In four months and exactly two weeks,
I have seen the following:
1.. Wild dreams, delusions, dreams, visions, and fantasies that you engaged, allowed, participated, did not stop, nor caution or insist on any limitations whatsoever. from a life of travel, to a life of free work, to wild income, to promises of "well taken care of"
2. You say one thing and in some time in the future you will entirely contradict, remove or reverse what was said, offered, or discussed, and no mention or prelude to admit such a change is required or has taken place.
3. Two ex wives. Two divorces. Two failed marriages.
4. One ex wife who expresses in court that she is "sworn to destroy you and states it into public and court records"
5. Two children: sons, who appear to be growing as wild as weeds, and worse yet, to be developmentally challenged. one appearing deaf or hard of hearing the other appearing to be autistic, and you presenting as if this is all news for you; that their behavior patterns are done to annoy you...like when the autistic bangs on the plastic container constantly throughout a face time phone call...
You are clearly an absent and incompetent parent.
Their mother seems also to have washed her hands, be brainless, or checked out
The lot of you, however, together, present a scary picture nonetheless
6. You seem to have zero family life with your boys: no play time, no outings. no sit down meals, no sunday dinners. just no relationship with your boys at all
7. When you told me that you think your boy or boys were possessed
8. The failure of the Academy to be on a planned schedule. The hiring of a failed and scamming project contractor. The use of your money solely for such a huge project. The increased cost of the project from $80K to $200K, as identified by the mall owners who are now willing to fund its completion? Why? The prospect for you to sharecrop and accept such a debt warrant. Your clear lack of business savvy
9. The endless sky is the limit promises and integrations of Olu, Soap Factory, my cafe, but yet everything and all the signs point to an opposite reality. There is a term for that a mental illness psychological term:
-----
I have seen the following:
1.. Wild dreams, delusions, dreams, visions, and fantasies that you engaged, allowed, participated, did not stop, nor caution or insist on any limitations whatsoever. from a life of travel, to a life of free work, to wild income, to promises of "well taken care of"
2. You say one thing and in some time in the future you will entirely contradict, remove or reverse what was said, offered, or discussed, and no mention or prelude to admit such a change is required or has taken place.
3. Two ex wives. Two divorces. Two failed marriages.
4. One ex wife who expresses in court that she is "sworn to destroy you and states it into public and court records"
5. Two children: sons, who appear to be growing as wild as weeds, and worse yet, to be developmentally challenged. one appearing deaf or hard of hearing the other appearing to be autistic, and you presenting as if this is all news for you; that their behavior patterns are done to annoy you...like when the autistic bangs on the plastic container constantly throughout a face time phone call...
You are clearly an absent and incompetent parent.
Their mother seems also to have washed her hands, be brainless, or checked out
The lot of you, however, together, present a scary picture nonetheless
6. You seem to have zero family life with your boys: no play time, no outings. no sit down meals, no sunday dinners. just no relationship with your boys at all
7. When you told me that you think your boy or boys were possessed
8. The failure of the Academy to be on a planned schedule. The hiring of a failed and scamming project contractor. The use of your money solely for such a huge project. The increased cost of the project from $80K to $200K, as identified by the mall owners who are now willing to fund its completion? Why? The prospect for you to sharecrop and accept such a debt warrant. Your clear lack of business savvy
9. The endless sky is the limit promises and integrations of Olu, Soap Factory, my cafe, but yet everything and all the signs point to an opposite reality. There is a term for that a mental illness psychological term:
-----
grandiose delusions
i am attempting to write my way out of this latest
and that term comes to me in parts..."grandiosity"
the promises. then i remember there is a mental instability and sickness that uses that term, part of being schizophrenic and bipolar/..these grand schemes that will never happen, could never be, and all the signs proving their converse alternate///and as i continue writing i think i may have gotten catfished of a different kind
the presenting and offering of a scheme that was never possible
#inheritance
-----------------
10.. Your lack of money to follow through as big as you pretended in the beginning
11. You being more offended and taking personal my cussing but you quite fine with your autistic and developmentally challenged boy children, your two failed marriages, an unkempt house and lack of home life for the three of you. Yeah. skewed much>?
11. You being more offended and taking personal my cussing but you quite fine with your autistic and developmentally challenged boy children, your two failed marriages, an unkempt house and lack of home life for the three of you. Yeah. skewed much>?
12.Your seeming lack of management skills
13/ You, a black man as a sheriff reserve in Mississippi
14/ Your family of mentally ill history
13/ You, a black man as a sheriff reserve in Mississippi
14/ Your family of mentally ill history
15. For all your so-called enlightenment, your darkness of misogyny, female dismissal, female backchecking, mansplaining, gross ignorance and willful arrogance in areas I am clearly more knowledgeable
16. Your leaving academia with your PhD
17. Dieing your grey hair
16. Your leaving academia with your PhD
17. Dieing your grey hair
18. Your reneging on your offers twice now
19. Your reneging on your plane ticket, my flight, and postponing my travel two days before I am to leave.
20. You are clearly in a mess in your own life. You tried to act as if You were saving me, could save me but it was all a ruse for me to save you in yours. take care of your boys, your home, create a home life, and stability, and help you generate income as you saw me as a huge money making asset.
21. You being overwhelmingly beyond male as to manicou and acting like a cunt of control so you take your marbles and my trip ...well done.
Yet, my bar of trust is low. I overlooked all of this in four months and forteen days.
a policeman padna spoke last night
and said he had been to a psychologist/psychiatrist twice.
he said, the first time was mandatory
the second time he was told "he needed someone to talk to"
19. Your reneging on your plane ticket, my flight, and postponing my travel two days before I am to leave.
20. You are clearly in a mess in your own life. You tried to act as if You were saving me, could save me but it was all a ruse for me to save you in yours. take care of your boys, your home, create a home life, and stability, and help you generate income as you saw me as a huge money making asset.
21. You being overwhelmingly beyond male as to manicou and acting like a cunt of control so you take your marbles and my trip ...well done.
Yet, my bar of trust is low. I overlooked all of this in four months and forteen days.
a policeman padna spoke last night
and said he had been to a psychologist/psychiatrist twice.
he said, the first time was mandatory
the second time he was told "he needed someone to talk to"
later on last night in a different conversation, with different people
i was being cautioned about "making mistakes" and i retorted, look how old i am and i have yet to make any big ones.
twenty four hours later...i am amused at my comment and thoughts, the conversations, and their relevancies tonight
seems like the universe just wont let me veer even close to explosions and the unstable.
even if it is dead here, it is stable, right?
(rolls eyes)
-----------------
your word is worth less than dirty toilet paper in a septic tank
and when money spent is no longer a guarantee of anything
you all know we are in a shitstorm of fifth dimensions.
multiple realities running at the same time.
i was being cautioned about "making mistakes" and i retorted, look how old i am and i have yet to make any big ones.
twenty four hours later...i am amused at my comment and thoughts, the conversations, and their relevancies tonight
seems like the universe just wont let me veer even close to explosions and the unstable.
even if it is dead here, it is stable, right?
(rolls eyes)
-----------------
your word is worth less than dirty toilet paper in a septic tank
and when money spent is no longer a guarantee of anything
you all know we are in a shitstorm of fifth dimensions.
multiple realities running at the same time.
it is indeed a bizarre time in the cosmos
no. what is not healthy is bipolar super sensitive turned inside out/ people thinking they are sane
#allthatisthediaglogueforthemovieLIFE
----------------------
the universe keeps protecting me maybe?
or is it that i am delusional?
===========
when you renege.
when you are vindictive
what else wont you do?
to make people hate you
and swear to your destruction
no. what is not healthy is bipolar super sensitive turned inside out/ people thinking they are sane
#allthatisthediaglogueforthemovieLIFE
----------------------
the universe keeps protecting me maybe?
or is it that i am delusional?
===========
when you renege.
when you are vindictive
what else wont you do?
to make people hate you
and swear to your destruction
#instructionremedial
#divorcedeals
you cant go sailing with folk who always want to empty the boat every time there is a swill
the folk most afraid of conflict are the ones who will torch you on a pyre
True talk
Fear is heavier than Heavy
And faster than Gravity
i am gone folk. gone.
and done
someone trini want to remind me what the Canadian Commissioner of Police income package was? why is $50K US or Canadian stuck in my head? and does not include the income monthly for his also canadian deputy that he insisted tag along? If you dont know the whole package value just tell me what he made in per month? And then will someone outline for me the level of negotiations open in national topper employment contract. like Calder Hart who was pulling $one million TT/ month on eight big contract jobs/ all here in Trinidad. all running at the same time. concurrent. from 2007? or before? to when?? 2010? that is what? $300K US. if nothing else, please confirm for me that what they pay foreigners here in the banana is not what they pay and publicize for locals and moreso, what the foreigners get is wildly unrestricted and matched only by their ability to negotiate like champs.
Someone tell me cause I not living here. I havent been here for thirteen years, and I sure as hell dont know what I am talking about. and we are so internet savvy here in the banana republic, where the majority of the public service and population are not on the computer searching information but porn...where too many ignorant people , even right here on the plantation republic, never even heard the term. So tell me, please, someone. about the never ending lengths and distances foreigners can go through when they get contracts here. But hell. nevermind. stay where you are. we have enough crazy here.
--------------------
the requirement to be smart and wise
keeps growing to levels where neither ladder nor arm reaches
==============
deep breath.
reminding myself through tears. never be afraid to stand still
never be afraid to run through hard.
never be afraid to retreat.
#noescape
#sucker
#psyche
----------------
such an interesting night
i wrote a long response but made it a blog instead
"Excuse Me, Egg"
#divorcedeals
you cant go sailing with folk who always want to empty the boat every time there is a swill
the folk most afraid of conflict are the ones who will torch you on a pyre
True talk
Fear is heavier than Heavy
And faster than Gravity
i am gone folk. gone.
and done
someone trini want to remind me what the Canadian Commissioner of Police income package was? why is $50K US or Canadian stuck in my head? and does not include the income monthly for his also canadian deputy that he insisted tag along? If you dont know the whole package value just tell me what he made in per month? And then will someone outline for me the level of negotiations open in national topper employment contract. like Calder Hart who was pulling $one million TT/ month on eight big contract jobs/ all here in Trinidad. all running at the same time. concurrent. from 2007? or before? to when?? 2010? that is what? $300K US. if nothing else, please confirm for me that what they pay foreigners here in the banana is not what they pay and publicize for locals and moreso, what the foreigners get is wildly unrestricted and matched only by their ability to negotiate like champs.
Someone tell me cause I not living here. I havent been here for thirteen years, and I sure as hell dont know what I am talking about. and we are so internet savvy here in the banana republic, where the majority of the public service and population are not on the computer searching information but porn...where too many ignorant people , even right here on the plantation republic, never even heard the term. So tell me, please, someone. about the never ending lengths and distances foreigners can go through when they get contracts here. But hell. nevermind. stay where you are. we have enough crazy here.
--------------------
the requirement to be smart and wise
keeps growing to levels where neither ladder nor arm reaches
==============
deep breath.
reminding myself through tears. never be afraid to stand still
never be afraid to run through hard.
never be afraid to retreat.
#noescape
#sucker
#psyche
----------------
such an interesting night
i wrote a long response but made it a blog instead
"Excuse Me, Egg"
earlier i had the insight that I need to write on a level and
revelation that itself is new and on a higher demand, even for someone
who has been writing since their teen years, and keeping those writings,
compiled and curated since 1990. i recognized it is because I know
things most people at my locus standi do not, and the people who do know
what i speak of and about, came by the exposure, knowledge and capacity
by a different means- usually by entitlement, privilege and
generational legacy, multiple generations. and so the things I tell folk
they disbelieve cause it is so far out of their galaxy. so I need to
write about that. cause I cant keep wasting breath explaining it. I cant
keep fighting dead people, or validating my view to ignorance.
then, now
it seems quite a few people around me knew and saw long before i did. they said things like, "i want to see it happen" or, " you not ..."
only for them to be proven right, two days prior...quite fascinating
but all i think, this must be for something. and how much stronger does the universe want me to be, only to keep being told how strong i am by monikers of chip on shoulders, crazy, vitriol, cause i be man (just like) more than the manicous.
i find it fascinating
it is bizarre actually
the five dimensional keeps finding ways to set me apart from these mere
you know the sad thing about strong people?
they often deny the level trauma, and tragedy they are experiencing..telling themselves, dont stoop to that level of brokenness and emotion, stay up... stay up
"you are gonna be so well taken care of that I am going to take this rug and rung from under your feet/ my offer to rescind, says the beautiful ones born all over
i told myself I should be laughing
instead, i stayed silent.
in the soap factory of my rinsing
#poetryprosepost
==============
never bet on people or life.
------------
--------------------EDIT-----------------
then, now
it seems quite a few people around me knew and saw long before i did. they said things like, "i want to see it happen" or, " you not ..."
only for them to be proven right, two days prior...quite fascinating
but all i think, this must be for something. and how much stronger does the universe want me to be, only to keep being told how strong i am by monikers of chip on shoulders, crazy, vitriol, cause i be man (just like) more than the manicous.
i find it fascinating
it is bizarre actually
the five dimensional keeps finding ways to set me apart from these mere
you know the sad thing about strong people?
they often deny the level trauma, and tragedy they are experiencing..telling themselves, dont stoop to that level of brokenness and emotion, stay up... stay up
"you are gonna be so well taken care of that I am going to take this rug and rung from under your feet/ my offer to rescind, says the beautiful ones born all over
i told myself I should be laughing
instead, i stayed silent.
in the soap factory of my rinsing
#poetryprosepost
==============
never bet on people or life.
------------
I was going to mention this for a different reason, but I'm saying it in general now. We need to push back your departure/arrival date. I need to get the Academy up and running without distraction. You mentioned it a time or two and I said no...come on. But coming with conflict is not going to work.
Email me the info I sent you on your ticket. I am pretty sure I purchased insurance that would allow for a change of flight date prior to travel. If not, I will think of something...but this is coming too soon; mall management wants me to make myself available over the next three weeks as they complete the project. I was not expecting to basically be required to be on-site...sort of a second project manager.
Now I have to get secondary arrangements for child care setup for my boys with my sitter.
Then just today, I get notice from my apartment complex manager that they have my lease being up earlier than I calculated.
They used an earlier date, even though they waited to send me renewal papers and I have a signature for a signing last year at end of September. They are saying it was an error on their part and was not the date I renewed any other year and not the date I originally started here (which is true).
So...I have to start packing earlier than I planned in order to be out of here at end of August instead of end of September. I'll try and get some friends to help, but it's still gonna be tough since now the Academy is set to open around the same time they are saying my lease will be up.
Finally, it seems like some days we are totally in sync....then BAM!!! we are on opposite planets. That's not healthy.
....am I missing something?? Like what was all the "Banana Republic" vitriol all about??
I really don't know what I said to provoke those comments from you...
Chat Conversation End==============
me referring to my trinidad as a banana republic and out of his knowledge is not only problematic.
but vitriol. these people not sick in joke you know.
what can you do with fragile people who think everything revolves around them?
--------------------EDIT-----------------
when you choose to do a faith walk
After you have given up on such things.
you were straight bricks and mortar.
but you realize you can get bricks and mortar
and that can be taken away or disintegrate
i suspect i am learning that no matter the bar,
even though most keep theirs to the ground
any and all can and might in fact disintegrate
but when you have a mission, and one so big and imposing as
:"in search of your own life"
you realize bullshit aint an option
you barrelling through as an alchemist, a magician,
maybe even as a circus clown
but you weaving straw, in search of gold
and you will call all the names and goddesses that you must
be they kali, oshun, oya, yemaya.
and let everything falls where it may
those things aint your business.
No comments:
Post a Comment