does the soul, mind and spirit remember who you were in past lives, and leads you to that, in various ways and capacities, unaware to you, and even when you dont know your own history?
i am thinking that it appears, and might be proven in the future, that i was a woman of powerful ase', which i have been told before, and which, i can tell you, all my life, until 2000 or so, everything and anything i put my hand to turned to gold and was successful.
but as i sit here and watch my physical self on moon, something odd... i am still a wombmyn waiting for her children. but given the so-called journey i have been on and my location, something of a wilderness, i must say, my cycle and moon got real light, from five days to three, and so reduced the volume. but all of a sudden, as i prepare for a shift, where a friend of mine reminded me to begin that mission, my cycle all of a sudden has sprung back up as if someone turned on the faucet a few pressures higher. and i wonder what and how that is. I wonder if my body and womb itelf, like my life, saw my condition and the desert and decided, better we power down to save our energies and abilities, and now that potential shows up like a new galaxy, it rises up again...to meet its flow and level...water rising to its rightful level?
so then i pondered? hm. does my body and spirit self body, energy body know more than i do? has its own mind and mechanism, its own awareness and mission, and aiding on that?
then i wonder, hm,. am i even more powerful than i think..that what i set out and knew and been all along in my life, the natural mother, is it now time, and appointment of and for its manifestation? so it is a case of me speaking something and it is just time that it comes to be seen.
then i think even of my current circumstance, which i have done a few times prior -- am I really in the wilderness as i construct it, am i really in a failure as those closest around me say? or am I really living a declaration i spoke in 2002 or so. I used to ask for a patron.
i think too i am trying to tell you, my thoughts as glancing and casual as they were, seem to carry much weight, and were prayers of sorts, of the most fervent kind with much rocket energy behind them. So too are my seekings, i think. My mental and emotional desires. But is it that my blessings and gifts dont come as I pictured them, and to the highest consternation of those providing them, but nevertheless, we all must , have no choice, our very core of existence is in obedience to the cosmic universe...resentful. but this has been a break, a healing, a retreat, a huge grace, even while i cursed it, questioned and was even confused by it, but that is the whole thing about spirit, spirituality and faith ah/...you have no information or confirmation, but you hold on to the idea of pronoia...all things for your highest good
so to it would seem a dispensation in life i have always wanted seems to be forming and that neither is doing so in the normal fashion. one thing that is consistent is that my life and its contents breaks all normatives. even my godsister , knowing me only two or three years, but we are of a connection that binds through time and generations and a few people well. two fathers both named carl, from the same village and her very close connection to my grandmother ruth...Ruth. Remember Ruth of the bible and her story. I am living that, this rounds...anyway, even carlene told me...nothing happens to me normal, always some spectacular evolution.
and that might be my blessing to those who see me and treat me to the vibration of my being...you get to benefit from my spring..
just like the video i posted the other day about the tree and the little boy, how prescient. i am the tree, giving food, rest, shelter, cover, company, once you tend to me and love the tree. it is just a natural order of things.
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