Black Wombmyn Stories

i love this story and article. for so many reasons: the complexity of people, humans, their lives. the dynamics and truth of opportunity and success; being whipped, desire, the deep trenches of black womanhood; a small insight into the realities of aboriginals, blacks and minorities in australia, power and politics and the use and wielding of it--i am proud of the sister for that...she used her power to help someone else, even if it was based on personal feelings, most black folk too scared and coward and imps to do that...and in the midst of all of that, ato did the country's service. this is the world in the best of situations. and no one can say he did not deliver (no pun intended)>..but i love this story. wish i could share it but folk will take it the wrong way...as if it was a besmirch, gossip...and it is not that for me. i feel as if i was just reading a personal story. hmmm

 

 

Senator Nova Peris sought taxpayers’ money to help her to carry out a ‘freaky’ extra-marital sexual tryst with Olympic medallist Ato Boldon

• CHRISTOPHER WALSH Political Reporter
• NT News
• October 29, 2014 12:00AM

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Former world 200m sprint champs Ato Bolden and Olympic champ and now senator Nova Peris hosting an Athletics clinic for kids together. Picture: News Corp

SENATOR Nova Peris sought taxpayers’ money to help her to carry out an extra-marital sexual tryst with Olympic medallist Ato Boldon in 2010, an NT News investigation has revealed.

Ms Peris, who was working as a communication officer with the Australian Institute of Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander Studies at the time and as ambassador for Athletics Australia, sought funds from Athletics Australia and other sources to pay for Mr Boldon’s trip to Australia from Los Angeles to take part in a 10 day official “Jump Start to London” program for young athletes.
She also used that trip to carry out a “just like a Tim-tam... black on black” affair with Mr Boldon. She was married to Daniel Batman at the time.

Ato Boldon of Trinidad and Tobago (r) during the Men's 100m qualifying heat at the World Track and Field Championships at the Olympic Stadium in Athens, 1997. (AP Photo/Michel/Lipchitz)

“Ato…tell me babe…what u want … Make a bit of money and spend time together … I will take time of from work to be with u,” Ms Peris wrote in an email exchange obtained by the NT News.
Mr Boldon responded: “Purpose is time with u plus attend trials plus help them promote the trials and possibly guest broadcast on the tv station carrying it…need hotel ticket plus 15,000 US…”

Nova Peris-Kneebone with her Commonwealth Games gold medal & draped in an Australian flag. Picture: Gregg/Porteous.

Athletics Australia confirmed they did pay for Mr Boldon’s flight to Melbourne from Los Angeles and covered his accommodations and some “incidentals” while in Australia.
READ: SENATOR INVESTIGATED FOR ABUSING OFFICIALS
READ: NOVA PERIS ENDORSED FOR SENATE SPOT
READ: NT LABOR MEMBERS CIRCULATE “SEXIST” EMAIL
READ: SENATOR NOVA PERIS’ MAIDEN SPEECH
A spokesman confirmed Ms Peris had personally selected Mr Boldon for the “Jump Start to London” program and that he “capably fulfilled his role as mentor and ambassador.” Athletics Australia would not disclose the total amount for the 10 day trip that ran from April 9 – 19, 2010 and refused to disclose any other information citing confidentiality.

Then-Prime Minister Julia Gillard with Nova Peris at Parliament House in Canberra, after Nova Peris was announced as the preferred Senate Candidate for the Northern Territory. Picture: News Corp

“We also have a relationship with Senator Peris who is a reputable former athlete and someone who we want to maintain a relationship with,” said Cody Lynch.
In other emails obtained by the NT News, Ms Peris sends multiple nude pictures of herself to Mr Boldon and speaks candidly about her views on race relations in Australia.
“...You should be compensated for your long haul travels across the pacific.. sexually of course… but only .. a tired traveller should kick back for a few days,” Ms Peris says on Feb 28, 2010.

Ato Boldon while in Sydney for the 2000 Olympic Games. Picture: Darren Seiler

On March 5, 2010 Mr Boldon asks for something to tide him over until their rendezvous.
“Looks great.. when do I get some nude pics from u?”
Ms Peris responds on the same day: “Really, u want me to send some!!!! That is some freaky stuff Mr B..u like freaky??”
On March 6, Ms Peris emails Mr Boldon a nude photo of herself to which he responds: “Ohh ok lol”.
“Tester before naughty,” Ms Peris explains in a follow-up.

Ato Boldon, Prue Jackson and Maurice Greene during an Inside Sport magazine photographic shoot at Movie World amusement park in Brisbane in 2001.

Ms Peris responded to questions posed by the NT News last night, saying she “categorically rejects any wrongdoing”.
“During his trip Mr Boldon promoted athletics, attended and promoted specific events and conducted clinics for young Indigenous athletes,” she said. “Other organisations, including the West Australian Government, supported some events during the visit. I understand Athletics Australia was pleased with the outcome of the visit.
“The highs and lows of my athletic career – and now political career – are public.
“The highs and lows of my private life are matters for me and my family.”
In earlier emails from February 26, 2010, Ms Peris assures Mr Boldon she will find the money for him.
“…all expenses paid meals & accom and a fee!! Don’t know what it is I was thinking around the $10k I don’t know bub…if your purpose was to come here and make a bit of money or holiday…it was not in the budget to bring any profile athletes out but…I am goin through the indigenous grants mob….they can do was I have suggested…but I am not sure what they can do …”

Athlete Nova Peris-Kneebone displays her gold medal won in the women's 200 final at the 1998 Commonwealth Games in Kuala Lumpur. Picture: News Corp

In other emails Ms Peris tells Mr Boldon that Sally McGrady from Athletics Australia would be arranging his payment and that Nova set it up so he would not have to pay tax on his earnings.
“I am happy to do one up for you just give me your account details and I will get the waiver form so u don’t have to pay tax, u get the whole amount as a one of payment etc…” she wrote on March 11, 2010.
“Let me know babe if this is ok? I just want to do everything right for you.”
Ms Peris was married to Olympian Daniel Batman, the father of two of her three children, at the time. In another email to Mr Boldon on March 14, Ms Peris wrote about forgetting her anniversary because she could not focus on anything but him and their upcoming sexual exploits.
“Do you think I should break it to my husband yet?” Ms Peris writes. “That I am running away from him for 10 days with you??? Did I tell u I forgot our anniversary the other week!! 2nd March, married for 9 years…ooopppps…I came home and he said, do yo have anything to say, I said um no why?, he said to look on the bed, so I did, there were roses and a card and a gift, gold bracelet… ‘happy anniversary’…
“All I could say was sorry I have had a lot on my mind lately..:)”
“What an awful wife you are lol oh and why break it now when u have almost a month til I get there...,” Mr Boldon responds.
Ms Peris has spoken before about race not affecting who she partnered with. She told the Sydney Morning Herald in March 2014 about her current husband Scott Appleton that, “I don’t see colour. I see the man I love.”
Comments in emails from March 17, 2010 seem to undermine her public statements on race.
“Its hard to keep a good woman down, and a black woman like me at that..!!” she writes to Boldon. “White men can’t control black women they think they can but can’t, If I was to marry a black man here u have to marry the family lol .. and that is just too much, I am the eldest of 45 cousins.. on my side imagine family reunions lol…”
Ms Peris continues that her husband (Batman) will probably leave her in the next five to 10 years, but does not give a reason.
“ ... I don’t want to say oh s*** I wish I had of f***** Ato when he came to Australia … lol..cause I regret that I didn’t 10 years ago, wish I wasn’t the reserved person I was back then the shy girl..lol...
“so my dear friend I am waiting for you… finally BLACK… just like a Tim-tam..black on black xxx”

Former world 200m sprint champ Ato Bolden hosting an athletics clinic for kids with at Lalor in Victoria. Picture: News Corp

Later that same day, Ms Peris writes Mr Boldon again, outlining her inability to focus on anything else.
“Ok now I have to go and give a talk to 200 kids and all I am going to be thinking about is f****** you now lol
“Ok Nova you can do this lol ... focus lol xxx”
The next day Mr Boldon responds with: “I wanna f*** u sitting on my lap alot.”
In other emails, Ms Peris details how she was working to obtain additional money for Ato Boldon from various other sources including indigenous groups, Commonwealth Bank, Collingwood Football Club and Channel 10 in Melbourne.
The exact total of money Mr Boldon received is unclear but in an email from mid-March, Ms Peris writes that she had managed to round up $22,000 for him, on top of the money Athletics Australia paid.
“It’s not that I don’t think it is unreasonable, and i totally agree you should be paid up front, its just that the money is government funds, with govt funding here, the normal procedure is to apply for grants, and because the money is discretionary funding they pay to an organisation then they pay you ...” she wrote.
“...this is all black money babe.....but rightly so being used for the interest of indigenous kids babe....white people hate black people in this country, and don’t like for things to happen if there is no salt in the mix....”

Senator Nova Peris. Picture: Ray Strange

In later emails, Ms Peris outlines how she and Mr Boldon would get “a bucket of money” through a foundation set up by the current Senator to promote sport and healthy living. That endeavour did not materialise.
Ms Peris had dreamt up the idea of a “global foundation” that would be known for “delivering outcomes (sports, health and education) ... for indigenous people.” Later in one email, Ms Peris talks of all the great things they will do and turns her attention to Olympic darling Cathy Freeman.
“Like Freeman here, she is so so dumb (sad but true) and has a national profile of running fast achieving awesome things but seriously can’t talk for shit, and has zero communication skills ...”

Olympic medallist Kathy Freeman is described as having “zero communication skills” in one email. Picture: Kit De Guymer

In an email dated April 6, 2010 – a few days before he arrived in Australia – Mr Boldon writes that he is looking for houses in Australia and is serious about establishing the foundation that at one point was named “Black Gold”.

Ato Boldon raises his arms in victory as he wins the men's 100-meters at the NCAA Track and Field championships in Eugene, Oregon, in 1996. (AP Photo/Jack Smith).

“I have a great feeling about all of this and now is the time as you know ...” he wrote. “So lets do this and take care of your people and get paid well for it and have sports be the least of what we are known for when we are long gone.”
Mr Boldon did not respond to repeated requests for an interview.
Ms Peris said in her statement: “Documents provided to the NT News are private. It appears they were not lawfully obtained by a third party.
“I cannot vouch for the veracity of emails I have not seen.”

 

A Life of Writing

 


i woke up trying to recall the one dream i had presence of. it was like in a hotel. i find it odd how many of my dreams I remember are in hotels and conference centers. roaming wide open rambling spaces, this one wont let me go back and capture much. but bunji was there and i had an epiphany of bunji yesterday during the day...seeing him lying down on that bed.and seeing him on a tv promo or show freestyling to the max i think in london. he was so light and free. i have also seen bunji in real life, several times, both of us moving about our day. and the first time was in long circular mall, and i remember that one the most..he looked so huff, and mean and unpleasant. and yesterday i realized that is the face, demeanor and armor he wears to protect himself from an unknowing public, who might step up as fan, crazed obsessor, or offender. the other times werent so bad, saw him at the airport, both of us going to take off, behind stage at trinity...but after the dream last night i realized-- should i ever see him again, i shall take care to approach him and tell him i see him and there is no need for him to walk around trinidad with that armor, he can lay it down, and i intend to reiki his heart, dont touch him just swirl my hand above his heart. and walk away. and he will think he encountered crazy, but he will feel my energy. he was in the dream last night but i did not talk to him i dont think. plenty people were there. it was some sort of gathering. there was food. in fact most of the interaction was happening around the far long and winding buffet tables in the shape of half moon clubs

apart from trying to remember dreams, i wake up in barrenness wondering two things, what can i do to continue being productive in this fallow season and two, how can i do joy, be joy, bring joy? i am not doing art, so i think to write. and though i write every day, it has been a while i tried to construct a unified piece, such as a book or fiction. the last time i tried that Ant Bites was produced. it was to be fiction but i failed miserably. it is memoir of me in trinidad. the early years. I think now another memoir or part two would be apt and pertinent. i thought and realized how much just documenting what passes for life in trinidad is itself a piece of work, but how to tie it in, what does it say, would it say, convey? then unrelatedly i wished i had listed every single job i ever applied to these eleven years in the caribbean. opportunities missed and past to tell stories , capture images, and document your passing.

but if i die, please come find me. my house.
there are troves and trunks of writing.

* nine volumes of poetry
about another volume in various sticks, discs and computer
* my facebook posts alone
* Ant Bites, a memoir, still in the computer
* five essays published separately to put into a collection
* my writing for UNPosts. org
* my blog; and
* 49 volumes of journals written since 1990

dont let them be thrown away
with the heathens here they will be
save them please
produce them if you can
let that be the life work, perhaps
i have stacks of art unframed too
in addition to the house full of framed pieces, walled and leaning on the floor

bookmark my life, please

 

Aquarian Alchemy

someone just gave me the opportunity for an epiphany, Sam,...

"but that is not the message (when we miss the message): hitting against a wall...it is the total opposite. See how we cant see and take the good for our own pain and blockages; which by the way is an epiphany for me!!! thank you!!!"

we cant see good if that is not our vibration. i have written that a lot in relation to how people see and engage me, in cases where people see my good in very twisted psychotic ways....but i never saw it in myself and for one reason specifically...when i am processing it outside myself it is not of the person to person framework...it is always me processing and engaging the meta and the macro, not the micro, not the personal; engaging the public, the environment-- i belabor and wonder and am pained as to how to do well, be good , move forward in an environment and country that is very much set for failure, destruction, immobilizing of the personal determination to being a functional contribution to society, and in recent months and years, we see it in governmental moves to block frustrate and disallow change, even if it is more futile parties

but this epiphany makes me wonder how i might have entrenched my inabilities by my own pain and blockages of being frustrated. and that is what and how destabilizing works eh...to frustrate and block you at every turn, every step till you stop crying / stop trying, or kill  yourself, or go on a fast hunger strike

(yeah. i am looking at you askance.)
i am just learning peace in the midst of the storm and compassion

so how to transform and alchemize what negativity resides within. negativity that are residuals from pain, sadness, trauma? cause if we dont, they are walls before us

I suspect people arent deep enough to see and recognize that when they encounter it, but their oblivion of asleep and delusions of life they have built about them. kind of funny. i think all of us do one of two things; compile the delusions of strength, power and resilience which is just money, jobs, employment, friends, family, contacts, cliques, corruption, thievery, evil and illegality. then you have the others who for a variety of reasons, perhaps they can just be of an ancestral line, peculiarly made, who cant change their vibration even when that is the one thing they wish to do so desperately, pure of heart, hand and mind, they get blocked, cause that is not the flow of the place and vibration -- the latter being the beings hit against the former, the walls. one of two stages and options it seems. a continuum as everything else.

but nevertheless, it may be a half baked theory...personally i feel i have an internal orgonite, for the moments when i bob up beyond the effluent to see the sun the skies, the stars, and to know though i be buried, this is not of my making; not what i am made of, not my source, i am evidently, for what reason i do not know, just travelling through...

how to travel better is the issue

Where is my HIlBilly?

i have watched this particular version of this story circulate for a day or two.. and was intrigued from the beginning, but passed it by, i dont think i reposted but this morning it hits me.

apart from my total inspiring uplifting response I had that of all countries, haiti and its women who might be said to be among the most subjugated in the world, would find and have and be the embodiment of spirit and cosmic goodness that they impart the little, last and nothing they have to help other women, another set of girls, their rival and competitor, and can be said, a group of girls in a better station of life than them, if only presupposed on country of origin comparisons.. I thought that was laudable beyond words and shows you how it is often the least of us who are the most, biggest, magnanimous

beyond that, it was the trail of events that hit me that i loved:
the nobody and nothings gave their last and little and nothing to someone in need but in truth had access to more though it was hidden. then the big kahunas of unlimited sources stepped in to cover the givers, and will probably do so at an extent beyond conception or expectation.

the poignancy of this story to me and my life is that I was haiti in 2013, giving my last to someone who was about to lose the most valuable thing ever in their sphere, but what they themselves neither cared for, embraced, owned or respected. but i did not stop to absorb that fully/i was also in a spiritual quest and connection, i see i was intentionally blinded to what would have stopped me otherwise and for me it means i was doing what needed to be done what was my destiny to do. and only in the aftermath fall out when the physical human level did not work out, did i see the things straight, discover that i had saved someone total without merit and deserving.; the height of the contemptible, really. And that help that i dispensed has caused me to suffer so. And the things that i have learned: that ancestor names appear in the mix of things, and so was I doing what was destined to be my gifts and blessings. and that what i thought was someone using and abusing me was really them doing what they needed to do to lay the fruits at my feet for me to take up and to complete what was designated from the ancestral spiritual integration of past and future, into one stream. which brings me to a whole new universe

-- door just blew open...am i in this cauldron, this wilderness is a transition , to a period of my soul journey where all paths become one. the past lives of being royalty, the early part of this lifetime where i was rich and privileged, with this spurt of poverty and the outcome is a lifting up by several measures, uncalculating not calculating, not translating, to a level that one can only determine is of the blessed and anointed...the miraculous magic so to speak of...which integrates a post i am yet to write...a friend last night who has known me since i landed here said to me "that I am magic and people would love me because they are all into magic" something to explore..what does he mean...---

but the whole point i am trying to make, is that having traveled the roads i have...if i were to apply the haitian trinidadian women's football story to myself...i wonder, seek and ask, who is my hillbilly with what unending endowment?

a few individuals talked about this week collective action after one person cried out "do some of us have to suffer so amidst some of us with so much " there were chimes. i spoke of how i have tried to address that in the small ways that i can, but when it comes to me needing amidst those who can or who i have asked, crickets. no response. and they would love to call themselves the better of the humans. but even animals respond to you when you nudge them. we, us beasts, to ignore, is one of the things that signatures who you really are.

so we continue on, soldiering as best as we can pretend.



http://www.foxsports.com/soccer/story/haiti-trinidad-and-tobago-bill-hillary-clinton-womens-world-cup-qualifying-100914

Quandaries and Other Conflicts

 Moruga Beach

I can see how people in trinidad get caught up

A few years now I discovered I had Moruga /Company Roots. It was connected to me finding out that Papa Neezer was my blood relative, being my paternal great grand mother's nephew and god son. Since then I have created a page of the Merikin Merikins legacy in Trinidad and Tobago. a fascinating story. It started a path of quiet activism. I wrote to the Smithsonian National Museum of African American History and Culture and..Smithsonian asking that Moruga, the Companies and that history be included in a new project the new director was trying to develop - A Black Museum as it was popularly called of African American history. I thought how novel to show and document how African American history exists off the land mass of the United States.

Then last year, as an outworking of my farming in San Rafael, I started to think of expansion and thought of Moruga--the vast stretches of fallow land, the unemployment and the youth. I decided to take it in pieces. And developed a program of an afterschool homework center that would be attached to a technology and farming training center for school leavers.. I met with the Baptist board and the Principal of First Company Primary Baptist school I believe. Leonis Roberts, my cousin will bear me out and correct me of my fogged memory on details. It never worked for I could not find a place to live down there as I could not afford to travel daily. But i was prepared to do the project for free.
My vision was to make Moruga an Organic Farming Mecca in Trinidad/ And use all the untapped youth and labor to develop skills and competencies. Totally transform the place.

It did not work, I left it alone as one of my many ideas I tried. Shelved for the moment.

But this story that started floating this week about Taylor and Moruga. I am glad he was rejected. I have enough stories on that man. My own personal exposure seeing him at Margaret Rose's firm. Then my friend Veera whom he robbed of $75K this year, and Gus, the old Merikin in a wheel chair will tell you how he stole the Merikin story, registered it in the US and created havoc for the real organization here to function up there. Ugly smart man thing

But to hear that there is no candidate from and for Moruga draws me out to write. I see how people does get tie up here. I would gladly jump at the chance to 'represent' Moruga, even as no one down there knows me except for my spirit, ancestral and blood relative family. But i want nothing to do with the PNM really. I dont want to be a party to any political party that ever existed before. I recognize in this writing the true test of any party seeking to move forward is to accept those who are great workers and candidates, who choose to remain independent, but given coverage and access to resources for constituent purposes, for citizen purposes, for wellbeing, national and locale interest. In the interest of that great myth of democracy and true freedom.

I would gladly jump at the chance at the dream delusion and prospect that I could access the resources and mandate to implement my ideas and solutions for the place and location and its people. But is that really how this place works? And what of the rock and hard place? the conflict between my personal view and what I think I can do and the structures and obstacles and systems that definitely do not facilitate that level of autonomy, but i have to buy in to even play. It is all mad and madness. What to do?

But i write to show you how things get twisted and complicated and how people may appear to be hypocrites from the outside perspective but it is not true. They just trying to find a way between the betwixt .

I reach out for guidance

As I write, i realize the optimal framework for someone like me going into a place maligned and forgotten like Moruga is to enter in with my funders, financiers and money to wield the magic the place and the people need.

i think of the mashed up roads, the broken down houses, the old people, the lack of so many things and ponder what make me feel I can do anything different? why no one else before? I was trying not to tag people but i dont think i have a choice>

I am deeply saddened by this quandary . It should not be so but it is an indication of the character of this place.

Richard Anthony Luke Job Reborn Clarence Rambharat Citizen Daren Mc Leod, Kambiri de Suza Patricia McIntosh, Peter OConnor, Kerry Peters

Protest Contexts and Outcomes

   

 
                aye ayiti
cries and crises everywhere
 your legacy and gift
like bile
for our negation and forgetfulness
neither regard nor reflected glory
for trying to liberate us
giving us breath we stifled

you our first martyr

-------------

well once again i am on the vibration of the unknown

last night i was asked by barry an artist among a group of us curating the very next exhibit you see at the national art museum, "is there anything I am willing to die for"

i was stumped. in hindsight, by the time the night was over, I realized, sane and sensible people would knot that is not a question you ask. that comes like one of the most highly and sacred sacrosanct levels attained through the gift of having life. it is also not something you ask because as most evolved people know there are some emotions experiences and responses, as well as stance one may be pushed to take in one's life that you would never ever know unless life in its horror takes you there. it was never anywhere you conceived you would ever be, and so those types of explorations do not occur in a vacuum. and at best only the highest among us stop to ask ourselves that question long before any incidence, just as only a handful stop and consider, 'why should i have children' yeah. shocker, eh? Boodoom!

so for all of that i stumbled and faltered through an answer, but i did finally get to it: what it was i am willing to die for. at first the context was: In Trinidad, -- I said nothing. but i quickly realized if not in trinidad, where on earth where, no where so there is only trinidad. and that in itself is an answer. it is where I was born, it is the place that gave birth rise and life to me. and that is the thing, my muse and considerations are formed of and from the foundation of life, that thing that most cant make. and very few know how to give of righteousness and purity, and even few still know how to protect: for themselves and others. but i got to my answer. when i got vex enough trying to make a point ...that there is so much need in the landscape bearing from so much wrong in the landscape, that the few of us who have the wherewithal to write a book on development and what might be its possible theory and policy should be extinguishing themselves, but my vibration was not that , still, it was more of, is your people, compatriots and citizens worthy of that level ultimate sacrifice? does the landscape support that level of elevation.? after you are gone what gets carried on for your action? to what extent do the random citizens in this country know the reason for your on and off again action? what lesson do they take? what will they move forward with? how will the future change because of this action? none of the people i sat with, and they are all of perches way beyond the base and bottom...the good solid long standing middle and of intelligence and accomplishment...none of them could state in any lucidity and clarity. and that to me proved my point. in this small space if you are going to do something so grand, at least have informed the landscape so your action, the established height of all protest, will not be futile and empty.

so i wake up this morning still thinking of the discussion and thought to seek out the page of a compatriot, with whom I have exchanged views, co-protest and experiences of "being a woman in the movement" -- wondering what is she thinking about this current hunger strike.

last night one of the outcomes of the discussion is to host a seminar on the topic. one name was called but i realized no seminar on this person, this experience, this hunger strike, this proponent can happen without this other agent. she was there at the beginning. and she knows in ways because of her identities and intersectionality that misses others

from giving input I ended up with:
[The Practice of Trinidad Protest: From Anti Smelter to Hunger Strike:
Context, Truth and Meaning].

[it is 9:11]

and just as i go to write, convey and share that, i get this email..that shows me from yesterday, I was on the frequency as others are traversing...and it was a shining moment, for here in short order is the clarity of what i was trying to convey last night, that i was being challenged upon. it is said better than I could have ever hoped: i had explained it but i did not have the words to say it.

So in the discussion i began with examples of my own self and moving through...and told of the last two interludes where I came up with ideas, programs or projects to help, transform and serve the landscape and how right through, the mamaguy, the flirtation, the accolades, but for people to stand on the line, put their money where the lips and words, or give me pass, fund, or support, no...and that was my point If people are unwilling to stand with you to do the necessary work, why on earth would you rob yourself of precious life for such cretins? there it is

"Eye have urged my Brother De DOCTOR "K." to go home... Take a bush bath, after all these people passing over his head , farting down on him!!! MARTYRDOM IS WORTHLESS IN A PLACE WHERE GODLESSNESS IS RAMPANT! GO HOME AND START A SCHOOL called CONSCIENCE!!!!!!!!!!!"

that was all i was trying to say.

and i can go on. i feel i could give a seminar on the futility of this:
after cowardice as an over riding character of the trinidadian, there is the description of hypocrisy, and many of those lifting up Kublalsingh for this action, decry besmirch some elemental basic ideals...maybe even Wayne too...and i think before you attempt such grand gestures how bout we try to accomplish the basic first? the basic of embracing all your compatriots, not just the ones of your town white brown and elite skin? how about we wine down racism, classism and malignment of those whose lives and experiences are not of our thieving enriching heritage. there were abut a thousand steps before we got to Level Nth Degree is all I am saying.

but to close, i am spurred again...in the discussion of this experience you will here every single body who is expositioning begin with "I feel..." "I believe..."...and my point and issue is. For a martydom such as this, there should have been a statement, in this smalll space there should have been a personal policy statement by Kublalsingh of what he was doing and why, this last time. I write and I wonder if teaches are discussing him and this with their children in school. I dont know. i would say perhaps my bar is too high as always, but then i remember. it is the leroy clarke himself who wrote, "go home and start a school on conscience"

my school would be on critical thinking
but i think i may need to change my actions and movements. they should all probably emerge from the heart and hand and no longer from the head and brain

///

By the way, from sharing my experiences in the discussion last night, i stumbled into my own remembrance and answer..what I am willing to die for> in trinidad.. is taking out the folks who pollute this landscape, for that I would die...i even have names: joseph, creese, chase, douglas, and a whole bunch of people, those who have raped our treasury, rob people of their hopes dreams and life..like the UTT treasurer who tried to inform the nation of the improprieties going on there...he died penniless with cancer a few short years after ...who do you think i would take out to avenge his loss of life. that is it: me< A Warrior Avenger of sorts, in the aim to giving this country a new life which cant happen with the same thieves and criminals roaming, marauding with no end in sight

Asleep or Awake?

  Awakenings

i am so popular these days, i dont get why
for unlike me, no one ever writes an introductory note explaining where they saw me, how they found me or why they want us connected on this thing.

in any case

are you awake? or are you still asleep?
do you know?
do you even know?
cause i realize that requires such a fissure and distance as well an unhooking of self  to look at self to determine, to see.. making it worse, it is like asking if you stop breathing to check to see if you are breathing and then to determine the kind of breathing you do: deep or shallow; if it changes and when, under what conditions. who does that? who is free unburdened, undistracted enough to even entertain such a process

but i ask that because i woke up from these last three hours sleeping

"to give more than we are asked"
now is that a sign of this story i was trying to write for the last half an hour but i stopped to see a story on stage, group and solo performance, something i have long wanted to get into. i think i have a mean solo performance stint waiting to give to the world, and for the first time I saw a stage play that works for me "it is just a stage play" a meta play - a play about a play about the review of the play. in any case, Sunday Morning CBS went onto to tell the story of the woman with cancer who asked her nurse to take her sun when she dies of terminal cancer and instead the nurse with her family took them both in long before as she is still living and something about that evokes my story...see the reason i asked if you are asleep or awake is that i wake up thinking about an experience i had in  michigan in 2003...at a restaurant that had an outdoor patio, i forget the name...i sat there and the state representative the raven haired young woman came in with her young family and the sole and first child at the time literally climbed up on her chair to stand and reached out for me to take her and sat on my lap for the rest of our time there together. that story was always phenomenal for me. her parents were flabbergasted as they were white and why on earth would their child cling to me a stranger and black at that in midwestern predominantly white conservative east lansing.. but i have thought of it a few times before but it was only this morning, this now, did i wake up realizing that moment was a significant crossroad in my life. but because i was asleep, dreadfully, deeply entrenched sleep, i could not see the calling and door that experience was. I did not recognize that child was calling me, anointing me and it was for me to verbalize the opportunity. you see that was when my life was falling apart. and because it had gone on for so long my family was calling me bringing me back home. but what i could and should ?? have done that day was to ask the rep, and I hate that I forget her name...if I could be the nanny to that daughter. My life would have been vastly different. No doubt, she being a state legislator, I would have ended up with significant work, it would not have been this wilderness and unfolding. and i dont know what is and would have been the right or better thing. just this morning i wake up realizing i  slept walked, and missed a huge door.. i try not to beat myself up. try to be sanguine. try to know sense and not take regret. i try to believe everything is as it should be. but when we unfold in knowledge and get deeper into quantum physics, theory and consciousness and the idea that at every moment there are an untold number of unfoldings and options of paths and only our mind, set, choices, and thinking determine which one is taken and all others not...you wonder. and you get to see the centrality of whether you are asleep, a zombie, hypnotized, distracted or awake.

i am also enthralled about stories like that... i wonder what that mother thought of that experience. I wonder if for her that was some major or incidental thing---the view of the other players in scenes and scenarios

i am almost sure I was asleep back then. and had i been awake, i think i would have kept so many things i have been sad to lose: my home, my library, my global jewelry and artifacts...all the things I sold in my estate sale.

anyway. I think it is fascinating too for another reason. at this time in life, when I recount my experiences i am coming upon a thought, question and theory-- how many major crossroads does each life hold? and if one can look back and see endless significant life turning vortexes of paths not taken, I think that is too peculiar. it is an indication of some things: of a life out of alignment? a life way too active? a life of an asleep being, a life of missed opportunities, lives not taken and unlived??? the burden can be heavy

i know i think my pride would not have allowed me to think i would be someone's nanny, let alone ask to be. but that is the thing too eh. the whole behind the curtain aspect of this whole muse is who you are, how you have been, how your characteristics were and are your blockages, and  your unfolding into a fuller being.
how do parents help their children to avoid such. smh. the bar is so high when it is buried. of course it would require that they too be awake.

my lord/ my ladylord
{how do  you know who you were supposed to be, at different times in your life, and when; and how all of that has affected where you now stand}