black so called professionals.
i met two yesterday
are so lame in this place
have no sense of camaraderie, collective action, or ideas of partnership and ally- making. even as they complain about the last five years, even as they tell you stories about the unqualifieds amongst them, even after seeing how others work and build networks to keep rising, at the expense of themselves.
i heard yesterday of the unqualified head HR at the Quarry (proper company name eludes me, I eh sleep since the night before). and how a junior HR person coaches, and guides her throughout daily. when I offered to send her my CV given her profession and networking it through channels, if i tell you there was any response I would be lying. she even kept it narrowed to where she was currently and I had to tell her, no, if you move, circulate, or whatever, or just keep an ear out. i quickly realized I had jumped out my skin.
then i met an ag economist, who is my direct professional colleague and when asked for a card and contact to remain in touch, this asshole telling me to get it from a range of people. in a party. who leaves business and professional business in the hands of others? who relies on information from others? when you have the opportunity to be direct and intentional? the funny thing is, and I hate this, people assume so damn much. he assumed I was friends, in touch and around the people, and I was meeting all of them for the first time, except my host to the party and a friend, the former not in that circle, and the latter, just visiting. when I realized it was getting thorny and having to explain to this ja that i knew no one there, I just shook his hand and sent him on his way. but as I parted I realized, from the moment he met me he thought i was the chick of his buddy, certainly not a professional, certainly not serious about anything other than being eye candy to who he thought himself and his friends. so much so. he was introduced to me once. seconds later, without moving he tells the gentleman sitting next to me, whom is his friend and whom he presumed I "belonged to" if he was not introducing him to me. His friend had to tell him, I concern, xyz. people. men and women be on shit right through. of course it did not help to see him with his own many years younger youth candy and red. people only look, see and perceive what they live nothing else. the ignorance blinds me i tell you.
but let me tell you the larger sense I got at the close of the day, in both cases, i dont look to these zombie negro negropeans, and you know in mathematics, doubles cancel themselves out...peons/...dont look at me and think professional. first of all i am too rootsy. too humble looking. too without aires, heels, arrogance and self promotion in my daily habitations, and certainly, the natural locs, that not bathroom....is not what they imagine.
i sat down and realized is like the universe made me to confound the simple minded. that description of person, at my level, dont have locs, they dont even have natural hair to tell you the truth: wigs, weaves, or perm. they supposed to have nails, acrylics, and painted. toes too. they certainly dont wear natural fabrics, linens and colors that make them look like a tourist in trinidad. just black or some dour . then i look young as hell, act even younger, just enjoying myself in my own world. to be so old. it is just endless endless endless contradictions. just traumatizing fools and withering away my chances for anything . but so it have to be. i learned yesterday not to try any more. which I think i learn every. single. time. I try to connect with someone reputed to have training and sense. ah folly
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