wrong speedways

was at some outdoor event, like on the grounds of a home development or apartment complex. it seemed americanish but my trini family was there. then there was some tragedy and fire was rolling across the grounds and you had to jump it into the street to get away from it eating you. i was running away with one of my cousins. there seemed to be famous people there from places unknown to me and cameras filming it like news.

anyway, as we retreated to our cars, I got separated, ended up driving my mom's red wingroad with an unknown white lady, i imagined my cousins were either standing waiting at their car, for me or left me.

i wonder who was that white lady? was it my maternal grandmother? what purpose was she serving in the dream? she was mostly silent, but a calm, assured company, reinforcement. i might have panicked was she not there, and somehow ? encouraging me to keep going? keep trying. keep driving. just dont stop i think

And as I drove, i left where that complex was and ended up in some weird, intricate, unknown network of ramps and highways in the city of where ever i was, and it was full of high stones and rocks to separate the neighborhoods,, it was like you being in delaware and you take a turn and find yourself in sanfrancisco with maryland highways, and actually, no where in the world have i see a network of roads, ramps and exits like that. it was really alien and riddlic

and i could make no sense of direction and though i have a great sense of direction, every turn and exit i tried to make turned out to be the opposite of what i expected and took me further away from my desired destination . direction (goal and outcome)> i am now interpreting as i tell the dream..

i guess this was a dream of my recent experiences capstoned but the whole of the last sixteen years.4

i need to stop driving?

I need to stop using family cars?

i need to stop hanging with family?

the place, trinidad, that i keep trying to leave and move away from keeps a hold on me. I cant leave?i\

i am the battered wife of a trinidad husband? except I dont even see trinidad as a male, i dont think. the problem is i dont see it as female either. it is like a douen, perhaps, both and unformed neither/

writing is a fascinating thing and tool.

it really is problem solving

when i thought of the dream i had no clue of meaning

it was in the writing that it emerged

and i keep wondering is cedric really the beast he appeared to be?

kind of astounding

i remember i eluded to that once months before when i likened him to family members' and their deceitful acts...and he talked of "living off of him" . yes. he is that sick. he is just as he appeared and probably way worse. is why an ex would want him destroyed. seems he is doing a great path to accomplish the goal himself.

he and all could have been the fire running the grass that i was jumping over to escape/

the green and greenery ruined, the only safety was concrete and automobiles. odd eh?

bulletsmissed