Wake up and Work

waking up is a long, endless and tedious project and process.

especially for black folk.

cause first, all of us are to wake up from the lies of this so-called civilization.

then we black folk gotta wake up from white supremacy, the white brain wash, and all the lies, myths and systems we were given to prop the structure of racism.

then all people need to also wake up from the micro structures that constrain us: from family, environment, circumstances, friends.

add some dynamics that filter into all realms like waking up from education, or miseducation, religion to make us compliant, as economic tools that make us subjugated, and all the means and methods that make us somnolent (I have no fucking idea where that word came from, i had to look it up after i was shocked fb did not flag it with a red wavy. shit. gotdamn. our brains are computers that slip out moments of brilliance . wow) zombies.

the work never ends

I sit here today faced at a deeper level recognizing no family member is a friend to my soul or future, recognizing that the shit family members have dabbled in have caused death and mayhem in my cloister. my father and mother. that i am most probably living a curse brought on by the deeds of those before me. the sins of the parents kind of thing..while being persecuted for the effects that i get blamed for ...what i had nothing to do with. and locked in a mayhem that i have neither tools, ideas, ability or solutions to get out of, and not a soul to talk to, far less to help me.

and i must learn to sit with this in grace.

an old friend dropped out of the sky and showed up at my door today. having lost his life of politics. he was bereft. his marriage a sham. and apparently done, it was done before he became a minister. he spoke of how hard it is to live here. I just listened in stunned but not silence. only hours later did i discover that he showed up at my door for solace, to see if i could help him but he never said that nor asked. he said he was surprised to see me, that he thought i had left the country. many people have that assumption since i moved out of the town brown scene. but it was like he was almost broken. and struggling mightily to find a life raft before his treading water grew exhaustive enough for him to stop and drown. and i see this all the time. people who have no thought to spare for those who are less than or suffering. even tonight, here, someone else, of privilege and clique, support and maintenance...meaning she is in the flow so she will always be catered for, says it is easy for anyone to work hard and buy a house. I started to answer and stopped. I no longer have energy. maybe she will learn, maybe she wont. there are a whole half or more of the population for whom that is and never will be an option. i have met them these few years. and if you dont know anyone like that your life is too small and incestuous/ then there are a whole class of young professionals, trained, that if they are not at the treasury trough, in good with the boys and girls of glory, will without doubt, find out what it is to do without...that is the thing i thought listening to my former friend today: nothing here last. you may be on top for a day or five, but you will come down sooner or later. from the dupreys, to the johns, and the fall may not be as critical and traumatic..and i heard today, "i am sorry I did not thief, at least to last me a six months" and i got another insight into this place. folk are always squirreling away for the downfall that they know is coming. hence it is a reason d'etre for all the corruption.

it was my friend that dropped me that tidbit of an echo...that in his experience folk of experiences like mine , family dynamics like mine is that somebody, some few dabbled and the shit just sprung back. and there is a whole ballpark where that batted ball had option to land and resonate any number of runs.

so i am contending. finding stretching, reaching...and sitting.

wondering if i am to rail and rage , get more violent against my condition..

but i am confused...cause i read of so many other people from hony who have lost their mojo, their trains stop running the route or stopping on their platforms. their lives dried up or ended, and they are still breathing and living. ..they arent thinking of the same sources. so you see how it is we must distance ourselves from our source? see the ignorance, the swirl, the pit, the water, the environment...if it be enlightened or full of ignorance, that is what you will be echoed back/fed or told. all the while none of them seeing their withholding, their denial, their decisions that have fed the fulcrum of your stagnation.

and then when there is no where to run, you have to stay and sprout just in the same cesspit that created your sepsis. make yourself well. do well with the defeat, the failures, the futility

see the work./ neverending./