Stuart Davis MuralDetail#2
(something about this piece, the colors, the abstracts appeals to this blog)"becoming a connoisseur,” "And that means being more specialized
and searching for things other people will not realize are important.”
I was wondering why and how I was up . and with no plans to go to sleep though i prepared for it twice.
someone just wrote something fascinating in response to what ms. columbia should do to seize her moment, and build a brand and a life plan from it.. it got me thinking...what might i do with the whole package of me that fascinates, has me with haters galore, admirers from afar, many enemies and a cadre of frightened bitchens (those are males in case you wondering). me being oya, others' perception of me as iron, shango, osain, all manner of things: fire breathing dragon, bitter and just tonight i was realizing, I dont hold water in my mouth is the saying, nor do my fingers seize on keyboards...i flow like water, raging, cleansing, eroding...what might could i do with the last twelve fifteen years. then I wrote it to the person who brought the inspiration, not knowing, apparently, that they are are marketing exec, and ignoring the hashatags in the person's message, the last one being: #hiremeasyourmanager
had I gone to bed, I would have missed that.
relatedly or not, on another friend's post, the very words I thought of when reading all the comments about harvey: "you had one job" and i shared how i am surprised of people's responses to his gaffe..cause he is an ace clown, fool coon, what else would be expected. and somewhere deep dark and in the recesses it occurs to me that the truth of all things L> persons, situations, character, competence, water level, water tables, quality...everything, shows up . at some time. who harvey is despite his writing of wrecked books on marriage after he went through three (rolls eyes looking at you), and being this jester on family feud having families acting one set of ratchet...here we are. embarrassing a woman in what is already a frazzled, or so we think, catwalk. whatever. but it further got me thinking.. my truth is yet to come out , yet to be revealed. I am far more than the cardboard cutouts of people see me in their one dimensional frames. so we shall see if this is the time and the calling. It shure* does appear as it could be
and then i get to this post...the darkest of times can bring the brightest of light. that is all I have been looking for, these last few years, and the last year in particular, having felt I have gotten over all the bitterness of recent times, I hope. i been living carillie while folks have been playing at their lame life with henny. and it is not to say i dont have all the good things.. shit. I had lamb, tomatoes and frittata for breakfast this morning. and had two stiff straight rums with my okra and rice, cabbage and veg dinner, while I extrapolated on all things agriculture with some fboys///but it is these lame folks all about me, passing judgment, and playing spades as if their hands hold anything of fortune or value, so i know, i gotta keep playing hands and rounds, cause I know this lame shit cant be my final station.
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trying to link last night to tonight. 'something in there some how'
i did two things I have not done in years, together.
wear makeup . and had on five inch wedge heels
made very obvious for their style and color: broad roman sandal strapping, in grey, and suede to boot. and the whole wedge heel wrapped to the edgings, were camel colored leather.
my cousin was impressed and enamored. and my make up was just merely matting powder and some real powerful longstay lipstick. in red.
i had on old clothes as usual. beige shorts now held up with a leather belt and a grey linen top.
my cousin told me so many things that had me deeply bemused
the first that i wear makeup remarkably well
that once i put on, makeup, i get transformed.
that i know how to wear makeup
that i become sophisticated
and because of all of that people who are accustomed to seeing me bumming will hate me because of how perfected i become
girlfriend even said if she was doing a class on makeup and presenting she would use me as a model. smh. i was really stunned. this coming from one of my biggest haters.
then the best part was, i had to change the way i walked in them damned high heels. even took my slippers with me as I fully expected to get back to them. never happened. wore the heels all night.
she told me i was switching harder than a corner ho
and all i can think about is my ex saying my behind is like a ten year old boys'
but i know that to be more of a mere indication of the women of his tastes,. rather than any accurate description of my behind
but the best part of all of that, is when I was putting the make up on, I heard how "everybody. everybody, and so she starts outlining names of who, are all shocked that "i am not working my potential", "why I walking around looking so old" and it was explained to me cause in their sphere women dont walk around without makeup...what she did not say, was tight clothes and all the markers of presenting one self for consumption and consummation (whataever that is)
but that was all marked indelible in my mind last night
all while she told me her boyfriend, the love of her life, the marker of her experiences, Jerry, who was an Express photographer..she dreamed of him and i was in the dream. all on the same night that she told me her father did not like him and I never knew that, I knew Jerry as a little girl. and how uncle dennis did not like him because he was a small islander.... and this afternoon it hit me. perhaps that dream, Jerry came to tell her to let up on me. that the same way he was disliked by dennis for nothing and bullshit, is the same way I am wrongly despised and misunderstood. but I have not told her yet.
But cant help but think last night, the makeup , the heels, the movement to what i dont know and an insistence to find my right water table and rightful level...might be all connected somehow.
I am claiming this imaging for my life: everything
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