Amulets

amethyst, orgonite reiki symbol: shoku rei

sitting here. just woke. remembering my dream very clearly. wondering why, if it is because of the subject. and hearing the cabinet in the kitchen close, the one where all the spirits are kept. and i remember one episode and it dawns on me how much people's energy, intention, spirit and will comes out from big to small things. that even if it is hidden, contorted or unknown, one only has to be awake to study it. imagine: my cousins gifted me some bottles of alcohol after a reunion about a year ago I believe, if i am not lying, i brought it home, and these two birds here. the one cant tell the other backwards or different, be it young to old, old to young, sense from nonsense. the older one took the bottles she said first because i did not put them in the cabinet, but i had images long before that when i start to build back up my bar i would put it on the side table stand that I stacked in the corner of the dining room to living room. then beyond her deciding where i can put and leave things, she and them assumed I took, stole or have the alcohol from means other than honest. and this is family eh. we all come from a family gathering. these bitches never occurred to them that there might be leftovers, or dare, anyone would gift me the black sheep anything. but that is what it was, first of all my HR cousin at pricesmart took me with her to purchase for our tent, and asked me to pick up what i wanted, I just picked up vodka and brandy, she picked up honey jd and jb. well as we returned to the venue she asks me , did i want to take the bottles outside, cause it is my call, she bought them for me. so we left them in her car. then her brother, when he was leaving, he gave me a bottle unopened and one half finished of jb. but when i get home ms marjorie here will abscond them. i go for a drink about a week later, cant find it. i blew a gasket.i even had alcohol I kept in my bedroom, as a function of the broken bridges here, and put them out one time, thinking things were on the mend, and those were gone too. then i calmed down and told her to keep them. she said she wanted to talk, i wanted talk nothing. i just let her know. i called vans on the phone and let her talk to her, and let her hear that is vans and neil give me that liquor stash.

but here the point of me writing that this morning. this morning, after six years, I realize, that episode captures everything about these people toward me, no matter what they say, how they pretend , how they declare they pray for me...they never intended for me to have nothing, to get nothing, it is why they will see fit to take some bottles of spirits, it is the same energy for big or small. that is my revelation..whatever the episode or situation, study it good, the intent is there. they never wanted or intended for me to have anything:: not land to build a town house out back to bring revenue into the compound. not space in the house to maintain an office in the library, not space in the house to run an mini-cafe in the side patio, not jobs, connections or opportunities from any of them. and it is seen in the small insignificant taking of gifts to me in the form of spirits.

selah

so now the dream.
my mark. seems i was in the south land somewhere, perhaps in my grandmother's village, but not really, but it was rural, open lots and lands, no walls, no gates. i was in a yard, not sure if it was my own but seems like it was, or a place i frequent, and maybe some kind of rural hangout..and mark came in with his brother and father, and telling them about me, like in whispers, talking about me./ then he eventually was talking or telling me> about the birth of his first child, how the mother got up to two hundred pounds, and the baby was in there so long that their fingers were fused (not possible is it?), and how he named him mark jr. but that makes no sense cause mark a nickname. but then time rolled on in the lime, and in moments he tried talking to me, and he was driving a golf cart around , and he came and went a few times, all in between trying to talk to me, engage me, but hiding it and running away all at the same time.

i know in the dream it was me looking on and noting: so clearly i still have you marked and i reside still in your consciousness to bother to talk about me to your family, but the funny thing is his father appeared to be someone I know and see around at football. and then our constant dance still, even as silent as it currently is, we are still dancing somehow.

i have that dream and realize how much the dreamer projects their desires and dreams onto their own landscape and life movie screen.

i did not even eat late or much yesterday, but the level of detail and memory, the depth of the dream
good afternoon

one idea i had too, overnight: i think this weekend was my last horrah. and then i thought i have a birthday weekend coming up, two parties in one weekend. but i certainly feel i am powering down
and envisioned myself..wondering...how weird the world for me to land elsewhere and want to throw myself on the ground, give thanks and praise, speak the holies to have escaped, mostly intact. giving thanks for the grace and gift.

then i also thought about how and why nothing ever worked out for me here, personally, with men, i would have been marked, traumatized, distorted,, and for nought of nothing worthwhile. I was just here to heal, get grounded, get sense, learn human nature. learn my true self, and be prepared for what is next/ that maybe the real deal and purpose

symbolisms, colors and messages?

i realize the necklaces hanging on my coat rack are in fact, two chaplets, both of black beads with blue finishes so they change colors in light, so lets say that is cobalt blue, then there is an amber necklace so lets call that copper, and then my silver mismatch chain made of several different links, with my amethyst *(royal purple) crystal, holding too a gold mezzuzah, pearls, shell from yara beach, and cowrie. I just got my travelling amulets of protection