i have something that looms big, to write about
i am sitting here wondering if i want to take up the task
thinking it might be long, wondering if i really want to spend the energy exploring the right phrases to convey this experience, but despite my lethargy to do so,
lines pop up in my thoughts, so i am going to try
it is really quite peculiar.
it consists of people of white, black and indian identities. in trinidad.
it relates to motorsport, a small cavern of activity in the country but that represents multimillions of dollars. so it relates to race,
it also relates to dishonesty, deceit, distrust, and treachery of the passive kind. treachery borne of distrust, the undermining of connections and relations for the distrust, so that way and kind, treachery. and that is what i wondered did i really want to discuss this tired topic again. how many times can you write this exists in trinidad? does it not get boring. but i think one amusement of the subject written now is to see how race promulgates all external relationships, in ways one or more parties may never know. i write that and i think the only one who would not know is the one not pitching and projecting suspicion, bias or racism. and in this national context of the general election, so segmented according to race and ethnicity to party, it would be interesting i thought to show how there are other areas just as sharply defined, cordoned off and perpetuated. thus proving to show that this idea of us fixing politics is the panacea to our national problems is a lie, cause then what would continue to happen in the other areas of our lives? if it were only politics, i would not have this piece to write that i am circling like a hungry tiger around a wounded gazelle . i want to write that we are sick , but i am tired writing that. i will write we are doomed though. i will write my own puzzlement cause the treachery often comes out from people you had some kind of bond, rapport, understanding , and so it bollocks my mind to find out down the line, just a little ways from when everything is good, everything falls apart, with no reason, impetus or event to rationalize. so you are left holding a bag trying to figure out the hidden pieces inside that made it implode..its elements vanish to empty.
anyway, a month or so ago i got a gig to be the operations manager for a motorosport event. it took place last sunday, father's day. i learned so much in that short gig down to the day of the event, things unexpected and unthinkable, like how for some events, some people, the two are inextricably linked. like circuit racing in trinidad is all indian. mostly. that there are some events you can plan, and you need not raise one finger or drop one dime to advertise, bring participants, get buy in, there is a ready command audience that all you need to do is blow the whistle, drop the flag, and they are there in droves. that. is circuit racing in trinidad for and with indian people. i saw it. a locked in following, so to speak. and someone explained the link to me and asked: who is it that owns all the car repair shops, parts places, the bamboo, and i can extend to roll on roll off..so you see how we are acknowledging territory in this land, where things we see and may talk about it we may not see it for its full magnitude...there are some fields and services that are all manned by one ethnic group.
so one of my biggest roles was to bring in funds to finance the event, made by robert and asatt*. off the bat, i thought two things: one, to integrate all the segments of motorsports. see it is sectioned into drag, circuit ,bike, dirt, track,mud, . and, to tap the government in its related ministries: sport, mainly.
well, as luck would have it, in a matter of three short weeks, i managed to learn a lot and get success. i learned that motorsport is incredibly segmented according to ethnic lines. black people were generally unseen, it was just indian and whites.
the success came when i got some white folk, bad granny people, to the table and in the first meeting got a $300K pledge. it may have something to do with the fact that here were two women negotiating and planning business and constructing a mutual vision for a sport or activity. or the fact that both of us were schooled abroad in high end finance, economics and business management. so game knows game kind of thing. we had great rapport. and girlfriend was sharp. she wanted for her money to be placed on the board. and i knew any money i collected was not going into the traditional organization's bank or turned over to any person or management. i was not going to be a dumb tool. at best i planned on an endowment, or an account to grow matched funds, and or use that as leverage. so from the start, we both had above average operational ideas and strategies.
well. just after i brought that to the table, things fell apart.
which is part of the features of this telling...to document how success can lead to your downfall. it is one of those puzzlements. the other thing to show and tell here is how there are secret, buried and unknown dynamics hidden in the heart and mind of body beings. i cease to call them humans, cause everything in the handling of such thoughts and emotions is anything but human, neither is it animalistic either, cause animals show their distaste for things before walking away.
so having brought that $300K to the table, upon the first time meeting with the potential investor. and then on the same day a subsequent meeting with the head robert , pemberton the owner of grannie bad* and me, we finalized the pledge.
and i want you to be mindful that the meeting to confirm the pledge consisted of an indian man, a black woman and a white chick, around one table., at my desk really, those two as guests. i remember robert telling me to come in now as operations manager for the event and i can continue on as ceo of the company he wanted to build. and so from the onset, my operations were not just the event, but to build the organization and create the company for operations and services and to create a club with a restaurant.
stephanie was to write her proposal and submit it, having stated what she wanted and what she would give which included a vip package and stands.
and then she went off to monaco with a formula one car team/ and before her two weeks for return could finish, I was told different arrangements were made there was no need for my services ongoing. i was thanked, told it was a pleasure, told i had tickets to the event and that was it.
now, while i was working my mojo those three weeks, one of my missions was to get this event legitimized with the ministry of sports. and for that suggestion, i heard from robert all manner of dismissal, undermining and disdain for government people, interference or participation. but he did have a vice president, and he met sancko somewhere and seems as if mutual interest and benefits to get were married, sancko seeming to think he could use jameer on political walkabouts to get him votes, and jameer expecting government treasury money. well i think their plans worked. match made in heaven. i think seeing the event on sunday, that happened way beyond everyone's expectations. and that the government probably bankrolled the whole enchilada. for kamla and her clan , the minister of sport and his family, and all who may have been tag alongs, were at the event, running the circuit. and in the monitoring booth. it explains in one way why my services to collect funds were no more needed. and this is me trying to make sense of what happened about me, not that i was told any of this; it is all observations.
i remember asking robert if i did not collect any money what and how was the event going to be managed and he never answered me, i just always felt funny. a business man with contacts and presumed money and presumed contacts in an industry and I was not given those leads to mine. I often wonder what i was called in for really. but i know that too. it is a thing where people consider themselves more than they are. they think they are more polished, more professional, on a certain level that appertains to certain patterns, people , behaviors and accoutrements, and so they reach for it, only to have the bitter realization, my operations not on that level of vibration. so many times he had to tell me this is not a corporate office or he would make the joke and say, you feel we running a barn or parlor shop or something so. i always laughed it off but i realized in hindsight that it was his insecurities being tossed like a salad, and his quips were his way of deflecting the truth. i stayed home when my cycle came cause there was not a proper women's bathroom for me to use in the boland building. and it was not something i felt comfortable to share. the good thing is this was a gig and a freelance and discussed as not one where i would need to be present all the time, which was another dynamic. people, robert said things when he was contracting me, that changed oppositionally once i started. so though he said i did not have to be there all the time, he got a conniption when i was not there. so again the deceit and dishonesty of people. what they say is not what they mean. the constant putting on, presenting and posing to catch you like fish and then they and what they represented vanishes. catfish
i had one meeting with a potential investor coordinator and she told me she felt the whole of motorsport was a lot of illegal activity funding it, money laundering in particular. i have no basis of that, other than that is how the rest of the country running so why not this circus. and one must realize this is one of the most expensive
before the event taking place this past sunday where i got to see the coverage and presence of government relations, when i was disbanded, i did think robert got fearful that these two powerhouse females would somehow undermine his idea of himself and his operations. i thought we may have appeared too powerful. i remember him telling me he did not want anyone coming in to take control, and that was in direct response to stephanie asking to be on the board. i shielded for her, but i saw the play, people will take your money and value but still want to maintain their fiefdom . now i think i was disbanded because they got a full flow of government money and thus was no need to keep an interloper longer than necessary. i put it in context o f a possible ethnic interloper but it may very well be because i was female, good looking, powerful, talented and intelligent, threat to any young playing wife with half the goods to a big bellied man who feels he has an empire when in fact it is a history of privilege and money wasted in failed experiments. plenty business badly handled. which is another aspect of this story that i briefly touched on...the sham operations called business in trinidad
so that gig ends. a gig that came with the promise to fix my car, was reneged the first day when i was asked to pay, i was so taken aback i did not engage a discussion to find out how much i was to pay , just that i was told it would cost $7K when robert had offered to pay. i still thanked him for his class cause he paid me in advance of work from day one and brought my vehicle up from a smart man schemer in siparia
stephanie goes off to monaco . and my life lumbers along into another adventure with a new set of motleys catering for drama.
so we get to mid june. stephanie offers to take me out to lunch, by this time my phone was stolen she promised me one. we made plans for a saturday, she preferred that day but i had a meeting prior. it was the day i was going to my first therapy session to discuss why nothing in trinidad works. how is that for meta stories. so she says she will come pick me up. all in writing. so i told her, barataria with a question mark and when i get to the session i will phone her as to the time.
so said so done. she asks all this crazy stuff requiring the therapist to give her directions on how to get there cause she was not driving. and i immediately thought, if you offered to take me to lunch, why are you not driving, but i did not take it on. then she phones ten minutes later, in this disjointed rant that made no sense..about not driving, her boyfriend picking me/us up, dropping us off, and picking us up again. and will we go to grand bazaar cause she knows nothing else in the area. and all of this taking place on an iph speaker ph. i have no idea why the therapist asked to put it on speaker. might be too she was implementing security,which is an interesting prospect, for she was black like me. all i could tell stephanie was, "cant we talk about this when you come pick me up" and i was growing real impatient and bothered, for what she did not know is that she was eating up my therapist time, and it was all so unnecessary, well, with me not knowing what was twisting in this girl's mind. the more i think about it now i realize it might have been her boyfriend who created the alarms and the problems. i remember that is one thing she told me too on the phone, that she wanted me to meet him and he was coming to lunch with us and i responded, well i guess we wont be talking about our business and follow up, cause i had no dealings with him, and if i am not mistaken her boyfriend was the first person i reached out to in bad granny, he saw my mail and did not respond, he accepted my friend request and then unfriended, never engaging me about the project or responding to my inquiries, real ass behavior for such a public persona. i have no idea what people are thinking
so still on the speaker phone, i am getting antsy , annoyed and perplexed. and i say to stephanie, listen if this is not convenient we can do it another time and she says, monday, maybe tuesday, maybe wednesday, in that succession. i swear i felt i was talking to a three year old. but it was amazing. it provided me the opportunity to display to the therapist the shit i go through here on a level normal day with everybody. the hiding, the lying, the deceit, the cowering, the dancing. anything but straightforward honest human and heart interaction. she thought i handled it well but i really wanted to lose it. cause it always comes out of nowhere and out of sequence to everything that went on before.
so that was the last i heard. stephanie told me once again, she would pick me up where ever i am, at the office or in town and i told her well that is one thing i wanted to talk to you about, i am no longer in the office and she asked me where i am , i said home otherwise. i never heard from her. i wrote her to ask if she would be going to the event she never answered.. it was only this morning, waking up i had an epiphany, these hoops and loops and drops without a parachute were about this white chick, with her white man, talking to me, a black woman, about meeting her in barataria, and all that may mean to people, despite it being a long time traditional middle class community of families of a left over estate...and i guess , i am learning, that this place is now considered a bandit haven? I dont know. at least somewhere seedy? where white people dont go? one block between the priority and the eastern mainroad, which is one of the most elegant and monied places in barataria. down the street from the johns, and architectured big houses.. that she thought maybe i was setting her up? I dont know. i came up with it. it sounded more than plausible. but as I write, I am thinking, who knows. people are just flipping crazy and inconsistent and polaric
and it seemed real in my mind too because i dealt with this once before, with my older cousin, when i chucked her for keeping laventille in such a bad light she told me it was just her accepting how people even her close friends see and engage laventille and dont want to come there by here, one block up from the eastern main road and directly in front of the angostura rum silver towers painted with red, yellow and blue ladders? and how strong those negative feelings were, projected onto her, and how she navigates them and i was insisting to her that she ignores them and that , only for me, once again to run into what she was trying to tell me. these people, this place are full of racist biases that no amount of time and arrangements, persons involved or character will ever change. and so here it is. barataria.
the stigma of place attached to race and risk and criminality. gosh,. i shake my head as i write, there is no corner of reprieve in this place, if it is not one thing or another it is everything compiled into one.
so this morning i woke up and wrote her my epiphany. she just wrote me back and told me i am overthinking. i am glad. i did say i was perplexed and disappointed. and in the absence of information one thinks and overthinks. she does read super busy, but i dont buy the ongoing story of everywhere empty promises
this makes for a great scene in a series or movie though, huh?
so i am keeping it.
how much of it is true or imagined? real or relevant?
whatever. more smokescreens
i give credit for her answering though.
I am gone. it is now 11:01. it took me as i knew it would, an hour to write this. and the half hour prior to construct it in my mind. 11:16 a brief editing...
heart emoticon love to stephanie, myself, my therapist all impressive chicks
i am sitting here wondering if i want to take up the task
thinking it might be long, wondering if i really want to spend the energy exploring the right phrases to convey this experience, but despite my lethargy to do so,
lines pop up in my thoughts, so i am going to try
it is really quite peculiar.
it consists of people of white, black and indian identities. in trinidad.
it relates to motorsport, a small cavern of activity in the country but that represents multimillions of dollars. so it relates to race,
it also relates to dishonesty, deceit, distrust, and treachery of the passive kind. treachery borne of distrust, the undermining of connections and relations for the distrust, so that way and kind, treachery. and that is what i wondered did i really want to discuss this tired topic again. how many times can you write this exists in trinidad? does it not get boring. but i think one amusement of the subject written now is to see how race promulgates all external relationships, in ways one or more parties may never know. i write that and i think the only one who would not know is the one not pitching and projecting suspicion, bias or racism. and in this national context of the general election, so segmented according to race and ethnicity to party, it would be interesting i thought to show how there are other areas just as sharply defined, cordoned off and perpetuated. thus proving to show that this idea of us fixing politics is the panacea to our national problems is a lie, cause then what would continue to happen in the other areas of our lives? if it were only politics, i would not have this piece to write that i am circling like a hungry tiger around a wounded gazelle . i want to write that we are sick , but i am tired writing that. i will write we are doomed though. i will write my own puzzlement cause the treachery often comes out from people you had some kind of bond, rapport, understanding , and so it bollocks my mind to find out down the line, just a little ways from when everything is good, everything falls apart, with no reason, impetus or event to rationalize. so you are left holding a bag trying to figure out the hidden pieces inside that made it implode..its elements vanish to empty.
anyway, a month or so ago i got a gig to be the operations manager for a motorosport event. it took place last sunday, father's day. i learned so much in that short gig down to the day of the event, things unexpected and unthinkable, like how for some events, some people, the two are inextricably linked. like circuit racing in trinidad is all indian. mostly. that there are some events you can plan, and you need not raise one finger or drop one dime to advertise, bring participants, get buy in, there is a ready command audience that all you need to do is blow the whistle, drop the flag, and they are there in droves. that. is circuit racing in trinidad for and with indian people. i saw it. a locked in following, so to speak. and someone explained the link to me and asked: who is it that owns all the car repair shops, parts places, the bamboo, and i can extend to roll on roll off..so you see how we are acknowledging territory in this land, where things we see and may talk about it we may not see it for its full magnitude...there are some fields and services that are all manned by one ethnic group.
so one of my biggest roles was to bring in funds to finance the event, made by robert and asatt*. off the bat, i thought two things: one, to integrate all the segments of motorsports. see it is sectioned into drag, circuit ,bike, dirt, track,mud, . and, to tap the government in its related ministries: sport, mainly.
well, as luck would have it, in a matter of three short weeks, i managed to learn a lot and get success. i learned that motorsport is incredibly segmented according to ethnic lines. black people were generally unseen, it was just indian and whites.
the success came when i got some white folk, bad granny people, to the table and in the first meeting got a $300K pledge. it may have something to do with the fact that here were two women negotiating and planning business and constructing a mutual vision for a sport or activity. or the fact that both of us were schooled abroad in high end finance, economics and business management. so game knows game kind of thing. we had great rapport. and girlfriend was sharp. she wanted for her money to be placed on the board. and i knew any money i collected was not going into the traditional organization's bank or turned over to any person or management. i was not going to be a dumb tool. at best i planned on an endowment, or an account to grow matched funds, and or use that as leverage. so from the start, we both had above average operational ideas and strategies.
well. just after i brought that to the table, things fell apart.
which is part of the features of this telling...to document how success can lead to your downfall. it is one of those puzzlements. the other thing to show and tell here is how there are secret, buried and unknown dynamics hidden in the heart and mind of body beings. i cease to call them humans, cause everything in the handling of such thoughts and emotions is anything but human, neither is it animalistic either, cause animals show their distaste for things before walking away.
so having brought that $300K to the table, upon the first time meeting with the potential investor. and then on the same day a subsequent meeting with the head robert , pemberton the owner of grannie bad* and me, we finalized the pledge.
and i want you to be mindful that the meeting to confirm the pledge consisted of an indian man, a black woman and a white chick, around one table., at my desk really, those two as guests. i remember robert telling me to come in now as operations manager for the event and i can continue on as ceo of the company he wanted to build. and so from the onset, my operations were not just the event, but to build the organization and create the company for operations and services and to create a club with a restaurant.
stephanie was to write her proposal and submit it, having stated what she wanted and what she would give which included a vip package and stands.
and then she went off to monaco with a formula one car team/ and before her two weeks for return could finish, I was told different arrangements were made there was no need for my services ongoing. i was thanked, told it was a pleasure, told i had tickets to the event and that was it.
now, while i was working my mojo those three weeks, one of my missions was to get this event legitimized with the ministry of sports. and for that suggestion, i heard from robert all manner of dismissal, undermining and disdain for government people, interference or participation. but he did have a vice president, and he met sancko somewhere and seems as if mutual interest and benefits to get were married, sancko seeming to think he could use jameer on political walkabouts to get him votes, and jameer expecting government treasury money. well i think their plans worked. match made in heaven. i think seeing the event on sunday, that happened way beyond everyone's expectations. and that the government probably bankrolled the whole enchilada. for kamla and her clan , the minister of sport and his family, and all who may have been tag alongs, were at the event, running the circuit. and in the monitoring booth. it explains in one way why my services to collect funds were no more needed. and this is me trying to make sense of what happened about me, not that i was told any of this; it is all observations.
i remember asking robert if i did not collect any money what and how was the event going to be managed and he never answered me, i just always felt funny. a business man with contacts and presumed money and presumed contacts in an industry and I was not given those leads to mine. I often wonder what i was called in for really. but i know that too. it is a thing where people consider themselves more than they are. they think they are more polished, more professional, on a certain level that appertains to certain patterns, people , behaviors and accoutrements, and so they reach for it, only to have the bitter realization, my operations not on that level of vibration. so many times he had to tell me this is not a corporate office or he would make the joke and say, you feel we running a barn or parlor shop or something so. i always laughed it off but i realized in hindsight that it was his insecurities being tossed like a salad, and his quips were his way of deflecting the truth. i stayed home when my cycle came cause there was not a proper women's bathroom for me to use in the boland building. and it was not something i felt comfortable to share. the good thing is this was a gig and a freelance and discussed as not one where i would need to be present all the time, which was another dynamic. people, robert said things when he was contracting me, that changed oppositionally once i started. so though he said i did not have to be there all the time, he got a conniption when i was not there. so again the deceit and dishonesty of people. what they say is not what they mean. the constant putting on, presenting and posing to catch you like fish and then they and what they represented vanishes. catfish
i had one meeting with a potential investor coordinator and she told me she felt the whole of motorsport was a lot of illegal activity funding it, money laundering in particular. i have no basis of that, other than that is how the rest of the country running so why not this circus. and one must realize this is one of the most expensive
before the event taking place this past sunday where i got to see the coverage and presence of government relations, when i was disbanded, i did think robert got fearful that these two powerhouse females would somehow undermine his idea of himself and his operations. i thought we may have appeared too powerful. i remember him telling me he did not want anyone coming in to take control, and that was in direct response to stephanie asking to be on the board. i shielded for her, but i saw the play, people will take your money and value but still want to maintain their fiefdom . now i think i was disbanded because they got a full flow of government money and thus was no need to keep an interloper longer than necessary. i put it in context o f a possible ethnic interloper but it may very well be because i was female, good looking, powerful, talented and intelligent, threat to any young playing wife with half the goods to a big bellied man who feels he has an empire when in fact it is a history of privilege and money wasted in failed experiments. plenty business badly handled. which is another aspect of this story that i briefly touched on...the sham operations called business in trinidad
so that gig ends. a gig that came with the promise to fix my car, was reneged the first day when i was asked to pay, i was so taken aback i did not engage a discussion to find out how much i was to pay , just that i was told it would cost $7K when robert had offered to pay. i still thanked him for his class cause he paid me in advance of work from day one and brought my vehicle up from a smart man schemer in siparia
stephanie goes off to monaco . and my life lumbers along into another adventure with a new set of motleys catering for drama.
so we get to mid june. stephanie offers to take me out to lunch, by this time my phone was stolen she promised me one. we made plans for a saturday, she preferred that day but i had a meeting prior. it was the day i was going to my first therapy session to discuss why nothing in trinidad works. how is that for meta stories. so she says she will come pick me up. all in writing. so i told her, barataria with a question mark and when i get to the session i will phone her as to the time.
so said so done. she asks all this crazy stuff requiring the therapist to give her directions on how to get there cause she was not driving. and i immediately thought, if you offered to take me to lunch, why are you not driving, but i did not take it on. then she phones ten minutes later, in this disjointed rant that made no sense..about not driving, her boyfriend picking me/us up, dropping us off, and picking us up again. and will we go to grand bazaar cause she knows nothing else in the area. and all of this taking place on an iph speaker ph. i have no idea why the therapist asked to put it on speaker. might be too she was implementing security,which is an interesting prospect, for she was black like me. all i could tell stephanie was, "cant we talk about this when you come pick me up" and i was growing real impatient and bothered, for what she did not know is that she was eating up my therapist time, and it was all so unnecessary, well, with me not knowing what was twisting in this girl's mind. the more i think about it now i realize it might have been her boyfriend who created the alarms and the problems. i remember that is one thing she told me too on the phone, that she wanted me to meet him and he was coming to lunch with us and i responded, well i guess we wont be talking about our business and follow up, cause i had no dealings with him, and if i am not mistaken her boyfriend was the first person i reached out to in bad granny, he saw my mail and did not respond, he accepted my friend request and then unfriended, never engaging me about the project or responding to my inquiries, real ass behavior for such a public persona. i have no idea what people are thinking
so still on the speaker phone, i am getting antsy , annoyed and perplexed. and i say to stephanie, listen if this is not convenient we can do it another time and she says, monday, maybe tuesday, maybe wednesday, in that succession. i swear i felt i was talking to a three year old. but it was amazing. it provided me the opportunity to display to the therapist the shit i go through here on a level normal day with everybody. the hiding, the lying, the deceit, the cowering, the dancing. anything but straightforward honest human and heart interaction. she thought i handled it well but i really wanted to lose it. cause it always comes out of nowhere and out of sequence to everything that went on before.
so that was the last i heard. stephanie told me once again, she would pick me up where ever i am, at the office or in town and i told her well that is one thing i wanted to talk to you about, i am no longer in the office and she asked me where i am , i said home otherwise. i never heard from her. i wrote her to ask if she would be going to the event she never answered.. it was only this morning, waking up i had an epiphany, these hoops and loops and drops without a parachute were about this white chick, with her white man, talking to me, a black woman, about meeting her in barataria, and all that may mean to people, despite it being a long time traditional middle class community of families of a left over estate...and i guess , i am learning, that this place is now considered a bandit haven? I dont know. at least somewhere seedy? where white people dont go? one block between the priority and the eastern mainroad, which is one of the most elegant and monied places in barataria. down the street from the johns, and architectured big houses.. that she thought maybe i was setting her up? I dont know. i came up with it. it sounded more than plausible. but as I write, I am thinking, who knows. people are just flipping crazy and inconsistent and polaric
and it seemed real in my mind too because i dealt with this once before, with my older cousin, when i chucked her for keeping laventille in such a bad light she told me it was just her accepting how people even her close friends see and engage laventille and dont want to come there by here, one block up from the eastern main road and directly in front of the angostura rum silver towers painted with red, yellow and blue ladders? and how strong those negative feelings were, projected onto her, and how she navigates them and i was insisting to her that she ignores them and that , only for me, once again to run into what she was trying to tell me. these people, this place are full of racist biases that no amount of time and arrangements, persons involved or character will ever change. and so here it is. barataria.
the stigma of place attached to race and risk and criminality. gosh,. i shake my head as i write, there is no corner of reprieve in this place, if it is not one thing or another it is everything compiled into one.
so this morning i woke up and wrote her my epiphany. she just wrote me back and told me i am overthinking. i am glad. i did say i was perplexed and disappointed. and in the absence of information one thinks and overthinks. she does read super busy, but i dont buy the ongoing story of everywhere empty promises
this makes for a great scene in a series or movie though, huh?
so i am keeping it.
how much of it is true or imagined? real or relevant?
whatever. more smokescreens
i give credit for her answering though.
I am gone. it is now 11:01. it took me as i knew it would, an hour to write this. and the half hour prior to construct it in my mind. 11:16 a brief editing...
heart emoticon love to stephanie, myself, my therapist all impressive chicks
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