four hours of meditations
lying awake since one am
in this surreal dimension between then and coming
some new form of being and inhabiting
imagining bullets to ethiopian heads
for taking their stalking to heights and levels unimaginable
like friending my directly across the street neighbor
so she can monitor how much my friend, her manicou attends, visits or drops me
a woman with goit or some growth growing in her neck
i would think to do her harm too but clearly, other energies are first in karma
i have been saying it is time to get out of barataria
excise and extricate
meditations of mental clearing and cleansings
from my big toe and i dont think in all these hours
lost among endless thoughts that i got anywhere past the carpals
far less for the arch
in the ground below my feet
spinned energy to my nether crown
it is clear that stress envelopes me effortlessly
like tonight where i just laid awake, eyes closed but aware of every skin cell as it traveled
i think of so many things
dreadlocks that are three year growth in one month, almost two
of my new rebirth swearing off bars, alcohol and cigarettes
that was the form and dance my depression
the clarity of knowing that i am set apart forevermore
yet, my salvation is only among them
the spells would have broken had i been out and mingling long before
tonight a woman met me
heard me speak
shocked that i am unemployed
the usual story
the spilling over oozing talent skill and perspectives
how humanly possible
and there in the answers
with human all manner of dysfunction and perturbance is not only possible, the norm and frequency
she promised to do four things for me
carson charles, angela smith. nidco vacancies and nedco ceo consultant
she appears to know real people
fourteen months she remained unemployed
but she is of the type to pound pavement
and i am the type who has always been in the concorde
an analogy only i see
like last night listening to her suggest to me to come into town to talk to her
i am so beyond, disgusted, and through with "talking"
either do what you say you can or leave me let me treadfloat
this gathering of tongues i have had enough
empty swollen, delusional gutterances that yield and land no where
i have survived broken
but i realize so my approach itself
i did the best i could do under the circumstance fragile alone
but the resistance last night in my throat, and mind
to her idea..though she did say the way to get employment in this place is novel
no doubt
i dare not wonder if the drought is almost over
but that is the chasm i sense
that is the months long call to deference, change and alter
all while i beat the drum of war and confusion, futility and persistence
things must change i told myself
and envisioned
-----i was not going to end there but i broke to go talk to a neighbor, then i wet the plants, then i made breakfast. and somehow 'envision' seems a good enough end to all this rambling...i, me and my thoughts have moved on...
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