been processing whether or not to write about today.
i learned the union club is going to close. it is almost a done deal. a club full of monied super rich and still seven million in debt of rent. i have no idea how long that term. but that club has not been making money, and seems as if its own members do not use it much. it is also always funny to me to see places that are supposed to be the cream of the top, literally and figuratively but have all the markers of street level mom and pops. who would expect to be at a penthouse glass structure high rise and whether in the bar salon or the restaurant, but the place is smoky and smelling of the grill and food. there is nothing tackier to me. then i could not tell if it was the smoke inside or the smoke and haze outside or if it was the glass panes that had not been cleaned at all, ever. as if we dont have scaffolding, dont do business maintenance. i would have sat there and studied the three hundred and forty degrees were it not so untenable. the boys met today at five to decide. if they dissolve it assets are to go to charities. i wonder which ones.
then i had a two hour meeting with a lawyer today, she was kind, waived her fee. it was good to hear someone tell me, "you have good ideas" . i listened though, it was a deepening experience, a spiritual experience, revelations and turns, evolutions and letting go...my ideas, she stated are before its time and beyond means. even when i know i have sound ideas. If each of us citizens who are fed up of so many aspects of our lives here would give a mere blue note, or a thousand, we could do everything. we can fix everything. but we cant do that if we are sans courage and bravery. consciousness and imagination. and trinidadians are incapable of that. they are still waiting for saviors but unable to see them when they appear, like guerra yesterday. they are maligned...so i ended up telling her, I hear you and what comes to mind, is that this is not the time, and if i stick with it, stay with these ideas as if a bird to eggs, keeping them warm and stoked by fire, perhaps in ten or fifteen years, things and conditions and minds and people may mature..and then . maybe then. but not now
know what was interesting too, i almost did not meet this person, she was so combative it seemed, tried to tell me my referral did not exist. i had to copy inbox conversations to prove my story. and i was amazed. that too is part of why we are not going anywhere. i had to tell her today that even the smart ones are not so smart. she says she did not know who i was yet still she never thought to google my name. well, dont you either. glad you dont know my real name :)
but i come home with a release. deep recognition. i know and understand clearly why the country is as it is. people have no recourse for change or justice, so they go the gun, underground or illegality. and even the rest who complain and bitch about conditions they too, if they were pressed to deliver beyond their lips and mouths or keyboards, they wouldnt, so incapable are they, they know we all know, hayden once told me this...that folk know the only access and way they have access to the limited pie is by the same corruption. so sans skills talents abilities, inherently///the only way for them to make it is to fake it. and thus we have what we have today.
to do what i visioned would take so much resources and a team and people to decide to dedicate themselves. and sister told me, even us lawyers we are trying to eat and survive. that lawyering is self income generating..so it is not that they have the luxury to take up causes. and we talked about that too. how absent the landscape is of public do gooders and the few or one I knew, it was and always has been a means to an end. until they reach the treasury. then we realize how much of a sham the show was previously
so i got to sit, lay out and explore the blockages to all that makes sense. for even though you may have iron clad cases, the onus is on you to prove your assertion, in a space of laws that favor iniquity, set up to perpetuate subjugation in all its forms. and while we were talking, we never discussed section 34, and it exemplifies what i am writing here. how the wrong, criminals and illegality gets stamped approved and reinforced. it is a losing battle. so sense prevails if you are not mad yourself to keep on fighting futility. and i have written that before but geesh never have i conceived it so completely as it was laid out today. the only solution is really and literally to bide time and let the demons tie their feet up/ and that could be a long time in this den. or you choose to pick up the same arms, and because you are a loner, you will be the one carted off to st. ann's. i live there already, no need to book more rooms or additional housing.
but then i come home and hours later, i get a call, i was referred, the very same thing i wanted to do for myself, someone wants me to do for them. i do have people around me one or two really...one , chippy tells me it is all laid out for me already; my sister has been telling me i dont have to do anything. i am starting to possibly believe them
i learned the union club is going to close. it is almost a done deal. a club full of monied super rich and still seven million in debt of rent. i have no idea how long that term. but that club has not been making money, and seems as if its own members do not use it much. it is also always funny to me to see places that are supposed to be the cream of the top, literally and figuratively but have all the markers of street level mom and pops. who would expect to be at a penthouse glass structure high rise and whether in the bar salon or the restaurant, but the place is smoky and smelling of the grill and food. there is nothing tackier to me. then i could not tell if it was the smoke inside or the smoke and haze outside or if it was the glass panes that had not been cleaned at all, ever. as if we dont have scaffolding, dont do business maintenance. i would have sat there and studied the three hundred and forty degrees were it not so untenable. the boys met today at five to decide. if they dissolve it assets are to go to charities. i wonder which ones.
then i had a two hour meeting with a lawyer today, she was kind, waived her fee. it was good to hear someone tell me, "you have good ideas" . i listened though, it was a deepening experience, a spiritual experience, revelations and turns, evolutions and letting go...my ideas, she stated are before its time and beyond means. even when i know i have sound ideas. If each of us citizens who are fed up of so many aspects of our lives here would give a mere blue note, or a thousand, we could do everything. we can fix everything. but we cant do that if we are sans courage and bravery. consciousness and imagination. and trinidadians are incapable of that. they are still waiting for saviors but unable to see them when they appear, like guerra yesterday. they are maligned...so i ended up telling her, I hear you and what comes to mind, is that this is not the time, and if i stick with it, stay with these ideas as if a bird to eggs, keeping them warm and stoked by fire, perhaps in ten or fifteen years, things and conditions and minds and people may mature..and then . maybe then. but not now
know what was interesting too, i almost did not meet this person, she was so combative it seemed, tried to tell me my referral did not exist. i had to copy inbox conversations to prove my story. and i was amazed. that too is part of why we are not going anywhere. i had to tell her today that even the smart ones are not so smart. she says she did not know who i was yet still she never thought to google my name. well, dont you either. glad you dont know my real name :)
but i come home with a release. deep recognition. i know and understand clearly why the country is as it is. people have no recourse for change or justice, so they go the gun, underground or illegality. and even the rest who complain and bitch about conditions they too, if they were pressed to deliver beyond their lips and mouths or keyboards, they wouldnt, so incapable are they, they know we all know, hayden once told me this...that folk know the only access and way they have access to the limited pie is by the same corruption. so sans skills talents abilities, inherently///the only way for them to make it is to fake it. and thus we have what we have today.
to do what i visioned would take so much resources and a team and people to decide to dedicate themselves. and sister told me, even us lawyers we are trying to eat and survive. that lawyering is self income generating..so it is not that they have the luxury to take up causes. and we talked about that too. how absent the landscape is of public do gooders and the few or one I knew, it was and always has been a means to an end. until they reach the treasury. then we realize how much of a sham the show was previously
so i got to sit, lay out and explore the blockages to all that makes sense. for even though you may have iron clad cases, the onus is on you to prove your assertion, in a space of laws that favor iniquity, set up to perpetuate subjugation in all its forms. and while we were talking, we never discussed section 34, and it exemplifies what i am writing here. how the wrong, criminals and illegality gets stamped approved and reinforced. it is a losing battle. so sense prevails if you are not mad yourself to keep on fighting futility. and i have written that before but geesh never have i conceived it so completely as it was laid out today. the only solution is really and literally to bide time and let the demons tie their feet up/ and that could be a long time in this den. or you choose to pick up the same arms, and because you are a loner, you will be the one carted off to st. ann's. i live there already, no need to book more rooms or additional housing.
but then i come home and hours later, i get a call, i was referred, the very same thing i wanted to do for myself, someone wants me to do for them. i do have people around me one or two really...one , chippy tells me it is all laid out for me already; my sister has been telling me i dont have to do anything. i am starting to possibly believe them
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