ReInvention . ReCreation. New Brand

so many thoughts this evening

what of when you cross your therapist.

because she too is a trini, easily offended, the breed of a kind feel their square was purchased for life and none dare trespass, even when and if it is so written in books on her shelf of how to do exactly that. my word. her utter umbrage.

telling me to stop having ideas, for it is just an alpha brain looping, but does not provide what to do in its stead. and i am so tired of people telling you what to stop, but can never tell you what to do that would be profitable and effective to your purpose. always telling you what to do that are retrogressive: create vacuums, and create pathology, cause you are just doing too well, not sick enough

"is it possible that there are experiences in my life that have not been processed and integrated?: and i would say yes, it is almost impossible for that not to be so. But when I am not walking around in depression, i guess that might be problematic.

it was interesting and applauding to hear that I have a high alpha high sensitive brain, and have an exceptionally high creative response' and that I have a very wise aspect of myself.

the new thing I heard about my story that struck me as so entirely profound and poignant and true: a childhood of "Various Disruptions". and it hit me. That never ended. no where in my life or history. Up to 2013, my life has been of various disruptions. and i pondered briefly, how that might impact a mind, a life, and trajectory.

but back to what needs to be interrogated: "To be successful in life, most of us have a beta beta marker; if our brain electrical activity is too high, however, we loop around in ideas."

But i wonder, is that the language of a worker, an employee.

What is the truth of visionaries, and entrepreneurs, thinkers, and creators? Talk to me about my class please, and not apply textbook generalities to me. And that is if You cant deconstruct me for me.!

And I realize that is the antithesis right. Nothing and no one is done just for one. you. but based on stylized facts, based on group ideations. generalizations. and some of us defy that.

"you cant be the only person who cant find a job"

bish. no. but i am damn sure the only one with a phd in deelopment economics, who is a a writer, creative artist and chef' who has lived in three areas of the globe. who has a treasure trove of writing, who has lost their whole core family of origin; who is the opposite of a dinosaur. a being and creature whose rightful place, ecospace has not yet been created/

well enough of all of that

i hae other things to deal with

who is this marsha riley? why and how does she feel that the country must support her to provide what she cant for her child? why does she feel she is any different from the other women who everybody cries down and bash who are perceived and called as in a mode of entitlement. the mother who cant feed her child. is equitable to the mother who cant afford to send her child foreign to US dollar sports camp???!!! for to do that, ask the public to support your private child's goals, that is a luxury not a human right, nor an existential need of food and water...is some type of mental illness to me. you know what is deep to me. she has been derisive of other poor women mothers and people who want food cards. so the same way she felt those parents should attend parenting classes in order to get such cards: what class should she be forced to attend for asking the public and nation support her elite family interests??

then i get home to hear kenny da silva talking shit. what? he did not know he was old, archaic and without capacity and capability when the other dinosaur picked him to return to his old haunt, that there were no young people he could have trumped for an opportunity?. but he know it now. what changed?

i dont know.

this whole post is about the areas and arenas in which I have zero answers, but constantly fed fodder by others, who i can see as nothing but enemy lines and mines.

i mean, it was okay fro the therapist to tell me to go and wait tables but take umbrage when I want to offer talk chat services to others.

by the way.

I have lived too long. lived through too many experiences that most humans have not encountered as much, as many, and so early and soon in their life, for my relatively youthful age of fifty two. I am also qualified having failed and missed so many steps, I can tell you what to do to avoid. as well as having survived so much, been blessed by so much, navigated so many challenging obstacle courses. plus the fact, that you have to call me doctor. and I did not buy that title. I studied to show myself approved, and maintained my sanity throughout all of that to keep you floating. I can use my journey to life raft yours. And wont let anybody delimit that.