Eleven Eleven

Across The Kings River

"A door that slams shut doesn't mean you've been blocked spiritually. Nor does it means you've been defeated. Sometimes it means that you are being protected by ancestors and spirit guides. You have no idea what was waiting for you on the other side. Look, if you ask for guidance you're going to get guidance. But guidance doesn't mean things should go as you wish. Spiritual guidance is about growth, wisdom, and yes, sometimes hardship. Be patient; be diligent; be faithful; be strong; accept the guidance that you've been praying for."

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11:11pm Saturday September 19, 2015


damn.
there are no accidents.
i shut down. see the time 11:11
decided to document it
come back on and just setting up my browser for next session and the words of this pic are on my screen.
and just this evening i got the sense that i am again being protected from being too close to people offering work, or some livelihood I was reaching for, but for some reason, things not falling into place.

i used to ask for nothing but guidance. i know i am heavily protected
much to the chagrin of many about me.
provided for in ways that blow the mind.
my story of life does not fit anybody's mental positioning of possibility
for that i am learning i need to stop sharing , talking and answering. I need to find creative answers for the ready questions that come my way, and oh so much rumor and malignment because my chart is so unique. reinforced by my name, appearance, status, and condition/
i am only now settling in to an acceptance never before known for this current dispensation. a sanguine resolution of humility and grace.
amazing.
i give abundant thanks for the unfolding of things.
i ask the universe for even greater guidance, answers and protections
it is getting wild out here
more strength and a wider back
sturdy graceful temperament to remember all encounters have nothing to do with me and everything to do with the trials and trauma of that co=encounter.
11:21 09-19-2015

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11:11 am Sunday September 20, 2015

 

it has been an interesting twelve hours

when i was powering down last night, i came back on because the time clock read 11:11. then to post it, i saw a magnificent post and message that i had to share and repost. i wrote a bit on being settled and in full acceptance, and had ceased the reaching/ and i also beseeched the universe for guidance and continued protection. and then the night began

i watched a little bit of chris rock on snl repeat. he and i went to the same high school together. i thought of my first major error of life that he knew to avoid: leaving new york, going to college, not just starting life. to hell with the education

then the first commercial took over long so i switched off and nestled into sleep. and like seemingly right away, shit started happening.

i somehow landed in some dimension between wakefulness and sleep, exactly in the middle, where it seemed i was given one job. one mission: to survive, attend and make it past a wedding. but as the morning arrived I felt as though that wedding might in fact be a funeral. Now i was given no sign or indication whose wedding, where or how. but by one o'clock or a bit before, I jumped out of deep sleep as if I was to run and do something. only for me to realize 'there is no place to run" [you reading that? read it again] and nothing for me to do, but just settle down and in, return to sleep. but the intensity, the notion of a mission, the awareness in sleep that makes me rise and wake up. doesnt that seem odd and counter-intuitive? as if the dream is real, not a dream.

and continue dreaming I did. the only part i remember now is to ask why do weird people just jump into my psyche and reality out of no where no context? darren benbow was in my dream last night. seems we were staying in the same apartment complex/ and like he was banished and getting a divorce for beating his wife but it was all in couched and hushed language but many of us gathered for some scene and complaint. i remember his face clear as day.\\

my sleep was fairly fitful until like around 5am or six, then i slipped into calm deep slumber until 10:45 where I laid until it was 11:07 when i switched the tv on and 11:11 the computer

this writing seems lame and plain, but my night was anything but

i was repeating notes, lessons and wisdoms. i wont get it as eloquently as it came to me, but this message of there is no pure one. people are both beasts and angels, equally. will love you today and murder you tomorrow

i saw some man in a suit who would help me. that everything I used to want will indeed happen. that all this time and desert experience happened because I was too arrogant and prideful, believing myself to be undefeatable. so i had to learn humility. the man who will help me will not seek to take advantage of me in any way shape or form but provide opportunities and doors for me in full regalia and just due, if not with a little extra. i saw too that all where i am and who i am around is not to be. there is no belonging there. faux and ill matches/ but, it is for its time and purpose.

it was weird cause while i slept i was very much aware of the depth of slumber and its marathon hours, eleven hours! then to power down and power up both at 11:11 with no effort to do so.

what is it about September 19-20?