i realize i have so much wonderful exchanges and muses on fb, that i must contain them here. is another one
my every thought, consideration, theory, muse, word and whim
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Sankofa; Bird Going Back to Find Forward
On May 12, 2012, at 4:04 AM,---I wrote:
Hi Sasha.
I have missed you in my life.
It is Melise. For weeks i have been trying to reach Ron from MSU<
but for many reasons was not successful. Last night I dreamt of him
n a dream where i returned to Michigan and met new young students
and Ron was my host of a kind and met a Lebanese guy who fed me from
his sale cart of pizzas, baked goods, fruit and vegetables and some
of the students let me stay in some very crowded academic
apartment..
Anyway, i have always longed for you and Ron and the family. Your
family is beautiful. Seems we had such an incredible bonding
experience but i for one did not recognise the magnitude of it for
years and years. And what spurred the completion of that recently
was my wish and aim and reaching out to be a midwife and douala and
of course I remembered the experiences with you and Bodhi and been
trying to put the pieces together since then. I tried to get MSU to
help me but i could not even remember Ron'[s name if you will
believe. Not even Ron. It just recently came back to me and I could
not remember your name. AND last night'[s dream did it. I decided to
search this morning "Ron and Bodhi" and his company came up and I
saw your name. SMH> I am not as debilitated as this sounds but my
memory is its own entity.
HOW ARE YOU? You look great in your douala page..The family
glows...you all were always so white. LOL>..but Ron I always thought
looked like he was mixed to me. Always. those dark set eyes.
I am happy to reconnectl. To write these letters to you and Ron. You
all were a spectacular story and experience in my pantheon yet do
not hold the space you should in my life. I find that odd and
unacceptable so I am trying to do what i need to to make that right.
You all now will say what you are comfortable with
I am in Trinidad. Been here for nine years on the 16th of this
month. And I realize and sense it is the time of completion and
perfections. I am making moves to leave. This was never a place for
me, but a place to heal and gather myself to some semblance of whole
after the phd. I dont fit here. Probably fit no where but now i am
an artist, chef, entrepreneur of a kind but make no money to speak
of, but everyone thinks I am rich...I am putting it out in the
universe to do global house sitting. So we will see how that goes.
And I write. A lot. Published a few pieces in these intervening
years. I wish to do that more...and more and more.
That is it. I have no personal news to report. No husbands, children
but I still hold out hope. I dream of going back to school, medical
or midwife but that has not worked out . not that I wanted to do
more school. I am sick of school. If i have children i wont be
sending them...but i just wanted to be legit and qualified for what
I say i wanted to do. Help WOmen.
Are you on fB? I am Maven Huggins there. ID Protection. I have
several pages. Women Inspired. Unemployed Trinidad. ArtPost
Trinidad , MERIKINS>.. and Huggins Hearty Healthy Healing Foods.
I wanted to do organic farming here but getting land is madness if
you are not a drug dealer or money launderer. THe MERIKINS thing is
interesting...I discovered i come from Americans who fought for the
british in the War of 1812 and were rewarded lands in trinidad.
amazing stories, histories and mine;)
I just want you all to be a part as you already are. So I write to reconnect
LEts see what happens now.
Embraces and DEEP :Love
Melise
Quoting Sasha Williams
> Oh my goodness. Melise! Super big smile in my heart. So glad you
> found us! So glad to reconnect. And I've missed you in our lives,
> too, and thought of you often in the time since we moved to Hawaii.
> I feel the same about the depth and significance of the connection
> and would very much like to grow it! Lots to talk about and catch
> up on, I'm sure. And very perfect timing, of course. I can see
> that midwifery would be a very good fit for you. You have a keen
> connection to calmness in the face of challenge, and a special
> ability to help people get where they need to go (at least you did
> so for me). Do it! Shoots. Would be LOVELY to do midwifery
> together here in Hawaii...! I'm pursuing midwifery now, myself.
> Been attending homebirths as an apprentice with an awesome midwife
> mentor, and entering nursing school (yuck-o on the school-o) in the
> fall. One doesn't have to go to school to become a midwife, though,
> you know. There are other paths. My own path has been full of
> synchronicity, confirmation, and wide open doors. In fact, you very
> much helped to unlock those doors!
>
> Perhaps we can find time for a phone call in the next week? Or yes,
> can also do a real time chat on FB, maybe easier for the
> international phone charges. I'll look for you there, though my
> presence of fb is intermittent.
>
> Would love to welcome you to the Big Island of Hawaii...its a pretty
> phenomenal place. Perhaps Pele, the Goddess of the Volcano, is
> calling you here in (y)our dreams...
>
> And global housesitting is a good fit for Hawaii, too. Don't know if
> Hawaii is where you see yourself (some hard things about living here
> as a Black woman, for sure), but maybe do some searching on the Big
> Island, especially Hilo area, to see if there is a place you might
> land to get your feet wet, so to speak? At least for a visit? You
> already know island life...and this place either welcomes us or spits
> us back out. So if the spirit moves, check it out and lets see what
> synchronicity may do to bring us together in physical time once
> again. And of course we can be a landing pad, too!
>
> Love, light, luminosity, and laughter heading your way!
> sasha
> p.s. I'm finishing up coursework for a nutrition class today, so
> let's be in touch again in a couple days.
>
>
Amazing Response. Sasha
I am glad that you are going to school for nursing so you can teach me later ;)
I would love to come to Hawaii. I am literally, hand on a pulse waiting for the wind to guide me where to go and land. Seriously. You have no idea. Thank you for making it so welcoming. I will look to see what I find in terms of house sitting or means in Hawaii...
I am stumped surprise to hear that I played some role in you finding your path and thanks for the accolade. It is amazing to me how different souls find and embrace us. You shore me up today.
Yes, we will continue talking as your life allows
"Black Wombmyn in Odd Places" story aside, I only hope my past has created me for what ever challenges and alientations i may have to endure. Lord Knows that is what I am trying to move on from now. Still searching for my rightful place and people. And life work...
Until Again,
Glad to be connected
Ancestral Birth Rebirth and Karma
Vrinda Puja
Love does not mean taking abuse. As we consider the stotra "Mind is the cause of bondage and release," in Patanjali Yoga Sutras, we also begin to understand how we are responsible for the emotions and experiences that we allow to seep in from our environment. When these are harmful for our sense of wellbeing and gradual spiritual progress, we need to separate ourselves, protect our body, mind and spirit from the harmful nuclear vibrations and negative spiritual charges that others, no matter if blood related, direct at us.
In my experience, and the compassionate suggestions of enlightened teachers, we may also be caringly in relationship with ourselves, like a mother cares for a child, a friend cares for a friend, a child cares for a parent and a lover cares for the beloved. Spirituality does not mean abusing ourselves for the sake of resolving the problem of the ego. A confusion on abnegation of ego, which is very prominent in Christian traditions, gives the false impression of an imperative to self-chastisement, sacrifice and enduring abuse (the slap on the cheek problem). But sacrifice without understanding is shallow, abnegation without dignity is subservience, and enduring abuse without being able to convert the abuse of others into an experience which transforms the oppressor and the oppressed is futile.
Then how does a person know the difference? The daily practices or rituals, meditations and spiritual interactions lead the practitioner to advance on the path to a progressive spiritual awakening, a deeper understanding of when are these qualities beneficial or when can what we consider a "virtue" be detrimental to our spiritual progress in an oppressive way. Because abusing the God and Goddess given psycho-physical personality, which is the vehicle to attaining the experience of uninterrupted Union with God/Goddess can lead us further away from the intended goal.
Standpoint theory:
I speak from the experience of being raised and educated Catholic for the first 15 years, and passing through a series of spiritual awakenings before and after that age. An intensive spiritual search in my twenties, led me to define myself as panentheist. I understood that the Sermon on the Mount was not at the core of the Roman Catholic Church, this lead to a strained to an impossible connection with the formative religion after Vatican II. Later in life, I aligned my Christian spirituality with Liberation Theology. By this time, I had full embraced Yoga-Vedanta, in a monastic community of a particular
beauty and life transforming power.
Maven Huggins
so fascinating that you post this here. today. and I read it now. after having a blow out with my aunt in whose house I live. I have to tell you offering to help you has sparked a lot in my soul. The main of which is to find the way to leave here. I am enmeshed, ensconced and surrounded, by people whom I am alien to and them to me. I am .
...
I dont even have words or energy to fill in all that I am to tell you but. I am...
i am in a country who does not value a person like me and I suffer and am persecuted for it within and without.
But what has happened in these nine years (on May 16, 2012_) is a clarity of who i am and my purpose and road and journey so where before there was regret and tears now there is some kind of soul jubilation and pride, and force and power of the experiences. where i am to be bowed and broken i am triumphant and propelling further.
this helps/.
I never thought of my aunt and i as in an ancestor karmic dance. I did think it of her unbelievable ignorance that is this society and culture and me being born (different) and born in my circumstance and living away has made an already alien more so
Vrinda Puja
I don´t know. I only know that I understand very closely how you fee and what you are going through. One time I wanted to leave, was enmeshed, ensconced and surrounded by people who despised the true me in the name or "normal" love. And it was a cage and a trap. There would have been no way our for me under the circumstances... Someone very special, to whom I am forever indebted helped me. And I pray God/Goddess may guide this communication to help you find a way out of that temporary stage.
All is temporary. What we like, what we don´t like. When the situation is pleasant, time flies and we hardly notice when the time runs out and what we love most is taken away by drastic life changes, illness or other creative ways of nature teaching us that everything ends. I can only share with you what I was taught, what informs me. It offers no easy way out, but it offers ways to transcend our self-imposed conditioning.
I prayed that just as She helped me when I needed, I could help someone, especially a woman, mother, sister in a similar situation so familiar to me.
The pain that is so unbearable now, will break the walls around our heart for a borderless heart, capable of relating to All. The rivers of tears prepare you, me and the compassionate ones who suffer unfair seclusion in a mysterious way to deepen the riverbed and make this tributary river even mightier. So mighty and strong in Spirit that when the fiercest storms and tests come, and just as Jesus was tested, who are we not to be tested, but if we connect with those who suffer even more than us, we will deepen the river of our mind-emotions to such extent that when the mightiest storm comes, our waters and our tears will not overflow. Only when we are connected with the Greatest pain of all, and the Greatest Joy simultaneously.
But this blissful state, this spiritual achievement is reached by a process. The process is rigorous like mountain climbing, but made easier when we focus on the beauty of the goal, Union with God; what can be more inspiring than that? And still we doubt it every day.
This in itself is a kind of meditation (it has a Sanskrit name, but I will not burden you with too much complexity now. Your mind is brilliant, there are stories that inspire us to understand how is it that we allow our minds to be our worst enemy and how is it that we protect our own mind, a powerful gift of God, to be our best Friend.
I would like to share with you more devotional meditations. But a little at a time is best. Reflect on the above, trust the Presence of God is in your very breath. You may also do a breathing meditation, breathing in your dearest image of God, Jesus, Mother Mary, or symbol of Spirit, and breathing out sorrow, misunderstanding, impotence, uncertainty. A very significant spiritual breakthrough is close, when things feel this bad in our lives and we must cling to Spirit within. Invoke Faith.
I will leave you for some time, my dear, to allow you the sacred time and space to reflect and bring healing to your self to Self.
Self here means a Jesus identity, cosmic consciousness... that which lets one see clearly where we do not belong, and allows for the steps to follow to emerge from within yourself. Trust this Power from within, I know that you do. You are my spiritual sister. God/Goddess knows why. Remember, there is so much work to be done! Blessed Be! with Bows, Health, Divine Light and Love..
Maven Huggins we are writing a book.
and someone else who knows a bit about my struggle here asked me if I could write what i share here on fb in a book. the book is being compiled. Has been for a long time.
Thanks
Maven Huggins there is a lot here to digest.
and i think in time i need to return to it to digest it
and further, while reading, I sensed perhaps that is your purpose in my life, to bring me deeper union and perspective, spiritually
Vrinda Puja You
have also appeared like an angel in my life, all that the Teacher
deposited in my heart... grows like a dammed river, cannot flow without
sharing it. You are the dam breaker, my dear sister. Be Blessed!
Vrinda Puja If
Goddess and God permit, the Stories of the Enlightened Queens will
liberate the pain in the heart of many women and children and angels our
communities and in our hearts. Giving me a humble and beloved
purpose...Where and With Whom One Belongs
i
had sustained long rambling and return to dreams last night --telling
and confirming for me that if I reach out, and launch, the universe will
provide and gift all i need.
i was in Michigan, seems I went in search of Ron, and met new people, young students and Lebanese folk who housed me in their apartment and fed me from off a food truck of all kinds of goodies: fruit, vegetables, baked goods, sandwiches and pizzas...
:)
i am not without being held
Good Morning
i was in Michigan, seems I went in search of Ron, and met new people, young students and Lebanese folk who housed me in their apartment and fed me from off a food truck of all kinds of goodies: fruit, vegetables, baked goods, sandwiches and pizzas...
:)
i am not without being held
Good Morning
- Marcia Smith You probably need to go back. Staying here has done nothing for you but bring fustration.
- Maven Huggins ♥. you have no idea how close I feel I am. but i also learned deeply it is not for me to go back. what has passed. is in the past. I need to keep propelling forward. that dream was for two purposes: for me to reconnect with that guy. I of all odd of all odd people was the sole person to stand in the gap when his wife gave birth and slammed hard in warp speed in to post partum depression resultiing in very extreme bizarre behavior and institutionalization. I kept the home, took care of the baby, cooked and cleaned. I did not realize or embrace how significant that story until recently and was asking myself how is it that me and them are not bonded for life. But we are. at least on my side. And that dream helped me find them today. They are in Hawaii.
the other purpose of that dream was to show me to step out from nothing, with nothing and the universe will hold me up.; folk will appear to give me bridge and step.
i am close Marcia. I am very close. thank you for your words and your support and seeing my truth ♥Maven Huggins and it was not that trinidad was not good for me to me or necessary. it was. it was a place for me to heal and gather my pieces, correct my vision, understand clearly where and to whom i belong. and to move forward with correct and clean perspective and vision. and that was huge. that is huge. I thank Marjorie Baptiste for that. it is all so phenomenal. when i tell you i am so clear on so many things...the person you met has a different story and telling of her story ;) hahaha...
anyways. I felt i wanted to document that...that Trinidad has been good for my soul. not much else but that is okay and that is what it was for and how it was to be. nothing else.
I earned money here. money to save and money to lend as a broker. I lived in the three spectacular houses not including my family house where I am now. Most dont live that good. I was just thinking before i started writing i was born to privilege and nothing has changed. That is still the lesson.. to trust and I will be carried.
So i am grateful. I did not come here to change. anyone or anything. just myself. i am invisible, unworthy and of no significance to so many. i want to say all but that is not true.
I woke up thinking of people who dont know me from Adama who have supported gave and gifted me. Even for what others may see as inconsequential. I think of the Su who gives me tea . i think of you and your gifts Marcia and my ArtPost Trinidad. you know you can list that as one of your accomplishments hahaha.. it is all so rich. So much beauty in the interspaces and down to and with good souls. so...Just ♥Maven Huggins i have Conrad Enill to thank for being on facebook. Imagine that.
Imagine that. Imagine that...(my future is from and gainstayed from this fb. I offered to help someone yesterday that sparked a huge fire of possibility. on this facebook. When I move forward, it will be this facebook that keeps me in communication with those who planted my garden. This facebook.
I feel i am in this very calm reflective euphoria.
The time is near coming to a close.
Nine Years since i been in THis Trinidad/ come the 16th of This SuperMoon Month and 2012 Year ;)
Friday, May 11, 2012
Writing Muses, Stories, Journeys and Learnings
- Vrinda Puja
The most influential person in my life knows this art. But, in practice, I have found that the difference is many times in the attitude and "ripeness" of the recipient. For a good patient, even sour medicine is taken and it will heal. If the person is too delicate (so called sensitive), a strong medicine or remedy can harm them. This is like an art and a science combined. I am still trying to learn it, even after having been transformed by one who is a wonderful example. Thanks for this post!
Tony Bedassie
So true vrinda, most people are offended when you try to provoke them into thinking because of the depth or lack thereof of their consciousness. Few people are able to view life objectively as they always surround themselves with their own ...See more
Vrinda Puja
Thank you Tony, thank you for recontextualizing this important way of learning within a profounder psychology. I like your analogy of the glassy eyed look like water drops falling on the dasheen leaf. We are experiencing this look more and more even in easier situations. Learning requires a mysterious openess, a kind of liquidity, vulnerability, allowing something new to enter us without our rejecting it or our embracing it in spite of the fear and trembling that it may provoke... as you well pointed out the possibility to view a different perspective, and perhaps to even love it! That miracle of learning is closed to the ones who hold on to their own problems and refuse to embrace the larger problems: the tragedy that the whole humanity is in now, from a larger perspective. This teacher, has broken the old me like a nut, has left a seed within me that keeps blooming garden after garden and flowing like river merging into rivers. I love the teacher and the teachings--not easy teachings, true teachings do not come cheap.
I heave heard of the Matrix, but have not seen it. I appreciate that you recommend a very popular movie like this in the context of hard knocks teachings and learnings that provoke us out of dullness, psychic/social sleep. Though some frail characters cringe from coming close to this teacher, the transformation that it provokes and awakens is a rare gift. I believe that you have that gift. I am not sure I have it, because I have not found the ways to discern the difference. Even when a child is running to go under the wheels of a moving train, do we tell him/her sweetly "Honey, stop, stop." No, we have to run, scream and rage. Provoking offends those who rather die than stopping the movement to further dullness, which is like death.
Vrinda Puja
Maven, thank you for correcting me on this topic. I seldom go to the movies... don't know whether this one comes from a bestseller book, don't even know if, like some movies, this one has entered the fabric of society and informs our younger generations in ways that separate our language and ways of relating. This is important for some of us of a certain age to know perhaps that movies are parenting our very young. Some in wonderful mind-expanding ways, others in not so positive ways. Please tell me more.
Maven Huggins
not sure where the correction is; if there is one it surely was unintentional...and isnt that ironic and funny to this post..
I am presuming Vrindra, you are referring to my comment of "the matrix is not just a movie" which is what came to mind as a caption to Tony;s contribution
but i can say for me, literature, art, and nature are natural teachers for beings who are grounded, connected, integrated and open to evolving. they are for me and I learn so much in those areas; more than from humanimals. If you look through my stream...i started a book yesterday. and only like 40 pages in I got and shared so many passages--lessons from there to be winnowed.> much of what i posted seems as if someone was writing my life and character ;)>so that to me is rich and invaluable. I always see literature as instruction. I have always picked up passages as parables. age old tools for guidance
(that is the more) and same with film. I am a film buff. Love Love Love. and i too rarely go to the movies but have always made use of cable and renting; I go to artfilm moviehouses but there arent any where i am...but i am weird, i find lesson and instruction everywhere in everything and almost from all situations. observations
I am grateful you and Tony contributed to this thread..
People are grossly and consistently discomfited by me.and like a piece to a puzzle i am slowly understanding why..you all dispense a lot of that. and i had a huge breakthrough by someone's post not a week ago...Sara Sara Amis talked about being a lightning rod for people with 'mommy issues'/ let us stop and pause how many in the planet that applies to and then add in the other set that it applies but they have no clue. so zombie and asleep they are.
another side to this is people have a real problem when their soul sees who their ego is/are not. they go ballistic.
Between these two: rock and hard place...i wonder where they bridge? ;0
It is fascinating. and though it has been painful, I am loving it. Life is Rich and riche
a
Maven Huggins
"tell me more" Vindra...
All these stories I have. All these episodes. All these reflections for being inward...I think wish I can go somewhere and have a one woman stage show...just retelling raconteuring.., musing...Read some of my poetry, Talk about who i was then to who I am now. Critique Self. Critque the World about me. The Journey...Read some of my essays or parts thereof... then to integrate the entertaining stuff: the art, the film, the lessons in amazing text and persons...round the globe...my resources are never just who and where I am but international...and the presupposed connection to harness there in...
hm...i dream of that
Maven Huggins
i feel i rambled Vrindra, let me say this: alice in wonderland and matrix are two movies i think work as maps and mirrors of our real life modern living...
what works as mirror of real life, ceases to just be a movie. that is what i meant. :) whew. sometimes it takes me a while to get to my point ;)
and to me, age has nothing to do with it. but that is just me/ and those things you list are interesting to me. I learned of something new this morning: a new identity? a new area to engage, muse about>? and see how I fit>
feminist art...there is a call for papers in Nigeria, at the Museum of Contemporary Art and though I considered it, realized I am not able to write for it yet. but I realize I probably fit very centrally in that frame, even if I dont use the term feminist but womanist -- the whole idea of critiquing my own art. I never did that before. but an experience I had on monday of other people seeing my art and describing it in ways no one else has ever done puts me in a new frame..
and we close at shared space: finding materials that uplift us as we journey through our human experiences and pain. that is what this whole thread is about
Maven Huggins you also show me the difference of embarking on such a trip in the presence of children and douens (unformed fetuses) and mature people. really remarkable
Vrinda Puja
Maven, I love this conversation (was reading above as you were writing). I have also experienced the enriching ways in which literature, especially what some would call fiction, art and nature keep reshaping learning and a fuller experience of life. I see why the Matrix is not just a movie. It surely serves to ground us and looks like it is a must for me to see in order to help me take a step forward to understanding the language of younger folk.
How wonderful that you are sharing what you are reading with the fb posting. I have to check it out! Finding art that defines our own life has also been a transformative experience for me. This is powerful stuff, it informs our identity in such empowering ways... I find that even when I have not felt empowered, and there is much these days that I feel terribly impotent about --like war and the abuses and oppression against women and girls, when the passages in a book speak to us in meaningful ways, as pushing for a birthing or a breakthrough, even our apparent inaction (like the academic writer's block I am experiencing now) keeps leading to further reflections. And I thank you for this conversation and your substantive posts. In this conversation you are pulling me out of a three months writing rut, which is another story.
I have strange reading preferences lately... maybe because I am a student of a certain age (womanism, feminism, mujerista, matristic social sciences stuff which I find fantastic, but is boring to some). I am glad that you remind me about online movies... It is time I resume netflix, since I canceled it about a year ago, I have been watching documentaries that take me deeper in to human pain. I guess it is a necessary stage, the pain of the world can enter our bones and paralyze us/me, or the overwhelming tragedy of humanity can PROVOKE us/me to action. I will surely let you know when I have netflix again, and hope that you update me on the few decades that I am behind. The last comparative study of two movies I watched, apart from the Corporation and other impressive documentaries, was about The Music Box and Pressumed Innocent. This is how far the movie buff in me has gone.
I am so grateful for your contribution in fb, you are not weird, dear sister, you are compassionate and a woman awake! We live in weird times, social pathology is promoted all around mass media. I believe that we are suffering from super identity crisis which is further pathologized by a topic we rarely speak about any more, the "generation gap" or what some writers call a society of estrangement.
About the mommy issues, Oooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh Goddess Grief! We can talk about this forever, and I hope to befriend Sara in hopes of joining the conversation on the importance of honoring the matristic in us all irrespective of gender.
Please keep discomfitting people around you!
You are a beacon light in the midst of mental, emotional and political numbness! Keep being this refuge for us all!
Making this conversation helps us weave the ways to these bridge between ego vs One kindness identity from the shores of misundertanding, fear to the shores where women are AWAKE making bridge to an egalitarian society. You help me drop the baggage I need not carry on to a better way of being present.
Blessed Be dear sister!
Vrinda Puja You did not ramble. You made perfect sense and it was thrilling to read your vibrant participation in so many aspects that enrich you! I ramble in English as a second language, watch out! I am aware that when I write some things may sound odd...:)
Vrinda Puja I am still reading and responding as your post engages me in fascinating areas I can seldom share with others.
Vrinda Puja
about the need for papers in Nigeria, I must confess that I have just recently began to scratch the surface on Africa as Motherland, but with the idea of how the women of one country keep inspiring and informing all other women in ways that empower us all, wondering if the PBS documentary on the women of Liberia "Pray the Devil Back to Hell," you find it googling "Women, War and Peace," you may want to consider bringing in some of Aime Cesaire, i have only read his Discourse on Colonialism and it blew my mind--I also come from a colonial country-- and am not sure if you want to reference "The Scramble for Africa: Berlin Conference of 1884-1885 to Divide Africa" which is available online through google, I recommend referencing A. Jacqui Alexander, who I am starting to read in "Pedagogies of Crossing," and posted one of her video conferences, from a course in an intimate conversation mode on how women change themselves and the world.
I encourage you to write this paper for Nigeria. If there is anything I can do to help you. I can send you the syllabi of a few courses on African mother scholars who keep opening the possibilities of an egalitarian world for all of us, if that helps. You are a serious writer, with a very rare sense of intergeneratinal connections, and as such you can contribute much to move us all ahead of the human crisis. We need all the love, the will and the action in the right direction from people like you with the heart and mind set in caring. Will keep reading your posts, I also identify more as womanist, mujerista and matristic biased.
You probably need a peer group to help you kindly critique your own art. You are always doing it mentally, it is probably a matter of us not having done it in paper, but your valor through even more difficult things will make this easier for you. I hope you feel the most positive and kind push to the responsibility of contributing your treasures of loving art and science for Nigeria and others like us. This is sort of the issue I am contending now, the "responsibility of contributing" is a sweet load to let fly.
Thank you again for being with us. And BEST OF LUCK on your writing!
Maven Huggins "Please keep discomfitting people around you! "
Oh. I have never done that intentionally. Always, Totally Oblivious. I perceive and feel the hate but have never understood where it came from. A Seer Wombmyn reading me once said it, "Women hate you but i cant see why; you have no bad deed/karma in your past life and you have not done wrong" Even she did not see the explanation. I tell you that is new. Not even a week old. If left to me, I would leave the dastardly on their own. I have no use for them and I am so over trying to save anyone but myself. Like Decades over ;) >..so that is not somethng i would choose dear Vrindra. It is not part of my wisdom
On Africa and Her Studies. I chuckle. I did that. It is one of my pains and heartaches in life. I did it and had to give up my library in an estate sale when living got to heavy to bear and i had to drop all and fly away to survive. I went to Tuskegee for my Masters and encountered a History Teacher there, Fluker, who was my doorway. I have almost read it all, up to a time and period. It would be amusing to see what new scholarship there is in that regard, I would call it Black Consciousness History and Awakening but I strongly suspect nothing.. Jackson, Fanon, Frances Cress Welsing, James, ..too many authors to mention...I see people posting videos of the greats and the ones who lasted the longest...dr. Ben, my brain cant recall them all. But what i do--is integrate all the stories and frameworks and writers/thinkers/authors across the board. Matching all those post colonial inquisitors with Latin American freedom fighters and in relation to Liberation Education and Liberation Religion as religion has been one of the ways to lock us in. Material and Deepening I got Vrindra but never used, never put it back into the world --but just made me a Radical --gave my warriorhood moorings ;)
I am so far removed from that material, in company, in consciousness, life and living awareness. I do myself but my surroundings? Absent.
I have also moved from that a bit because almost all the authors I read, in that framework of elevated historical consciousness were all men. My journey has given me a wizening regarding the absent voice. I am not sure where i am with that now. I dont feel so much of an academic. I theorize some things but it is not in a gendered frame so much which is why the link i learned of this morning is a new thing..but we will see. lots to see
i like your "Responsibility of Contributing" what that created a heavy burden for me to carry these fallow years. and so i have learned one never has to struggle to contribute if that is what one is to do...it makes for hard truths but if that be the case, who is the fool to refute the universe? LOL
I am posting this conversation to my blog. Rich stuff here ♥
Vrinda PujaMaven, the problem of a lost legacy worries and bothers me. I wonder why it does not take away my sleep. When I think about the fact that children have been gradually robbed of childhood in the last two generations... which, of course, have been retrained in a process of gradualization, by changes in education policies that deliberately diminish human potential (John Taylor Gatto, Charlotte Iserbyt, Diane Ravitch, Ivan Illych's Deschooling Society (available full in pdf online), in addition to the tragedy of knowing that our children in urban areas do not see a star studded sky at night. Where have the stars gone for our children? Where have their hopes gone? I feel responsible and impotent... and I don't know what god makes me sleep at night.
And I wonder, if the youth of mature people comes in the ways that we engage the young in co-creating a co-dreamed world from all that we had in the past that was wonderful and is lost, to the vision of the young's constructive dreams. Who cares anymore? We care, we know more who care. The good people are pregnant and waiting to birth a peace train. A few days ago a friend posted an invitation to join an Italian Matristic scholar at CIIS, San Francisco. I am in the east coast, so I googled and found a talk in English by Heide Goettner-Abendroth, and even when the pace is slow (Q & A style), the concept is ripe and I hope we can join a movement like this in the US.
http://vimeo.com/39259036 Thank you.
vimeo.comHeide Goettner-Abendroth, filosofa, fondatrice dell’Accademia Hagia per i Modern...See more
Sunday, May 6, 2012
IndiGos Dont Ask Such Questions
It has been forever since I wrote . but for not one minute think a lot has not been happeningSomeone asked me was my life fine the apparent broken way it is (or something like that)...and here was my answer. It was in a facebook i was in very briefly, for two days and nights before being booted out by the perpetual noviced (seeker)...there was a lot more I had shared in there and it hit me overnight that it was great material of my ethnography...only to find out I could not access it. Beware to whom and where you drop your pearls. pigs will never see the gleam of their coat...only their own ugly brokenness are they destined to see...Nevertheless, this was waiting for me in an email draft...holding it i was when it would not post...aye trials and trails
["and that is the mystery
I think I took myself. well I know...i did ..of a kind of empowerment subject to nothing. no one. no spirit. But I think it was all of self, and my ego and this dimension.Others about me and around me..could see plain..."there was nothing I put my hand to that did not manifest or happen"> I was always from young, 16, a child who had her own. I think i am on my eight or ninth car. I been driving my own vehicle since I learned to drive. .i learned to drive from watching my father do it. before i had lessons. I failed my first test cause I never took lessons and did one thing wrong.: Reversed a vehicle without turning around and looking through the rear glass. I went to college and never shared a room. I always had my own space. house, home bathroom. Now look where I am. ANd it is about to get worse. One of my haters is coming to live in the house where i am.
I hesitate to talk about this because this.that these types of questions You ask Margaret are of the very thing I am being forced to learn. The idea that Everything has an earth bound rationale, explanation. To do that keeps us stuck at this base level of consciousness. I only see the difference in perspectives in juxtaposition by what is projected to me...like in that question or from my family. I am down to nothing. I have taken grace. they see i am down to nothing and think all kinds of things: Maybe my phd is not real. I dont know stuff. Something is wrong with me. I am less than. I am a failure. I wasted my life. And YES> I say those things too. For this dimension of the ground or its depth. BUt what else is there? Why am i being saved from being stressed out in a high flying job? WHy have i been saved from marrying a good for nothing husband? What am I to learn. Funny. I just posted about everything is a lesson
I dont know. I dont know as well as I do know. Cause one is based on faith and hope. And an awareness of existences and realities beyond what I see and feel here. And the other is just here. Just now. Just where I stand. I know more exists.
You ask me that question and do you realize it is the same question of the first prophet of this dimension: Jesus. ????
LOL> Why did he not fly away? why was he subjected to all that he was if he was in deed God's son? made in his image? Why was he so poor> so reviled? so hated>?
LOL>
I am laughing cause i never thought of that before in relation to myself
all i know is my ass is being kicked. but i see the blessings. that haters still malign me for. I am not on the street. I could have been. I am so protected and provided for. just not on my standards, my say, and my whims,. but i am provided for. and my parents are not doing it. one is dead and one is fucked up. Stole my inheritance and family legacy signed over to his new wife.
but./ i realize...that is all part of a larger plan. a larger outworking. If my grand mother and mother got their asses kicked in their life story. who the hell is me?
So i take grace and I take lessons.
even if i dont have the answers
it is hard. cause you know how old i am, yet how old do i look. why the hell is that?
i somehow think that has something to do with my challenges. the years are passing by burning like paper, yet, i seem to be like the bradd pit character who is moving back in age
And i think that might be one answer. the life i am to lead and live might be set apart. Not what I thought was trained, envisioned or what or how most do...to travel the ancient road. I dont know
the healer , the most prominent in my family, a national icon, i searched to find who trained him. and know what I found? no man did. spirits came for him at night. Entranced him. took him to the forest. Taught him and left him for him to snap out of it and wander back. His family always wondered if he would return safe and whole.
I just learned that this year. not even two three months ago
So the answer to your question darling is in the outworking I believe. I have no answers. I will only have them when I transition and move on. then i can tell what happened. I do know that --that story;//is strung along in hindsight...so the next piece of the puzzle will unfold and emerge...all i need to do is be faithful to a next step a next moment and Mags, If my life was to be an outward failure< those who have eyes to see, though they will never admit, they will say i was one wombmyn of amazing character and resolve. I never slipped and lost it. I was afflicted along the way because we are sentient beings. meaning we are just energy dense energy we feel everything. all our feelings are lodged in our energy field and it is a High Science Reiki master who in this dimension can remove them from any one person. and then you feel light as a feather. you do no longer feel yourself. we feel ourselves because we are weighed down by our hurts pains, journeying..
that is all i can offer. that is all my aim now..that if this be the road I am to endure...let me do it with light and grace. doesnt mean i dont cry. bemoan shattered dreams. pain for my choices for a higher purpose I thought and dreamed. but it is okay. How do i redeem. How do i still validate my mother giving me breath? having blessed the life blessed to me...what ever little that is, as much as it is not the grand scheme i imagined, I will make the best out of it
and this is how i take my current subjectivity and subjugation and total lack of power> Somebody some entity gave that power to me. I came out of some source with it. Of it. ANd just as I did that and it is not of me. as one small minute piece of this cosmos, is the same way that some entity, something some purpose is blocking what I thought was and how to be my manifestation
And again balance and right thinking. I cant revel in glory as I did in my past life: Michigan, Africa, Delaware, NY and Florida. and not revel in the coming down, at the ground> Then I would be a complete---i have no words for that level of dishonesty deceit. ugliness.
I made beautiful when I had
I make beautiful now with nothing
And I know that to be true for the surprised comments of others.
the househelp says to me, "at least you can laugh"
What am i to do? Shrivel up and die? And I feel sad, cause what I have gone through, others might consider killing themselves... but faith in something else, something bigger. Something loftier. Maybe. And if nothing else. I would have had a mighty story. Who knew
___
I could keep writing. I read your questions again to test my thoughts and I see something else. When I was born who said, wrote or determined, where? what life i was destined to lead????
who?
cause if it is written no one showed it to me
I just came out a warrior fighting for justice and the underdog. fighting not to be an underdog. fighting refusing to be subjugated as i see most women to males and systems that dont mean them well>>who says my dreams and ideas and entrepreneurship was what was destined???
who says who knows
After my many decades of empowerment, I think this time, perhaps humility.
And I get to know what most dont ever learn. Painfull for me for their judgement on my life and what they think they see and how they perceive I am...but it is funny...and i deal with this daily...I am learning to still be love...to still be graceful. People thought i should have fought my father for what he took away but...Did i create that> Did I sweat and die for that > NO> that was my ancestors, his parents, and my parents who created that. And if they did not write me down on paper as owning..who am i to fight them in whose court for that? Talk about shitty karma. THink any of my mother;s familuy can see that/?
they who save me resent me for my core, and character, my talents. they will not help me manifest but will ask me why and how come
Those nuanced. unbelievable dissonant observations. amaze me. they teach me. they deepen me., i feel in time i am becoming like a gibran, rumi, reilke or marley...but what does it serve me in this money world?
Nothing but derision
If that be my cup. let me serve it hot
<3
I have no idea sister. I am just walking.
asking and praying for strength and protection
making sure the road and choices i take lead me to a higher place and not a pit. But if it is a pit...I shall be like joan of arc saying burn me bitches.
that is it. that is all I have
Sorry for the cliches. I am a writer ;)"]
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My Beloved Bhagavan Light Divine said that the dislikes that we harbor for one person will karmically link us to her/him from birth to birth until the issue is resolved through love. He goes on to say that the struggles in families are precisely the interplay and challenges among its members to resolve this past karmic debts.
The concept in this illustration has been elaborated into fantastic stories and history, in the Yogic Indian scriptures, but there is so much more that we can reflect upon... we seldom realize that we are in the middle of its drama. We are also the "ancestors" reborn to resolve the unfinished "past" ... until we connect in fullness of Compassion and Love in the living Present. Blessings to all!