Love Yourself That Completely...

 

Marcellous Lovelace' Sunrise and Good Morning May 30, 2014

this idea of loving yourself so much, so accurately, so thoroughly,
truly taking care of one's self and interest
fully authentic and protective..
i am just getting back there
and still see i have a ways to go

i realize the last year was nothing more than the pain of betrayal, hurt, shock, destabilization that i launched into more practices behaviors and living that was destructive. just thank god goddess that it was not as bad as it could have been and time turns and tides, cycles and ends into another beginning// and that is where i am now a return to loving me as i did before. 

i learned how life can so beat you down that you stop doing that, you think yourself unworthy, the depression anguish and despondency leads you there. i am glad to see my resilience is such that i am back to the top again. many never ever get there. and there are so many forms of it especially for us women. women who marry losers and never dissociate from the experience, never make new choices, so shame they are, so inauthentic, so living for externals,. have a man at any cost, be mrs even if it is to a shithound.

the bravery it takes to look at your self the courage it takes to say something is wrong and the fire to try and dance with the demons to shift and elevate the space, existence, vibration and healing.

destructive behaviors are so many, so default . so hidden.
i see a grown man who is more manicou being controlled to the nth degree by a demon breed woman. i am fascinated by people who think someone is the gold or light in their eyes, a savior, the pinnacle of all things all worshipness and then see that same person turn into the bane of existence to the one who once worshipped them. there is something so without words there,s so devoid of emotion and it is because i do feel it is something deep dark and otherworldly. it is not pure.  it cant be. when  you shackle people and devoid them of choice apart from you that is slavery. this man is enslaved in his own home, in his own space he and his family and clan created long before this demon witch from another continent. and quite a few have learned she is not righteous, i would say not human. for the first time now i am realizing she should probably just be burned alive.. crazy talk but real for the conditions

that is another thing i see. and trinidad is a full example. folk will withstand and suffer all manner of injustice and never speak far less do what is necessary under the guisse of being polite and of society. well exclude me from your charade. and all of that is what is in this homage to being free and finding making my escape. i have escaped the behaviors that were destroying my own physical being,, but also those that harm the spirit. and those that destabilize the mind. freeing myself of people who are doing nothing to bring me to life and fullness, no matter how much they promise, postulate or protest to same. see the truth for the lies.

the acts for liberation are never ending amidst a life and existence of systems, agents and people seeking to do just that, subjugate you. imagine receiving shelter from a friend and then trying to destroy said friend.  imagine saving and making a man and then he turning around and saying you never did anything or being denied the use of something you and every resource you ever had brought it into being. psychopaths not love infused human beings are who walks and rules. you have to make sure their behavior and projections do not further destroy and debilitate your process and passing through

as we exit may i indeed have lots to celebrate
and be thankful in deep gratitude
the ancestors, guides, guardians
obviously kept me
and from straying too far outside death spirit bounds
i am back to life
clean, quiet, unsullied
and without the assorted and variety of charlatans
i look outside my own life, the places and people with whom i mingled. and see they are all sham and perpetrating.. cliques, corrals, dens, clubs, hoods and blocks.

anyway, i am glad i am keeping small and center
praises and praisesong for the solitary brave one
loving yourself totally out the fray
off striving and trying so hard

love yourself too much to have empty friends
shady enemies, false engagements, conversations of words from mouths meaning and holding nothing good and fruitful. from folk obese shuffling talking about business deals and prosperity - that is the height of dissonance..that person has neither business, deal or contract with self to stay whole or healthy and his deal with you will be different? start looking to see. start thinking. start doing the math. the pieces often and never do will add up. the puzzle pieces you are given never fit.if i really own one hundred acres of land what deals would i be looking for outside myself? what can you build with a grown up child of fortyseven. my sister is right, for all the trials and deceit of 2013 i was being saved from future demise.

i wonder now how i can ensure and make sure all my edges and corners jive up, mesh and integrate.i think too i have almost stopped thinking anyone has an answer or solution or partnership for me/ it has been a deep amusement to me but it is like NOBODY is allright. you see people-they have jobs, relationships, lives, but their entrails are hanging out exposed unhealthy somewhere . so many poseurs. and fake fixers, and fragile egos. i have stories if i told you they would be stultifying .
the country and world is full and sinking of these fragmented creations

i feel i am losing focus, but i am just being flooded by how narrow the escape options, the deluge is complete, practically and almost. it is peculiar though cause i do wonder if seclusion is the answer/ it only isnt to those who have nothing of their own, and despite education, talents, skills for a good few generous dozens, i still am bereft. I am just not willing anymore to continue my delusion thinking the answers are anywhere in this falling down broken world

#they not calling it brokelyn for nothing


love yourself that much