this shows up just as i am thinking pining: "i need a healer and a savior where none exist; lamenting the fact that I am in such a bereft place, only destroyers
life is interesting. one may build tools, disciplines and practices in a time and place where one thinks it is the sensible thing to do, only to find oneself in some real dread circumstances where the former practices are most needed, but for various reasons and dynamics have been scuttled, dashed, incongruent, unsupported, outside range. and instead one becomes the opposite of the elevation one once enjoyed. i just realized that.
i once lived a very strict life. and even though there was indulgence then, it was still well within limits: massages weekly, yoga and dance classes multiple times a week, trampoline jumping, clean air, clean water, wine, reading, doctor and dentist visits scheduled, life monitored, life clean, life pristine. even was vegetarian for like eight years. raw foodist vegan for another year or so, but always clean, the best and healthy, no longer so my life. kind of odd but it seems to me i am living my life now of daring destruction. when you can be in your home and a garbage truck or some other diesel idles filling your house with poisonous emissions...and the powerlessness of that/ you kind of see what i am getting to. how in that environment do you preserve self, do the fiasco of health maintenance when our produce and food is bathed in pesticide, drain waste water is its hydration in the fields./ does it much matter what we do in that context?
the heaviness lifd has become is a weight i cant throw off
"You’re only as sick as you think you are - how the power of positive thinking can change not only your outlook, but how your body and brain work together."
life is interesting. one may build tools, disciplines and practices in a time and place where one thinks it is the sensible thing to do, only to find oneself in some real dread circumstances where the former practices are most needed, but for various reasons and dynamics have been scuttled, dashed, incongruent, unsupported, outside range. and instead one becomes the opposite of the elevation one once enjoyed. i just realized that.
i once lived a very strict life. and even though there was indulgence then, it was still well within limits: massages weekly, yoga and dance classes multiple times a week, trampoline jumping, clean air, clean water, wine, reading, doctor and dentist visits scheduled, life monitored, life clean, life pristine. even was vegetarian for like eight years. raw foodist vegan for another year or so, but always clean, the best and healthy, no longer so my life. kind of odd but it seems to me i am living my life now of daring destruction. when you can be in your home and a garbage truck or some other diesel idles filling your house with poisonous emissions...and the powerlessness of that/ you kind of see what i am getting to. how in that environment do you preserve self, do the fiasco of health maintenance when our produce and food is bathed in pesticide, drain waste water is its hydration in the fields./ does it much matter what we do in that context?
the heaviness lifd has become is a weight i cant throw off
"You’re only as sick as you think you are - how the power of positive thinking can change not only your outlook, but how your body and brain work together."
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