now what i wake up with
i am not going any place
it is not for me to try and change a thing
i am only meeting frustration and yes, those empty images
at one point, the sane stops and asks, what is this?
but as my eyes teared up in recognition
imagining me telling the testimony, lived reality
i see something
it appears i have repeated a story that is a myth so much through out my life. that now when it is no longer true and i try to change the life to match the truth, the story still wafts in the ethers, and spheres of existence. not yet cleared. so stories too seem to have lives. like karma. and you merely changing course does not end the wake travelling behind the motion.
i told one story incessantly. that i was trinidadian. not even caribbean. that i came from this magnificent place of amazing people, and most of all, i was the favored child of a heavenly family;/ that the one thing that saved me through my life journies, depths and painfulslamdowns was the memory of that clan, how i was showered with love from birth and given a soul that cannot disburse. that love and family essentially making me indestructable. yeah. I told that. that was my story. that was my id card
my beloved friend daddy david said how deep it is that i was in a place believed loved when i was being destroyed. and i stayed silent for I had no words to echo how deep in such a depth of black hole truth. but this morning I wake up with the knowing in the soul of my being. for some reason, somehow, it is for me to stand in the very midst of where i am trying to run. for some unknown reason. and somehow. i would ask for strength but all entities know my spirit knows feel abandonment. i am left to stand, as if the last stand. as if all of my kind has been destroyed, killed or left in retreat. no explanation only what is.
this is deep too.
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