questioneverythingevenyourself

i awaken finally, after pondering four a good three hours or more, while still sleeping, the disturbance of people and this place, and they know it not. the world is full of demons and trinidad is a particular lay line vortex for them. ask the chinese medicine practitioner in st augustine, if you be pure, he will tell you.

From the moment the sun hits the sky, meaning it was still in the east horizon, the neighborhood grass cutter started work, and I swear I envisioned him drunk or mad for i swear he was cutting stone and galvanize. I got up to try and see where he was for i feared for my vehicle and the pelting of fragmented missiles. i could not see him but it went on so for the whole time. that never happened before. what the hell was that about? and why was he ignoring the landscape. it was odd. odd for a person of a heightened sense of hearing. so who does that...? ask yourself if you can imagine>

then no matter your belief or not, who or what has no value for time and space of quiet, respect for others/ people who play music for the world and it is often the most offensive noises, at the quietest hour. If you wake up, or never went to bed and in noise the whole time. Who are you? think about that. let me give you my opinion for once. demons, those of unresting unpeaceful spirits, that are here to disrupt the spirit, thoughts and work of others. think about it.

i also wake up realizing i am turning into my grandmother Ruth. I went from young girl, see the pic above, endless taxi of womanhood that never took off, people say i am still very much a girl, act like one, to those who get to see that side of me...straight into old woman. My sensibilities are/ and why Ruth in particular? After being a fighter and warrior for all my life, from childhood of seven to about oh...yesterday*, i just seem to want to be about love. in fact, one person on here who doesn't even really know me, said that to me a few months ago..'Everybody cant be about love, Maven"  i laughed. evidently i was morphing still holding my sword and my tank of fire...so i am thinking to put it down. Realizing. to want to be love, speak love, touch love, fill love, heal by love, eat and drink by love, massage a body when they lie down in rest as my grandmother did me, is love. I am turning into Ruth

then, as i am coming to write this, i see to peculiar posts. cause i have to tell you, i was hesitant to write these views about peace, silence and love; i thought well, the demons may look at me as crazy, and then i thought, no they dont, they dont even see or know of me. but i saw two posts that related to mine so it tells me, there is relevance if not value. one post mentioned having peaceful homes. and i am talking of the respect for people to have peace in their homes, if there is peace in the street if others are respectful of the fully integrated life we live on an island. even the churches are disruptive. what makes them think i want to hear their noise? why have they not thought to ac their houses so noise is contained and their attendants are comfortable. and another post speaks of atheists. and i laugh at those people. for they are always proselytizing as the believers.  but my readers will tell you, i am god, even while i believe and have respect for what and who i don;t know and the work they did beyond and above me and i need not dispel them just as i need not prove myself. but those are things, corners, the hidden and dimensions the ignorant who are so full and sure of what they know insist, so i just smile, watch and keep on going. lesser and lesser now i choose to engage. but at least it tells me, my voice and views, opinions and theories are worth entertaining, considering. in this whole atheist believer continuum too, I pray. at least i am starting to again, after i stopped, thinking i was all powerful and able. my life has gently showed me i am not. I say gently cause it did not slam me against a pole, take away my brain, my legs, arms or destabilize my body to make it weak or inoperable. so, yes, gently. I am not as powerful and able as i prepared myself to be, so i in touch with my very real and breathing vulnerability can reach out and talk, speak a word, make a beseech, to my ancestors, the universe, and what they know and can that I cant. that is prayer. And guess what atheist, i have proof those two exist. atheists of a certain local kind are also funny to me. for they are like all the other sheep populating the world, they are not able to configure a way and means outside of labels and categories. that just came to me. praying to what exists, animism, makes sense, from their logic and challenge: 'how do you know god exists?'. anyway my thing is to let all believe and do as they wish. my thing is, is why cant we all do it quietly? why is your listening to music as you drive by part of my reality?

the last thought and Idea i had was that it would be nice to have the Books of Love> for i also thought of the bible. and there are delightful books in there. excellent literature, myths, allegory and personal stories. The Books of Job, Isaiah; Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, ...hm. i can see myself being a great editor and intermingling the stories of the women, the prostitute, Ruth, Deborah, Esther. ..to compile not necessarily in a cohesive story, but just a telling of love. Tellings of Love. Author, The Bible. I wonder who i would have to ask for copyright?> And I think that is too much trouble, I will just compile them, sell, share and disseminate them. and wait for them to come to me.

these are my Sunday September 4, 2011 thoughts on a morning