Marcia Smith: Do you think you teach people how to treat you?
Maven Huggins Girlfriend. I am saying that is old world. old school. peeps now adays are to damn retarded to teach and learn anything/ and if one is smart, one does a lot of walking. away. i have, ;) i was trying to make my point a joke, but my humour is very dry==================================================================
Inbox Conversation
- Marcia Smith
- Melise do you think its time to dtop being angry at who ever the man was that didnt know your worth?
- I have hard questions for you.
- At what point in your relationships do you have sex with them?
- Sorry to be straight forward
- Maven Huggins
- lol. muah. i realize i am angry. i am not unaware. but i am not just angry at him. as a matter of fact, i had an epiphany today. a graphic that was sent..i cant even remember it now...had something to do with whom men and people choose and the work they are willing to do to transcend. both are two Huge issues
i am angry at a lot marcia, my whole life experiences. trinidad. not just a man/male story. but yeah, i vascillate between angry and moving on..
- Maven Huggins
- always be straight forward with me
- Marcia Smith
- I know you did or else you would not give a shit about what they did or not do.
- With all your anger you are shouting lack of control and if you are not in control who is in control if you?
- You are not in control. You have given your power to something/someone. Take it back.
- How long do you plan to fart against thunder. The thunder does not care.
- Your audience will be there for a short while and then they leave.
Maven Huggins- my anger has a lot to do with my life and home. my aunt/mother who hates me...kind of.
1. she sees me as a threat.which she denies. but sees me as trying to control her which is so ludicrous
2. the woman finds my skills and competence to be the threat so she opposes me at every step and drop. and i have resorted to fighting back...
3. she may love me but does not like me at all
4. this is where i live
you have any idea what that means?
5. My situation being unemployed but she denying me what i could have do using the home here: a cafe, building a house in the back for rent or to be out of this space
but i realize a big part of the whole syndrome
6. they are stinking mad i did not fight my father for his theft of my inheritance and stealing my mother';s post death holdings and feel if i did not do that i have no share or part or presence in this house. the house on land i was born to that my mother contributed to cause this is where she was living when she died
7. they are afraid i would be living here when my mom died so she just had my aunt move in. saying "she needed support"
you and no one knows the soul destruction i have been withstanding from the hands of those who are 'loving' and keeping me housed
anger?
to not be seen to have any value, any contribution. any good thing i did was a problem a threat, an offense. it was bizarre. Only person to witness this and speak this truth beyond me is the housekeeper.
you have no idea
this is not just about a man
The male just reinforced some story lines. no one wants a person of integrity and competence. it is all seen as an offense and threat. no one sees my worth, the people i am closest to, neither does trinidad. I try to deal with it as best as I can. but i write it..i am able to sleep and move on with some modicum cause i write it and do not hold or hide it.
- Marcia Smith
- Get back into the drivers seat and stop allowing stupid people to dictate your pace.
- Are they right about you?
- If the answer is no why are you fighting back?
- Fighting back means you feel the need to prove or justify yourself.
- Maven Huggins
- oh and you write :sex with them" Lol
part of my anger is as beautiful and gorgeous a woman i am and reported to be, I have no sex and that pisses me off. I have lost youth and time . for having principles. I just wrote another story about pandemonium" a 57 year old man who i thought would have been a lovely friend. told and wrote and taught me about spiritual journeys in mystic muslim tradition..he was yahya hussein. i met him two weeks ago on fb. we connected. he asked for coffee the week after. he wined and dined me three times last week. all because i was stuck in pos with traffic and then tells me on thurs night how madly in love he is with me. i balked. he said he was with and there for me for life. the next morning he writes, do not text or call and dont show up at pandemonium pan yard where i was doing music pan with him. i had told him i tried to get into utt but did not have music to qualify
so that is me refusing to have sex and still cant even end up with friendship, companionship,
you want me to tell you about my anger. it is about being a spirit being in a base body world surrounded by lesser beings who cant see me for adam or an iron ball wrecking them. men, males and females, women alike>
anger because being righteous buys and brings you nothing ...even with folk who cant help you stand up to the pain trying to be about something
but i write you now not in any anger i feel but in some amusement...
i wish i could make this all public. I think it will be my blog post for the day
Marcia Smith
You know why you didnt fight your father so forget that no point pining over that. Its gone. Over. Time to get over that.- Melise dont know what to say. There are crazy people on facebook. I would not go out with anyone here unless i knew them personally. All stalkers.
- You brave. They see you and say they like you and hope you easy.
- When they realize you want something too they gone.
Maven Huggins- but they learn i am not. then they get shocked
that happens to me in real life. I was told that by an older man friend I did art work when I got here..he said i traumatize people: they see me as this sweet mouse of a person and then, 'eh heh" but he missed the fact that they all down to a man and woman attempt to manipulate, play or use me, then i got to raise up, and all man and body, shocked
- Marcia Smith
- Time to raise the bar. I feel at timez i dont know what i am talking about but its time to change your game plan.
- Then be you right off the bat. Change your game plan. Try something different. What you have been doing clearly isnt working.
- Think about it. Time to stop being the angry black woman.
Maven Huggins
===========================================- you are not right about me either so all of you are in the same bag
and there is a consciousness school of thought that says if black folk aint angry they are either dead or stupid. I am neither. add that to my being an aquarian visionary of human universal consciousness...travelling through to compassion...I aint there yet so have every reason to be angry. I live in a world of douens
until i adjust i have every reason to be angry. black woman or not. I am a being awake
Maven Huggins- but i hear you
another part of this is what was i created formed and came to do? Perhaps fighting, righteous anger and warriordom..more things most folk cant comprehend
i had an orisa baba read my from the net and told me i was Oshun, the Goddess of love sensuality and gold..but had the energy, mind and spirit of a babalawo...that is a male teacher.
that said it all. I knew i had very strong male energy. have always said that. first time ever someone else saw it
i have no time for what or how lessers confer me. and that is what I battle. yes. I do need to get over that. but the world aint go change for me...i am angry i am here having to deal with that .its / bullshit
selah. i am here though and deal i will
wow!
you never know what resides inside unless you are asked to explore and answer to what appears to be a picture.
-----------------------------------------------
No comments:
Post a Comment