i wake up from a weird night of sleep, travels and transformations that were beyond me and my words; even to clearly state what happened...
i go outside, move some tree seedlings around -- put them along my salon windows and realize it is still true: the things my eye sees, the visions i want do still come to pass...years ago i saw thought and wanted trees to obscure those windows...i continue on some kind of busyness: sweeping my atelier ceiling, and throwing refined camphor up to its ledges...then i get to the things that occurred to me last night during sleep: i pull out one passport to realize it is expired. i then set about writing a list of things to do: my eye test, my passport renewal, court orders, ...i write an inbox...and then i sit set to writing..trying to write what i can bring forth from last night...a cat. i am a dog person but a cat was about me, a companion. and yes, i think it was black. not my preference i would have ever thought. what i ended up doing was writing on the last thought i had before i went to sleep last night: "the last two days were weird" so i was trying to defend and explain why that was so. i think i did. and it all adds up to transformations. i transformed anger into calm serene to avoid wild foaming antics. and then yesterday i spent three hours despite a lack of sleep conceiving and building an idea with a supporter who sees my myriad talents. and it was like playing jacks. all the pieces and the ball are about me. I just needed to gather them up in my hands. and like everything every single aspect of this vision is at an outreach hands distance. all shelved, sitting, looming. just gather and integrate..even parts prior..the person who i gave that loan to...she. she can be a part of the whole scheme...what i am saying is seeing how all the parts make a whole, can make a whole..but last night's sleep was a bug out...i was seeing myself. i was afraid at one point . it was like i was being put in a trance under some kind of spell, to be taught things to, to be reprogrammed? to see things... but i was conscious and awake. telling myself to try to remember. to take notes but i was asleep. sleeping. and i have no real sense of what that was, what it was about. what was happening, who was doing it. it is still a mystery. and i was and am safe. but as I closed my journal, turned on the tv, turned on conversations ongoing...the channel i turn to for one movie has something totally different playing. I turned on /wanted to watch The Machinist about an insomniac worker who has an accident. but guess what is on instead with no listing for before or after? Limitless. The scene where he is regaling Robert de Niro in the restaurant scene, where Bradley Cooper is on fire and they agree to meet tomorrow for cooper to deliver the mental goods...that scene...it hit me...my dream and experiences, observations and moment of fear confusion and confoundedness...was and is best described as some kind of Limitless transformation...some way i was seeing myself morph and transform and it was disconcerting...a mix of emotions...like going inside a cell to see all its mutations as it develops but you are also watching it through the microscope..that kind of split observational shit...
i am not crazy. i am being set apart.
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"i'm on the same level as you. you're definitely in transformation mode...the old self yielding to the new...the phoenix being consumed by its own fire" Daddy David Simmons
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