Sell Everything Disney Stories

I wake up as if i had not slept for days prior. serious slumber

and feeling as if i can go back to sleep/ but as soon as I wake, the thought occurs to me that i should sell everything i own, but not like a normal sale...a sale to some one monied, a patron, an agent of some kind, connected to other talent and institutions that can make something with it. it was all my legacy jewelry. and the more i think about it now, the more i really feel a lot needs to be broken, ended/ let these new beings go on into the lives they wish to build, but let them do it with not a sliver of who came before them./ they have no knowledge of them anyway, and their every being is against the value systems of the earlier generations.

though in recent weeks margaret has taken to tell me how my mother broke the "pristineness" of our family by having a child out of wedlock, and her father, the literal overbearing, all controlling throne and patriarch of the family, went against his own mythology, his own iron fist, his own sternness as the big police serious man that he was and accepted her, it , me and told her she dont need to bother about my father, he dont need to be part of this family (my father was on shit i believe. i dont know. i was not there, he did tell me he waited for me to be born to know if i was his though. told me that in my teens and of course he proved to me to be on prime shit)...and so margaret says after marina, there were others, marjorie, merle. and now mandy has reached the pinnacle of two children, two fathers, two different names...all the things unheard of in this family, and i heard how margaret was just imposing and widening her sense of what she was taught. and likewise me, grew up knowing that was not possible or the things to do though my own mother did the exact same. all weird actually. cause if i could go back and change my life, I would have two children, two different fathers, but i am also glad, standing here, i dont. its like i want the children, and would wish to change that, but dont prefer to have the conditions under wish they were presented. that too is weird and complicated.

but just as i pine for children now at this stage,

I have some kind of feelings about my lineage, and the blessings of theirs i have now in my possession, I see it need not be passed on or distributed to anyone. i am making the call that would be a further negation of truths that I hold dear. and indicate all the things that have died in these last sixteen or so years, or even longer.

but the sale and money.

i at first thought of a million for my writings and like $500K for the jewelry. but I realize that is way too cheap. if it was produced.

my one book, Ant Bites alone, its memoir. then turned into a movie.

Then my decades long of journals from 1990 and my travelogue.

Then my books, chaps, and compilations of poetry, there are nine volumes. My UNPost.org blog and all my other professional essays published. Then my dissertation. Someone else can rewrite that right now and do damn good by integrating all the revolutions these intervening years. published book for sure that would do well internationally. Then there is my art and all that can be done with it, via ArtPost. school, paper and stationery products. Then my cache of photographs. OMG> I even underestimated the trove

This has got to be a good $5-$7 million TT

it is just raw material. like gold, ore and oil

and what it can be turned into is where the money is at.

How about that?

the world has gotten to the point of buying genius, creativity, brand and competence in raw form, 

and i think to sell these things as It has been on my mind for many years: what to do with my life works. Things arent happening for me. I do not have children to pass them on to and even then, they might be trifling despite all i tell and teach them and be like all others and frivol away what they are given, i think even just like me. I frivoled away a lot of money in my youth. thinking I would always have and surely generate.

it was an idea to just dispense with it now and not after i am gone.

to make and find use of it now even if it is dollars to continue living

and now i think, if i was able to do that in any way at all, it would be the money to go on, live quietly, even have a child if i so choose, living very modestly, we being bush people, nature people, builders, nothing spectacular, no scenes, just survivalist mode and function...my child growing their own food, knowing how to build homes, running electricity, building sewage systems.  making valuable the sun and the wind. simple

 it is how i emerge from sleep with answers

whether they manifest among the lessers, that is an entirely different question