Underworld Titanics

my plan was to post this pic last night to entertain you lovelies during your early morning journeys...

but now it goes to my morning musings.

wow. where to begin

i had weird dreams last night, dreaming about people who are so far from my daily life. but it seemed as if there were now boats that sailed to europe in twentyfour hours. I took one the day before it seems but had no associations in terms of locations, people, faces or events in the dream.

and a day later, I was choosing to do it again, still saying it is the europe 24 boat, but it was brooklyn i envisioned and wondering if i had enough US to manage the road transports, but choosing not to ask the person who was helping me load to change money.

and that was the dream...it was my friend kirt millington who seemed to be a lorry man or long shoreman who was helping me board, and it seemed i had no luggage. just myself, and what little purse in my hand, and it seemed like things were in danger of falling over the bridge. but he was so patient and long suffering not impatient as he always is, in helping me along, taking me from point to point, accompanying me along the journey of processing to the bridge on the boat.

and when he was delivering me to get on ? or get off? the boat, cause though I thought i was leaving, all the things I described actually happened on the boat, and i was down on the ground when he delivered me, ,and I saw renee cummings walking before me. i remember focusing on her in my mind.

why i would dream these two people is beyond me. but so it was.

then the other part of this weird dream is that I was at someone's house among a melange of people: i am not sure of their nationality, trinidadian or transfers: but there was chinese, indians...and while they milled around I was trying to help the chinese lady fix christmas lights and change bulbs. it seemed i had done something quirky or unusual like use different bulbs for the string, but it worked.

I dont know. christmas at easter march

and boats that sail to europe in twentyfour hours

what is the science behind all of that

then i wake up and have these conversations with people that really destabilize me. confuse me. folk who want to tell you that you need intervention and you are like bish, i asked you for help and intervention six years ago, and you refused. I asked so and so for the same permission to do xyz that would have been an intervention , security and insurance, and it was not forthcoming. now your view is i need intervention??!! the dissonance. the convenient difference, the denial, i dont get it.

the insistence of i need someone to talk to.. she dont know that i try all my might and skill to talk to you all for how many years now? and none of you all get me. I speaking german and you all speaking korean, what i want to talk more again, to who? more people who cant process the beginning of what I envision? "you are more talented than everybody else?" and i was so surprised to hear that comment that i did not hear it, had to ask for it to be repeated....and had to say in response "dont you think that is the reason I am not moving?" who is helping me move along when they see the potential and gifts that reside inside.. including the person i am talking to.

 

she says i fight her when she comes up with ideas and tries to remind me of time passing. hell yeah, i am fighting the bullshit, the denial, the choice and selection of focus, and the fact that you refused to help me so dont tell me about help now.

 

and the fact most blaring, they want to choose what help to give you, not what you ask for, if that aint the biggest farce of it all, i dont know what is.

i dont know. I feel like alice in wonderland.

just that i was on the boat, and had no sojourners

and traveling to europe is the tunnel cause you end up in brooklyn