Freedom Plans and Conversations; Spring to Summer 2016 Harriet Tubman

 This is two conversations

Two friends. 

one male

the other female

the former i have known for a long time

a friend and ex boyfriend from grad school

the female, a fbriend who I have never met off line

One reinforced theme emerged

from two very different origins

to arrive me at the same place:

Keep Going, Dont Stop

like Miss Harriet Tubman told the slaves she was freeing

My Harriett is a man, my friend. 

He is My Rumi and Gibran

representing "The meaning of true love, compassion, acceptance and human potential."

I/

I have to tell you...i just woke up about fortyfive minutes ago from my 5am bedtime, surprisingly spry and alert. I was having a dream of some facilitative workshop or something and in my bag was envelopes and elastic bands of money, two of them. and i left them in my bag and went somewhere. not sure how far. when i returned i remember thinking how odd. (what is mine and for me is left in tact?) anyway, the workshop seemed to be taking place in this huge upstairs house with one huge humongous grand room surrounding a bathroom and a kitchen, in an L shape. it is a house upper st. anns where i lived that i looked at to rent once upon a time. and the room seemed full of people and smaller but the sense i had it was that house. and different people, different ethnicities, but i remember a moment where i could have opened my mouth to instruct, suggest or say something and i did not and praised myself for so doing..but that dream somehow seemed to have told me to write about my experiences these thirteen years.

somehow as I lay between sleep and wake and after the dream that i kept returning to, I got the idea to write about this time. Then i thought to start writing now. And then i thought to tell you, to please make sure i make it out of here.

"You are as good as here!!

...maybe with a baby grand, maybe without (for now)...but you are here!

ok?"

lol. with tears. Isnt it funny. i feel like you are breaking me out of jail and so many things can happen and go wrong on the preparation and execution to the day, deed,...like a movie.

you know i am always writing and living a movie

thanks

"positive energy...no worrying...we may not be certain how to get some things done...we may come against obstacles...but we are over-comers (that just came to me!!); we both have overcome major life experiences and are still standing; now we are joining forces. Look out world!!"

-------====

II/

great line on that thread. bomb! ("they feel that their indentureship was entrepreneurship"

"Where was it again. I forget what it was. I thought I didn't write it again . I thought I deleted it . Maybe some of it . I don't feel like saying nothing no more you know. I find these Trinis insane ."

Trinis are insane. thank you for writing that. I am expected to leave out of here in July. I have not made it public news nor do I plan to tell many people, not even my family...and this morning having gone to bed at five am, I was aware of a dream i was having, and from that dream it is like it was irrelevant but the instruction was to write of my thirteen years in trinidad. Thirteen Years Embedded Exile. But it was really about or to document how insane people are here. and then you say it. hmmmm

But you wrote that indians feel their indentureship was entrepreneurship and i thought that was belly ache stage performance funny.

But i did not write it on the thread cause a big indian wrote on it seemingly in support of the post showing how indians were shot at the head of canons.

Trinis are insane and it is the ones who are most prominent, in public eye, presenting as the arbiters of our future that are most

"Lol right ! Oh that's it , yes girl I wrote so much more and deleted most if it . My heart breaks every time I write something that people don't want to touch when it's the truth . Cause then I have to question everybody and all my " friendships""

"That was a good post though . Glad I got that one .

Entrepreneurship lol. I good crazy you know . Lolol

Your 14 years of exile from the real world is over guyl.

Don turn back . When you are away it looks as if things are going on in Trinidad but it's not anything going on ever .

Don't be fooled . When I see all the yapping from pnm all I remind myself if I s that it dont even have pavement in Trinidad for people to walk on."

I now wish you had wrote what you thought, cause if that bomb line came out of that, then it would have been good and meaty for sure.. Yes you are. that shit was hilarious.

I am going to use that, just dont know how or where. I dream of being this stage performer...reading my poetry, giving my thoughts, I am funny but not funny like other people i see. but i seem to be laughing more lately, finding humour in weird things. and that line was smh. fun. NY. I am thinking perhaps i am to stage perform and share my writings...that one would not think to share..like the contents of a book or memoir, an experience.

When I see you write, dont be fooled, dont turn back. I think of Harriet Tubman/. I am being freed. And i have gotten emotional about it. You know how you read of people who were preparing to do something big, take a flight, a trip, start a new job...and then they get cut down somehow...that concern has taken over me. And that saddens me. I was never a person of fear. I never thought that ever in my life. and I cant tell you the amount of times I was in that position. I lived in five states, traveled to africa, and other places numerous times. But trinidad has worn down my soul, my power, my bravery, and i also clearly see the wild things that run and roam this land so it is like running a got gauntlet to get away. to make sure the walking dead dont get me.

"Yes Trinidad depletes your energy exactly like an abusive relationship . It'd crippling. The best thing that makes me move on something when i would rather not or don't have the energy to, is that i don't utter what I'm going to do . When I just do it before I tell anyone . Because i am very sensitive and ppl react out loud , too quickly to things they had never even thought about before . Things you you thought long and hard about . I hate that knee jerk reaction . Makes me want to sever ties with ppl ."

and you should. you write so clearly profound...have you never seen those memes that say, be around people who are doing more than you, or stay away from people who say you are hard to understand, difficult to love, stay away from people who cant see or help your vision.. all of those. I post those all the time!! And yes, this mornings conversations were so perfect, i thought to post them but i decided not to, just to remove the plans from public eye. so yes/ sever ties

"Good. When you tell ppl your plan, your energy , for the least, dissipates. And then you have ppl comments all over YOUR plans. The point with Trinidad is , there's never anything going on , so any chance you take is really not a big risk because there's nothing to come back to in Trinidad , if you have to."

hm. that is so profound and poignant that you write that: That there is nothing to come to , come back to, that there is never anything going on...wow. and folk here so busy, thinking just that...

a lot going on

"Yeah"

"Yeah Trinidad Busy busy , like a airport terminal . In the middle of nowhere .

Nothing actually happens , like in a terminal . Everybody just busy carrying luggage . Thinking they are important in their way to somewhere"

lol. you should have a show. lmao

"Lolol I'm such a dud on camera - you have to see it to believe it - I'm just a writer in my bones"

that dud can work for you and carry the joke and laughter. trust me

"lolol"