Fortunes and Blessings DOAs

cutting snippets and quotes from a piece on being a social critic, my mind wandered to a job that if i got would surely be a life denouement , a miracle and result of magick. mind you, in no way am i planning or will apply. It is not one of those jobs. It is more a selection thing, but not like being on a political board or getting some sort of patronage. it is different but not. but anyway, since i heard of it yesterday, from my biggest hater, mind you, i shared the vision. she was bemused. shared it again with my cousin, he said to me, "there are people who do such magick" lol

but just now it occurred to me. the two times I have been offered work in this trinidad and tobago. came from the following:

1. non nationals.

2. both women

3. one from guyana

4. one from st, vincent or grenada

5. one a permanent secretary

6. the other an academic

7. the former offered me the job directly..i having gone to her to ask for land to do organic farming. impressed she was she named me her adviser. hired me under her auspice and authority. no cabinet note. ps can *used to* be able to do that for a period shorter than two years, and for a certain income level not to exceed, xyz. this woman was a boss. see a human being taking full hold of their mandate and authority. not by any means a sheep or slave

8. the latter, the academic, well. bless her heart and soul, not only did she not address me, but she went to a relative, and not that i knew it at the time, but the biggest hater i have ever known in my life, for them being blood, close, friend and in that mode. told her "I was not ready" and never discussed it with me, asked me or anything.

i realize i was blessed and lucky to encounter these two women gems. I almost want to give them silent awards of the highest kinds. people who are unafraid to shower, bless and make opportunity for others. people considerate and unselfish. but what makes me write today is that i always said it for my PS boss, but i am saying it here again. In my experience and exposure, it has always been non trinidadians who have extended a hand to me. the character vibration. the crab barrel mentality, just a silent ugliness is just not appearing in the other islanders. is what i see.

sigh

but then the academic went on to do shit and copied a whole theory from the US to apply to trinidad...alas, "educators who are not" both she and my cousin hater eh.

i gone.

11:11 

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in the last week, i have heard twice from two persons, one an elder friend*, and my young artist cousin...people who think and are coming into the realization that my life as it is is some kind of gift and privilege, the elder saying that the life most people dream about is the one that I am living...and my cousin thinks that i am to teach and show people another way to live, and perhaps that is my purpose in my reality.

it is funny to hear these views outside myself. i cant even revel in the blessing, i also feel the need to remind them of the torture I withstand from those standing closest and around me of failure, battering and "not contributing"

and i always think of animals...what money does the grown woman no family, no children gorilla contribute to the troop?

nature and animals, the cosmos is my only letter, instruction, religion and model. from there and them i take my cues.

it will be interesting to see how things evolve in this leap year. i did refer to magick and miracles did i not? and would it not be perfectly appropriate for such to happen in a leap? when a leap is required?

fascinating