverse colonialization
the state of emergency is the absence of mind
to make a viral meme of the trivial
to leave the national desecration
the international farce untouched
clowns on an open stage
as if in denial
all puppets stuffed with bagasse
sheep of cotton dressed in wool
the wolves in self cannibalism
no equator to equate the equalities of shifting inequities
only rampant iniquity
never ending one after the other
just this time, I cant find the steps to climb back down
From current heights
Brainwaves at zero
12:01am August 24, 2011 mdhuggins
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][Jason Dopson: "So if I posted that Trinidad and Tobago is polluted because of the people that live there will that get me in trouble for saying the truth? Imagine,a city,the industrial capital of the world,one fifth the size of T&T and ten times more people has cleaner air than a Caribbean island."][
the thought that awakens me this early Sunday morning is this:
the man that everyone is complaining about is a reflection, the karma, the energy, the very act and character of the people who are now gnashing their teeth, wailing and complaining.. and on this very forum of fb. so much confusion people have fomented; people who would copy people's words, make and keep record of people's posts, to repost, share and fling back; who would repost and share to others in secret, silence, deceit and treachery, to bring trouble in failed attempts at infamy...all of that was done, is done, as normal on facebook. the ugly that is human interaction in this small mental space of a country iis now coming back to bite them in the ass. coming back in spades. the thought magnified, shaken up and compounded ===what they did is being brought back and done to them, only difference now, with power, silence, and fascism/ i just sit back in silence, watching
i and a few others keep writing this place is the people within, all the problems are wrought from each hand and heart, but look like the sheep and slaves mamaguy themselves in thought too, for the actions and intentions dont change, and seem they just repeat the same, breeding and recycling to live over and over again/blind, deaf and dumb douens.
it truly is interesting the reflection. of the inner to the outer. from the personal hand to the government decree, one same mentality.
it is almost funny. i think it is, really.
Rise and Shine People, Another Day Awaits Thee to Fill Thine Character; Fulfill Thine Destiny. One Aim. One Country. ent?