see what i mean. > they worship this stuff
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me and natasha richardson this week. it has been persistent.
after me mentioning her about once or twice, turns out sunday morning is going to talk about her today, through her beau, liam neeson.
i wonder what the instruction/
then i wake up wondering if any trinidadian has ever flee this country for the much drinking and imbibing. even as a teetotaler, i think this place can wear you down or sweep you away in a flood of alcohol and a drunkenness that is imperceptible. i have surmised that is why all the vehicular homicides, vehicular suicides ...people drink so much here, they hold so much alcohol as functional and functional drunks, evidently, that when the line of alcohol induced incoherence and unconsciousness comes, there is neither alarm, indication nor sign. boop . just there. a minute ago it was not. and you are gone. goner
trinidad for me has surely been a derailment. before here i was on my way to being an aesthete, the kind that lives in the bush or a sanctuary...i even researched monasteries while in michigan...i would have been a modern type of nun if i could have found the right place...to see the level of debauchery i have coddled and sojourned is amusing. i never thought about it before now. but i hear it all the time. up to last week: "you are too pretty to smoke". but apart from the constant chorus i ignored, i feel now in my spirit that i am being sent messages. i said so for months now, but i see it deeper and deeply now.. the messages are not just the chorus.. the incidences and the feeling and my body's response...and it is interesting.coming from a family of drinkers, i mean real drinkers. no drunks but the baptiste name is known for taking a drink and handling. this may read bad but i had a grandfather who had his grandchildren sip a rum whenever he took one which was daily. seems as though i remembered some glass in the fridge...but i was one of those grandchildren, and it was only three of us in the house, but i somehow remember it was mainly me. then two uncles, a policeman and a teacher, both drinkers, one always with a rum or whisky, the other with caribs as default, rums or whiskys. so my drinks pedigree is upper...then dont talk about my mother. I can only hear my father talk about her drinking after she got diagnosed with lupus. then that father. i have written before my father had a full blown public commercial sized bar at our house in tortuga. he is now a muslim that bar is no longer .. but for its shelves and infrastructure. there really was a bar you pulled your stools to. i dont know if my cousin mags drinks as much as she used to. we were all fortunate. never had accidents, arrears, tragedy or crisises because of our imbibing. we were just classic social trinis...but i realize now, i might be among the last to convert the road into some kind of resignation or lessening. my other cousins, i know one was reported to be drinking too much under the pressure of a highlevel international energy career, drinking johnny like folk buy bottled water.
but how do i see this personal call? not even drinking so much but feeling mashed up. i had two strong rums and llb (lemon lime bitters) chasers and yet still woke up saturday feeling slow and out of sorts. no doubt staying up till 4am, and smoking had an impact, made it worse and furthered the requirement to recover...but goodness. on saturday i had three glasses of red wine and a few cigarettes and i come home at 7pm or so with a headache and feeling pretty much out of it. come on. what the hell is that??
where is my cred. gone evidently in a call to be who, what and where is still unclear. but things i know for almost sure:: i need to stop impairing. i need to stop self medicating the trauma. i need to walk through the darkness both alone and without comfort, even if momentary; to have more clarity, heightened clarity...i actually think if i get pure again my ascension might elevate and advance..and who knows about all this obeah wombmyn talk... dont they all use smokes or alcohol to command and corral? it is an interesting experience and journey. that is all>>
funny too considering so many alcoholic friends i have passed through: so many african brothers and sisters, and i was always on the banks of their flow..now they are gone and gone on, i am in singular flow. constantly in some kind of contrariness.
anyway, to do what i have to do, this place makes me want to flee..or maybe it is for me to force to find the personal self resolution and discipline that used to be my anal retentive character, but now almost unrecognizable if it still exists. morphed to the looseness that is this culture and place.
-------------
Zahra is not from or in Trinidad but look what she wrote just minutes ago. The vibrations?
L Torres::
#YES! #beer #stag #alcohol #Trinidad #caribbean #teamtrini #instatt #instatrinidad #instacaribbean
--------------------
me and natasha richardson this week. it has been persistent.
after me mentioning her about once or twice, turns out sunday morning is going to talk about her today, through her beau, liam neeson.
i wonder what the instruction/
then i wake up wondering if any trinidadian has ever flee this country for the much drinking and imbibing. even as a teetotaler, i think this place can wear you down or sweep you away in a flood of alcohol and a drunkenness that is imperceptible. i have surmised that is why all the vehicular homicides, vehicular suicides ...people drink so much here, they hold so much alcohol as functional and functional drunks, evidently, that when the line of alcohol induced incoherence and unconsciousness comes, there is neither alarm, indication nor sign. boop . just there. a minute ago it was not. and you are gone. goner
trinidad for me has surely been a derailment. before here i was on my way to being an aesthete, the kind that lives in the bush or a sanctuary...i even researched monasteries while in michigan...i would have been a modern type of nun if i could have found the right place...to see the level of debauchery i have coddled and sojourned is amusing. i never thought about it before now. but i hear it all the time. up to last week: "you are too pretty to smoke". but apart from the constant chorus i ignored, i feel now in my spirit that i am being sent messages. i said so for months now, but i see it deeper and deeply now.. the messages are not just the chorus.. the incidences and the feeling and my body's response...and it is interesting.coming from a family of drinkers, i mean real drinkers. no drunks but the baptiste name is known for taking a drink and handling. this may read bad but i had a grandfather who had his grandchildren sip a rum whenever he took one which was daily. seems as though i remembered some glass in the fridge...but i was one of those grandchildren, and it was only three of us in the house, but i somehow remember it was mainly me. then two uncles, a policeman and a teacher, both drinkers, one always with a rum or whisky, the other with caribs as default, rums or whiskys. so my drinks pedigree is upper...then dont talk about my mother. I can only hear my father talk about her drinking after she got diagnosed with lupus. then that father. i have written before my father had a full blown public commercial sized bar at our house in tortuga. he is now a muslim that bar is no longer .. but for its shelves and infrastructure. there really was a bar you pulled your stools to. i dont know if my cousin mags drinks as much as she used to. we were all fortunate. never had accidents, arrears, tragedy or crisises because of our imbibing. we were just classic social trinis...but i realize now, i might be among the last to convert the road into some kind of resignation or lessening. my other cousins, i know one was reported to be drinking too much under the pressure of a highlevel international energy career, drinking johnny like folk buy bottled water.
but how do i see this personal call? not even drinking so much but feeling mashed up. i had two strong rums and llb (lemon lime bitters) chasers and yet still woke up saturday feeling slow and out of sorts. no doubt staying up till 4am, and smoking had an impact, made it worse and furthered the requirement to recover...but goodness. on saturday i had three glasses of red wine and a few cigarettes and i come home at 7pm or so with a headache and feeling pretty much out of it. come on. what the hell is that??
where is my cred. gone evidently in a call to be who, what and where is still unclear. but things i know for almost sure:: i need to stop impairing. i need to stop self medicating the trauma. i need to walk through the darkness both alone and without comfort, even if momentary; to have more clarity, heightened clarity...i actually think if i get pure again my ascension might elevate and advance..and who knows about all this obeah wombmyn talk... dont they all use smokes or alcohol to command and corral? it is an interesting experience and journey. that is all>>
funny too considering so many alcoholic friends i have passed through: so many african brothers and sisters, and i was always on the banks of their flow..now they are gone and gone on, i am in singular flow. constantly in some kind of contrariness.
anyway, to do what i have to do, this place makes me want to flee..or maybe it is for me to force to find the personal self resolution and discipline that used to be my anal retentive character, but now almost unrecognizable if it still exists. morphed to the looseness that is this culture and place.
-------------
Zahra is not from or in Trinidad but look what she wrote just minutes ago. The vibrations?
Zahra King:
"Well
looks like I've kicked the coffee habit at last...I don't enjoy
drinking it any more and was getting headaches. Today I had an apple and
celery smoothie instead of coffee- no headache!
As with most addictions, its pointless trying to give things up until one is ready...in this case it was my body, rather than my will which enabled me to give up coffee."
As with most addictions, its pointless trying to give things up until one is ready...in this case it was my body, rather than my will which enabled me to give up coffee."
Maven Huggins:
"yep!!your post helps me deeply..
I am obviously and clearly in a transition to change dimensions and vibrations but my environment and my looseness keeps me in torment, flux, bizarre. an indictment of my environment or me?
it nevertheless tells a lot about both . kind of like lot in the bible and the one who keeps looking back, tangling up with what they should flee, who they should free from.."
Zahra King:
"your 'looseness'? And yes- there's a lot of letting go of the past people/events going on also...memories and feelings re-surfacing as well..."
"your 'looseness'? And yes- there's a lot of letting go of the past people/events going on also...memories and feelings re-surfacing as well..."
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