Forward and Out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbKAyza4QwY


what a great wake up song...brings tears to my eyes really. guess they were there waiting for an excuse....liming, drinking and smoking too hard, and realize it is because my life is not what i want it to be so i find solace in the one thing i can do effortlessly...and i  remember seeing so many other people in this spot before: cousins, friends, encounters...people reaching for solace and finding it only in socializing, drink, mind and body alterations...

i see clearly how life happens and broadsides you, leaving you desolate, with nothing, not even space to feel and be yourself

then i wake up wondering if the beast will honor his promise that i will always have a place to make my home, if he denies me the opportunity to build a livelihood

but the funny thing of it all, people watch me and see none of that, who dont see my age, who deny that i could have stress 'what stress you can have lady?', people who see the glow of perfection as if that is the only reality possible, what you see...and i too: I try, i try to be beyond these circumstances -- of investing in a life to be intelligent, to be self sufficient,
to be productive, and accomplished...the life where i was the darling of two families, beloved by all, the favored child, where everything i touched turned to gold, and everything i pursued, i was successful...i try to be serene
and sanguine..but this morning i realize...as owed to me about everything else...the dance is probably far more complex...

thanks for the song my darling friend <3 br="">as he writes me:
"peace and blessings be upon you my friend as you chart the way forward"

and i think:
if only, please, only

Forward and Out/