{what will become of me?}
is the thought i had before I awakened, feeling a how, of vulnerability, perhaps shame?, embarrassment for one who does not get embarrassed, whatever the sensation was it was of the idea that I should not have ever had to ask that question in the life I thought of who i was and what i was living.
but i do,
for so many reasons it is unbelievable
even if I did not have to ask for my own independent context and condition of languishing in unemployment, and how long can i do that on a boutique celebrity, leisure life standard> it has been six years now, and ongoing. and i am and have grown tired of the scenes, the faces, the location. how people do the exact same thing, all year round, on a cycle, for their whole life time is beyond my capacity to embrace.
when will my situation breakthrough to a new dispensation, reality and experience, to elevate, evolve, become...more , different and better? "what will become of me?"
but just last night alone,
a woman in my neighborhood who would lime with us from time to time, she is a party hard, older lady, she goes all out on her lonesome, not caring of anything or anyone. seems she was in st. ann's for nerves. she just said hospital to me, I guess i missed the clues, and everyone called her mad prior, but not me, I just thought she was a bit of her own vibration. well she is worse now. she hardly moves her neck and face and lips. she is stiff. she does not smile. she was asking us to buy her food. and said she had to eat it out cause her family will wonder where she got money from, and that struck me. to live so. but what was odd is that she could not open bags, and caps for her self, so see me there are matron, setting out her food, cleaning up after her and when she was leaving she was so grateful and said thank you so many times. and i had to tell the folk around, be compassionate , cause they were screwing up face, asking why she liming and sitting with us. trinidadians always on a scene boy. then an old man looking on said her father long time did not like black people in the area, she is a reds. sigh. so many dynamics people live and labor under. so many stories. and i wonder how she might be paying for the sins of her father. "what will become of me?"
then as I think of the legitimacy of that question, I think of Darron, a post of Ozy from mid july resurfaced and the last person to like it was Darron, so his name is prominent, and i flash back in time to the days and see how he was alive and moving, and then in a matter of days or weeks, who knew he would be no more. that is a peculiar thought to me. to look hindsight and count back the time/
the idea that you are living and vibrant today and may be gone dead cold tomorrow. that. "what will become of me?"
and it is not just him. valerie belgrave . at seventy. so many people are lost to their old age, dont get a chance to have it. I find that is another form of life robbery. just like children who die are robbed of life? then mature people who die too young are robbed of old age and that season, and purpose and role. and it is not just them that are lost, the future and next generation are for a greater deficit for their absence. in the last days chronicles, does it say that people will be lost of their wisdom years, to be crone and old man? "what will become of me?"
liming with people complaining about zika, in the midst height and throes of it, with red eyes, couples who probably have not accepted that it is said to be sexually transmitted.and i wonder what of these people ...to be walking around as living carriers even as they appear healthy and well. is scary as shit. it is the ignorance that i see that stuns me, for its possible unfoldings.."what will become of me?"
what will become of me>
good morning
is the thought i had before I awakened, feeling a how, of vulnerability, perhaps shame?, embarrassment for one who does not get embarrassed, whatever the sensation was it was of the idea that I should not have ever had to ask that question in the life I thought of who i was and what i was living.
but i do,
for so many reasons it is unbelievable
even if I did not have to ask for my own independent context and condition of languishing in unemployment, and how long can i do that on a boutique celebrity, leisure life standard> it has been six years now, and ongoing. and i am and have grown tired of the scenes, the faces, the location. how people do the exact same thing, all year round, on a cycle, for their whole life time is beyond my capacity to embrace.
when will my situation breakthrough to a new dispensation, reality and experience, to elevate, evolve, become...more , different and better? "what will become of me?"
but just last night alone,
a woman in my neighborhood who would lime with us from time to time, she is a party hard, older lady, she goes all out on her lonesome, not caring of anything or anyone. seems she was in st. ann's for nerves. she just said hospital to me, I guess i missed the clues, and everyone called her mad prior, but not me, I just thought she was a bit of her own vibration. well she is worse now. she hardly moves her neck and face and lips. she is stiff. she does not smile. she was asking us to buy her food. and said she had to eat it out cause her family will wonder where she got money from, and that struck me. to live so. but what was odd is that she could not open bags, and caps for her self, so see me there are matron, setting out her food, cleaning up after her and when she was leaving she was so grateful and said thank you so many times. and i had to tell the folk around, be compassionate , cause they were screwing up face, asking why she liming and sitting with us. trinidadians always on a scene boy. then an old man looking on said her father long time did not like black people in the area, she is a reds. sigh. so many dynamics people live and labor under. so many stories. and i wonder how she might be paying for the sins of her father. "what will become of me?"
then as I think of the legitimacy of that question, I think of Darron, a post of Ozy from mid july resurfaced and the last person to like it was Darron, so his name is prominent, and i flash back in time to the days and see how he was alive and moving, and then in a matter of days or weeks, who knew he would be no more. that is a peculiar thought to me. to look hindsight and count back the time/
the idea that you are living and vibrant today and may be gone dead cold tomorrow. that. "what will become of me?"
and it is not just him. valerie belgrave . at seventy. so many people are lost to their old age, dont get a chance to have it. I find that is another form of life robbery. just like children who die are robbed of life? then mature people who die too young are robbed of old age and that season, and purpose and role. and it is not just them that are lost, the future and next generation are for a greater deficit for their absence. in the last days chronicles, does it say that people will be lost of their wisdom years, to be crone and old man? "what will become of me?"
liming with people complaining about zika, in the midst height and throes of it, with red eyes, couples who probably have not accepted that it is said to be sexually transmitted.and i wonder what of these people ...to be walking around as living carriers even as they appear healthy and well. is scary as shit. it is the ignorance that i see that stuns me, for its possible unfoldings.."what will become of me?"
what will become of me>
good morning
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