much on my mind
I awake from a dream on a huge ship as it sailed into port in Japan, ,and it is as i was overwhelmed with emotion : i felt myself home and embraced, and was waving to people on the mountainsides. it is like they were all mixed or i was seeing more melanin..]} the dream was its own scenes on that ship but i dont remember much, struggling to remember as i type. there was also a male in some kind of relationship with me, i could not tell if it was business or pleasure, but it was a bit competitive...there was a scene where we were driving/racing down the road and we both took different lanes to move around a slow car but traffic stopped behind a barge ahead and my car got their first ; the sense of that is where i got the competition from> i feel now it was jason...tut tut
//
"Grand Melise!!"
I wake up to a text and that is the opener. Never been called that before. One of my amusements of life are the names people give me..
and I know i sleep and dream soundly far and deeply because texts arrive and i never hear their beeps but when i am awake, i can almost hear the sound from a room or two away. further than that and nothing. it is merely two feet if that away from my bed.
//
and this too comes to mind:
people dont like me cause i talk the truth. as neal said this week: "sht is sht and sugar is sugar and i dont call sht sugar" but i wake more immediately to the thought of someone who has promised to talk to me and call me for a good month or more now. a big ceo in the dance, and i have no idea why or how he took interest when our mutual friend talked to him about me, but he stopped him and said, "i want to meet her; no need to tell me more". man sent his number with instructions. i have phoned. he tells me he would call me back that day. he didnt. i left it alone. tried again like three weeks later no response. as i am trying to do and be a new thing with new attitudes i tried a third time last week with texts. no answer. but he tells the mutual friend, i got her, it will happen and i wake up this morning thinking what shit is that? what all the posing and psyching...what is it when we were young we would make short upper body jabs as if we were going to wheel on somebody but we were just playing only wanting to see them flinch...if you about something real and you respect others are on something real who has time to play all this time lag? nobody. you a ceo yo have time to not do when things need to be done, or to play with folk it it not your intention to play with folk? That. the set of bullshit that passes for normal social and business chess, parlance, and position. you really think i can meet this person with an open mind and heart now? and i wonder is it me. am i too ny mafia stand upness/ we dont do the middle muddle. fk .be clear and be definitive. and moreso, be immediate. dont no body put off shit up there. for later. you ever see that in a mafia movie? we go hit em up next week. or the don keeps calling and you ignore the calls? right. people on shit. people be on shit right thru. but they vex with you when you call they name
one more month for this 2013 eros. that was supposed to be an epic year. that really was indeed an epic year. and it was not as bad as I made it to be though my heart was broken and my intentions churned, i survived it. and promises made to me are still intact, so the person cant be all that bad afterall, eh? yeah. but i want more. i deserve more. i deserve it all. but i will take a quarter portion.. but i am learning to let go . take my hands off and it is true. i see it in life. my hands are pristine. they sent me so. and my job is to maintain and keep it so. my hands are to remain clean and no iniquity am i to do. ever. i was trying to poise for a takeover and low and behold, the person has maintained their extension. so maybe i imagine enemies when they are not there? my phantoms? yeah right? life is far more complex darling. your gift giver will be your back stabber. be aware. 2013 was surely the year of schemes against me. from big ministries to warm bodies, and it is still happening. some man now in the garage keep telling me how my people doing me things and not to eat they food for they jealous and trying to destroy me...only so i can run into his house, and land, he promise me deed...and inevitable arms...'and how i need guidance'..i dont doubt the last part/ i have searched high and low, male and female for it, but when i think i get it, i just have to watch in amazement and say but you more incompetent and ineffectual than i am" has never failed. but we tarry on. we tarry on
why japan?
//
i end this writing knowing and feeling so much more was in last night's travels, slumber and thoughts but it is lost to me at this moment. the ship ride and sail. conversations. lessons..
--------------
here is another revelation. something i think i see right through
I write a lot when doing business, strategizing and brainstorming with people. I write a lot even when in those processes with and by myself. I am reading these functional illiterates in this country trinidad: I write too much for them to read. they seem to try to take short cuts and glance my stuff only to come ask me stupid questions, and for answers already stated. it is like I am coming with too much for them to process. that has happened consistently
I awake from a dream on a huge ship as it sailed into port in Japan, ,and it is as i was overwhelmed with emotion : i felt myself home and embraced, and was waving to people on the mountainsides. it is like they were all mixed or i was seeing more melanin..]} the dream was its own scenes on that ship but i dont remember much, struggling to remember as i type. there was also a male in some kind of relationship with me, i could not tell if it was business or pleasure, but it was a bit competitive...there was a scene where we were driving/racing down the road and we both took different lanes to move around a slow car but traffic stopped behind a barge ahead and my car got their first ; the sense of that is where i got the competition from> i feel now it was jason...tut tut
//
"Grand Melise!!"
I wake up to a text and that is the opener. Never been called that before. One of my amusements of life are the names people give me..
and I know i sleep and dream soundly far and deeply because texts arrive and i never hear their beeps but when i am awake, i can almost hear the sound from a room or two away. further than that and nothing. it is merely two feet if that away from my bed.
//
and this too comes to mind:
people dont like me cause i talk the truth. as neal said this week: "sht is sht and sugar is sugar and i dont call sht sugar" but i wake more immediately to the thought of someone who has promised to talk to me and call me for a good month or more now. a big ceo in the dance, and i have no idea why or how he took interest when our mutual friend talked to him about me, but he stopped him and said, "i want to meet her; no need to tell me more". man sent his number with instructions. i have phoned. he tells me he would call me back that day. he didnt. i left it alone. tried again like three weeks later no response. as i am trying to do and be a new thing with new attitudes i tried a third time last week with texts. no answer. but he tells the mutual friend, i got her, it will happen and i wake up this morning thinking what shit is that? what all the posing and psyching...what is it when we were young we would make short upper body jabs as if we were going to wheel on somebody but we were just playing only wanting to see them flinch...if you about something real and you respect others are on something real who has time to play all this time lag? nobody. you a ceo yo have time to not do when things need to be done, or to play with folk it it not your intention to play with folk? That. the set of bullshit that passes for normal social and business chess, parlance, and position. you really think i can meet this person with an open mind and heart now? and i wonder is it me. am i too ny mafia stand upness/ we dont do the middle muddle. fk .be clear and be definitive. and moreso, be immediate. dont no body put off shit up there. for later. you ever see that in a mafia movie? we go hit em up next week. or the don keeps calling and you ignore the calls? right. people on shit. people be on shit right thru. but they vex with you when you call they name
one more month for this 2013 eros. that was supposed to be an epic year. that really was indeed an epic year. and it was not as bad as I made it to be though my heart was broken and my intentions churned, i survived it. and promises made to me are still intact, so the person cant be all that bad afterall, eh? yeah. but i want more. i deserve more. i deserve it all. but i will take a quarter portion.. but i am learning to let go . take my hands off and it is true. i see it in life. my hands are pristine. they sent me so. and my job is to maintain and keep it so. my hands are to remain clean and no iniquity am i to do. ever. i was trying to poise for a takeover and low and behold, the person has maintained their extension. so maybe i imagine enemies when they are not there? my phantoms? yeah right? life is far more complex darling. your gift giver will be your back stabber. be aware. 2013 was surely the year of schemes against me. from big ministries to warm bodies, and it is still happening. some man now in the garage keep telling me how my people doing me things and not to eat they food for they jealous and trying to destroy me...only so i can run into his house, and land, he promise me deed...and inevitable arms...'and how i need guidance'..i dont doubt the last part/ i have searched high and low, male and female for it, but when i think i get it, i just have to watch in amazement and say but you more incompetent and ineffectual than i am" has never failed. but we tarry on. we tarry on
why japan?
//
i end this writing knowing and feeling so much more was in last night's travels, slumber and thoughts but it is lost to me at this moment. the ship ride and sail. conversations. lessons..
--------------
here is another revelation. something i think i see right through
I write a lot when doing business, strategizing and brainstorming with people. I write a lot even when in those processes with and by myself. I am reading these functional illiterates in this country trinidad: I write too much for them to read. they seem to try to take short cuts and glance my stuff only to come ask me stupid questions, and for answers already stated. it is like I am coming with too much for them to process. that has happened consistently
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