Saturday, September 28, 2013

The Hunt Following My Life



i have to tell you something
i started smoking a few months ago; cigarettes, only because other stuff is usually rolled with it here in trinidad. not the practice i ever saw anywhere else. leave it to trinidad to always do some converted conflicting thing to the purpose at hand. but that is beside the point. i am now writing about something that appears to be so total, to a man, that i now have to declare it, share it, acknowledge it to the universe and hopefully, it be part of my process to heed and obey....but in these months, no matter where i go: up, down, across, at the hyatt, or on the neighborhood corner bar, almost every man, will ask me of my smoking: how i smoke, what is the reason, what is my life and all to tell me,: I should stop. the last person: was my server at the hyatt last night while i sat out on the balcony after meal and sunset dark, with my digestif and smokes. he also told me to pray, which is the other exhortation i hear most from strangers.

i have no earthly idea what it is people see that makes them instruct me, exhort me, or want to guide me, but now, for the first time, i am no longer marking it up to fassness or out of place ness, but, the same way there are the dark ones who see me in whatever kind of way that makes them want to hate, i am believing these other people see some kind of light that they for one reason or another odd, are trying to preserve...and oh the comments have been rich...i hear : " you are too beautiful to smoke" "you are too 'nice' to smoke";  and then the whole litany of them wanting to tell and show me the effects of smoking on my body...sigh. when i tell them i spent decades taking care of this temple in pristine sacred fashion and so now i can deduct some points, they are not having it..."you will start to wrinkle" smh. so. my whole plan of being an old woman who smokes because my great grandmother smoked a pipe, ...perhaps i need to wait till i get my indigenously naturally made peace pipe. and stop with the commercial poison. of course too when i tell them i plan to grow my own tobacco, everyone is excited about that idea...but until then...i need to listen...listen...and that is a personal cross for me to bear...miss ownway stubborn, i am told.

but i just had to share..

that and another thing that has me feeling weird. i think this year 2013 and moreso in the last few weeks, last two months, i have been meeting characters and personas just not on my usual platform of living which also means i find myself in places, at times, i never would have before. and now i came home last night wondering about that. it is almost like i want it to stop now. it was cute and cool being adventurous. now lets flip the page. close that chapter. find a new book.  but often, while i am there, i often wonder why, for what purpose. am i going to do something sometime in the future where when i rise up these people will say, i know her, or will these people be my lieutenants, my street crew for some reason...it is bizarre. that is it. this year is kind of bizarre...

reminds me of another thing last night. two firsts. that make me go internal and wonder deeply why and how, the science behind what is blithely said of no significance by the speaker, but the weight of the words are almost requiring extra hands to carry...a police officer, i think he said he is 53 or 55, referred to me as his big sister. I was floored. we/i often speak of men not respecting women, and here was this strongman who whereever we go, folk part ways and he is keeping order, refers to me so. it made me wonder and reflect of all the times he has seen me and what it is he sees to confer such an honor. In my day and time, to call someone your elder..well.

and then late last night another guy who would not take his eyes off me, by the end, came over to me and said, "i dont know what you did to me, but you have me smoking when i dont smoke, and here is the clincher, he said to me, i dont know, it is puzzling, i am trying to analyze you, it is like you are a sadist. and i asked him what did that mean cause i could not believe this man was so calling me...but he defined it accurately, he said, "it is like you are "hostile and beautiful"

yes folk,, people writing scripts and independent film lines worthy of honors and awards, in port of spain, and we are none the wiser.

talk about life in movement: film
my stories of the day///

and it does not end there...

two nights ago i had a dream that made no sense:
my estranged father was in the dream, it was like we were living in the same house, a house full of light and light color, and there was a child, that clearly belonged to us, who i am not sure, what relation i do not know but this child was also light, light as to be almost white, if she was not in fact a white child...and i was preparing and calming and ministering her as to perform surgery upon her, this child that was about five years old, no older than ten, a myomectomy. but she already had one, and had the scar to prove it, a scar that is much like mine, cause i have had three, and the last one of the greatest scar, almost from hip to hip, but her's the little girl's it was artistically done, like a tattoo, and circle curls , two on each side a bit inside from each end.  and that is all i remember.

then a friend wrote me the following morning of that night and asked me had i yet applied to medical school (Teocah Arieal Ainka Dove)/ and i thought that was odd. he felt i need to be a doctor to the extent i care about people. and i thought that too was a heed. see the larger point of all this writing is i think i am getting many signs and wonders from the universe and landscape. in ways i think many would miss, i am trying to not to miss them.. but here is the thing about this dream and this event...i learn yesterday evening that a friend of mine had an emergency myomectomy this last week (mouthopen). yeah. isnt that peculiar? i dream it and it is happening somewhere...or happened...

smh. i have no answers to the fabric being weaved. but will be sure to tell you when i wear it; when it covers.

-------------------------------------


"Wisdom speaks in twenty years;
foolishness in thirty
Stubbornness betrays the fool;
silence portrays the wise
Thus declared Ifa to the foolish scion
of the hunting lineage
'Be wise,' said Ifa
'Uphold your hunting life
Uphold your ancestral line'
- Holy Odu EjiOgbe

The Ancestral Promise is your truest pathway to wisdom. What!? Think of it this way: The ancestors represent your personal catalog of all human genius. You might consider yourself quite modern, and entirely unique. But the truth is, most - if not all - of the things you have never done have already been done by your ancestors before you. In fact, unbeknownst to you, they mastered many of the essential crafts that you are only discovering today. This includes everything from marriage and parenting to entrepreneurship and political activism. Have you ever stopped to think about how old your family REALLY is? Have you ever considered the full extent of your extended family? Most importantly, it is through the collective consciousness of your lineage that you come to understand the Ancestral Promise that you were sent to fulfill. Ultimately, you cannot be truly wise in the world and ignorant of your lineage at the same time. Live the medicine!"

Obafemi Origunwa, MA | www.ObafemiO.com

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— at Ifa Divination (Dafa/ATS)
-------------------------------

ShamanTube
Imagine a woman who believes it is right and good she is a woman.
A woman who honors her experience and tells her stories.
Who refuses to carry the sins of others within her body and life.

Imagine a woman who trusts and respects herself.
A woman who listens to her needs and desires.
Who meets them with tenderness and grace.

Imagine a woman who acknowledges the past's influence on the present.
A woman who has walked through her past.
Who has healed into the present.

Imagine a woman who authors her own life.
A woman who exerts, initiates, and moves on her own behalf.
Who refuses to surrender except to her truest self and wisest voice.

Imagine a woman who names her own gods.
A woman who imagines the divine in her image and likeness.
Who designs a personal spirituality to inform her daily life.

Imagine a woman in love with her own body.
A woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is.
Who celebrates its rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.

Imagine a woman who honors the body of the Goddess in her changing body.
A woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom.
Who refuses to use her life-energy disguising the changes in her body and life.

Imagine a woman who values the women in her life.
A woman who sits in circles of women.
Who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets.

Imagine yourself as this woman.
- Patricia Lynn Reilly

---such a woman is the one writing life stories like this

Monday, September 16, 2013

Guest Writer/Author: Makemba Kunle on LeRoy Clarke's Obeah


 

 LeRoy Clarke: "This oil painting on canvass (6x4)ft, titled UNDER IT ALL... EYE ALRIGHT is from my El Tucuche series... It is on display at LEGACY HOUSE, where Eye live and work... Enjoy."
 
------------------------


Paper delivered at UNESCO Symposium - “Leroy at 70” 2009
Revised: June 2013

“Is Really Obeah in Truth”

"By what standards do we measure the art of Leroy Clarke? Can we use western standards? Of course we can. After all, the tools and materials that he uses, the shapes and sizes of the paintings, the framing, the presentation in galleries, western style, made to fit western standard buildings. His arena is the west; and even the Trinidad and Tobago and Caribbean public is very westernized in its relationship to ‘Fine Art’, a western construct, if there ever was one.
Within this construct, if you’re not linked to somebody who is linked to somebody else in this construct, then you fall into the eccentric, primitive or ethnic or exotic, all of which have there little niches today.
We disregard these comfort zones and we link Leroy Clarke to Lam, and in the sequential pattern of Western Art History, link him ultimately to Picasso and Braque. This is good company and a good place to be; where even to argue against it would help to sustain the association with these artists of the ‘modern’ era, (that is, artists who fly in airplane and ting). All this is common knowledge, that Picasso and Lam took inspiration from African essential aesthetic and (especially in Lam’s case) spiritual elements also, and applied these elements to their work, just as Leroy does today, albeit with a little more fervour.
At the Carifesta Art Symposium in Guyana in August 2008, Cuba was invited to present a paper on Caribbean Art and Aesthetics. The good lady who made the presentation, a curator at one of Cuba’s many museums, gave to the gathering a power point presentation on the life and work of Wilfredo Lam and that was that.
I understood the point that she was making.     
As an activist involved in the staging of national exhibitions, as an artist interested in a global reach, and as a Trinidadian wanting to make a name and stake a claim in the affairs of the world, I was forever involved in the promotion of the work of Leroy Clarke as the one to open the way for the abundance of artistic talent in T&T, just as that Cuban curator understood that Lam was their man, the signature of an era and space.
Rubadiri Victor, managing editor and publisher of ‘Generation Lion’ makes a stronger case for Leroy Clarke being the artist for us at this time in Trinidad and Tobago.
But I confess that I myself am not much concerned, in this presentation, with Leroy Clarke’s place in the pantheon of Western Art cosmology. I begin with the given, that his work has power; and this is also my point of departure.
Where does this power come from?
I look once more at the paintings, for in this context; by thy works shall ye be known.
I look at his spirit- like forms, his anthropomorphic abstractions, his experiments in textural manipulation, and his secret hieroglyphics. I study the dexterity of his line, his colour combinations, and his ambiguities. I compare his new work with the old, and I write;
“Recent work has shown a little less cubist tendencies, less archetypal symbols, a more playful dalliance with transparencies and reflections and spatial proportions. I perceive a greater involvement and excitement in the alchemy of the matter that he works with. All bear a stamp of vigour and authority”.  
Not satisfied with this, I ask myself, what is this authority?
Leroy tells us it is obeah.
These days, people have a tendency to look for meaning in works of art, which in turn would give the works added value and power. One wants to journey through the painting seeking a deeper penetration into the nature of things. The meaning then, as much as any other quality one might find important, adds power to the work. So when we engage it, we are transported into our own dreams, or our own dark unconscious. The meaning in Leroy’s work is not only implied in his compositions and in his euphemistic titles, but also defined in his contextual notes and writing and speeches and poetry over the years. We engage the work with layers of context from “El Tucuche” to “Laventille Here There and Everywhere”, in language full of deep metaphor, and with extravagant forays into mystical planes. So much so that one has to ask oneself if one is not being mesmerized by linguistics. Leroy’s preoccupation with language has marked him as one of the first of T&T’s local artists to take these modern intellectual schools of thought with emphasis on “meaning”, and apply them to his work.
Leroy’s fascinstion with the spoken and written word has not only marked him as one of the foremost in a group of T&T artists to take these modern intellectual schools of thought and apply them to his work, but it has awarded him a place in history as a pioneer and innovator in the study and application of art, with his introduction of the term “Obeah”, both as his thesis and as his modus operandi.  It is a complete change of paradigm.
His use of the term “obeah” in the realm of Fine Art and in the realm of philosophy, was phenomenal at the time.  It helped pave the way for the legitimizing of obeah, so to speak, in the minds of the public and of the intelligentsia, giving it a sort of acceptance, if not respectability.  And whether the Orisha practitioners liked it or not, he also widened the connotations of the word to encompass all the ritualistic aspects of the Orisha Tradition.
Obeah also implied a secret within the work that needed to be uncovered. A world of mystery, magic and omens, which would arouse a sense of curiousity and intrigue.  Within the traditional African frame of reference, this is the esoteric value of the work that enhances and surpasses its material value, and this is what boggles the minds of Leroy’s detractors: what is his (expletive deleted) secret?
He tells you plain- “Obeah”.
Our problem, with regard to Leroy Clarke’s work, is that we really don’t believe it.  We applaud his espousing his African spirituality in his speeches and writings and paintings; we find it clever, his refashioning of primitive concepts to modern philosophical and aesthetic discourse. But we don’t actually believe that Obeah is real, or worse yet, that we’ve been subject to its workings.
Even though he keeps telling us this over and over again.
Even though you see photographs in the newspapers showing him emerging from the bush, crowned with leaves of special herbs, dripping with sacred oils and holy water, after having undergone secret rituals presided over by the elite of the Orisha practitioners, including Babalawos from Ife in Nigeria.
Now when a man who knows what Obeah is, says to you “My work is Obeah”, don’t ‘get tie-up’. This is not a metaphor, like” Douennes” or “El Tucuche”, or “Landscapes of Consciousness”.  It would serve you well to take him seriously, and study his work from that serious angle.
So this is my study, take it or leave it, of the Obeah in Leroy Clarke’s work.
Now as an aside, I remember two shopkeepers in Barataria. When one of them started to prosper a little more, the other would say, not without some malice, ‘He make Puja’.  Puja for non-Hindus being Indian obeah, implying also unfair advantage – outside help, so to speak. And since people sometimes greet me with “If you is this big- time artist, how come you not rich”?  I am tempted to retort: “He make Obeah”!              
To be serious now, firstly, Leroy’s obeah is tied in with his word. One of his favorite biblical quotes is ‘In the beginning was the word’. He believes in word magic and works word-magic. ‘Utterances’ was the theme of a whole exhibition of his at Aquarella Gallery, fifteen years ago. He has found ways to use the word to recreate whole existences, even refashioning his own life story into a non-ending Wilson Harrisian odyssey, from “Fragments” through “El Tucuche” to “De Distance is Here”- poet as hero, the great Eye, mythisizing his own self in the process.
How does this affect one’s approach to his paintings?
One approaches a myth with reverence, with acknowledgement, with wonder. One is obeahed from the start.
There is a very interesting catalogue from the Museum of African Art in New York edited by M. Hooten, entitled “Secrecy: African Art that Conceals and reveals”. Some very illuminating essays which talk about the devices that the artists use for their ritual artifacts and icons and masks, such as coding- this number of dots, that number of dashes, also the use of special letters and symbols. We talking Leroy Clarke here.
They say in this book that these artist/obeah men even use obscurity as a device, where they would suggest the presence of something while at the same time camouflage it, and they talk about the different ways the obeah is hidden in the work; and that it is the presence of the obeah that gives the object value and power.
“Recent art-historical studies have discussed how African works of art phrase secret knowledge to a visual grammar.  Abstraction, accumulation, obscurity, omission and containment are some principles of secrecy’s visual language in many African cultures. In the art of the Akan, the Bamana and other cultures, for example, there is often a dialectic between what is seen and what is unseen.  The more secret the thing is, the more enigmatic and non-representational its form. Monni Adams, exploring the “silent beat” in African geometric patterns, has discovered that behind them sometimes lies the codification of secret information, or the invocation of invisible presences.” (Secrecy: African Art that Conceals and Reveals. Metropolitan Museum of Art)
So when one of these works is commissioned or purchased, it is purchased for this power resident in it that will be of benefit to the owner.  They the artists are nonplussed that western art enthusiasts should want to cart away ‘objects of art’ that have been divested of their magical inserts because for them it is the obeah in it that gives the work its significance.
So too, I am saying that in the work of Leroy Clarke, obeah is the most significant factor. Perhaps other scholars in the future will give this more serious study.  Such a study might include as subjects, those people who, quite irrationally it seems, declare an aversion towards his work. While some of them are expectedly mixing up the man and his ideas with the work that he does (Sometimes this works positively for the artist, and other times otherwise), there are those who are either afraid of it (the work) or suspicious of it, as though they are consciously or intuitively aware of its subliminal powers and for them to entertain these powers even for an instant would take courage and knowledge beyond their cranial capacity.
It’s a quantum leap, so to speak.
Which brings me lastly believe it or not, to this thing called quantum mechanics, which I cared little for, until I came across an intriguing documentary called ‘What the Bleep – Down the Rabbit Hole’, a documentary that gives an introduction and some insights into this field and some of its findings.  One of the experiments in quantum studies was to show how the powers of thought and intentions, in communion with forces unknown, affect matter and energy, and using scientific experiments to demonstrate their hypothesis.  
Intention….communion….unknown forces….
This is what we used to call high science, sounding remarkably like the obeah we speak of, which Leroy practices with a discipline and single-mindedness that are unsurpassable.
Leroy’s scientific methods and techniques in this regard have not been properly documented, least of all by himself. For the present we merely have incidental and anecdotal references which to quote here might sooner trivialize the discourse rather than fulfill our purpose of elucidation. In another paper, “The Technique of Obeah, as practiced by Leroy Clark in his Making Art”, December 2010, I have attempted to describe parts of his process that I myself have witnessed.
Some artists carry a fire burning inside of them and allow that fire to burn randomly and indiscriminately. Not so, Leroy. Like the gas welder who hones his flame to fire points of intensity, Leroy harnesses and focuses his flame to points of concentrated intention.  
If the intention is to command the attention of the world, then he is right on target.  This event is hosted by the United Nations i.e. All the nations of the world, paying attention today to his work and himself, and his work sooner or later will be featured in every country in the world, in the major museums of the world, because Leroy Clarke has intended it and willed it, authored it and obeahed it, so that long after he is gone his obeah will continue to work for him, and there is nothing anyone else will be able to do about it?"

Makemba Kunle 09’

Friday, August 23, 2013

Excerpts: Readings, Prophecies and Destinies of A Life

  1. see that photo is in three parts. the land. a wombmyn and a male/ peculiar isnt it 




     -----------these are the things that give you validation and authority over what is in someone else's hands...appearing / the truth is in the value to who

    Rob Brezsny's Free Will Astrology:
    "Somewhere there's a treasure that has no value to anyone but you, and a secret that's meaningless to everyone except you, and a frontier that harbors a revelation only you would know how to exploit. Why not go in search of those things? "
     -------------------

    "you are a WOMBman after all

    u birthed him into a business man"
    --- 
    " an enabling birthing wombmyn midwife/ of men"
    ---
    "u r transforming (like the corbeaux) men

    perhaps u here not to birth children

    but to birth ideas
    to birth men with no ambition into those of focus

    d space(land) in d background is d space that is left for wat u birthed

    d relationship was probably part of the process needed to birth/transform into a business

    perhaps d bird came to show u that yr relationship will be diseased by it transforming to a partnership and that yr relationship would die bc of this transformation..who knows

    u are a transformer

    wen people come into contact with u they have no choice but to be changed in one form or the other..but change they will

    as much as u love him that may not be yr purpose to b mates...u were to birth him out of that love..as a mother loves a child in the womb b4 it is born

    that was yr purpose to him...and he did say it himself

    so u have to love without the attachment as how a good parent would wen it is time to let go"

    #readingstoriespropheciesanddestinyofalife

"i got my answer lol
u r a maker of men
the universe has been telling u through different ppl"



  1. Photo

     ====

    i told a guy last night who was shocked that i had no children that i never found a man worthy enough to have children for/ he tried to contend with me about 'perfection' even though i told him my definition is not his...[it is my moon...i wrote that before and at the beginning]...now i know i am right. if there were men worthy enough i would not be sent empowered to transform them

    -------
    my bird: Corbeaux
    my moon: Third Full Blue Aquarian Moon August Summer 2013
    my birth: midwife wombmyn maker/transformer/enabler/birther of men


     

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Battling Against Psychological Warfare/ Life of A Melanated Female


Richard Anthony Luke:

"There are some books so hard to find and when found they have been deleted from the net. Here is a great one, but it is set up to prevent the link from being posted so you will have to search it out yourself. Secret.Societies.And Psychological.Warfare by Michael Hoffman. Yup. It's about that psychological war I keep telling you about. The one you don't think that you are engaged in, for you are at peace. Yeah right."

 ================================

yo. i think. am almost sure. that is what and why and how my life is in the turbulence it is in all corners. i have awakened to the psychological warfare against my existence, my soul, my embodiment of self from long time, if not from a child. No If. From a child, starting with the first opponent who took me on: my father...and I  learned then...it was not safe. I was in a war. so i had to become a warrior. I am  now deconstructing and weaving the pieces into a new more enlightened understanding and this post helps...so up to today, last night, when friends who are all men, older, trying to tell me what to do, how to be, praising and beholding me only because of my attributes of their preference, that is just pure attempts to cannibalize, consume, control, own...i understand where my 'disobedience' comes from. one who is sane will never obey someone trying to kill suppress or change them = and change for their purposes and use eh

and one certainly learns there are common forms not to be trusted...so when someone tells me i have trust issues, i find it funny, only the untrustworthy, scoundrels are ever the ones to mouth those words. i find it funny that they never take it as a challenge to prove and show themselves worthy, but to continue doing all the things, blindly and intentionally, that scream to me the extent to their deceit and lying. It is kind of deep

real deep/ cause i am now at the juncture that my warriorhood must take on another form. it allowed me to survive but not thrive, and it is blocking me now and for a long time, i imagine. but the war has not ended so it surely provides for a dilemma.

and you can never speak or tell these people of such ideas or realities/ they were telling me to calm down for my passion in farming and railing against a slave culture that keeps cogs from ever awakening, far less for if i was to speak this.

wow.
the camel and that eye of a needle


Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Machinations of Political Imaginations




Joginder Aulakh:
" rather no woman , ever played victim -- it is the man's littleness -- that always spoke a lie ."

Staceyann Chin, "What happened to me was NOT MY FAULT".

-------quotes on a meme regarding women, victimhood, and "playing victim"

and i am wondering, when is what you experience and happened to you, "your fault"? then i wonder if a lot of my experiences these past thirteen years were "victim blaming"? i never considered or framed myself as a victim but i wonder if i have been a victim of this world capitalist domination system? or is it that i pulled the wrong tools off the shelf? or that I never knew how to play the games for the arenas i entered? what and where is the role of 'blame' and 'responsibility' and i quote Joginder because of his, "it is the man's littleness" screams out at me. ... when we choose the wrong things, the wrong places, the wrong people, the wrong choices, the wrong behavior, the wrong responses, the reactions? i feel lost and confused as ever and wonder what are the symptoms of being in connection and interface with demented sociopsychopaths. i certainly believe being lost and confused is the direct result of such. and i remember another meme that says when confused turn the picture another way, upside down, look from another angle. which is itself scary, cause in a two part deal, supposedly, the opposite direction is from the counterpart and their comments and behavior will surely leave you to think, there was a scheme, a strategy, a play, a confidence game, to get and benefit at any expense or cost; least of all any consideration to you, and you had no idea. believing someone good when they are only a smartman. this leads me to reflect on a talk i had yesterday that seemed to me a bit surreal, as if i was a tv, radio or journalist host, or writer taking notes, documenting an experience...i feel this is a good place to tag that write up and leave it in its broken, unclean, unedited raw copy. but it can be controversial. and there are ideas in there that should be copyrighted, but overall, i felt it was an unexpected boon : someone showing their brilliance that i never thought or knew, a sharp insight that seemed different from the crowd and landscape.

if nothing else, this post is taken the indirect and impersonal, applying it to the personal and then it is an external personal human interaction/interactive dynamic extrapolating it to a nationhood

and see, as i read the piece over pondering whether to make it public, the word jumps out at me. TRUST. all the pieces I am seeking weaving to integrate are about TRUST> trust on the personal internal level, trust on the interactive level with others, intimate and public, and public trust of institutions, politicians, processes and systems;; outcomes and services. and trust of individuals in all these dynamics to make the right call, see accurately, associate correctly, be honest-- and where is the blame, or responsibility> do we take responsibility for encountering and engaging snakes? or are those the 'littleness of men"?

=============
Machinations of Political Imaginations
13 August 2013 at 12:51

it is a very rough time right now and taking a lot of imagination to survive politically

it is like the lord of the rings. there is a lot of undercurrent and machinations going on so it requires a lot of political imagination.

a neanderthal' a cromagnon reimagined
his political presence is a backward step into tribalism and 'bigmanism'
in the malaysian culture they have a big man culture...(the jefe, don, chief of africa, latin america) in malaysia, big man, baddestman, coming out of a tribal fighting culture... in his case his use of money and brer nancy - the spider in the Aesop's fable--the smart man, conniving, bob and weave, move around and get out of situation...our politics in trinidad is brer nancy ...and it is a tabanca a fallout and sooner or later him and kamla will get back together..

you know the kind of things they said about kamla when they were opposing her: moonilal, bharath, but that is there...once they can control they can get back together...so there is this dance of conflict and this is their means of negotiation to resolve and come back again? ...all part of their hindu theory mixed with chieftain politics....the models are there you know..they just keep reinterpreting it all the time...read Ramayana...the story of Hanuman ==the one who theif the wife of shiva...and Shiva's Tabanca.. same stories they are reinacting...all about power, success and money..

so it takes a lot of poltiical imagination. you cant relate to anyone on straight trust relationships...this is why the society cant advance because you cant use trust as a normal currency...trust is the currency of business -- (human relations, dealings and social capital), you have to use scheming and brer nancy politics. so a lot of the nations' resources are absorbed into trickery, corruption, rival, conmen and conwomen

...that billion dollar road is the most expensive road in the world...where is that money going...so the minute the road going to build..you and your friends go and buy up all the land..you go and buy a mountain...and that is the opposition...people, the public, know they are being conned but they cant figure it out and put their finger on it...

so for parties like us, a partner describe it as a virgin in a whore house...and one pure, it is lost..

...on the port, to get a barrel, one has about twelve stops to make...all of that is to decrease the corruption...but all it does is increase the corruption because there is a greater number of opportunity...same thing with licensing office

so jw is on his rampage and he has a lot of money to expand himself..he has stolen the golden goose---the gg is the political will of the people
what is laying the egg. giving political power...so he has snatched that and is running with it and the giant, the unc, is running after him

surprising that jack is the name in that story...Jack and the Beanstalk...climbed up and stole something from the giant...Jack the Giant Slayer>>>

...thinking of bringing out a band next year...Jacks. Jack you Up, Jack up Your Car, JackAss, Jack and the Beanstalk, Jumping Jack, Jack Hammer, JackIron Rum (Grenada) - highest alcohol content -90% in the world...Jack be Nimble...Austin "Jack" Warner...he got jack because the teacher in school called him a jackass>" ole mas every piece will tell a story..
thought about writing a book: i transported to this country and when i land there is a fight between tribal factions...and i am told of how this country came to be there, the people and its conditions and how the war started...talking of the political philosophy of what it means to be in this place

because the person who emerges as the leader of the country, as a strongman, but he will not be the solution to or for the country."

"death threats and extortion...so he can manage them by giving them some things...shady characters
so how does this work: threat pulls you down, hurts you, keeps you quiet, extortion itself makes you aparty to their criminal ring..

remember jack was minister of national security so people have their people

it is not the first threat i have gotten there are others who have their strongmen, and they assign themselves to you. 'saif'...and when you refuse them they get aggressive

these people subscribe to power as if it is a god...you know they are not really smart you know; they have not much alternative or choice in their life (and this part reminds me of a conversation i had with hayden blades saying that the population of this country are all chasing a few opportunities, all of them knowing that one thing: that time, resource and opportunity shall soon run out, so there is a mad grab to get it all at once, and two, they all fear that the other will get it and they will get none. and in that regard, imagine the negativity transplants, and different thinkers will be subjected to, the gate keeping, shutting down, exclusion and maligning that may occur--that is the victimhood this country is predicated on--and if you speak it, you are not taking responsibility? i met someone last week and in a conversation about employment and why one such like me with so many skills and ideas and they asked me my background and when i mentioned the phd was told that once people see that they will run scared. this country..ah, another word. Fear and Scared, Coward and Curs/ Four for one. Then the lack of Trust, the absence of Honesty, and the Subterfuge, Subterfusion, Mamaguy and Double Dealing,. there is an overwhelming avalanche of stuff, paralyzing to recount)

"....like the people who are part of these ethnic groups" --- at this point the exchange trailed off, the focus flipped, but if it were possible to continue, that endline would be a perfect pick up point to learn and hear more.

-------end transcript such as it were/there are typos i can no longer see, but this person;s use of lens and frameworks, literature and character were fascinating to foreign me----------------------------------


it is a hell of a thing to talk to someone, know they are lying , but they have no idea that you know things, have seen things, have read things to know that they are lying, and then watch them do the subterfuge, the obfuscation, the discussion on proof, or giving false interpretations.. all to undermine your assessment that you couch as questions or propositions...

it is destabilizing really.
does that qualify for sociopsychopathic behavior? and what is that you may ask? dissonance, hypocrisy, lies, damn lies, obfuscation, projection, alterations, constructing alternate realities, reimagining history and events, challenging your charger's truth, memory, or just coming up with new shit that blows the other's mind. in short to obliterate the ground you both are standing on.

i wrote yesterday to leave the dumb shit alone ehnt?
if one is not careful, they will destroy and obliterate you, all the while speaking of 'genuinely liking you" lordamercy, calling all guides and ancestors to save, aid and deliver

makes me think of that sister they sent to st. ann's,, or the movie, liar liar,
and then it occurred to me this is the behavior of little people, they conjure up and cover up to compensate for their personal failures, all the while they assign that to you. what is the dsmv? dmsv? category for this behavior?


Wednesday, August 7, 2013

something to ponder and come back to

Rufus Mahon
When you are in a fight for your life, and the battle is getting tough; the adversary looks for a kink, crack in your armor to exploit it. Lack of repentance, lack of forgiveness will always keep your sword dull and your armor unable to protect you. Yeah, you maybe obedient to what you feel God is telling you, but without confessing the sin in your life and walking in offense and unforgiveness, defeat is guaranteed. Prayers go unanswered, forward progress is stopped and growth ceases until those issues are dealt with. So if your wondering why your being defeated, prayers not answered and your not growing, it's not the leaders fault, the teachers fault, your prayer partners fault or anybody else; it's YOU!! Confess, deal with it and get restored. Don't let something so little keep you from gaining something so great.......

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Love of Vampires

if they tell you you are too complicated to love is it true?
if they say loving you is difficult is that true?
if they say that you have not opened up to them, do you know it?
what if you opened up to them more than any one else in the past, is that true?
are these things true?

am i damaged goods?
am i handicapped: mentally, emotionally:
-thinking i am an alien
-thinking i am misunderstood wholesale
-talking different to most
do i have trust issues and baggage? or are the men i have encountered and most of the ones that surround me show themselves untrustworthy?
do you really want to be with me when you make and keep yourself open to all your ex girlfriends?
are you really committed to me when you refuse to tell your ex girlfriend you have a woman in your life?

how can you distinguish between the men telling the truth and the ones lying to you to shade their deceit?

how do you know that it is just them trying to break you feeling that you are too powerful?
how do you know the difference between gender bashing and subjugation and real personality flaws that are deal breakers?

how do you tell him I know you are a liar cause i read your phone texts: the quandary between trying to assail the truth and trying to find the real character and being besmirched yourself transgressing someone's privacy. the privacy that has no honor

how do you not bash yourself when you have insecurities about your own correctness but bounced up against confusion

what about when they tell you you are confused, crazy, wrong headed, wrong thinking, overanalyzing, and coming up with the wrong conclusions

if you are in a relationship with someone, will they have regular daily and multiple texts and conversations with an ex girlfriend?

and then you talk about building a network?
how are your ex girlfriends helping you create your life?
when you are in trouble, how come any number of your male friends so close to you not an option?

i dont understand this life
i dont understand life
I am not so smart

how do you know your feelings of sadness and loss are not just your desperation? and not this idea of love? if a man loves you does he leave you? and refuse to put in the work?

he says you never opened up
you never trusted him
you believed he was sleeping with others

 i am futilely trying to write my way out of a love morass, a need crutch? a life 2013 disappointment.
ii thought i found the man who would love me for eternity; at least that is what he promised
iii but evidently i am not the person he met, something about complex, complicated, with trust issues...and all the while i think it is him. if a man walks the straight and narrow and not shady and hypocritical, a woman cant help but be happy. i was for three months. blissfully so

now i am moving on
unsure
unclear
still cursed: "a man will never be with you but for more than a few months"

..when who and what and you thought you were so great and end up being not worth a bag of chips, at all