Mind Fucks

"“I had this feeling in acting school-- that once we got out of the contained environment of school, and into the real world, everything would work itself out. I thought that the people with talent would naturally rise to the top. But you learn that the entertainment industry is also a very contained environment. You learn how little talent actually matters. So much relies on things that are outside of your control: what you look like, who you know, what agency represents you. And I knew that race would matter, but I didn’t realize how much. I just thought my school wasn’t doing plays that catered to ethnicities because we didn’t have many people of color. I thought in the real world, I’d have more roles to choose from. But things didn’t change much in that respect, either.”

"“It’s a mind fuck. You go to audition after audition, and there are one thousand more ‘no’s’ than ‘yes’s.’ And you try to find that one little thing that you can change that will make all the difference. ‘Maybe if I lose 5 more lbs.’ Or ‘Maybe if I had gone to that school.’ Or ‘Maybe if I had worked on the lines for 30 more minutes.’ And it’s hard to step back and realize that it’s not even personal. It wasn’t about your talent. It’s not that you’re bad or you’re good. Most likely, the casting director already had a person in their head they were looking for—and you weren’t it. Or even worse, the role had already been filled, and they were just holding auditions to follow protocol. Even when you get chosen for a role, success is so fickle and fleeting. A gig today doesn’t mean a gig tomorrow. Unless you’re Brad Pitt or Will Smith, and you can make your own demands, you’re always going to be waiting for the approval of someone else. In order to stay sane, you’ve got to find other things or people in your life that bring you value. You can’t just be that weird actor person.”

HONY Dancer

there are a billion mind fucks in the world. this one is about dance. mine is about the phd and academe, playing by just rules, being a good girl...and perhaps a few others I have not yet come to name.